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That's pretty typical of guys. I think I heard it called "Hero Intelligence" once — the propensity for risk-taking. It sounds like a pretty gender-typical thing. That can be great for you, and it can help you do some amazing things! But women usually are pretty adverse to that type of thinking. Women have "Longevity Intelligence," or so the youtube video I was listen ting to said. Hero vs Longevity. That seems like your issue. Neither way of thinking is by default good or bad, but it is only disrespectful for both sides to ignore what they other's innate perspective is when both sides have so much to offer. (whic Life Pro Tip: Women emotionally bond via discussing negative things. Yes, it can be irritating. Have you ever heard a group of women sitting around at work, talking about the problems in their love lives, or how they feel sad about something? They're bonding. All women do this. We feel connected to each other when we share our negative feelings. However, a lot of young women make the mistake of thinking that men also respond to this. This type of bonding is, I believe, for strengthening female camaraderie. She is trying to bond with you, but she's doing it in an inexperienced way - she obviously doesn't know a lot about how men think and operate, either, other than the obvious sexual stuff. Whoa.... There is so much in here that is just a recipe for disaster. I'll break it down and see if I can help. Oh man. For you - if you're girl is not enough for you to not mentally stray, how are you contemplating a future with her? YOu are only setting yourself up for your own future disappointment and dissatisfaction. Think about your own future happiness and ability to remain faithful in your imaginary future marriage to her. If you're already mentally straying, it's a pretty big signal. If you really want a good future relationship, it should be a joy to commit (in body and in mind) to one person. It may be kinder for your future self to think about this, and minimize any sexual struggles by just finding someone who you love and aren't tempted to cheat on. As for her side of things.... I would be so incredibly hurt if my husband had said anything like this to me, ever. The feeling of betrayal, of not being loved, not being safe or protected would make it nearly impossible for me to even look at him without thinking about the lies in his mind. I would feel like I had been cheated on just as much as if he had gone out and committed the dead. I don't know if I could recover from that, to be honest. And it's a different thing that just recognizing that another women is attractive. That doesn't bother me or any normal woman. But no woman wants her man to want to experience another woman intimately. People can spout Red Pill theories at me all day long about how women like to be cucked or whatever other nonsense. I don't care. Sexual infidelity is painful for either gender, and is an insult and disgrace for both men and women. No no no no. She withheld some very sensitive and necessary information from you. I get that she was hurt, but she put herself in a position to be taken advantage of, got herself in an iffy situation, and then didn't tell you about because she was afraid of your reaction. I tend to be a little over-forgiving many times, so I could see (if this were me, getting this information about a boyfriend) myself forgiving a guy for being dumb as long as nothing serious happened, but only if he was direct and forthright about it, apologized, and promised (and followed through with the promise) to not put himself in situations which would make him vulnerable to cheating behavior. These are some big red flags. Big, big, big potential problems just waiting for the right disaster to erupt into full-blown chaos and drama. And on top of that, wrong is not the answer for a wrong. She probably felt comfortable telling you about her "kiss, or almost-kiss" since you had mentally betrayed her, but these are all signs. So you know that was wrong. You're trying to manipulate her. This is not a good sign. Would you manipulate someone you actually loved? I don;t know how she trusts you in the slightest (probably why she doesn't listen to your advice about travel or ect) given that you'd say things like this to her. Either you're lying, which makes her think you're weak and pathetic, since you have to resort to manipulation to get her to visit, or she actually believes you, and thinks that she is needed because she can provide you with sex, but if you can't control yourself, then you're unstable, don't value her at all, and can only minimally value the sex she can offer since you're unable to wait for her and will sleep with someone else, and you care very little about the pain or hurt it would cause her. I would break it off with her as soon as possible. You guys are in a mini-marriage already, but it's not going to work since neither of you are committed nor care enough about the other person to do what's needed to make it work. You're taking to goods from her and still deliberating as to whether or not she's worth it. That would be like a girl who has full access to your bank account and uses it to pay for all her needs, but still doesn't know whether or not she wants to be with you. You've gotten everything wrong from the very beginning. Do whatever you think, of course, but my advice is to be a gentleman, and cut it off quickly and clearly. No reason to prolong the heartache for either or you. Then go be a 25 year old guy and learn more about women in general and the world, and then, when you want to get married, analyse the crap a=out of your game plan. Make a "Marriage Game Plan." Not joking. Systematically go through ALLL the details - personality, life skills necessary, shared dreams, parenting styles, hobbies, methods of argument resolution, sense of humor, daily task division - that a successful marriage would require, and then make yourself into the right guy for it, and then after that, systematically search for the right girl. That is how good marriages are built. And don't enter into these little half-marriages before you are committed. That means you shouldn't be her provider without her undying commitment, and she shouldn't have sex with you without your eternal love and fidelity. You can things things differently, of course, but other ways have lots of heartache, instability, and dysfunction involved.