Ritchey

I would not attempt mirroring him. In hind sight, I don't think it works particularly well. The action may have had some effect, but I think the other techniques are more effective. I think the problem is that you are presenting it as an option. For instance, no matter how much I wish I was 5 again, it's not gonna happen. I can't change the fact that I have grown and there are no drugs that can turn back the hands of time (yet, lol). The same is true for your boy, so you need to state it to him as a fact. I would say, "you are a big boy and big boys don't act like this. If you want to talk about it we can, but this is not how we get what we want". Then you can negotiate from there. If he's not willing to negotiate, then that is another problem and you would need to have another conversation concerning empathy. Mental development is still growth and can be pointed out to him. ie after a negotiation, you can say, "this is how big boys solve problems". One question does come to mind. When he is whining and crying, is this after you negotiate with him?

You sir, have done an excellent job! I enjoyed it immensely. It really pulls you in and the sing-song rhythm makes it flow. I enjoyed the different voices. I like how each were distinct and unique. The story is the best part of all. It's a great way to portray morality. The fat cat character is perfect. Everything from the name of the character right down to the way the artwork is done. I particularly like how the artwork told the story just as much as the words. My only critique is that I thought that the beginning was a bit abrupt. It's not horrible, but it seems as if the story starts in the middle of a thought. In my amateur writer's opinion, I would have started with a description of the surroundings. It would help set the scene and ease the audience into the story. I will be watching this with my girls and will post back what their thoughts are. Again, excellent job.

I went through this with my 5 yo about a year ago. She would scream and cry to try to get her way. She would even be as dramatic as throwing herself on the floor. I read on the net a pretty "interesting" strategy. The article suggests that when the tantrum begins, you step away from the child and cross your arms and tell them that this is not how we get what we want. During the low points of the tantrum, hold firm and reiterate, "this is not how we get what we want". When that doesn't work, mirror the child's behavior. Be sure to do it in a way that you are not mocking him. The point is to show him how he is acting. I wasn't too eager to try this strategy, but then I got to a point where my options were to try it or yell. To my surprise, it worked. It only worked the first time I did it though. The second time I tried it, she stomped off to her room screaming and crying. The lesson that I learned is that you can't solve anything in the moment. Prevention is better than cure. The best thing that I did was talk to her and tell her stories. The stories weren't anything in particular, just short stories that had a upb theme. The first thing you need to do is to stop yelling at him. You are teaching him that yelling is how we get what we want. You need to model the behavior that you want. Next, sit with him when it is a calm time of the day ( ie bedtime, coloring, etc) and talk to him about the problem. The conversation should start with an apology for the times that you yelled at him. Children have an easier time changing their behavior if they know that adults make mistakes too. It also has a great impact on the child to know that you feel bad for doing it. It's kinda like it makes the action "extra bad" and that helps change the behavior. Next, let him know how it makes you feel and be sure he understands. As he is very young, you could use flash cards with emoticons (happy face, sad face, etc) to help him talk about these emotions. Help him to identify these emotions by pointing out times when he is angry, or frustrated. It's important that you talk to him about his feelings during these situations as well. You don't want to teach him that only one persons feeling are important. Kids want to be like adults, so use that to your advantage. Explain to him how adult solve their problems and let him know that the two of you are going to start working on this. Come up with a saying. Ours was, "crying doesn't get what you want". Kids use what works. So, if crying gets him what he wants then that is what he will do. I'm not saying that you give in to his tantrums, but others around him might. It's important to let these people know that you are working on this problem and let them know how you are handling it. When everyone around him is saying, "crying doesn't get you what you want", he will stop using it and start to talk about the problem. Also, I think it helped to explain about the stages of life. When kids at this age realize that tantrums are what babies do, they decide that they don't want to do these things. It helps to show him that he is growing. Point out the little things. ie, you couldn't jump that high before. Now that you've grown, you can. Also, measure him every month. Use a wall or a door and put a mark on it so that he can see that he is growing. I know this seems like a long drawn out process, but it's not. It took us about a week after our initial conversation for the tantrums to completely stop. At first there was a flare up or two a day, but then as time went on and the "testing" period that my girl put us through was over, all it took was saying, "crying doesn't get you what you want" once and the crying would stop. Hope that helps

