djones42387

Tyler and ttare: Thank you for your response..when i wrote it i was coming off my emotional rollercoaster so i didnt say it correctly...i was expecting a scathing review of what i wrote. I agree with both of you. In fact Tyler, the girl you cited as attractive is EXACTLY what i am looking for aesthethically. And your descriptions I agree as well. My definition was off. I definitely meant attractive. And I definitely think I have to reform myself to draw to me the correct woman. I have begun working out and I am just beginning to realize how much a stressful childhood affected my body, mannerisms and thoughts. It has been very emotional. I was in two long term relationships with the wrong women and now dating again has been very disappointing. I guess I am looking for what will motivate me to look in the right direction. Finding passion and virtue myself..no shortcuts around this i think..I also think finding friends to help with this process. Keep in touch guys.. I really appreciate you input

Hello. I am David. I have been wanting to write on here for a long time but did not know how to say what I was feeling. Today I have such an overwhelming emotion of dread and emptiness for my current situation. I have these two polar opposite sides of myself. One feels confident and reassured..and the other is so ashamed that no matter how much I care about virtue or being good to others or trying to save people or myself that its just not working. I listened to Stefan talking about how we conform to women to get access to reproduction. And it is so true. If I knew what to do to get the woman of my dreams I feel like maybe I would not be as moral as I wanted to be..or awstethically pleasing at least to meet that goal. And It is overwhelming because I see so many of the most attractive woman are not interested in your virtue or anything else. And I do not know where to even meet a woman of virtue or even interested in a peaceful life and true love. I know I am failing short to meet goals I have set for myself....And now I feel like I do not know what goal to set for myself. I think of my goal of starting my family, and I cannot even begin to enumerate all of the steps I know must be done before that...before I can even meet someone. I have shunned my family (or technically they shunned me). I have rejected mostly all of my "friends" as they were not healthy...and even still I find myself drawn to the unhealthiest of people (for myself, at least). So I have to rebuild my family, friends and career. Then hope to find this woman. Or can I find someone while I am in this process? It is making me feel like I am incomplete. I do not have friends to go out with..or even to come over. I do know a lot of people...but I cannot be myself with them or enjoy their company the way I would like to. Most of them are women that find me attractive but with more self knowledge; repulse me ever more every day. I know I must reach into my past to find peace...but the present and the future AND the past are choking me up with tears whenever I am alone. I'm on edge and I need something I cannot define exactly to help me through this. I want to experience love. for once in my life. in some form.