cicero

http://youtu.be/OBQU8aaW90o VS

Boy do I feel stupid! Thank you all for your thoughts There was some misunderstanding I need to work more on my trust issues.

Thank you all for the concerned responses. Its strange how, this is the only place where I feel safe to share this. From my current point of view what I am about to share is a total mess, one bad decision after another, but this is what actually happened and there is nothing I can do to change it. Yes, this is about me and my family. We have 2 kids, boy 9 and girl 6. We've been married for 10 years now, and I am 38 and she is 37. First time we’ve met was before I went to college and right after my military service. That I had to do since it was mandatory at that time, to serve 18months. She was in the national sport aerobics team and due to some circumstances (which I wont mention here) I had to join the same team. I’ve been training sports acrobatics since I was 7, so joining aerobics team was a downgrade. Anyway… She had a rich boyfriend at that time, his father was some businessman worth millions. First 1-2 years nothing happened between us, but then somehow I ended up in her bed. If I can describe my personal life at that time with one word, it would be promiscuous. I never had any steady relationships, if I don’t count my high school love. I had a lot of sex, sometimes 2-3 different girls in 1 day. We had orgies with friends etc.. So having her as 1 more booty call was just fine. So we started having an affair. Soon after we started, she confessed to me that before she started the affair with me, she had an affair with another guy in the team. And all this, while having the rich boyfriend. After a while she told me that she loves me and she cant live without me. But at the same time she can’t leave the rich guy because his goons will find us and make our lives hell. Couple of years past and I started to feel really close to her. She convicted me that she loves me but she cant leave the rich guy. I started feeling bad and jealous every time she is with him. I was out of college trying different jobs since the unemployment was high and I couldn’t find decent job. Our country was famous for having the most taxi drivers and bar tenders with masters degrees. She was still in the aerobics team. Soon after they came back from some competition one of my best friends , who was also in the team told me that he had sex with her. I just want to mention that our affair was secret and nobody knew about it. She told him after 3 days having sex, that she has an affair with me and she loves me, and that she feels bad for doing it with him. Again all this was while dating the rich guy. After my friend told me that, I felt horrible. I felt like she was my girlfriend cheating with my best friend. After finding this out I told her that I cant see her anymore. And maybe few months later immigrated to USA. That was 1 month after 9/11 2001. Initially I stayed in a friend house, and started working as a gymnastics coach. She started calling every day telling me that she cant live without me, and she will leave the rich boyfriend and come to me in US. I didn’t believe anything she was saying but a month after, she told me that she had left her boyfriend and moved back to her parents house. I’ll save the details but 1 year later she came to US. Leaving money, and good carrier opportunity in the department of sport. It was well paid government job with a lots of growth options. So I was thinking.. she really loves me if she did all that, just to come here to be with me. I was happy when she came, maybe after living for 1 year by myself, renting 1 room in a huge Mexican family house, her arrival was like a bliss. We moved to apartment together. Few times she mentioned how, someday she wants to receive unexpected presents from me , and how she still wears the rich boyfriend clothes, and it will be nice to get different clothes. This left bad feeling, in me. It was not important that she is with me, and we don't have to hide anymore, but the clothes and the presents. And now, that she has me, she wants to have the rich guy stuff too. When tried to talk about stuff like that our conversations usually didn’t ended on the positive side. At the same time she, really wanted to have kids, the main reason for her was that she is almost 30 and her time is running up. I’ve tried to explain to her that we are not ready in any way to have kids. Still paying huge sums of money to immigration lawyers, for our green cards. But 1 year later I’ve opened my own business. I was optimistic, and I thought that having a child will be good for our relationship. Needless to say that was not the case, even after our second child 3 years later, our relationship didn’t improve. I couldn’t talk to her about things that are important to me. The conversations we had was about trivial stuff and other people. With the time I’ve stopped trying to share what was really going on in my mind. I’ll fast forward to 1 year ago, when I found FDR. I can’t even express the joy I felt. That was the thing that connected all the dots right away. I’ve stopped any hierarchical behavior toward my kids, I’ve apologized to my son, to whom I did wrong. I was able to convince my wife doing the same to some degree(sometimes she is still using authoritarian tone of voice). And I've started to examine my own behavior. I’ve listened to all of Stefan’s books, hundreds of podcasts and other books that he recommended. But I wasn’t able to convince my wife to do the same, it was constant struggle to get her to listen to some podcast that I thought was important. I’ve downloaded RTR on her Ipad, Iphone,Ipod so she can listen to it whenever she can. But she never did. Every time I tried to give her example from FDR regarding relationships she was defensive. Even saying that, that I’ve joined some cult about Stefan. She felt that I am attacking her. When I first listened podcast #721 about blame throwers, I immediately knew that she needs to hear it too. I’ll post 2 conversations between us, that I actually have a record of, trough facebook and instant messages. 