I went through this with my 5 yo about a year ago. She would scream and cry to try to get her way. She would even be as dramatic as throwing herself on the floor. I read on the net a pretty "interesting" strategy. The article suggests that when the tantrum begins, you step away from the child and cross your arms and tell them that this is not how we get what we want. During the low points of the tantrum, hold firm and reiterate, "this is not how we get what we want". When that doesn't work, mirror the child's behavior. Be sure to do it in a way that you are not mocking him. The point is to show him how he is acting. I wasn't too eager to try this strategy, but then I got to a point where my options were to try it or yell. To my surprise, it worked. It only worked the first time I did it though. The second time I tried it, she stomped off to her room screaming and crying. The lesson that I learned is that you can't solve anything in the moment. Prevention is better than cure. The best thing that I did was talk to her and tell her stories. The stories weren't anything in particular, just short stories that had a upb theme. The first thing you need to do is to stop yelling at him. You are teaching him that yelling is how we get what we want. You need to model the behavior that you want. Next, sit with him when it is a calm time of the day ( ie bedtime, coloring, etc) and talk to him about the problem. The conversation should start with an apology for the times that you yelled at him. Children have an easier time changing their behavior if they know that adults make mistakes too. It also has a great impact on the child to know that you feel bad for doing it. It's kinda like it makes the action "extra bad" and that helps change the behavior. Next, let him know how it makes you feel and be sure he understands. As he is very young, you could use flash cards with emoticons (happy face, sad face, etc) to help him talk about these emotions. Help him to identify these emotions by pointing out times when he is angry, or frustrated. It's important that you talk to him about his feelings during these situations as well. You don't want to teach him that only one persons feeling are important. Kids want to be like adults, so use that to your advantage. Explain to him how adult solve their problems and let him know that the two of you are going to start working on this. Come up with a saying. Ours was, "crying doesn't get what you want". Kids use what works. So, if crying gets him what he wants then that is what he will do. I'm not saying that you give in to his tantrums, but others around him might. It's important to let these people know that you are working on this problem and let them know how you are handling it. When everyone around him is saying, "crying doesn't get you what you want", he will stop using it and start to talk about the problem. Also, I think it helped to explain about the stages of life. When kids at this age realize that tantrums are what babies do, they decide that they don't want to do these things. It helps to show him that he is growing. Point out the little things. ie, you couldn't jump that high before. Now that you've grown, you can. Also, measure him every month. Use a wall or a door and put a mark on it so that he can see that he is growing. I know this seems like a long drawn out process, but it's not. It took us about a week after our initial conversation for the tantrums to completely stop. At first there was a flare up or two a day, but then as time went on and the "testing" period that my girl put us through was over, all it took was saying, "crying doesn't get you what you want" once and the crying would stop. Hope that helps

I'm on a pc. I did a search and found a program called "Calibre" that can read .mobi files. I'm not familiar with any programs that can read .mobi files, so I thought I'd try it out. If anyone has a better suggestion, I would appreciate it.

I'd like to read it, but I don't own an iOS device. I'm waiting for the pdf. I completely agree that there is a lack of freedom based literature for children. I can't stand the Disney crap and, like you say, others are just following their model. You could also release the audio separately on fdr if you're just looking for reviews. Just a thought.

Sad thing about it is that parents who spank really sound like that.

I find that if you give people facts, they tend to treat them as opinions with a clipboard. The most effective way I have found is to speak the persons language. A majority of people speak the language of force, so the words rights and respect can be inserted into the conversation with almost no resistance. The basic premise is to get them to agree to an idea and then point out the contradiction in their statement. I've found the easiest way to do that is to just ask questions. for instance... neanderthal: kids need to be spanked to learn respect. you: I don't agree. That's contradictory. neanderthal: How? you: Respect is earned, right? neanderthal: Yeah. you: So if someone hits you, do you respect them very much? At that point in the conversation it will go one of two ways. Either they will be willing to discuss it rationally, or they will double down with crazy. Another example.... neanderthal: kids need to be spanked or they turn out spoiled. you: I don't agree. People have rights. neanderthal: Hows that? you: I don't have the right to hit you do I? neanderthal: no. you: right, because it is a natural right to be safe and secure in our person and property. Agreed? neanderthal: Yeah, everybody knows that. you: Children are people, so why does it not apply to them as well? I've used this quite a few times. and it works very well. A majority of the time, the other person will argue that children do not have rights, but in that situation I just do the same thing to them. Get them to agree to a statement and then point out the contradiction. hope that helps.

Some good suggestions here. Here's a few more that I thought were good. Spiral Inception 13 Buried The Butterfly Effect - I recommend the director's cut Inside Man 2:13 Unthinkable *** Graphic *** The Canyon The Tortured *** Graphic *** Ghost Dog The Experiment Unknown (2006) - there are 2 movies. I have not seen the 2011 movie. Lake Mungo - not a thriller, but a good mystery movie.

