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This is an attempt to grapple with my own mortality, but a large part of this has to do directly with my vanity, and the feeling of my own SMV lowering. I know that there aren't too many women on here and this is an issue that I think more women can appreciate, but I felt that it was worth sharing, and that some of you would get something out of this. My 29th birthday is just around the corner, and there is much for me to think about. I the past three years I have had two pregnancies and have been tied down by breastfeeding two babies. The changes my body has gone through, and the hormonal changes and the mental and emotional changes and has been intense. It has been a lot in a relatively short amount of time. It has been an overall very positive experience, but there is no denying that I still feel a little shocked by all the changes, and it has hammered home the realization that I'm definitely going to one day die, and that I'm definitely going to grow old. It is this last part that has had me wide awake at night because it has uncovered insecurities that I didn't know existed in me, and they are strong. I don't think other people would notice that I look different now than before I first got pregnant, but there are things that I notice, and I have realized that there is this woman inside of me that is desperate to look forever 25, and the slightest hint of the appearance of aging has sent her into a mad panic. It is a stark fear, and I have even caught myself (to my surprise and horror) feeling anger when I see a younger, attractive woman. I think it's pretty obvious that it is an instinctual fear of being abandoned for a younger, hotter, higher SMV woman, and that I and my babies will be left out in the cold without hope or a way to fend for ourselves, and I must do whatever I can to stay attractive for as long as I can (or so my fear says), or love, attention, and resources will be cut off, and, basically = death. I feel full of doubt about the strength of my relationships and whether or not I have people around me who would want me as I am, and without a pretty face. I distinctly remember my granddad (who was the father figure in my life) ignoring me when I didn't look good (I think it was all unconscious), and conversely, showing interest in me and being pleased when I looked pretty. But my grandmother, his wife, must have felt the same anxiety I feel, because she had two facelifts and a neck lift, and had drawers and boxes filled with expensive creams and pills to keep her young and thin and youthful. My aunt, his daughter, had a nose job in her teens. My mother has recently had two necklifts, had the skin on her legs hacked off for a "more shapely curve," and has had breast implants. . . It's frightening to me. . . If she hates her own aging and appearance so much, will she be anxious if she sees me aging, too? She, too, sounds bitter and angry when she talks about younger, pretty women. My cousin told me (in that joking-but-not-joking manner) that she had hoped that I would be covered in stretch marks after my pregnancies, and she was disappointed that I wasn't hideous and stretched out and terribly scarred afterwards. I know that the only solution to this is to focus more on the good that I'm building with my family, and to use the emotional knowledge of my now only-ever lowering SMV as an opportunity to grow more and become a better person and grow more confidence. But I would never have guessed that I was as vain as this - that my looks and SMV have actually mattered to me my whole life - or have guessed at the primacy, and the depth, and the force of the desire to control attention. There is a very raw nerve there, and now I understand the evil queen in the fairytale that goes to such extreme and terrible lengths to keep her youth and beauty. I have no desire to hold on to this fear. It is life-killing and frightening and evil. But I did not realize that it was even there within me, and I guess have to thank my impending encroachment to "The Wall" to thank for revealing it to me. There is a small feeling of relief, however, amidst the fear. I'm glad I'm feeling the fear now, and that its so strong. I means I can change. I see how my mom and grandmother have lived in constant terror and anxiety about their looks, and I can escape that fate. I don't have to follow. I can know what it's like to be free. But "The Wall" is not a trivial thing. It is an eye-opener, and I had no idea that it would be such a paradigm shift to confront my own lowering SMV.

It's important that we start at the right point, rather than begin on an assumption, only to find out halfway through the process that the assumption was false and only THEN do we realize that all our work has been formed off of a false pretense. Case in point: The idiom "the love of money is the root of all evil" is not some iron-clad absolute. As such, I'd say this is a VERY flimsy place to begin any philosophical conversation. The phrase has been bastardized and bastardized to the point that many people believe the saying is "money is the root of all evil", which when taught to children gets them to thinking that there's tiny aspects of malevolence inhabiting their pockets. It's absurd. So is "the love of money" being the actual source of "evil" more accurate? Highly doubtful, as this was more an idea put forth by societies that valued sacrifice and demonized materialism. If we were to attempt to pinpoint "the root of all evil", that could be a heft conversation with no end in sight. But I do know I plant my flag in the "ignorance is the root of all evil" camp. Although I do take a somewhat etymological approach to the definition of "ignorance" than most people seem to, these days. I don't equate the starting point we all share of "knowing nothing" with "ignorance", but rather what we might call "taking the blue pill" is what "ignorance" is better defined as. You are "ignoring" something, performing an act of discarding information that is presented to you, you are not simply unaware of the information. Thus I find that people actively disregarding knowledge are doing a "bad" thing, and after some necessary distillations and further explanations, I arrive at the claim that "ignorance is the root of all evil". But that's all besides the point. So about money... Although I'm aware of the taxation theory of money that Dylan Lawrence Moore seems to constantly allude to whenever he discusses finances, and I think it appears to be the correct theory on the origin of money, I'm not as cynical about the implications held within the assumption that money is originally derived from its utilities by states to impose taxes upon its citizens. As Siegfried von Walheim explained in his first post referring to the barter theory of money, it IS a more convenient unit of exchange than barter, and thus if it is indeed a creation of the state, it was an invention that people found much greater personal and private use than they found negatives associated with it. Better still, it's an invention that can be utilized in the ABSENCE of the state. Whereas the concept of taxes cannot be disassociated from the embodiment of the state, money can be. If a hypothetical "free society" were to establish itself, in the hyper-libertarian sense, and all of the land and borders and defenses were locally and privately owned, the people would be communicating their exchanges of personal property using a form of currency, whether money or fiat (most likely private bank money). Even if those units of money were immaterial, the confidence element (all economics are realistically the result of confidence, and everything else just provides the reason to have or lack confidence) would still be material. Liens would be contractually enforceable monetary assets used to secure property upon the collateral of other property. Private notes would be backed by some form of valuable. Theoretically, if a stateless society could exist, so could money. Money may have originated from states, but it is the pandora's box that states opened and can never close again. We now have the tool to use at our disposal, and they can never reclaim that from us. So in short: What is the stuff? It's a unit of value for the purposes of exchange. What in hell has it done to us? It's allowed for civilized societies to exist, with all the wonders and pitfalls that come with them. What should it do? It serves its intended function. Really the concerning questions are how big can you blow your bubble before it bursts. Currency was not the cause of the housing crisis of the last decade, but the transition from money to fiat certainly exacerbated the situation. Fiat is wildly less reliable than money, but it is also more useful in certain cases. Again, it allows for wonders and nightmares, depending on how it is used. The stick becoming the club becoming the sword becoming the cannon becoming the gun becoming the nuke is not in and of itself the terror... it's what is done with it. If you spend your hard-earned cash on a pen (or the modern equivalent being a device that allows you to connect to the internet) then you can use it to communicate with the outside world. You can also use it to spread misinformation and lies meant to damage other parties for nefarious purposes. Just because we see some negative aspects to the yang does not mean the yin isn't there.