5/17, 2:03am --Me: I am writing this, attempting to explain to you my point of view of what happened couple of days ago. I know if you read this instead of listening to me you have better chance to think it over before your emotions take over. I rightfully got irritated from your phone conversation. If you where talking with let say health insurance or some of your clients to change classes or some of your colleagues from school it's fine. Another words if you have no choice and you must take the phone call I would totally understand. But you were talking with your girl friend, known for having hard time to stop talking. And making some future plans about things that most likely will never happen, while your husband and your child were sitting hungry unable to order or choose to go to different place. Yes I got angry because of your selfishness and lack of empathy. Talking with your so called friend trying to look good in her eyes and ignoring your family. When I asked you if the conversation was important your response was "It was important to me" . This again shows your selfishness. Again instead of answering my question you start talking about yourself and what is important to you at the same time insulting me. *All you had to do after this phone conversation is to say sorry. But to do that you need to be able to see that you mistreated the people you claim to love. And for that you need Empathy. To admit your own mistakes and apologize requires a lot more bravery and character strength than screaming and insulting. And what you did next was simply unbelievable . You started to bad mouthing me to Roumen, opening the car door while driving on the freeway, screaming in front of him and frightening him with your irrational behavior. And asking Roumen if mami is happy with daddy shows again your selfishness ( your concern about YOUR happiness ) and also shows that you are totally unaware what damage you are causing to Roumen and complete lack of self control. I can go on and on with this but I think you are getting the picture. Your inability to face the actual problem makes you angry and the path you always take is to start insulting me, and act like you are victim. That is the reason why is impossible to talk to you. That is why we cant find the true causes of the problems with reasoning and good arguments. And posting your comment on facebook was simply avoiding the problem( that I cant talk to you) and seeking public pity and victimizing yourself. Seeking the approval of other people so you can feel better it's exactly what an insecure person will do. A strong and confident person does not need the approval of others. After all this, do you know what I've realized? Nothing you say to me can hurt me more than seeing you hurting the kids. Am ready to do anything for this kids and if you keep hurting them the way you do everything will end badly for everyone. I know you love them too and you want to be in your best light with them, that's one reason why I am writing this, hoping that you'll understand that you need to look at yourself first before you blame anyone for the problems. I am working on this myself and I can see the results and it makes me feel encouraged. There is no time for either of us to have a new families and try again. That is why we need to work on improving our personal understanding, communication, and mutual goals. Because we don't want to have traumatized, crushed children. Read this couple of times if you have to, give it some thought and then tell me what do you think. · May 17 · --WIFE: · I am admitting my bad behavior in the car and I felt terrible afterwards. I did apologize to Roumen and I know it takes more than saying Sorry. The way you wrote the letter sounds terrible about me. I will take it again because of the kids. I am not going to look for any excuses about the phone conversation it just won’t matter. My mistake is that I am expecting the impossible from you towards me, which is respect and passion. You said you are trying and working on something …well I guess you need to work harder not to put me in this situation again. 5/17, 9:59am --ME: How did I put you in this situation ?? 5/17, 10:05am --Wife: By not respecting my phone call. Just think about if you did not react like that that would never happened 5/17, 11:53am --Me: It's you, taking the phone call that irritated me. The problem is not that i reacted, the problem is what caused my reaction. Imagine that you told her to hold for 1 min or telling her that you ll call her back later. What would my reaction be? 5/17, 12:11pm --Wife: Like I said I expect from you the impossible . I learned my lesson again . I just needed to consider that you do not wait for me. It is my fault again . I just have to practice and not be a human being. aroundyouyou and be treated like one. 5/17, 12:38pm --ME: Just answer the previous question. 