Wesley
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Days Won
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Posts posted by Wesley
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3. I don't see any evidence in tasmlab's other posts that his motivation is to stunt his children emotionally.
I do not wish to enter the debate (at least yet) and I have no opinion on who is right and who is wrong. However, this logically does not make sense to me.
If I am hurt by something my girlfriend does, I express the emotion and then we analyze whether it was her or it was be through a process of curious discovery. It is generally a given that her intention was not to cause me harm, however intentions have no proof. The fact was that I was hurt and that she did something. We then try to discover the real cause to rectify the situation and prevent future occurances.
I am very sure that he is loving and trying to do what he thinks is best and is not intending to harm the child considering he is on FDR and trying to talk about these issues. However, the intent isn't very relevant or provable. The facts are the chance of danger in a given situation and the feelings of the child and how the situation is dealt with.The situations are complex and there are many factors. Negative experiences should be explored to find the real cause and then the causes of negative experiences should be minimized just the same as safety is minimized. As was explained, it is rarely an either-or and the child can often be allowed to explore or help in a safe way.
Intent is irrelevant. This isn't the point here, but as an extreme case, I am sure that most parents who beat the shit out of their kids think it is what is best for the kids and do not intend to cause them harm (or think that a little harn will avoid greater harm). Communists think that they economic theories sare the best for people, but they cause the deaths of millions.Intent is not how I judge these ideas, nor how I judge any idea (or at least I attempt to not judge on this basis- work in progress).
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Thanks Jeremie!
Not a big deal and I'm not offended, but I just thought I would let you know that my name isn't Jeremie. It is Wesley. I've had awkward situations in the past where people waited a long time to correct that I was calling them the wrong name on accident, and it seems that the longer one waits, the worse it can get.
no people I could seek out as mentors
I did point out Dayna Martin as a possibility here, though I have not talked with her before, shes seems like a pretty awesome person. There likely are others who make themselves available if you look in to this.
here's not really any way that I know of to reward myself for working hard here that doesn't involve eating junk food or taking drugs
This can be difficult. Learning delaying gratification for several months into the future as opposed to quick rewards like food or drugs immediately after can be a difficult skill to learn. All of the good things take delaying gratification. Building a business,
educating oneself in a skill, saving money to move away, working on self knowledge, becoming stronger physically and/or eating healthier, stopping addiction are
all about learning this skill. I do not have experience trying to grow in this area, so you may want to talk with someone who does, or I'm sure there is a couple podcasts on the topic. -
Lately I have been dealing with things about my mother, trying to remember and evaluate what happened in situations when I was a child and such. I have had 2 different dreams on 2 nights in a row (which is great compared to how often I normally dream) which had cats in it.
In the first, a large cougar-like black cat attacked me and I shot it like 6 times before it went down, then later in the dream a second one seemed about to attack me, but when my gun jammed I was wondering if it was actually attacking me but rather just seemed to scarily lunge at me and then turn around and try again.
In the second, my mom was talking with a cat-sitter about the cats while my cat and another cat I randomly see around were chasing and scratching me as I tried to run upstairs. One of them got upstairs (which as a child, my dad wouldn't have allowed) so I had to sneak up on it and put it downstairs quick. The cat bit me in process of trying to do that.
In real life, I always find cats kind of pointless as they don't interact with you and only care about themselves. You''ll also pet them and be having a great time, then it'll randomly scratch you. We have had several cats as outdoor cats in order to hunt mice as we live near a farm and a creek, so it can be pretty bad without a cat. I have never had any real personal attachment to a cat.
I have searched, and there seem to be 2 possibilities. One is it is representative of female power, which makes sense as I am working on analyzing my mother right now in which case it attacking me is a bad sign. The other option is that it could represent my intuition or trying to get me to notice a problem that is going on, by which case it attacking me is trying to be helpful and get me to notice something.
I can provide more info on the dreams or circumstances if people want, but I didn't want to make it super long as the dreams are a bit on the long side for me. I am starting to put together bits of the dreams, but I do not know if the cat is the danger or it is trying to get me to notice something else and thus being helpful.
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I am currently working on a similar plan to move to a big city and here is what I found helpful, though there certainly could be better advice out there from other people.
For me, the biggest thing was to plan things out as to the steps I wanted to take. When I thought in abstraction that I would move eventually or do things at some point, then it kind of took forever for me to get around to it.