Sorry for the confusion. I meant web page. I corrected the original post.

I created a web page for Adam Kokesh's new book, FREEDOM!. I was hoping to get some feedback on it. My main concerns are that the font sizes are proportionate to the screen size and that the audio player works on all browsers. Also, if anyone has any suggestions or ideas, I would love to hear them. You can view the web page by following the link below. FREEDOM! - draft

I use DuckDuckGo. It's a great service. I used to use google primarily, but since I found out about DDG I don't have much use for google any more. DDG is more accurate and less cluttered. I find the interface more esthetically pleasing than google. The video and image search just got an upgrade recently. It works much better, but there are still a few bugs with it. Mostly just with IE versions 8/9. I use firefox, so it's not an issue for me. I definitely recommend this service. Hope that helps.

Update: Since my last post J took money out of my wallet without asking. When confronted about it, she denied taking it. We went through the same old same old (if you took the money, it's ok. I just want to solve the problem). She denied taking it again. I used I-statements to explain my frustration with not getting the truth. She continued to lie. I got angry, slammed my hands on the table, and angrily said, "stop it! I know it was you! I just want the truth so we can solve the problem" After a few moments of silence, she said that I scared her. I apologized to her for slamming my hands down like that and asked if she wanted to take a small break. She said, "no" and we continued to talk. She admitted that she did it. I asked her why and she replied that she just wanted a soda. She already has an agreement with her mother to do chores around the house for an allowance. She has not been doing her chores, so she has not been getting paid. J and her mother have since had a conversation about the chores. More on that in a bit though. We've already had a few talks about how stealing is wrong, so I didn't go through it again. I explained to her what I expect and how it hurts me when she takes my stuff. She apologized and said she would not do it again. 2 days later, she went into my room while I was sleeping and raided my change bucket. I confronted her about it again. She denied that she did it. I told her that I didn't want to get into another situation like the last time. She admitted that she took the money, but only said that she took it cause she needed money. She wouldn't problem solve and the the only answers that I got from her was, "I don't know". I told her that it was unfair to me to be treated this way and that we needed to fix the issue. She said she would pay me back the money and went to her room. I later found out that she spent the money on chips and soda. J has an agreement with her mother to do various cleaning tasks around the house for money. Some tasks needed to be done daily and other are to be done weekly. After a week of not doing any of her chores ( and after she took money from me), J and K renegotiated. J said that she didn't like doing dishes, sweeping and mopping the kitchen, or doing laundry. They made a deal to do other chores and get rid of the ones she didn't like. This did not work. After a week, K confronted J about the unfinished chores. J said that she didn't want to do any of it. They had a problem solving session, but it was late so they agreed to postpone it until the next day. The following day, J went to a friends house without telling anyone where she was going and what time she would be home. This was part of another agreement they had. J came home just before bedtime and refused to talk about the problem. K went into her room and told her that she wasn't leaving until they figured out the issue. J listen to her mother talk about how she felt and then apologized. She said that she wouldn't do it again and then the next night, did it again. The next day, J and K had a conversation about trust and responsibility. J said that she would try to do a better job and that she was sorry. J has trouble waking up for school. She often wakes up late and her mother has to drive her to school. The day after their conversation about trust and responsibility, J woke up late and didn't wake her mother to drive her to school. On the way to school, K told J that she was very angry about the situation. K told her that they would have to have another conversation when J got home. J promised her mother that she was going to do better and that she was going to work really hard to not have any problems today. K and I were talking about how to handle this situation when she got a call from J's school. J had skipped class again. That made it the 3rd time this week, so she received a 2 day out of school suspension. J goes to public school, so I'm happy about her spending less time there. We're working on getting J out of public school and into home school. The issue that K and I have is that J is not keeping her word. J makes deals and then doesn't follow through. Things like, treating her sister well, feeding her dog, or being polite she is fine with. She does things that require little to no effort. When it comes to things that require anything more, she will not do them. When she is confronted on these issues, she lies and makes up excuses. After a confrontation, J may do what she agreed to for a couple of days (depending on the issue) and then stop. Other times she agrees to do things and then never does them. I think it's important to note that K raised J by spanking to correct issues. At the age of 7, J was kidnapped by child protective services because K's neighbor had an alligator. K was charged with child endangerment and it took her 2 years to get J back. Since then, K has given J anything and everything that she asks for (because of guilt). K would resort to spanking when J did things like steal or lie. I am stuck on these issues. From what I see, J will lie, cheat and steal to get what she wants. She is accustomed to getting what she wants and the conversations that we have had about these issue have no effect. I've tried the approach from the PET book that suggests that you should confront the child using I-messages and then reaffirm that the no lose method requires that everyone is expected to be self-disciplined and responsible. Both K and I have tried this approach and it has not worked. K is losing her patients and tries to revert to removing privileges or grounding. It has not happened yet because I've been able to talk K out of it, but I don't think my words will matter much if J continues to act this way. Last night, J suggested that she would go to counseling to help solve her problems. This was a ploy though. J wanted to hang out with her friends instead of talking with her mom. K told me how this solution came about and I pointed out that this was a pattern that J has been repeating over and over. She tells her mom what she thinks she wants to hear to get what she wants and then doesn't follow through. We all made a rule that if we are tired of talking or would like to postpone a problem solving session, then all we have to do is say something. I don't see the reason J would do this. I would like her to see a therapist, but I'm afraid that she will lie and nothing will be accomplished. The only solution that I've come up with is that J would have to complete her part of the agreement before she gets her needs met. I've already proposed this idea to J and she doesn't like it. That tells me that she will shut down and stop participating in problem solving. Then to get what she want, she will lie, cheat, and steal. So, what do you do with a child that is accustomed to getting what they want and does not consider the wants and needs of others? If anyone has any ideas, I am desperate to hear them.