5/17, 12:49pm --Wife: Yes you are right . Whatever you say . I am not A free woman with you 5/17, 1:01pm --Me It's not about who is right, me, you or the neighbor ... It’s what is right. 5/17, 1:08pm --Wife I am just expressing myself this what I feel . That should not happened on first place , I do not have anything to say 5/17, 2:50pm --Me: Ok let say that I was wrong to react based on my irritation and instead I've waited patiently to finish your conversation. And after that, I just tell you that I felt really irritated from you having this conversation while we were waiting for you. Do you think you would've apologized, or the conversation still go in the same original direction? 5/17, 2:53pm --Wife: Yes this is what I was trying to say after all . For me you handled it badly . And yes I would say sorry for making you wait 5/17, 4:30pm --Me: In this case I apologize, and I hope you'll remember this next time before you start screaming and insulting and if you just asked the right question nothing would've had happened Next one is from text messages. It starts from the bottom up. -ME -10-03-2013 12:02,Send,I just want you to stop blaming me for whatever you do. And take responsibility for your actions. -Wife-10-03-2013 11:26,Received,Oh Is that right who said so ... YOU. What is your attention now to make me feel good after you are telling me that or maybe you what a great relation ship -ME -10-03-2013 10:53,Send,The only time someone can make you do something is if they hold gun to your head or keep your children hostage . The rest of the time all you do is your own choice. ,10-03-2013 10:39,Received,And who made me do that? -ME -10-03-2013 10:19,Send,Can you talk to someone who is getting angry call you names and throw stuff ? ,10-03-2013 10:17,Received,And how are trying to get into your goal by having pushy talk and abusing me all the time and you would end the conversation by saying Oh I can't talk with you -ME -10-03-2013 09:43,Send,My goal is not normal relationship, but great one. I am not talking about love either . Love comes after the relationship. And pretending that we have relationship is not what I want. ,10-03-2013 09:37,Received,Willing to do something about relation ship. How can I do that with most negative unlovable person in whole world. We still can have a normal relation ship if you do not ask to love each other -ME -10-03-2013 09:19,Send,The kids can still have their dad half of the time. If you are not willing to do something about our relationship I won't stay 10-03-2013 09:15,Received,About what you think. I just think that everyone will feel better in bigger place. Divorcing you is not an option unfortunately kids need their dad -ME -10-03-2013 09:00,Send,Care less about what? -Wife-10-03-2013 08:48,Received,Care less about this BTW -Wife-10-03-2013 08:47,Received,Well you better adjust -ME-10-03-2013 08:37,Send,Few days ago you want divorce, now you are talking about getting a house.With this inconsistency I can't have any rational plans. So this summer we went back to our country on vacation. Since she is a PE teacher her vacation was 2 months. I gave my business to a friend of mine who I thought I can trust, while I was gone. My plan was to stay there for 30 days. After 30 days I came back to US and the wife and the kids had 30 more days of vacation. After their return everything was “normal”. I kept trying to make her listen to the stuff that I thought was important, because obviously when I was saying it, the effect was the opposite of what I wanted. And hearing this from a 3rd party wont provoke any defense reaction toward me. A week ago I was able to convince her to listen podcast #721 with me. And her reaction was somewhat good. The problem is that a little before that we had a “conversation” again. With the typical ending , how I was the reason she is unhappy and she told me that, quote: “Not to be surprised if I start looking for different options”. This was the reason that made me investigate. I’ve restored all the deleted text messages and conversations from her phone. And what I found was text messages between her and a man. All the messaging started 1 day after I left my country. It’s interesting how reading 1 line of text can make your heart beat explode and the world start spinning around you. Him: “I love you and I miss you” She: “Don’t work too hard I’ll need your energy”. There is more, but you get the picture. I haven’t told her about this yet. It’s been 3 days of hell. Today something crossed my mind that gave me some calm. Her childhood was a nightmare. She was bullied as kid, her father was an alcoholic, she witnessed him beating her mom. Knocking her teeth out kind of beating, and calling neighbors to resuscitate her. And she was abused from her older sister. I know this sounds like story from hell, and I've heard Stefan saying many times that you cant help some people after while. But imagine if your child turns into a zombie by some virus. Are you going to blame your child for eating brain? Would you do everything possible to cure him before you pull the trigger? I feel that I should do everything I can to save her from this. If I don’t ,what would I gain? How much is my life worth compared to my kids life? Thank you all for reading all this. And I apologize for the 3rd world English.

