annamoo

Wow, what next water boarding?

My father in law is a hoarder. I would like to try and understand what is behind it. He cannot throw anything away because he thinks "he might need it" in future, or it's "too good to throw away". I have suggested he use ebay to get rid of it or FreeCycle but he procrastinates and doesn't do that either. He cannot get into his own garage because it is full of stuff he doesn't need. He cannot get into his own bedroom because of piles of unused stuff everywhere. He sleeps in a small back bedroom. He talks about doing all kinds of things in his life, but never does them. He just talks about it in a wistful way. I would like to understand causes, has Stefan addressed this with anyone? I would like to listen to the podcast or watch the video if he has. Thanks!

Thanks for the replies. I have already started to implement what you have. I have told my kids that if I ever shout at them, they need to just say, "Dad, you're shouting." and then I'll stop. We'll see how it goes...

I'm new to this community and want to embrace the peaceful parenting idea. I've talked to my wife about it and we both are in agreement. We want to be better parents, we want to shun violence. We have four kids aged 9, 10, 12, 14. I'm going to be totally open with you here. My own upbringing in the 1970s and 1980s was mildly violent. I was spanked both in temper and "rationally" by my father as punishment, bare buttocks. I was shouted at, slapped, threatened with a camel whip (seriously), hit with a slipper, wooden spoon and gym shoe all in the name of discipline. The violence was not frequent, but was administered when I had been "naughty" or "rude". When I was aged 13 I went to private boarding school and was administered corporal punishment there too on occasion, but not frequently. Wow, when I reflect on it now, it seems quite brutal but I have a good, albeit "formal" relationship with my parents now, and if you met them you would think they were kind decent people. I don't want to do the same to my own kids, but I fear it has been too late already, and I feel terrible. I want to stop all forms of violence including shouting, but I sometimes just find myself relapsing into shouting and I only come out of it afterwards, and I feel ashamed, guilty and neglectful. I did smack my eldest son a few times, but very rarely and I always felt terrible afterwards and apologised to him later and told him I shouldn't have done it. There was an incident today. My son is 12 years old, nearly 13. My wife had cooked a lovely meal and my son wanted to take his meal to the lounge in front of the TV on his own. I said no, have your dinner with us at the table so we can all have a conversation together. I want us to have family meal times so we can be a family! He said no. I said, "I would really like it if you could sit down. Wouldn't it be nice for us to talk?" He said, "No, I don't want to.". I then commanded him. "Sit down". "NO!". That's how it started. I got angry and started yelling at him and can't even remember what I said now. My other two boys then started crying. My wife got angry with me, and she is right to be. I'm angry at myself, that I lost control against my own wishes. I don't want to shout at my kids any more and I can go weeks on end with not raising my voice at all, and then if I'm tired, stressed or <insert excuse here> I forget to not shout, and I do it again. How can I not shout? It's obviously borne out of anger, and I need to control that, but I'm not even sure where to begin. My wife is helping me do it, she's great. She is very devoted, loving to both me and my kids. I would be keen to hear from anyone that used to be a SHOUTER, and managed to stop. It's silly. I don't shout at work, so why am I doing it at home? Thanks for "listening".