Jeridan Kowal

A short term benefit might be that you are getting relief from having to do anything to feel good. If you receive a good feeling from viewing yourself as being "one up" on somebody else, it can make you complacent. But that only works if the comparison you draw is more positive for yourself. That's how I see it: Comparing yourself to others can act as a paralytic to mental or physical growth. It's interesting though that you can turn it into a positive habit. Seeing others as role models and examples to be emulated is highly desirable. I guess it depends on your ego strength.

This is disgusting and ridiculous. It's like saying because some people get punched in the face everybody should get punched in the face. The "equalization" happening here is sending civilization backwards.

YES

Hey Guzzy, cool topic and definitely important to us all. I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness and tried to adhere to the beliefs as closely as possible before becoming a hard atheist around 4-5 years ago. Just letting you know my background to frame the rest of my comments. I agree that most atheists I meet are wholly dismissive of any and all religiosity. Little to no compassion for the "lesser minds" they perceive the religious to be is administered. This is a pretty good podcast regarding useful attributes atheists/liberals/statists tend to leave behind with religion. http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/2927/an-atheist-apologizes-to-christians-call-in-show-march-4th-2015 With that being said, it may be prudent to consider the atrocities carried out under the guise of religious piety. Things like the Inquisition, Catholic endorsement of the Nazis, public dehumanization of gays/lesbians, and all the sexual assaults against children under the "protection" of religious institutions. Of course, this is not to say there are no well-meaning and virtuous religious people. These examples of evil/hypocrisy appear within politics and religions alike. But the outrage at this sort of behaviour does play some part in the attitude of any atheist. Now you mentioned the commonality of religious belief or spiritual practice throughout our evolutionary history. This is a point more in favour of atheism on the whole. This is because so many religious texts claim to hold the singular truth given to them by the only god. The mere fact that so many religions would develop and be in stark contrast to each other doesn't inspire confidence in a unified or a multi-faceted truth. The lives of human beings are clearly enriched by ritual, community, and contemplation. Things of this nature are espoused by religions. But these qualities no longer require rigid dedication to an egoistic deity outside the purview of our senses. Religious belief was useful to our tribal past because we required conformity to survive. It no longer serves the same purpose and often leads to social deformities. I hope this wasn't too arrogant or grating. I certainly am not trying to place history on your shoulders in an attempt to blame.

Thanks for sharing John, that is a lot to have on your mind. Life at home sounded pretty fearful. Having trouble in school is hard enough, but not having support at home is even more anxiety inducing. The people closest to you, the ones you so desperately wanted/needed to please, were the ones holding the whips of insults and condemning you to hell for not being successful. Now they're gone and the whip is in your hand. You said you were interested in practical philosophy. So you want to do something to quell that inner critic. For me, it was important to have someone else to speak with. Having them put up resistance to my criticisms. Gradually, it became easier for me to let the more gentle voices in my head provide that same resistance. Ask for proof, look for evidence, find different perspectives to frame and explore your behaviour. That way, you wont have the automatic hammer of guilt and self mistrust knocking you off your feet at every turn. I don't know how angry you should be at your parents. There is a lot you can do in the way of introspection and mourning what you didn't receive growing up. Journalling, therapy, artistic expression, finding or creating a network of support. Sounds like you're already heading in that direction. Above all I'd say be patient with yourself. It's an easy trap to get frustrated with where you are and what you can/can't do. Of course this only serves to keep us from emerging as full human beings. Again, thank you for sharing, I'm sorry about your history. I hope you keep up the self exploration. http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1149/inner-critic-the-roleplay http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/1191/ending-self-attacks-a-listener-conversation

Oh boy, I can hardly wait for the Newspeak to spread. Wont it be grand once your vocabulary is so limited all sentences will be free from oppressive negative words? How doubleplus good!

Luck: success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one's own actions. Seems a little weird to redefine luck as "Opportunity + Preparation + Appropriate Action". Luck is supposed to be chance, a variable that is specifically independent of all others. A quote from Daniel Dennet: "...the point of a randomizing device like a coin flip, [is] to make the result uncontrollable by making it sensitive to so many variables that no feasible, finite list of conditions can be singled out as the cause." As for wishes, just having desires and not acting on them is a paralytic device. Always dreaming, never achieving. Though it may be important to flesh out your plans for the future, goal setting is different than wishing or wishful thinking. Seems like you've already concluded that both luck and wishes are sort of immutable ideas. You still need to act if you want to change your circumstances. So wishes do you no good and luck is out of your control.

I feel your pain. You obviously have some amount of empathy and that makes you want to help, but in doing so you get negative responses or none at all. I'm not sure I understand the whole metaphor. In what way would you be "profiting" from stupidity? I know that continuing to talk to people about sensitive topics (taxation as force, the voluntary family) is important. But if you're having trouble getting through to people, maybe you need to re-evaluate your methodology? I can only speak from my experience, but I cannot exert influence or help change someone's mind unless they already want to change. I assume the people you talk to are probably comfortable where they are mentally/philosophically. This was and is the case for me now. Since I can't change in them what I consider irrational, I have to be curious and empathetic as to why they are there at all. I need to listen to them and hear what is and isn't said. I've found that being truly curious allows my questions to be especially potent when it comes to irrationality. I don't want to change them, I don't care which of us is right and the purpose of even talking to them is to find joy in our differences. That way, they can see me as the empathetic, happy philosopher that I am. I can be that example of how philosophy doesn't have to be this frustrating burden to carry around and be exacerbated when I encounter someone who has not been reasoned with. It's easier said than done of course, but I say keep talking to people. Speak with them and frame the experience with a healthy dose of compassion for the person before you.

