mahayana

Dsayers, I also just read about what you're going through. I'm in shock that this has happened to you. I am so sorry! You are by far one of the people on these boards whose posts I enjoy reading most because your intelligence & empathy really shines through. Nobody deserves to go through what happened to you, but especially not YOU! I just can't believe it, and I hope it is obvious to the courts that you are totally innocent. I'm here if you need to talk. I'm in southern California and have a safe place & extra bedroom if things get rough and you need a place to stay while you sort things out.

So let me get this straight. This lawyer's assertion is that the only peaceful way to resolve a contracts case is through an entity whose existence relies solely on force (which is anything but peaceful)? Why don't those going into the contract simply address the issue of what should happen in the event that one party defaults on a debt and outline a list of approved solutions/debt arbitrators?

Thank you, that's good to know. I certainly wouldn't consider hallucinogens a one stop cure but perhaps in combination with therapy it could lead to some good results. It really helped me to step outside of myself & evaluate my own situation. Over 15 years later I still am completely grateful for the experience. I'm looking at the book on amazon & it looks really interesting. It looks like the author's PTSD was a result of conflict from war. Is the book relevant for someone like FreedomPhilosopher even though his PTSD stems from childhood trauma?

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. And I'm sorry someone down voted your post. (WTF people?! really?) I hope you're able to address the root cause of your problem & find some happiness in your life. I really haven't heard much on FDR about hallucinogens & this might be looked down upon here, but have you considered trying hallucinogens as therapy? Recently I have come across some compelling articles on the benefits of using hallucinogens such as mushrooms or ayahuasca to treat depression & PTSD. (This of course would be in a controlled setting with a trusted guide) Here's one article that might interest you: "The impact is long lasting, as well. A Johns Hopkins study found that a majority of subjects who took psilocybin had personality changes that lasted for over a year. Almost all participants in another Hopkins psilocybin study said the experience was one of the most meaningful of their lives." http://reset.me/story/how-psilocybin-improves-your-brain/ If that's not at all something you would consider, here are some articles that are a good starting point for learning how to rewire your brain. http://reset.me/story/neuroplasticity-the-10-fundamentals-of-rewiring-your-brain/ https://blog.bufferapp.com/how-to-rewire-your-brains-for-positivity-and-happiness Good luck to you.

YES, I agree with you on this. When I said she is well provided for I meant financially. Any man I potentially date in the future wouldn't have to wonder if I was using him to support my child. I realize the damage being done to her as a result of being without a father on a daily basis. This is my fault. I don't take this lightly, sorry if I portrayed myself as if I did. "you all wonder why Stefan, I, and rational people view single mothers with such disdain." It might seem like a conflict of interest with me being a single mom myself but I fully understand the destructiveness single motherhood plays on society. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't in agreement with those views.

Question not satisfactorily addressed to us by B0b.

1. NO, this was not at all the case. I honestly wasn't attracted to the guy physically. He was a nice guy that had been pursuing me for years. I wanted to break the cycle of disastrous relationships & decided to give it a shot with someone who was very different from what I'd typically date. (That obviously didn't work out well) To me this is irrelevant though. 2. agree 3. That's fine if that is your opinion, it's just very different from mine. Even if I didn't have a child, I would never consider it demeaning or insulting to date a man w/children. Who said anything about supporting? My child only relies on two people to support her & that is her father & I. Her needs are very well taken care of. ""Frankly, you chose the "alpha f*cks, beta bucks" model of reproduction" What I took from your model of reproduction is that you are insinuating I fucked an alpha & expected a beta to foot the bill. I've never been or wanted to be supported by any man & I don't expect to change anytime soon. I respect your opinion that single moms have lower value than that of non-single moms. I have a different way of quantifying relationship value & mine just doesn't deduct points for past actions so long as the individual recognizes their errors & has taken steps to rectify the situation. "The only roughly fair deal would be the exact situation you say you aren't "thrilled about," i.e., "dating a man with kids." The fact that you say, "I am not thrilled at the thought of dating a man with kids," really proves to me that you consider yourself higher value than a man of the exact same circumstances, and that's misandry whether you intended it to be or not." Ha, I'm an admitted misogynist (working on this) but the misandry certainly wasn't intended. When I said I'm not thrilled to date a man with kids I specifically meant the part about having to deal with the ex in our lives. The majority of single dads I've come across have terrible relationships with their exes & seem to have endless drama. I'm definitely not expecting single men to be interested in me (although the majority that have asked me out are single) I really have no expectations whatsoever. ALL single mothers who date inherently lower the value of whoever they date because of the new man's relationship to the mother's child and because of the quality of sex. That is, even if you're dating just for sex, the common perception is that women who have given birth have looser vaginas than those who have not (exercises and age of motherhood determines how true that is). Be it a casual or long-term relationship, single mothers are lower value than women who are not single mothers. I don't think I agree with you on the lowered value due to quality of sex part. I would lump a loose vagina in with physical preferences regardless of whether the woman had a kid or not. There are plenty of factors that contribute to quality of sex that have nothing to do with child birthing. I'm really not familiar enough with postpartum vaginal elasticity (vaginal elasticity is my new favorite word) to know whether this is a common occurrence!