Once I sat down and calculated out how much money I needed for a car, home furnishings, how much of a safety net I would want for like 2 moths or so expenses in case things dont work out at my job. Now I have an exact list and number I am trying to achieve so it is much more straight forward when everything can go down.When I hit the number I need, then everything excecutes and I am gone.
If entreprenuership or un-jobbing is your fancy I know Dayna Martin does some talks along those lines. However, you may just be trying to get whatever you can and I do not know you well enough to be able to suggest a field or job or anything like that.
Best of luck on your transistion!
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50% of sibling relationships are abusive...
I am actually surprised it is not higher. I was only remarking that it is likely to be learned behavior from abusive parents. Especially these parents quoted in the story as believing that sibling abuse is good for the development of the younger kids. I tend to think that without abusive parents, sibling abuse would be minimal. It seems like a "tip of the iceberg" thing where 90% of the problem is still hidden. At least some people are beginning to see the iceberg.
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I need to ask her to clarify what she was talking about.
In the past she has agreed that we can't change our emotions, only what we do in respnse to the emotion (bury it, ignore it, express it, lash out at the person, lash out at the wall, etc)
That's why it seems to strange as it seems to contradict previous statements. I will need to ask her what was meant. It was right at the end when it was stated as the time was up, so she may not have explained it fully.
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http://www.ctvnews.ca/health/bullying-by-siblings-as-harmful-as-schoolyard-bullying-study-1.1328875
Corinna Jenkins Tucker, an associate professor of family studies at
University of New Hampshire and the lead author of the research, says
parents and caregivers should take sibling aggression seriously because
it can lead to the same serious mental health effects as peer bullying,
even though many caregivers don’t take it seriously.
"If siblings hit each other, there's a much different reaction than if that happened between peers," she said in a statement.
"It's often dismissed, seen as something that's normal or harmless.
Some parents even think it's beneficial, as good training for dealing
with conflict and aggression in other relationships." -
Hey Chekhovs, I'm definitely interested in this. My email is [email protected] if you want to send the information there.
Right now we are just meeting in the chat room at noon EST on Saturdays and making a private chat. However, we already got up to 7 people who met (with some great conversation I may add) but if we continue to get more interest we may need to add more times or do Skype or something. We probably will talk about some options and see what people's interest is or availability.
It is quite enjoyable to talk through some of these things with other people on the self-knowledge journey.
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I agree that it seems like the way to avoid the manipulation is to get myself out. However, while my therapist agreed I shouldn't have abusive people in my life, she seemed a little hesitant at first about cutting them off completely (which was just a feeling I got as the idea was new to her). Thus, I don't think she would have originated an idea encouraging me to get manipulation out of my life- but I may be wrong. I think I am going to have to talk to her again about what she meant exactly as I seem to be confused a bit by it.
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I would like to say welcome. I was very interested by this call and the idea of psychopathy in general.
I am quite interested to see what you have to contribute in the conversation from your seemingly unique perspective. I hope to see you around.
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Were starting to get some FDR people together to talk about self therapy and things along those lines. I am not quite sure how it'll all go, but here is the post/thread if you are interested. http://board.freedomainradio.com/forums/p/38970/303962.aspx#303962
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So I saw my therapist today and I was talking about an interaction I had with my mother where she made me feel guilty in order to manipulate me into something.
She seemed to not like this and stated that I am letting her have this emotional control over me and that my mom can't make me feel something that I don't give that power to her.
I was only wondering to what extent that someone tries to manipulate or create and emotion in me that I have control over it verses I do not have control over it. I seemed to think that I had control over what I did in response to an emotion, but I didn't have as much control as to what emotion I felt.
I feel like there is some nuanced answer where both views are right, but I'm just wondering if someone could step me through the logic or has their own experiences to share in this area.
Thanks
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"The only winning move is not to play."
Agreed. However, realizing this usually involves going through the process of trying to play and trying to win several times as the computer in War Games did. The end most likely will be not playing anymore. My post was for if you still think there is hope to reach her and her to listen to your wants, needs, desires, and reason in general.
It probably is good to ask whether winning is possible before continuing to play. Try again and again until you no longer want to. At least that was how I approached it.
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My question now is... what do you do when a parent simply chants "forgiveness forgiveness forgiveness" whenever you try to bring up a real issue?