Seems as if Stef's bomb in the brain series has spread farther than anyone anticipated.

K apologized for making mistakes when applying the PET method. She has already apologized for the years of spanking. I wasn't present for the conversation, so I can't give any details on what was said. My concern with her apology is that K said she was sorry, but then made excuses for why she did what she did. Sounds like she's not aware of using negotiation to produce win-win situations; that is, she's stuck in the mindset that any time there is any sort of “conflict” there must be a winner and a loser, and she's not willing to be the loser. Have you brought this concept up to her, yet? The issue is that K grew up in a household where the parents always won. She has never been exposed to negotiation before now. Her friendships, romantic relationships, work relationships, etc have all been win-lose. K hasn't acquired the negotiation skills needed yet. Her lack of skills is what she fears. J has also broken agreements. I do not fault her for this. K has changed the rules and made mistakes in the past 8-10 months. J would make an agreement and then when she didn't like something or she felt things weren't going her way, she would break her agreement. This is basically what K has done to her. K told J that they were going to change for the better and then it didn't. I see now why J is so skeptical. J likes horror movies. Horror movies cause anxiety, sleeplessness, fear, phobias, mental trauma, and behavior changes. She has been desensitized to some extent, but when she wants to watch movies like Saw or The Devil's Rejects, I tell her that I won't get movies like that for her. The 1st time the issue came up, I told her that the movie (I spit on your grave 2) was rated R and that she wasn't old enough to watch it. The 2nd time it happened, I let her know why it was inappropriate for her. She argued that she could handle it. She doesn't get scared. If she does, it's her problem. We went a few rounds arguing back and forth (civilly). Eventually, I told her that if she wanted to watch it, she would have to get it from someone other than me. From a 13 yo's perspective, I can see why she feels like I am telling her what to do. In hind sight, I think it may help to explain to her that not doing something is not force. Sorry, I didn't mean to give the impression that the scenario that I set up was "J is to K as K is to L". I explained it as, you are babysitting and L wants to watch one of your horror movies. I agree. During my incarceration, I would receive corporal punishment, and then be grounded to the yard. More often than not, I would violate my probation and end up being grounded again. The corporal punishment would escalate and this time the prison walls would close in a bit tighter. The warden would proclaim that if I left the cozy confines of this lovely prison, I would be placed in solitary confinement. Inevitably, I would be brought up on more trumped up charges, beat, and then be thrown in the hole. I learned to take my ass beating from the guards and just go to the hole. Unbeknownst to the prison staff, they were only giving me time to plot the next prison riot. I think a bit of detail might clear this up. We live in a rough part of town and there aren't many kids within walking distance. There are only 2 kids that are J's age in the area that we know of. K's issues are maternal in nature. Her intentions are to protect J with this rule. That doesn't excuses the rule. It's definitely not the best way of dealing with the issue. The deal we made had to do with J's need to make new friends and K's need to protect J from danger. K wanted reassurance that J was getting to and from the friends house safely and meet the parents of this friend. J just wanted to try to make a friend. The deal that was made was J would bring her dog with her when she went to her friends house. J would also need to setup a meet n greet for the parents sometime in the next week. J would need to call or text her mom and let her know the girl's address. J would come home before dark at 7:45 pm. K has to get rid of the rule about going to friends' houses. J & K will create a new rule about going to friends' houses within 1 weeks time.