son272

Well, after attending two meetings and arguing for the NAP and peaceful parenting, I would say YES. I've met a lot of very interested people through this group. Have been invited back to speak to a larger group!

Was scouring meetups and facebook groups in my area to see who might be receptive or willing to work on a mission to spread peaceful parenting. Stumbled upon a group calling themselves Ethical Humanists, who claim to use philosophy to guide their actions. Went to a meetup group, and was received well when discussing my mission of spreading the ideas of peaceful parenting. Granted, they seemed to want to talk about politics and the evils of Trump; how we can help the homeless; how we can end racism; and what it means to be an ethical atheist. I was thinking "Ok, this is a group I can work with. At least the say they want to act ethically, whereas most people seem unfamiliar with the term, and they are all non-theists." I spent some time having a civil "state is immoral/taxation is theft" debate with one of them, but also made sure to be clear that we had much more important things to discuss, since we agreed that the better treatment of children should be a primary goal. From the wiki on the American Ethical Union: These societies all adopted the same statement of principles: The belief that morality is independent of theology; The affirmation that new moral problems have arisen in modern industrial society which have not been adequately dealt with by the world's religions; The duty to engage in philanthropy in the advancement of morality; The belief that self-reform should go in lock step with social reform; The establishment of republican rather than monarchical governance of Ethical societies The agreement that educating the young is the most important aim. "While Ethical Culturists generally share common beliefs about what constitutes ethical behavior and the good, individuals are encouraged to develop their own personal understanding of these ideas. This does not mean that Ethical Culturists condone moral relativism, which would relegate ethics to mere preferences or social conventions. Ethical principles are viewed as being related to deep truths about the way the world works, and hence not arbitrary. However, it is recognized that complexities render the understanding of ethical nuances subject to continued dialogue, exploration, and learning." Seems like this group could definitely be allies, from what I've gathered. I plan on doing more research, and going to bigger meetups to see if I can get more traction on the definition and application of ethics with them. Does anyone else have any information or experience with this group? Any advice for me or do you think I'm wasting my time?

Western NC

I keep hearing how important the first five years of a child's development are, and that proximity to great parents in that time is crucial. Can someone point me to a couple prominent sources on this? I need a book or two to share with a family member who is considering leaving her infant with a nanny all day, while she and her husband work full time.

Thanks for the response! I'm looking for a different explanation, though. More than once he has talked about the tendency to foster/create, in one's children, the difficult behaviors/situations handed down by one's parents. i.e; your mom treats you in this negative way, and then you find your child treating you in the same way. I'm just looking for more references to this hypothesis.

Can anyone elaborate on this statement I've heard from Stef a couple times? I can't find the relevant podcasts. I just discovered some of my mother's notes about me as a child, including her references to my behaving like her abusive mother. I'd like to dig deeper but don't know where to start.

This idea occurred to me today, thought I'd run it past you all. Currently the state compensates parents who foster children, and perhaps those who adopt, I'm not sure. A lot of these people are wonderful, educated, peaceful parents, but I know many aren't. So, what if there was a charitable org. that vetted, trained, monitored, etc. these people. "Professional" parents, if you will. They would be on the cutting edge of scientific research into best, most peaceful, (and hopefully secular) parenting styles. I figure there are plenty of educated rich folks who don't want children of their own, but also know how important proper parenting is to our collective future. Is this an untapped market? Spent 15 minutes googling, and there are a few churches who donate to some of these people. But I'm thinking of something a lot more professional and accountable. What are your thoughts?

Well if you have no place to stay in his area, then that option is ruled out. If priority #1 is keeping the kids safe, and if that means supervised visits, then find another place to supervise his visits.