What happened when you did something wrong as a child? Did she chant forgiveness over and over? Or did she punish you without even trying to empathize with you?
I think you will find that this forgiveness standard is a one-way street.
I forget the philosoper who told this, but it has been mentioned several times. In the Bible, there are two conflicting moralities for someone who does something wrong. "An eye for an eye" and "turn the other cheek". The philosopher decided that when the ruler harms the subject, then the subject should turn the other cheek. When the subject does something the ruler doesn't like, then it is an eye for an eye.
This to me is not the epitome of a healthy relationship. This is a ruler and ruled Christian morality.
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It's action that separates those that are good from those that are bad.
Like telling children that disobeying them or mythical beings will lead to eternal death and torture for such evil sins. You know- threats. As long as religious people don't do an action like that, then they can believe whatever crazy garbage they want.
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I do not agree from the perspective of the many people I have talked to and even voluntaryists who still vote. They know the system sucks and that nothing really will change.
The goal is that you are forced to be a slave. Now every 4 years you get to choose who is going to whip you. Many will try to pick the guy who they think will whip the a little bit less often or less hard. This, however, is starkly different from being able to choose to not be a slave.
I no longer vote, but I do not see those who vote as consenting to some sort of social contract only for holding onto a small dellusion of less pain in the coming years.
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Stef does promote defoo’ing as one of the tools in one’s journey. I don’t think it is a requirement of any sorts. Do you HAVE to end any communication with your family? Probably not. Should you limit the influence evil people have in your life? I’d say so.
This is always dependant on what someone wants to do and a determination that the parent's action's were evil, and finally, that restitution becomes impossible (usually because of parent continuing abuse, minimization of feelings, avoidance of problems, too much abuse in childhood, etc, etc, etc.)
He has always advised that you go to therapy and have help with the process and have whatever emotional support you can get. Then you talk to your parents and see what happens. The hope would be that such a simple test as to expressing problems, wants, desires, and experiences and allow the option for the relationship to be chosen rather than obligated that the test would be simple and parents would pass with flying colors. I think the existence of anecdotes on here and the state of the world as a whole show that many parents do not stand up to the task of applying choice and voluntaryism into family relationships.
There are good parents out there who have stood up to the task, not harmed their children, or tried to make restitution by asking for the feelings, going to therapy, etc. I have seen many amazing parents on these forums working as hard as they can to listen to the thoughts feelings and prefernces of their children. It is so unfortunate that these relationships do not pass more often.
It also means that people's hostility to the idea means that they fear that their relationship would not pass the test thus, instead of analyzing to arguments for truth value they are often dismissed.
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My youngest daughter turned two last week, and I gotta tell you that sometime it is hard to reason with them.
She's taken to biting her brother to the point where he bleeds. We separate them, tell her in a very serious tone that it was wrong, and have her sit by herself for a few minutes. She knows she's wrong and cries with guilt, but it wasn't an automatic stop by any means.
Is my serious tone yelling? Is giving her a time out abuse? I'm certainly expressing power and she has a pretty important lesson to learn here.
The biting to the point of scarring has been the biggest and most challenging thing. If she throws her dinner on the floor or something we're all pretty calm.
I'm more questions than answers.
I will now defer to those with practical experience, which I do not have in parenting children. I think the question would be to ask her why is she biting? Which you may not know or she might not know yet. What need does it satisfy? Does she gain attention? Is it retaliation for something the brother is doing?
Obviously you can't let biting happen, and we both seem wary about these techniques as exerting power and possibly harmful. However, I do not have good solutions except to try to find out why. Try to empathize with her position and find out why biting is the "best option" in some scenario.
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It's a shame that we do still say things like "at a child", despite there being no philosophical basis for considering them a unique category.
There is to the point that they are in fully dependent, involuntary relationships by which yelling is abusive. Yelling at a waiter on the other hand is at least mch less abusive because they can throw me out of the restaurant and never see me again. A child has no opportunity to leave, thus any act of aggression is worse as it is unavoidable.
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I think I was like 1or 2, I don't even remember it,I really don't remember being spanked after that.
By 2 you can negotiate and explain to a kid. At 1, the kid isn't really doing anything wrong. He is just being a child.
Either, the child is capable of understanding right and wrong in which case you can talk to the child and explain what they should do or shouldn't do and why.
