Kaylee

You are so welcome! I'm glad what I said made you smile. Like you, I had strong feelings about therapy because of my past therapy experiences. I knew I needed to do something, though, and soon. I don't remember having reservations about the IFS framework. When I first started listening to the Freedomain Radio podcasts, I listened to the interview with Richard Schwartz. I remember this story he told of a girl who cut herself, and how he thought he had helped her (this was all before he was using IFS), but she just came back again with more wounds the next week. Then her reaction at discovering a protector, and the instant progress she made, it was all very powerful for me. I thought if it could help her heal, then it definitely could for me too. You say the protectors and exiles make sense to you, but you're unsure about this true self thing? I'm still not as much of an expert as I'd like to be, but I guess I was worried about not being able to find a true self. It's a bizarre concept to try to nail down, and without going through the process. Like, it seems like a really slippery concept. How are you not always your true self, or once it's gone, is it not gone forever? Is it an end point? I had a million hazy concepts. What I can say, and I hope it helps, is that it's just nomenclature. If you go through the steps, you'll find it and understand, at least a little bit, what they're talking about. It's not really spiritual at all. Unfortunately, I think the term "true self" is a bit overloaded in this case. The loosey goosey spiritual people like to use it in the same breath as when talk about their spirit aura color. In reality, it's a term to try to describe the absence of the thoughts and emotions of your protectors and exiles, kind of like the number zero, but for self knowledge. I was also very worried about not being able to do it on my own, somehow. I can confidently say now that I think anyone can. There may be ways that are more optimally efficient, but as long as you put any amount of effort in, you'll get better.

I'd love to hear IFS experiences from an actual office. Until recently, I didn't live anywhere near an IFS therapist, and so I did the best I could with the book Self Therapy by Jay Earley. I had been to a few therapists in my life before, but IFS in particular totally blew my mind. If people have super powers where they can use every ounce of their brain matter to achieve whatever they want, I believe IFS is what will give them these powers. I've been to a few therapists in my life, and the two experiences hardly even compare (maybe take this statement with a grain of salt, I don't think they were the best therapists). It took me awhile to get past the procrastination block, which wouldn't have been a problem with a therapist. However, once I did, it was incredible. It was so enlightening, powerful, and oddly, a whole lot of fun. It was easy to throw my own creativity and enthusiasm into. It is always kind of strange to describe to rational people, though, and I find I'm careful about whom I share it with. It can sound hokey, but I swear it's real magic.

I see a lot of correlation between political people and internet trolls. Don't feed the trolls.

I frequently refer acquaintances to the Zero to Three and Attachment Parenting websites. I'm almost at the point where I want to print out fliers from zero to three to hand out at playgroups Jehova's Witness style (hah). Neither of the sites come straight out and say it's better for you to stay home with your child, unfortunately. However, they do mention that if you are going to have a nanny, for the sake of the child, at least pick someone who will be there the entire time through the early years. Being factually informed is important, but I think connecting on an emotional level is more important to the discussion. Personally, I have yet to meet a parent who looks back on their lives and wishes they had spent less time with their children and more time at work. Being a stay-at-home mom myself I can tell you it can be trying. It's easy to feel undervalued, lonely and bored. It can feel like outside of raising children, you will not be left with enough time or energy to accomplish your dreams. Career-oriented females may try to make the stay-at-home moms feel like garbage, and goodness only knows what 'peers' do to stay-at-home dads. Money worries could be causing a huge amount of stress. Maybe with a better understanding of what they are going through, you can better help these parents. I know whenever I waver, I just imagine what my spare time would look like with children and a career. My weekends would not be filled with fun time with my husband and daughter, but instead with shopping for groceries, chores, errands, bleh. Add that with the depressing fact that nannies won't help with any of the chores, plus they'll do a much worse job of interacting with my children than I will while doing chores (I meet a *lot* of nannies at various groups, and have yet to see one I'm impressed by). Well, lets just say it changes my mind in a hurry. Best of luck to you! Make good!