No kid gloves needed here. I completely appreciate the honesty. I only know a handful of single moms personally but I have heard enough horror stories to believe that a lot of them are villains. I'm equally repulsed when the media puts single moms on pedestals. It sends a very destructive message and only perpetuates the welfare state and breakdown of families. "Frankly, you chose the "alpha f*cks, beta bucks" model of reproduction and came up snake eyes" That mentality is truly foreign to me and I can assure you was not the case in my situation. I think it would be an error to assume that this is the case for all single moms. My getting knocked up was purely a result of extremely poor and irresponsible decision making. I attempted to make the relationship with the father work but was not successful. (Also my fault for my poor judgement in picking a partner) As a person with an ACE score of 6 (maybe 7), I am not that shocked that I've had a history of destructive decision making. I say that not as a defense or for sympathy, but as my own recognition to the fact that when your internal GPS is flawed and the maps are wrong, you are going to take a few wrong turns. I'm crushed that it took bringing a little human into the world for me to realize this & to change course. "I'm a guy who has lacked a father my entire life, so I figure you should know exactly the kind of mental anguish women like yourself often bring upon your children. When I think about my dad, I feel like I'm being suffocated under a blanket of numbness that I can't claw out of. " I'm so sorry you went through this. It sounds terrible. I did have a two parent household but that is not always better in every case. One of my lasting memories of my father is of him shutting windows & the screen glass door so that the neighbors wouldn't hear my screams for him to help as my mother straddled herself on top of myself choking me. I'm still undoing the damages of a father who sat by in silence while his children were pummeled by his psychotic wife. I don't know if because of this past of mine I am now broken & unworthy of love. In the six years since her father & I split up, I have dated one man that lasted for maybe two months. He was what I perceived to be a good man but I had to end it because I couldn't juggle a relationship with the duties of being a mom & attending school. This was three years ago and I gotta tell you, I'm not sure if my decision to remain single is necessarily in the best interest of my daughter. (She is actually urging me to meet a nice man that likes kids and animals) I have not yet attained perfect self-knowledge & virtue, but when I get a little closer to it I just might put myself out there and be open to dating again. I don't expect to date some perfect man who has made zero bad decisions in his life, but maybe I'll meet one in a similar boat as mine who has perhaps come from a broken past but seeks a different future.

For me I realize that as a single mom, the decisions I've made in my past have made it difficult for me to now date a "quality man". I'm not sure if I ever will meet that person but I'm certainly open to the possibility. I have listened to nearly all of Stef's videos on single moms & I wouldn't be here on the FDR boards if I wasn't in agreement with the message. I take full responsibility for my past choices & am taking whatever actions necessary to mitigate the damage caused. I absolutely understand why men would not be interested in me in the same way I am not thrilled at the thought of dating a man with kids. Having to deal with someones ex-wife/girlfriend sounds like a nightmare. He would have to have some pretty damn good qualities for me to overlook that. If I do meet someone, I would expect nothing less than for him to see my being a single mom as a red flag (I wouldn't be interested in him if he didn't). I would hope that after some intense inquiry, that person could see that the good far outweighs the bad.

Heehee, I knew there were a couple of us on the boards here.

The original post states that this guy has a history of dating single moms: "A 28yo male who has a history of dating single mums" It could be a coincidence that he keeps finding authentic love and great matches in women who happen to have children but the chances of that are slim. My dating history is brimming with dysfunctional relationships. All of them were useful upon examination for helping to attain greater self knowledge. I wonder if this fellow has ever stopped to ask, "Hey, I wonder why I keep falling for single moms. What happened in my past that makes me attracted to these types of women?" About a year ago I was taking some classes at a local community college and I would get the same type of guy hitting on me. It was always very young men, (some nearly 10 years younger than I) that were aware of the fact I had a small daughter yet would pursue me. My first thought was always, "what's wrong with him?!" These weren't guys looking for an easy lay, they were sweet & puppy dog-like young men. It is a very weird thing being a single mom when the first red flag you find in a man is the fact that they like you. haha

Maybe this 40yo single mom has a heart of gold and lives a life consistent with the morals & values we here at FDR share. Maybe, but not likely. If this guy has a history of dating single moms, I would lean more toward the likelihood that having been raised by teenage parents, he lacks the self esteem & confidence to date quality single women. Maybe being the white night & being there to rescue this single mom gives him a sense of worth he just doesn't get elsewhere. Or, perhaps he seeks the nurturing nature that some mothers & older women possess because he never received that from his own mother as a child. In either case it is obviously dysfunctional & he would probably benefit from therapy. Just the 2 cents of a single mom.

