MysterionMuffles
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Days Won
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Posts posted by MysterionMuffles
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Ah man that's creepy. Sorry you had to have that experience and that he is now hounding you for more attention. It seems to happen that way. Someone who is a little "off" shows vulnerability, and we ignore it to see if we can help them. Then when we do we think it's alright for a while until they start hungering too hard for your time. In this case you showed some vulnerability yourself and he didn't reciprocate and that's shitty since he attacked you instead. I hope you and everyone else in the call weren't too disoriented by his presence. Thanks for the heads up!
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The nickname I was referring to was "Kevo"
It would make sense that if you were trying to make some slight at my expense that you would use a nickname as a way of putting me down, and talking to me like a child. Like, "hey there little buddy, that's a nice post you got there".
It struck me as weird that you would coin a nickname for me since I barely know you and came with what I perceived as a slight.
But if I have mistaken your intentions, then I retract my statement.
Ooooh! Okay. Yeah sorry for the random nickname and being indirect. I only called you Kevo because I worked with a Kevin we all called Kevo, so I can understand how it was unfounded to place on you. If you don't mind me asking, do you have a history in people belittling you with the same or similar kind of childish names? You don't have to share that here or at all, just PM me about it if you'd like.
As for being direct, let me clarify. If I was being direct and living up to that standard, my LOL message should've said, "LOL thanks for the correction, Kevin." I do appreciate it and I'm sorry if it came across as passive aggressive or dismissive of your post.
It's pretty easy to misconstrue people's intentions online and I thought the nickname you were referring to was mine; That Popular Anti-Social Guy. I was actually about to go on the assumption that you were attacking my character for having some kind of social ineptness, so even then I knew I would be horribly wrong making it all about me, which is why I stayed open and curious to see which nickname you were really referring to.
So are we cool? Can we let this thread continue? I do find it fascinating and your prompting of me to look at my own past experiences of friendzoning women is actually making me curious about my history with it.
At any rate, it's important to consider how other people may process what we say regardless of intention. Purposely leaving things ambiguous may be considered passive-aggressive in itself, I'm certainly guilty of that.
Thanks for your input. This misunderstanding is gonna motivate me to write my posts with more concision so they say what I mean.
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So your LOL was meant to be some kind of slight at my expense, then? Like some sort of subtle "fuck you". That explains the nickname...
First of all, I didn't say that your argument was invalid because of that single comment. My whole post was dismissed by you when you focused on a single comment of mine.
I'm not even sure there was an argument there for me to comment on. Is it this?:
P1: guys who are friendzoned expect some sort of reciprocity, and when they don't get it, they get resentful
P2: "the fault is in your inability to be direct"
C1: This is a problem and it is slimy and being a doormat
If so, I did comment on that. I did say more than "don't speak for me", right?
And it's ironic that you were passive aggressively indirect with me when the virtue you are promoting is being direct with people...
If a woman is leading you on and emotionally manipulating you into doing favors for her, she has to be doing something that would subtly (and with plausible deniability) suggest that he'll benefit from continuing to do these things. She is putting the idea in his head that it will lead to something more. It is completely to be expected that someone would feel resentful when it doesn't happen. I feel resentful when people manipulate me into doing things too.
Leading someone on is wasting their time and is something to feel resentful about. It is not slimy to feel resentful.
I already said this in the post you are suggesting totally ignored the point you were making. You ignored the point I was making.
The reason I focused on that particular quote of yours about everyone being culpable in friendzoning and being friendzoned is that it totally minimizes it. Like this is just something that everyone does. No it's not. It is cause for alarm that you would think it was.
And where is your remorse for doing something that you yourself say is "slimy"?
If someone told me that they did things that were slimy, I would want to see them demonstrate that they had changed and learned from it before taking their advice about it. i.e. You have a very strong incentive to make people who get friendzoned equally culpable, because it makes you less responsible for leading the girls on that you have. Because it's just sort of this dance that people do, or something.
Sorry for the misunderstanding. The LOL wasn't a fuck you to you or an assumption that your response was an invalidation of my argument. The LOL is for recognizing the grave error I made in generalizing as if EVERYBODY has gotten into a friendzone experience when that's obviously not the case. When I asked if my generalization invalidated my argument, it was out of curiousity, not designed to create a false intention on your part. I was just wondering if the generalization did invalidate my argument. That's all. I didn't say that you said my argument was invalid because of the generalization. I was genuinely curious when I asked that.
