I resonate with some of the emotional experiences you described. What you went through is something that no one should be put through. I think the idea of distancing yourself is wise. There are psychological coping mechanisms that result from trauma and they can be very misleading. Often, we are mislead right back into danger. I'm hopeful that you will put your freedom to the best use for the rest of your life. There are a few good people left in the world and they will gladly share life with you.