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Hello, I'm a long time listener of the podcast and I'm really needing some advice. I'm a 30 year old homosexual white male, I've never liked my sexuality as it is a very difficult lifestyle. The common theme among the gay community is that homosexuality is natural and should be embraced, however I have always viewed it as a defect, something that is a hindrance to a happy life. My understanding is that homosexuality has existed throughout human history and has maintained a standard of ~5% of the population, this figure varies among sources. Regardless, the homosexuals that I have met throughout my life generally are not happy people. Most are impulsive, self medicate, and are unable to maintain stable relationships. I am also not attracted to the femininity found in the gay male community, I have never understood why gay men seem to all act the same, it seems insincere, as if they have altered their demeanor to advertise for the D. I am not sexually attracted to feminine men, the kissing and holding hands romantic aspect weirds me out. I have been with around 15 guys throughout my life, it has always been short term, I have tried relationships but I just have never been that into it. From what I can figure out, my attraction to males is purely sexual and not romantic I believe. I have been with one girl sexually, which happened when I was young and drunk. I do not have a sexual attraction to females. However, I do enjoy being in a romantic relationship with women, which has been limited (3) as well due to my fear of being able to perform sexually. I have always remained distant to potential female spouses in fear of hurting them if they get attached. I am a masculine male, and I am not out. I felt that I would come out when I found the right guy, but years just keep passing and it is not happening. I really want to have kids, I want to have a family, but I fear that I won't be able to maintain a healthy relationship with a female, I fear that I would end up hurting a potential spouse and wasting both of our time. I am pretty fucked up. I have my life together in all other aspects but I am starting to panic as I am getting older, and my apartment is empty when I come home. Any advice on how I can begin to fix this? Thank you for listening, this is an awesome community

I just woke from a nightmare. I was approaching a house, it was dark. The house had two balconys right atop of one another. On the top one stood my mother and she was looking at me. On the bottom one were two young attractive girls who saw me and were smiling and waving. My mothers gaze at me made me radiate hatred towards these two girls. My eyes were radiating hateful radiation that was induced by my mothers stare at me. There was a death stare loop created. As I staggered backwards being overpowered by this power, either I could stay asleep but then kill the girls by this death stare or I had to wake up, breaking the loop, I couldn't look away and I couldn't keep from being stared at by my mother. I woke up in a gasp. As I tried closed my eyes again, the death stare came back online and kept killing the girls. I had to wake up and write this.

Well, goodbye, then.

I've been pushing back since the 1980s. Ross Perot was a push back. Reagan was a push back. The Libertarian Party was a push back. The NRA/ILA was a push back. But the fundamental problem is that people that just want to be left alone aren't really great at coalition building.