I don't think you should be down on people who don't want to work out. Exercise is painful, uncomfortable and certainly a level of distress. You are changing your body and disrupting its peaceful state of sedentary belly scratching. Obese persons have been conditioned by food that tastes good. You cannot hold them responsible since the body craves sugar and fat. So what we are dealing with here is the biological history of evolution. If you can relate to the avoidance of pain, you can relate to a 12 hour nap. But in all seriousness, empathy and gentleness in conversation for the close-minded is really important. But it's equally important to recognize the costs and benefits of your brain adapting to a poor environment. This is especially true when those costs start to accrue to the open-minded people. At that point, something has got to give.

Hey man, I'm glad you were able to talk with your parents about things in the past. I too received this response when confronting them about our history. It's an infuriating comment to make especially towards someone you've hurt. I definitely didn't feel heard or felt in any way that my parents were taking what I was saying seriously. What I understand from the argument, "You're just remembering it wrong," is that there is a great deal of minimizing going on. While my memory isn't perfect, my emotional memory is quite accurate. So in that case, it doesn't matter too much what someone meant to make me feel, the evidence is that I felt a certain way. Besides, is the version of events you describe wildly inaccurate? We all have our own version of the truth that we want other people to listen to and understand. Telling someone that they are remembering things wrongly isn't curious or an expression of wanting to explore the possible truth. It's an assertion meant to shut you down, to stop you from remaining critical. It seems that it worked in the conversation as you say you became sad and didn't know how to respond. As for what you can do or say for next time... I'm not really sure. It was always really frustrating for me to sort of, lead my parents in discussion regarding how I want to be spoken to or with. I could repeat what they said and show how it was minimizing or tell them what words to use so I didn't feel too attacked. But in the end, our conversations became me just explaining how I felt in the past, in the present, and seeing how my parents reacted. Were they curious? Were they deeply concerned with what I had to say even if it hurt? I let go feeling like I had to argue with them about what was correct in my memory. Instead, I passively observed how they took the truth from my most inner self. I was vulnerable to them and I waited to see what would happen.

Hey! It's great to hear you're trying to gain emotional understanding of yourself even with difficulties. I can really relate to your feelings of being sort of abuzz with thoughts and being a mess. I think that's perfectly natural and probably important. To this day I still get those feelings but I rather enjoy it now as part of a process of understanding what it is I want out of life or a particular moment. I'm not really sure what differences may be for you regarding your past and acceptance. One thing is for sure though, all of what you are going through right now, is not happening so that you simply stay awake at night. These thoughts/feelings are there to drive you to action! I don't know what that action for you is, for myself, it was talking with my parents about the past and seeing their reaction to what I was saying. That was a few years ago now...and still, I am constantly changing things about myself: my diet, addictive habits, sleep time, seeking positive time for myself, questioning my relationships. About the timing thing, yeah I think sooner the better too. But if you feel it's going to be too stressful on yourself financially, try to find some alternatives. Good friends, maybe even FDR members in your area. Almost all the life coaches/therapists/counsellors I've spoken with have expressed wanting to be as accessible as possible, especially to people with money issues. One last bit of my own experience that I hope is helpful: Constantly ask yourself how you are feeling at any given moment. Not necessarily that you'll uncover some hidden secret, but rather because that builds a sort of self to self rapport over time. I'm constantly swept up in this inner dialogue between what I feel is my main self and these other parts who are not always in unison. Treat yourself like a child and ask yourself curious, loving questions about your motivations, behaviours, and those of others too. There are no wrong answers if you ask with genuine compassion and curiosity. How do you coax a frightened animal out of hiding? With tenderness and maybe a deliciously curious snack I hope that helps and keep up with the journaling!

I guess it depends on what you're willing to sacrifice? I myself don't have that many friends at all for this reason. It became an increasing challenge to be around people with whom I had a very shallow connection. Few things are worse than being alone in a room of people. I don't know if I have a process or check list for friendship. I tend to just observe how my feelings arise around other people. Do they ask me questions about myself? Are they kind or have some form of empathy? What do they tend to talk about? I made friendships with different people over the years just out of necessity. They were generally nice and played the board games/video games I played and we had a lot of fun. I had a difficult time at home and having those friends as an outlet to be more free than my home life was crucial. But when I started to dig into philosophy and self knowledge, the desire to be around those people faded away. Their disinterest in philosophy made me disinterested in them. So, do what you feel you want to do to keep your sanity. Being in college you probably need a good network of people to do well. See what happens to your desires regarding quality and over time your friendships will follow accordingly.