Anna K

Mishelle, great help! The concentric circles is something my therapist mentioned briefly- it helps. Overall, I definitely see where I've gone wrong. LP, I'd be happy to chat sometimes

it does, I appreciate it

Xelent, I'm still figuring out the navigation here, but yes I was responding to you in the second part of the reply. Great advice regarding RTRing with myself. But I was just not sure how to go about having a "normal day" out with my sister. I would inevitable feel the need of discussing what happened as opposed to pretending it never did. But if I do, I would have to be honest, which would lead into RTRing with her...? Or would it be a good idea to just talk about trivial things and wait for her to bring it up? And when she does, then what do I say?

Thank you so much everyone! You've given me a lot to think about. I said I didn't know and that I was just expressing honestly what I was feeling But surely we'd have to discuss what happened at some point. I feel like talking about anything else would be pretensive- it's an elephant in the room..but I'm not sure what to say to not bring out her defensiveness. Perhaps, I could say that I felt I made mistakes by not communicating properly and stating conclusions, which could have come as accusations and therefore I understand she felt defensive. But as soon as I think this, I feel resistance because I would be opening up and feeling vulnerable while she has a tendency to go on a blaming trip and hence feeling superior since I was "wrong" per se.

Found it!

Hey Everyone, Would appreciate your take on this: My sister and I stopped talking after I decided to bring in honestly into our relationship as per RTR. I'm new to RTR concept and application, so I'm not sure if I've done it wrong or how I can reach out to my sister now. Briefly, this was the scenario about 3 months ago, and the whole chain took place over text messages: I was sick and my sister knew (we live separately), but she didn't check up on me, so I just shared with her that I felt sad and like she didn't care. I told her about wanting to be more honest and have a better relationship. First, she was curious and asked me what I wanted her to say to me, but the next day she completely freaked saying how dare I to say she doesn't care, and went of on a tangent about how "my" parents poisoned me and that I always hated her. I told her maybe I wasn't doing RTR correctly, but my intention was just to be honest and that she seemed angry and maybe we should continue when she's ready to talk, she was fine with that. So I reached out shortly after. I decided to be an example of RTR-ing and we got into a conversation about her mother (we have different mothers, same dad) and childhood. I tried to empathize and show support, then I asked her for feedback on it and if she saw the value. She said she felt like she was a psychologist's patient, and was confused why I was "doing it", and what was "wrong" in our relationship before that I had to "fix" it with RTR. She wanted me to talk about our previous argument, and I said that I felt anxious and (not saying that's what she was doing, but) I felt attacked and afraid to be open and vulnerable again. She started the accusations. I stated this was irrelevant and she was attacking, and that I felt frustrated. In the end, I asked her how she came to those conclusions/accusations, and she said "too much to type", so I was at the end of my wits and said "this was useless", and we haven't spoken since. Her boyfriend messaged me several times saying that he sees my sister's sorrow without me in her life, and that he would like us to mend. I don't know if it's true or if she's manipulating him to get me to reach out. I would like to have my sister back in my life, but what she said can't be unsaid, and even though she's also into personal growth somewhat, I'm questioning if there's any depth that I thought she had, or if she's sensible enough. She's also had a pretty rough childhood, and she hasn't learned the tools that I have. Actually, this reminds me- I mailed her RTR CD among other Stef's books as she has asked me- a rather kind gesture on my part. I cringed to send it, but felt it was for the better. Anyhow, my question is if anyone can suggest any strategies of reaching out and starting a conversation with my sister again? Thank you for reading my long background story! Cheers, Anna

Thanks Kevin, I'll bring it up with her in the next session On another note, how do I get email notifications for these posts? I set it in the settings, but I didn't get anything- had to check manually.

Hi Everyone, I just started therapy and had 2 sessions so far. I started journaling as part of my homework, where I express my thoughts and feelings, but also try to figure out why I feel and think the way I do, which my therapist does not want me to do. She says I wouldn't know if I'm right or wrong, but just judging myself, and that's bad. I like my therapist otherwise, but this isn't sitting well with me. Why can't I think of reasons and roots of my behaviour, is it that harmful? Another question is on my therapist's approach. It is eclectic, but she defined the sensory-motor and art therapy techniques for me (some CBT also), which I'm happy with. So far we've had the general session identifying my goals, and the other where I coloured my emotional map on a body as in where in the body I feel specific emotions and my homework is to think of triggers for each emotion. Maybe it's too early, but I feel like we're moving too slow and I'm not getting any feedback. I would appreciate any thoughts, thanks!