Should we stay together for the kids after catching cheating spouse? Is a second chance a viable option even if she realizes her mistake and is willing to do therapy?

Every time after Peter spoke I was expecting him to do what Will Ferrell did at 1.27min

I could not stop laughing watching this [View:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlpyGhABXRA&feature=share&list=FLnuiTRSv5dfDFf_LFGdbYZQ]

If you support such a claim obviously you know everything about ancient and modern knowledge which means that this post is not for you. It's for people who don't know everything, and are willing to explore different view points. Well, since you seem to know about it, answer me this please. Has anything ever been built using nothing but this ancient knowledge, that a) worked better in what it does than any modern thing b) couldn't have built using modern science c) without the builder using knowledge and principles from modern science. If there isn't a thing that fulfills all three points then the claim that modern knowledge > ancient knwoledge holds true. This isn't about "viewpoints" it's about what is true. I have to admit, I didn't want to respond to this comment but every time I think about I am getting aggravated. And the reason is that your OPINION about it (without watching the video) prevented me of getting real comments about this video. And whoever rated this 1 star without watching the video, did that based on his limited knowledge about the subject, which can also be called viewpoint. Because your viewpoint is based on your knowledge. If you lack knowledge you'll be far away from the truth. If you are such a truth seeker I'll tell you what the truth is. And the truth is that this post is not about your viewpoint about ancient knowledge. This post is about the video created by this guy, who in my opinion put a great argument. It's a scientific proof of that there is no human nature. It's related to the stuff we talk about here at freedomain. That said, if you feel the twisted urge and respond to my comment and not to the actual subject of the post, this is what I am going to do: 1. I'll print your comment 2. I'll wipe my dog's ass with it. 3. I'll scan it. 4. I'll email it into your personal mail-box. This way you can read your comment from my dog's viewpoint.

If you support such a claim obviously you know everything about ancient and modern knowledge which means that this post is not for you. It's for people who don't know everything, and are willing to explore different view points.

It is very intersting how someone rated this 1 star and did not leave any comments. I know this is the easiest way, just click on the 1 star and trash it? But can you explain why is this so awful? Did you even watch it?

Awesome video that reveals some scientific misconceptions and what they lead to. If you are interested in ancient knowledge you can watch the series starting with Part 1 The guy that speaks at the beginning and the end of the first movie is Bruce Lipton. You can to watch his full interview Here

I think it will be good idea to use RT for spreading the truth. The media website has 2mil viewers in UK and it is available to 85mil in USA, and it is in over 100 countries . The same way like Max Kaiser financial war reports you can have, if not daily at least weekly reports on important current events or reports on whatever the mind of Stefan is working on. I am not sure if this was suggested earlier at some point, but I think it is worth it. And overall aiming at alternative media networks with a lot of viewers is good way to go. Just a thought.