I will accept that women do have the capacity to manipulate a man into doing all these favours for them. Perhaps the degree to which I mentioned that in my post could be extended to emphasize that point. So sure, being direct is a virtue, but that doesn't ensure achieving closure as some men will still get strung along after being given some half ass explanation by a woman for why she wouldn't wanna date him.
I didn't say it was slimy to be resentful. I said it was slimy in how that gets expressed. I did say you're allowed to get frustrated as it's totally reasonable. You can just as easily disengage instead of what many friendzoned men do, myself included, which is to try and discourage the woman from further dating. Hope this clears things up, Kevin.
PS. What nickname makes sense? Why are you attempting an ad hominem attack? I understand the criticism of taking responsibility for the times I've friendzoned a woman. Thanks for pointing out that stating we all have was a way of minimizing the common phenomenon. I'll reflect on the times I've friendzoned a woman and when I have been friendzoned myself, and I'll share what I've figured out in this thread when I get some answers.
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well you shall both be surprised if you give it a shot...
I'll have to rewatch it myself though, just thought about it again.
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I thought I made a valid point, but ruined it a bit with speaking for everyone else. Apparently NOT everybody has had a friendzoning experience. Does that generalization invalidate the rest of my argument?
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTJcwcEq5eA
I don't condone the kind of behaviour or advice Ashton Kutcher's character portrays here, but I think it's interesting to see what happens to a man so sexually humiliated that he has to become a manipulative man like he plays in the movie.
Many of you virtuous men on here will be sickened by this man's behaviour and let me tell you, he gets what he deserves in the end. It's an incredible watch and speaks well of how easy it is for men to fall into the PUA structure of interacting with women, whilst diminishing their chances of finding any real love or intimacy.
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LOL alright sorry Kevo.
Yes, I have a sense in this thread that we are blaming the chaps and giving the ladies very little responsibility.
I certainly agree that a chap is responsible for the relationships and expectations he has with women. He should be open and direct about his intentions as they arise. But I'm not going to let women off that connive to collect as many male friends as they can for their own self aggrandizement. Men to varying degrees (with experience and wisdom probably less so to nil perhaps) will always be susceptible to the charms of certain ladies.
Which is why I say it is slimy to be the one exploiting the man and using him, much like the way the woman does in Ryan's story.
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Let me just state again that the friendzone isn't real and here are my more elaborate thoughts on it:
Being friends requires being authentic with one another, and if a man or woman is indirectly expressing their affection for the person they're attracted to, and getting frustrated when it's not reciprocated, that's fine. They have every right to feel frustrated.
The problem is when that frustration is expressed as resentment and entitlement into romantic activity. "But I did this for them, why don't they like me?!" Well, I would ask, were you direct enough to simply say "I like you, how about you and I make the beast with two backs?"
If it comes to this stringing someone along dynamic, each party has the onus to back off from this game. This game of, I will do all these partnerly things for this person without really being their partner in the hopes I will earn partnership--while I will exploit this lovelorn's generousity while I hold myself out for someone better.
It's destructive and a very common thing these days. Something about masculinity has been tarnished in this modern world and it's time to reclaim that strength. Likewise, feminity needs to also be redirected and redefined into something more than just resource allocation.
So if you're doing everything in your power to earn someone's affection without telling them you have those feelings, the fault is in your inability to be direct. Likewise, if you're stringing someone along with the knowledge that they want you, but are indirect about it--both of you STOP IT! Like, right now!
I know that I have been in situations where I've "been friendzoned" by a woman, and have "friendzoned" women myself. We all have. What was really happening was a lack of clear communication stumping our chances of fantasies into a reality.
How do you break the cycle? Recognition of how inauthentic and slimy it is to be on either side of the interaction. You doing stuff for someone who just won't appreciate you? Stop being a doormat! You're letting someone you don't even like that much do shit for you? Stop being an emotional gold digger!
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Yeah you're right. I do notice that about bands that have been around for a long time too. People always say their earlier stuff was better, and I don't think it has anything to do with the nostalgia of having heard that stuff first.
Case in point Barry White when I was really into his music. The stuff he produced in the 80's and 90's was okay, but very simplified. His earlier stuff with more orchestral composition and the raw way he sang early on was much better than the "refined" version of his music. He add libbed more in his earlier stuff with wailing loudly with passion than his more confined and structured music.
