crops

i really like. melody sticks in the mind. i also applaud your ability to not hold back on camera

'upgraded' 'bulletproof' 'coffee'

i too like the word and use it alot. is that a contradiction then , does likeing a word open up the prefrence spectrum and qualify not likeing a word . i think the only reason i like it is because of the , what i consider ,the irrational dislike off it. i casually swear alot , when im in a paticularly good mood ill swear inapropriately in a jovial manner. i dont know which podcast it was , only that its somewhere in volume 6 in itunes , and im sure was regarding some comedian calling a feminist a cunt. i can understand a person being offended by some racist slur relating to past atrocity , that would have content. but to me cunt is just another noise for apart of the female anatomy. isnt there something to the actual sound of the word though. I think i once heard the audible shape of the noise alone can evoke an emotional response. it is like a sharp and short jab , and when its regarding one of , if not the most treasured delicate and saught after areas in the world , the vagina! perhaps thats something to do with it. dont be dissin the wholy land , the sacred fountain of youth.

i think RTR has been the most intrumental and most compacted practical use for me. but id say its just key sentences dotted all over the thousands of podcasts ive listend to where i have to stop an press pause an digest

This one had a profound impact on me , one im still not finished processing

i heard steff say once that he thinks the C word , c*nt , cu*t , cun* , is the most disgusting word in his opinion. Its most peoples least favoured word. i dont get this . whats the big deal , dont words just have as much power as we give them? people can call me a ginger c*nt all they want , all that really matters is the intent behind it and wether theres a threat. why doesnt the word vagina evoke the same disgust? i can see/hear the difference offcourse but why allow it to evoke disgust , i always thought this was irrational. its just a noise coming out of someones mouth. a little possible theory as to why this word is currently the least favoured i thought of was due to the current climate social gynocracy we live under. You can say cock , dick or balls all you like but c*nt! gasp

Crabs in a bucket This is not a friendship This is a life raft and a drowning man cannot save another so Huddle close because its better to drown together i wrote this today , in my mind , at work . does this qualify as a poem?

Im at this point also. A 'failure to thrive' lost in No mans land with no sense of direction and only a quarter life crisis cattle prod pushing things forward. Ive got myself as company which is more than i had before ha.

i heard steff say 'anxiety is thwarted desire' , i dont know if he was reffering to a specific case in this instance but it sticks in my mind , and it doesnt even make total sense to me yet. its strange to think off each individual case of 'anxiety' as its own little flavour an form. My ex use to panic about cashier handing over change after a purchase to the point i had to meet her once to do it. im terrible at small talk , growin up i hated it , an refused to take part in it. now i have little choice ha. i find theres people i can talk to an people i cant , or dont. few people i can let my thoughts out freely in all honesty an weirdness , and theres people i just dont talk to , that honest weird barrier just cant be crossed , and i cant do small talk so i dont avoid them. and then theres the issue of the routine 'good morning' with the people at work . some people i jus never say it too because then ill be expected to say it the next day , which feels to false if i dont even bother to talk to them. The false feeling of small talk is what paralyzes my sense of direction in interaction , jus yak washes over me. i think its coincidence that thats also what majority of my convos with my mother are like , and/or , developing through my teens an first part of my twenties my social interactions were mainly alcohol and drug fueld/dependant , so my skills ranged from , silly weird idiot talk to all out soul exposing conversation , with little between. also when stood talking to someone , like for at work for example , i find my self automaticly fidgeting with anything around , or light repeated kickin surfaces with my foot , i can see people pickin up on it an mirroring the anxiety. i cant just stand fully engaged in nothing but conversation. i see people talking sometimes with their faces uncomfortably close just lookin in unbroken eye contact an it just makes me laugh , why would anyone want that haaaa i went to a meditation class a few weeks ago , well out of my comfort zone , was goin all fine until at the end the teacher handed us bits of paper with talkin points on to disscuss , i was on my own an got paired with two elderly men , to talk about things like 'what is happyness' ha. Was so awkward but funny. false talk with crazy buddhists. i couldnt false my way along an proceeded sort of panic'd my way to say in my loud tone 'my issue with buddhism is that i think it can make you passive towards problems in your life' , which i felt it did to me a few years back. i felt bad about sayin that , cant jus barge in undermining the parade ha. next stop , yoga class , cant get much more mega awks than that sorry blabbed on abit

FDR 2588 - thursday 16th jan 2014 , 3 hour 35min mark. A talk that i used to motivate me to take first step beyond the confines of my character

whats your music style like? ive thought about ideas like this. i find most help the world type music comes across like they half mean it and not fully convinced themselves. like with majority of New world order conspiracy orientated music , theres only a couple that i value the musicality off

Made some music http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0jwbvkg-EY&feature=youtu.be

i like this , chillin , ive always got time for a good rythemy female voice. ive just began down the recording path , drums primarily , its costly in money , time and energy but im really enjoying it .After slowly gathering equipment and knowledge , Im at the point were ive jus learnt to EQ things to a nice level. im sure im growing a sense of identity haa

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