Would it make sense to offer the father lesser degrees of visitation? I think the situation is clearly abusive, so does that warrant total restriction, or is there a happy-medium? Perhaps supervised visitation or leaving the kids with someone you can trust while he is around? Besides keeping them safe, which is priority #1, I'm thinking the example set for the kids would be "when someone is abusive, you distance yourself. If it's someone who is important to you or can be helpful to you in life or the relationship can be repaired, don't be too quick to eliminate them altogether". Is that too soft of an approach? I feel like I wouldn't suggest this if he wasn't their father, but instead was some abusive uncle or something. Am i being illogical?

I spend some time on reddit, which is quite the "melting-pot" amongst internet forums. Every now and then I'll see a video (like today) of someone being an asshole and then getting knocked over or punched, and it's celebrated. I'll read through the top 50 comments and find no dissent at all. Then I post something like "Wow, that could have been handled a lot of other ways. What if that person was seriously injured?" or something to that effect. I'll get about 10 downvotes in as many minutes (but of course never a decent rebuttal), and then my comment is below the threshold to be shown to most users. What really troubles me is that these aren't secret agents of the state, trying to destroy the voices of peace; they're our neighbors reveling in unwarranted aggression. Just felt like venting. It's nice to have a little corner of the 'net where you aren't shunned for wanting peace!

Shocked. It's always been in front of our parents when I've seen it, and I look at them wide-eyed as if to say "Did you see that?! Say something!" but they don't. And I guess when my appeal to their authority hits a brick wall, I'm silenced. It's a bit cowardly, I know, but I just have not felt prepared emotionally to tackle the issue while they sit on their hands. I'm the youngest, the black sheep, and I'm used to being ignored. Then he'll leave, and I'll say "mom, dad, did you see that shit? This is not right! Are you not outraged as I am?" and sometimes these discussions will go on for hours. I just get angrier and angrier because I see the kid changing for the worse, I do more and more research on the likely outcomes, and no matter how I can get family to agree it is very wrong, even criminal, I can't get anyone to help intervene. I just mean my brother and I are buddies, we play games together, argue philosophy and religion, have similar interests. About any other issue I would consider him easily available to talk to. Yeah, it's the first book I gave them when they were ready to have kids. They know I've read and studied more on child development and parenting than any of the parents in my family, and still get no traction when I object to their practices.

I've witnessed my brother hit his young son (now 5y.o.) a handful of times. He just gets angry and snaps when he's not listened to, then he yells and hits. The circumstances can be very minor, like when he's ordering the child to stand still for some reason, and the hitting can be rather severe, I have seen him open-handed hit the kid in the face, although not hard enough to leave a mark. Other family members see it (including the moms of each) and look the other way. I've caught him red-handed and urged he find better solutions, mentioned "Peaceful Parenting" and this show and he's usually like "thanks for the tip! you're probably right. (talk to me when you have kids)". I've talked for hours with our parents to see if they will support this cause, and they just justify it, dismiss it. They have both listened to Stef. One of them said "well, stef has his way of raising a kid, and your brother has his way... who can say which one is better?" I'm like "RESEARCH, SCIENCE!! They have said conclusively!" and when I present the info it's ignored. These people are too busy consuming hours of junk tv and video games everyday to spend 30 minutes reading about peacefully raising a child. The least you could say about all the other adults is that they simply don't see it as truly harmful. So what do I do now? I have a good relationship with my (older) bro, he's open to good conversation about anything, although I fear this will feel like an attack, and he'll shrug it off like he did before. I've spent a few hours combing the forums for advice and have collected a few links (two videos Stef made and recommended, and a link titled "10 reasons not to hit your child"). I don't want to flood him with too much info. My plan is clarify with my parents for the last time that I do not have their support and let them know how that feels, and then simply email my bro and his wife saying something like "Look, I've seen you hit your kid more than once. I've been studying this peaceful parenting stuff and the more I think about it, the more upsetting it is to me. Here's some links, please spend a little time thinking about it, and please promise to put an end to it" Thoughts? Right approach? He lives nearby, would a visit be more appropriate? I'm not confident in my ability to "argue" this issue, especially with big bro, but I can't put it off any longer. And if the conversation is fruitless? Do I then threaten to call the cops?