It's when an artist is first coming out do they put all their creative energy into masterfully crafting their music because they have all the time in the world to play around until fans start to expect things of them. Also Korn is a good example. When they first came out they were great and the emotion was raw, but nowadays it feels like there hasn't been a progression in lyrical content. Instrumentally they've kind of opted for more conventional structures and whatever sounds good in the mainstream like their dubsteppy album. And lyrically it's like...has Jonathan Davis gotten any happier about his life yet?
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Ah I get that Carl, but I was talking about things you did have control over.
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I'd repopulate the male population by 90% with her if ya know what I mean
But seriously...I would like to know what her relationship with her father is like...
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Here's some contemporary David Wise (also Kenji Yamamoto). There's a great rendition of Stickerbrush Symphony from DKC2 at about 3:30.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFIQI1yT838
Oh dude that's awesome! Glad to see David Wise still composes. That tune lead me to this one:
He still has a bit of the chill vibe he had in the original series. Don't know if it's just nostalgia but I feel these new tracks are good, just not as great as the original DKC.
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http://csfvideos.com/boy-gets-an-old-school-punishment-for-being-to-to-his-teacher/
We do not know if this makes sadistic or what, but we could not stop our laughter upon seeing this. No one knows how to raise a kid properly than a black woman, hands down.Apparently, this kid (probably 14-15) must have disrespected his teacher in school and the news got around to his mother who thought detention was not enough of a punishment so she gave her own. The old fashioned way. The kid was forced to raise heavy books over his head and take turns around the room, chanting that he would never disrespect his teacher again.
Countless phrases of “I love school”, “I will not disrespect my teacher again” and “I don’t wanna be homeless” later, the mom still does not relent. The brother, who is making the video, is having the time of his life, cracking up like most of the viewers of this video are.
The brother ends the video (even though the kid is still going through the punishment) and tells the viewers to go to school and be respectful
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Thanks
I delete them because my phone only holds 5-7 hours of audio and I take it up real quick. And they're so several and long that I don't think I would ever keep them. I do them and delete them as more of a narrowing on what I DO want to write and keep permanent. I don't write in my journal often, but when I do, I have a clearer picture of what I do want to explore in more concise detail than the scatterbrain fashion of me walking and talking for an hour and a half.
I've been considering getting an SD card for more space and keeping them but I'm not sure yet.
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Writing is more frustrating to me because I think I censor myself more, I get stuck up on grammar or sentence structure
You might find value in my article about letting yourself write freely and the importance of not censoring yourself when journaling. That is if you ever decide to hand write journaling again.
I'm around 8 years old, it's midday and the sun shining a bright white light into the house, and I'm sitting in the dining room watching my mother in the kitchen cooking or doing dishes (I can't remember) and she's singing and dancing to the oldies station being pumped out by this little black radio in the window with white paint speckles on the bottom right of it's face. I'm enjoying this a lot and I go into the kitchen for some random reason and my mom grabs my hand and pulls me into a spin, and I'm suddenly dancing with her.
This is one of my favorite memories. And thinking about it evoked bitter sweet feelings.
It stands out in contrast to the much more common experience of my mother which was not fun and not taking joy in my company. I remembered how I resented her in my early teens, and how I judged her to be shallow, avoidant, stupid and a whore for marrying my stepdads who were alcoholic deadbeats who she didn't seem to respect very much, but had some money.
I always really liked my younger sister, but my other sisters either bullied me or did other things I didn't like. The teachers I had were generally women who were not very bright and didn't try and earn my respect. And I had a "worldview" about women, that they are all, to varying degrees, like my mother, who was indifferent and inappropriate, or my sister who repeatedly humiliated me. And this presented a huge dilemma for me: I didn't respect women, more than that I often resented womankind, and I desperately wanted affection, and to be loved, and desired.
I started to see how this universal judgment about women had affected decisions I had made. On one side I would get a terrifying annihilation panic when approaching girls I liked because girls are dangerous, and on the other side I was overlooking girls' really bad qualities and how disrespectful they were toward me because,... girls are dangerous, and I should not expect much virtue from them, but desperately hope that I could get that affection I wanted so badly, and be desired and loved.
I've raised my standards considerably in the past few years and I don't take much shit from people, including women, but this part of me is still alive and kicking. And I had never seen so clearly how these things related until audio journaling about it (and then talking about it with @Joel Patterson).
I think that the reason I remembered that event in the kitchen with my mom was because events like that one did a lot to shape my expectations about girls and dating.