Else, the child is not capable of knowing right or wrong by which the kid is simply trying to fill their needs and explore the world around them, by which spanking the child is more despicable than hitting a mentally disabled person who doesn't understand what they are doing wrong.
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The most frequent seems to be a distaste for Stefs supposed lack of credit given to those who came before him and played significant roles in assisting him in developing his beliefs and ideas.
ie: Earlier philosophersHe often has referenced people before him and analyzed good parts and bad parts of different philosophies. He doesn't every time, for this would at best be absurd.
The second most frequent seems to be a personal distaste for a perceived lack of humility, a perceived
Stef often tries to remind people in conversations of the fact that he is an amateur when applicable (to a bit of an annoying extent, though I believe I understand why). When it comes to arguments of truth, his personal qualities are irrelevant to whether things are true or not.
Some have gone as far as saying the various tenants of Stef's thoughts are actually incorrect and pointed me toward various counter UPB criticisms etc.
ie: http://mises.org/misesreview_detail.aspx?control=383These things have been addressed on a number of occasions, not to mention that Stef is available for conversation any Sunday show or other conversation.
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I've heard Stefan mention in his videos before about peaceful parenting, not spanking your child and such, and while I do not really want children for a few more years I would like to ask afew questions about it so I can correctly raise my children in accordence to it
1) My dad spanked me afew times when I was a little kid, but only when I was young enough that he could not explain to me what I did wrong, I was wondering if Stefan or anyone else had advice about how to show your child they have done wrong at this age before they can be reasoned with?
2) Do you also include yelling at your child as abusive?
1) Please provide more information as to the example of the story and what happened, what age, why he felt you were bad and why he couldn't talk to you.
2) Verbal abuse is still abuse.
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1. This is silly. It is a problem if I can prove that my property or my person is harmed. No individual car pollutes my property to an extent that I care and no business does either. If a business was bad enough to cause a problem, then yes they would need to stop or buy pollution rights from me.
2. Ethics of emergenices. They never happen in real life. Also, if you ask me to scratch me to save peoples lives, I would volunteer. Same for taxing me like 10 bucks. Asking permission is perfectly fine to accomplish these ends.
3. Threats are violations of the NAP. You can't point a gun at me- even if it is unloaded as I think that it may be loaded and you are threatening my life. Besides this, I can establish rules of behavior or speed limits on my own property and society will tend toward some basic rules of behavior that become generally accepted.
4. Fraud is immoral (unless under durress as has been explained before). Many sum up the NAP to be against all initiatory force, fraud, and coercion.
5. This is ridiculous. People who own property where others may potentially walk mark the property as owned in some way so that you are aware you should not tresspass. When it is property in the middle of nowhere, then no one walks there. If they do, you likely wouldn't even know. If you see them, you always measure the response by what the aggression is. Shooting someone for tresspassing is stupid. You start by asking them to leave nicely, then maybe a little more forcefully, but everyone apologizes and leaves at this point.
6. Murray Rothbard is very wrong. The child is dependant on the parents and the paarents have the obligation to care for the child by having the child, unless they find someone else who is competent and willing to care for the child. The child, as a dependant person, can use another person as a proxy for their defense if they are being abused in any way.
This is my brief counters to these. Let me know if any are unclear or unsatisfactory explanations.
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The responses I recieved were dismissive stating that it is an old theory that has long been disproven, and that my statements are cruel and hurtful.
This reads to me something like:
"I'm going to dismiss your arguments with no proof by belittling you and saying it is just obviously not true so I do not need to provide proof. Then, I am going to appeal to the fact that you are trying to be a good person and call you an evil and sadistic person for provoking my anxieties about this topic. I then have resolved my own anxieties and will reinforce my position that abusers are not a problem, but normal so I can continue my comfortable life."
I may be projecting from some interactions I have had before, but that is what I thought as I read that.
I either wouldn't interact with them or simply ask for proof of the theory that this doesn't work, though my guess is this directness will be side-stepped and ignored.
I would like to have some clear references to point to. Any suggestions for clear ideal references?
Stef has referred to and interviewed Robin Grille about this topic. He talks about it in his book (Or so I understand):
Teen facing year in jail over NRA T-shirt
in Current Events
Posted
Reminds me when Adam Kokesh was arrested for resisting arrest.