I can't count how many times my mother lamented over how she sacrificed herself and carried me for nine long months. She would constantly remind me that she had to give up so much for me. She thought she was getting me to appreciate & respect her but it only increased my resentment towards her. It was very belittling and terrible for my self esteem. Taking care of your children is not a sacrifice. Having children is a choice and prior to making that choice the parent has hopefully taken into consideration all of the responsibilities that will be required of them. To consider the necessary requirements of child rearing (having a job, giving up certain activities, caring & feeding of children, etc...) a sacrifice is completely absurd. Children don't ask to be born. They come into existence because of the parent's decision to have them. You can't demand appreciation from your children, you have to earn it.

I have a theory for why there are so few female anarchists. Women tend not to think analytically. From a young age males tend to be more analytical than females. This is even obvious in the way they play. Young boys are more interested in manipulating objects like blocks or legos when girls seem to prefer playing with dolls and playing house. Boys are inclined to play sports or games that are physical in order to discover hierarchy amongst themselves, establishing who the alphas are. I'm not sure if these differences are more influenced by biology or environment (I personally believe it's slightly more environmental) but it's obvious these differences exist between the sexes. In adulthood, you can also observe more men having professions that require analytical & reasoning skills where women tend to hold jobs that often involve the care of others like nursing, teaching, childcare, etc... The presence of the hormones estrogen & progesterone in women probably have a strong influence on these occupational leanings. These hormones have a lot to do with why people perceive women to be more emotional and empathetic. When it comes to politics, there's a fairly equal amount of male & female involvement. (at least in my area) The lack of female participation seems to be exclusive to Anarchism. One person said earlier in the thread that women have an aversion to risk taking. I think this is very true. Women are less likely to go against the grain when baby making hormones are coursing through their body. Women crave stability and safety in order to raise children. Pursuing anarchism in a statist society is very unsettling. Those hormones that make women more emotional also make them more prone to falling for appeals to emotion. I'm completely surrounded by Liberal women demanding for the government to take away the guns, increase the min. wage, increase welfare, free healthcare etc... (Most of these women I see are educated and financially stable so it's not looking for welfare for themselves) Their instinct to care for and nurture extends to their politics where they want the state to play the role of the concerned and caring father. Their inability to reason or to think analytically prevents them from realizing that the state NEVER does what's in the best interest for the people. Women would rather live the illusion that government is here to help than face the fact that the entire foundation of their society is built on lies. Men on the other hand have had practice in challenging hierarchies since childhood so are more likely to challenge the concept of government. For me personally, I think what led me to becoming an anarchist is different from most of the men here. I get the feeling that for a lot of the men here, they are drawn to anarchism because of a strong desire for personal freedom. For me it was more of a humanitarian endeavor. I'm not sure about the other women. From the age of 16 I became interested in politics. I became very interested in government corruption and eventually became so repulsed I tuned out on politics for quite some time. I was always a bleeding heart though and spent time rescuing animals, sponsoring poor kids in other countries, and printing & handing out various pamphlets. Later, I came to love watching the John Stewart Show & Rachel Maddow because they would always stick up for the little guys & weren't afraid to attack & make fools out of shitty politicians. I never associated myself with any political party but the dems appeared to be the least corrupt. The two issues I was most concerned about were war & poverty. I was sickened to live in a country that was responsible for murdering so many people. I also didn't understand why there was so much poverty in a country that was so wealthy. I did a lot of research which eventually led to me coming to terms with the immorality of government. My research also led me to the realization that all of the issues and problems I cared about were either created by the government or exacerbated by it. The only thing that prevented me from becoming a bleeding heart liberal is hours upon hours of research. So yeah, in short my theory is that a lot of women aren't into thinking analytically or rationally so that's why there are so few women anarchists. I know my theory is mainly based on anecdotal data so I might be completely wrong! I'd be curious to learn what led other FDR women here to becoming anarchists.

It wasn't until I watched the documentary #BeingThirteen on CNN last month that I became aware of just how bad social media addiction has become. This show scared the shit out of me. The phenomenon of teenagers becoming completely absorbed into a superficial, validation seeking virtual world isn't solely a problem for internet celebs. For those of you who cannot relate to a super hot chick complaining about how empty internet stardom feels, check out this show. If you have kids or are planning to, this pertains to you. 57% of kids polled would rather be grounded than lose access to their phone. I'm wondering how I'm going to protect my daughter from this when she grows up. It's obvious the girl in the video didn't have the greatest parents but after seeing all this I'm tempted to keep my child away from the internet until she's 30. http://www.cnn.com/specials/us/being13