Jeff Techentin

Thanks for your post, It led me to this article which really did a good job giving me an understanding of procratiniation and how to deal with in real time (a I suppose intrapersonal real time relationship) which I feel is going to help me enormously. Here is the link: http://www.personal-growth-programs.com/documents/WorkingThroughProcrastination.pdf

Is there anything that can be done to alleviate these feelings? I imagine therapy would do a great deal of good but I was wondering if there were elements of it that are almost like PTSD in nature where it is just an automatic neurological response.

Yea, when I talk to socialists or people who refer to people as "right wing" I like to tell them no no no no. I am not right wing I am a guy on the ground trying to shoot down the bird. Republicans suscribe to a collective ethic which is substantivly different than a rejection of that ethic intirely (although we might agree in some places). Its ok though, hopefully when this movement grows and people actually know a few voluntaryists they won't be able to get away with such rank ignorence of voluntaryist thought.

I am really glad to hear that my story actually struck a cord with some people. Being as honest as I was in the post was a hard thing for me, I felt like a person that had been in a hole so long that I was scared of light and that was a big step communicating so openly like that. I would have never ever ever done anything like that without fdr. It really feels good to hear that people can relate to this.

Wow, cool toon but I from my history listening to major lazer was expecting something a lot more crazy

Wow, that was incredibly well laid out thank you. I really mostly agree with all that you said except I would stress the focus on first principles more. A lot of the anti-statist arguments work really well on lefties who have this idea of themselves being the people standing up for virtue and the weak smashed when you point out how they constantly support evil vile tyrants. However this does not work on Anarcho-syndicalists or Anarcho- Communists. The focus on first principles really screws with them because they so fundementally break with them. For ex. Syndicalist- Wage slavory is evil should be stomped out Person B- Interesting, lets see what you mean in terms of action. It is evil to agree with another man or woman to volunterily sell his or her labor to that person for a mutually agreed apon price? We should use violence to stop person A from selling his labor for a mutually aggreed upon price to person B because it is evil? I have only really argued over the internet with one syndicalist and after argueing for a little bit I brought the conversation to first principles and than running away (we have arugued repeatedly and this is pretty much always how it ends) I also feel first principles are less intimidating. They are so so simple that it really doesn't seem like such an investment to learn about like it did when I became a libertarian (months of online research to become a confident voluntaryist)

Yea, when it is the end not a little beginning it is annoying. I think the purpose of small talk should be to sniff the person out so to speak. I like the idea that small talk is a good way to see if this person is trust worthy because you will get burned I feel trying to express yourself to anybody at all without some methodology of weeding out the untrustworthy from the trust worthy.

Thank you, I that does sound like a good idea to incorporate those. I used to have the idea that having conversational fallbacks was kind of fake but I can see it being useful as a tool to get at a true conversation, trying to go deeper. I appreciate the curiosity btw

Better, I am at college so it was a lot easier to step out, I don't really feel that extreme fear of sharing being vulnerable but years of issolation mean that now my small talk skills are pretty lacking and there is a learning curve. I felt like just posting that really was a huge step too (something I would never have done previously).

Yea, I mostly agree about the thing with your mother where he had to come down from the tree because your mother. However I don't know what is going on with the third person prespective at the end a little research told me that third person perspective in a dream could mean here- "Sometimes, though not always, this can point to feelings or situations which are not being felt or experienced (i.e. ‘you’ are ‘removed’ from the scene)" ([/font]http://www.dreams.ca/interpretation.htm) I don't have any idea what that friend is about however with the gun, well you were originally going to by something that you could arm yourself secretly, almost like you were trying to still be around threatening things and did not want those things knowing you could pretect yourself for whatever reason. Than when you tried to look around you found most of that crap was junk and something that you thought was right was when you actually started to play with it you realized it was shit. Maybe that is your subconcious showing how you were looking for ways to deal with your situation and pretect yourself and what you thought would do it (this project) is really failing at helping you with your protection. Just some thoughts from an extream amateur, I hope it helps!

Hey, I just recently had this insight into myself which maybe somebody else could gain from. Growing up I was a huge loner, although tall, athletic and good looking (all of which my mother would drown on about) I never really gave a shit about that (I really loved to think and loved philosophy in high school, it is really what kept me going) and had brutally low self confidence. This brutally low self confidence was perpetuated by my extreme fear of opening any sort of emotional needs to people which meant that I could never ask if anyone would want to hang out with me because THEY WOULD KNOW I HAD A NEED! So, I was alone and when I was not thinking about philosophy I would throw myself into fantasy, mostly violent war fanasy of conquest where I would use my incredibly well trained forces and intelect to just break through and achieve glory . Naturally becoming an anarchist meant that these emotional energies could no longer be focused into war fantasies (really healthy). I have recently come to the conclusion that I really did this because all I could do was ever run away, to hide and I needed to fight in my life (indeed I was the kind of kid who was prone to pick a fight). To backtrack a bit when I was young my sister got sick, real sick and almost died. My mother was really shaken by this and as her family had supported her in ways through this she felt the need to move near them, bad move for me. My mother's family is Catholic. She had made the really healthy decision when she was living away from them with her atheist husband to just stop taking us to church when we showed no interest in sitting still and shutting up. However, that changed when we moved close to her family and her religousness grew with contact with her family. I really, needed my father to help me get away from all this crazyness but he did nothing (I at that time had horrific dreams of me getting sexually attacked and him just watching). I really needed to get away from this new school I was at (my first experience with public school) but my need to leave was not only ignored but I was told that was bad, I needed to care about the goals of this school, getting A's, doing what my teacher wanted, shutting up and ex. Well instead of lying to myself and saying I cared about school and it was right for me to shut the fuck up and do what the teacher said, I retracted. I sayed to myself well, everybody outside is fucked and I will retreat to my bomb shelter and tell anybody who asks to come in to fuck off. Well when I got older this started to be less nessessary, I could have confided with people, I could have told people my needs and realized how fucked the people in my life were. But I did not, I was still convinced I needed my bomb shelter, so the fantasies started of me coming out of the woods and fighting (I was obsessed with Russia at the time and my fantacies would usually play out there). I felt that fantasizing like this was childish but I continued to do it, my true self I feel was telling me that it was time that I came out of my shelter and fought for myself. However at the time when I had no sturdy, deep relationships, who could I confide in? I felt lost and hopeless to act in reality so I freeded myself from tyranny in fantasy. I have done a little research on fantasies on the internet but most of the stuff out there is sexual and as usual Wikipedia was the only place I could find anything useful. It talked about how Narcissists often fatasize about things they don't do in reality. A lot of the symtoms listed of Narcissism really applied to what I was back than and I would I think have become abusive emotionally in the narcissitic fashion if I had continued to sit in my defences. Well I am just really happy I didn't (thanks to FDR) and would really incourage anybody who feels to run, at full sprint at self knowledge and learning to live with empathy. A happy future donator (when I get away and get any amount of cash)