I'm really sorry that your mother and sisters treatment of you twisted your view of women. That's a huge realization to have, wow. Pursuing girls because you simultaneously crave affection with the addition of them being dangerous, that must have been a disorienting and confusing experience when you've gotten into relationships. You want them around, but you don't Sounds like an unresolvable ambivalance.
And the thing about dancing with your mom randomly...it's bittersweet memories like that that soften the anger just a little bit. Like for me, I will always appreciate when my mother and I used to pray together from a prayer book because it's what got me started on reading and it was a great bonding experience before she turned into a tired resentful bitch who threatened to put me on the streets at 7 for not obeying her.
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Awesome thanks for the input. I audio journal too and used to think it was weird. I did it mainly because I once felt I didn't say as much as I knew I could have in social settings so I did it to start feeling comfortable hearing my own voice. This was 4 years ago and now I can't shut up around people lol. I don't do the IFS kind of conversation that much anymore, I just speak freely about what's on my mind letting myself go in different directions. I used to take an hour doing it or more, but I realized it was ineffecient especially when it comes to relistening. I go in too many different detours on my train of thought so I've learned to give it some structure. What I do now is find a specific route to walk around my neighbourhood that would take me 30 mins to circle back to my house, and in at the beginning of those 30 minutes, I decide on 3 things I want to talk about and spend roughly 10 minutes on each thing.This has forced me to be more concise in my thoughts and not go on too many detours and having done this really helps me figure out what I really want to write about in my actual journal. These recordings get deleted as soon as I relisten to them unless I was really on fire and it was worth the re-listen some other time.
Re-listening to myself verbalize those scattered thoughts are always interesting, especially when I'm really expressive. It helps me appreciate what others may or may not like listening to when I speak because I notice when I get bored or enthuse by my own speech.
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awesome thank you for taking the time to read them!
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i know this is completely off the topic, but my parents constantly say stuff about my attitude, how it needs to change, and how i never "obeyed the rules of the house." as far as ik, my father has stopped loving me. my father won't take any responsibility for the erosion of our "relationship", as if we ever really had one as far as i'm learning. he's just about disowned me; he won't talk to me, wants to leave me on the streets, and doesn't want my mom helping me at all. she does regardless, seeing as she's done everything she can up to the point of not listening to him and letting me back in the house, whether he likes it or not. we're just back to sneaking me around the house because i ran out of options as far as places to sleep/live go. ever since i became an FDR listener, i keep blaming my parents for a lot of things, but i'm not sure i'm just painting with a broad stroke.
I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry that your dad has no interest in bonding with you
the thing about blame...it may be detremental. YES hold them accountable for the mistakes they've made, but do not put all the responsibility on them for whatever choices you've made and action's you've taken that you can easily blame on them.
I'm not saying that whatever sorrow you feel is wrong, but there are also 6 billion other people out there who you can find the kind of connection you desire that your parents may never give you. Many of which reside here in this community, while some may also exist elsewhere in your vicinity. Try to find them!
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Thank you for your honesty about how you feel, and for your off the bat vulnerability. Welcome to FDR, hope you find what you're looking for. Sounds like you're on the right track already going to therapy and considering your future. Would you want to own your own butchery that accepts Bitcoin or a whole different business venture than that?
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Hey welcome Maosn. I'm really sorry for whatever was making you feel suicidal, but also glad for you conviction to continue on living. I don't know you personally or much about you, but I can sense you thirst for growth and knowledge and we need more people like you, not only on these forums, but in the world. Hope you enjoy your stay and gain a ton of value from parusing the boards and chatroom!
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Hey welcome to the boards xavier. Thanks for linking to my blog, how did you find it and FDR itself?
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Welcome to the boards Marko. I'm guessing the talks about economics is what brought you to FDR? If not, can you elaborate on what else did attract you to come here?
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I'm open for correction on this because I know may be completely wrong, but if in a free society, there'd be a signficant reduction of child abuse, would we still need therapists? I get the impression that therapists only really exist because parents don't do what they do in terms of empathizing and validating the experience of their patients/children. Your thoughts?
Of course that the overall happiness of humanity will increase, but of course we'd still be prone to challenges and some stressors in life, so I would imagine that the occupation of a therapist would transform into that of a life coach if anything.
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thank you for your openness and honest, Sam. I hope you're not too hard on yourself for having gotten drunk recently despite of the near 10 year streak. It doesn't detract from what you've put forth earlier in the thread.
Can UPB be made clearer and more concise?
in General Messages
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d59yqh1cZX0