MOTM

It was my way of ending the abuse. I was obsessing over it for days along with regular panic attacks. I had to confront him in some way. Plus I know I'm better than him physically but when we verbally argue he has the upper hand.

Well did you mean who was the first person who scared me in my life or the first peer that picked on me. He knew what he was doing. When I looked at him with a straight face after every joke, he knew. The crowd laughed so he assumed it was funny regardless

define bully for me I went to a Psychologist and Psychiatrist when I was in 2nd grade. I was diagnosed as "emotionally disturbed" and put on Zoloft. I don't even what to think about the horrors that medication did to my developing brain. I think I went back in 4th grade a couple times and then in 6th grade. Since then I haven't I'm not sure how to answer if I have a good connection with myself. Asking a scumbag nicely to stop will usually just show weakness and make them double down. About complaining to a boss. I'm not sure the area you grew up in, but in New Jersey there is a strong anti-snitch culture. If I went to the boss he would have definitely put an end to the behavior. However, the rest of the guys would lose trust in me and I would become everyone's target. The mentality over here is that you deal with problems man to man first, going to the boss should be the last case scenario.

Back when I was in High School a friend and I were bored in class and wrote a list comparing the similarities and differences between Girlfriends and iPads. He made a video about it and uploaded it to his youtube channel. I thought it was funny and you guys might like it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsekuaN_Sw8

Like I said earlier, I don't like hurting people. However, In this case I was looking forward to beating his face in. I have so many physical advantages on him along with training. He didn't have a chance against me and he knew it. I've only had to call out 3 guys to a fight in my life. All three have backed down so far. I say what I mean and mean what I say. I don't make hollow threats. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a tough guy. I and nice to everyone I meet. Its other guys acting tough that gets me mad. I once heard a quote that resonated with me. "what if the solution to all of your frustrations is to just be awesome to every single person you encounter?" Apparently not as realistic as I once thought

Yeah through times I over heard him talking to others I gathered some information on him. He's $30,000 in debt, he blows his money on instant lottery tickets, he used to get picked on as a kid and developed a personality that would fend them off, he hates his mother, he watches BDSM porn, and he wishes cancer on anybody he doesn't like including someone who cuts him off in traffic. I wonder what his mother did to him. It really messed him up I fight because my older brother is into it. He started going to help him get off drugs. He's an instructor now. I go for exercise and Its always good to know how to fight. Its also fun. I'm pretty good for my level of experience and usually win. I don't go over 30%. I hold back because I don't actually want to hurt anybody, especially a friend in class that did nothing wrong to me. Why don't you agree? I made it clear that I wouldn't hit him unless he agreed to step into a legal match against me. How else could I get him off my back. Going back at him verbally wasn't working. I had to intimidate him somehow. You can't reason with unreasonable people.

I appreciate the suggestion. While that may be effective for some I feel like that can easily backfire on me. It may come off as projection and I would probably be cut off before fully making the point.

No I'm 6' 3" and he is probably around 5' 5". He has a big mouth though and noticed I'm quiet

No but I have heard of inner game from the PUA community

So there's was this guy at my job who likes to make fun of specific people including me. Lets call him Bill. I'm a laborer by the way. He would constantly make obvious set up/punch line jokes that I saw a mile away and didn't find funny, but other guys would laugh. He would only attack me if he had an audience. He would also yell for me to shut up even if I hadn't even said a word. Along with other intentionally hurtful verbal attacks. I would shoot back but I would make one come back to every 4 or 5 of his "jokes". For some perspective I'm 20 and he is 30. Today I was working while he was just sitting in the truck on his phone. (he is not a superior to me, he has the same job) I walked up to the truck and said to him "you know you're not union so you can get the fuck out of the truck every once in a while." The other guy on the job starts cracking up at this point. Bill stared at me with a mix of disbelief and anger on his face. He said "What the fuck did you just say? Did you guys just hear that? You know your talking to a grown man right now." I said "Let me ask you a serious question" Bill "I'm probably not going to answer it" Me "I know you joke around sometimes but do you actually think I'm a bitch? Bill "Do you think I'm a bitch?" Me "Yeah, a little bit" Bill "do you think I'm a bitch" Me "yeah" Bill "So what, do you wanna fight me or something? Cause I'll destroy you" Me "yeah I do actually. I wanna fight you in the octagon. I won't fight you at work but I will fight you legally in a gym" (I fight for sport) Bill "alright name the time and place and I'll be there" Me "Sunday around noon in (town). How about that?" Bill (walks away and comes back a minute later) "I was just joking. I don't mix work with what I do after work. But don't talk to me from now on." (walks away) Me "that's a nice excuse." He won't talk to me from now on and I won't talk to him so I got what I wanted. But this isn't the first time I've had to threaten to beat someones ass because they won't stop disrespecting me. Its always for no apparent reason. Maybe its because I'm such an agreeable nice guy that I'm a target. Question. Will I have to deal with "bully" types my entire life? Did I initiate force by challenging him to a fight? I also notice a sudden surge in everyone's general respect for me. Is that some sort of left over alpha male shit? Am I obligated to defend the other guy he has targeted?

I'm not sure I thought about it that deeply. In the case of the girl that I repeatedly rejected for years in a row as she kept trying, we had a friendly relationship where we had conversations before she showed attraction towards me and before I became exceptionally attracted to her. All of the responded have been helpful so far. Even if they weren't 100% correct it forced me to view this issue from some new angles.

On some level I was afraid of their sexuality. I was afraid of sex at least but that was because I had never done it before so inexperience and anxiety go hand and hand. I'm not sure on this one because its entirely possible that I just don't realize it. I definitely don't feel that those girls looked at me like my father because I was a nice guy and my dad wasn't. He was an alcoholic/drug addict who would beat my mom. He didn't hit me (per se) as far as I can remember. I think you're dead on as to why the girls got frustrated in me and gave up. Though I probably wouldn't have asked them out no matter how long they flirted with me. Like I said, I was brought up by a single mother so I have female tendencies when it comes to relationships. I'm more emotional than most men and I look for a connection in a relationship like most women. I'm also not naturally the type to make the first move like most women. I think a good way to describe it is like I'm a lesbian trapped in a mans body. Because I'm still attracted to women but I act like a bitch. Thanks for the link. I'm pretty busy lately but I'll try to listen to it as soon as I get a 3 hour block of time open. I don't talk to my mom about relationships because that's awkward. Plus she has had nothing but bad relationship after bad relationship, I don't think she should be my mentor on this. I'm really not sure why exactly. I just don't think I ever had the verbal skills or self esteem

I have second guessed myself for choosing not to go to college. I'm 20 and chose not to go to college 2 years ago because it didn't make sense to get into debt just to graduate with no job. I didn't want to be one of those kids who go to college just because they were told to. Plus there wasn't anything in particular I wanted to study. I was planning on learning a trade which is in high demand right now and pays six figures. Now I'm on what looks to be a good career path but I second guess it for other reasons. I never went to a single party back in high school because I never knew about them. I was never invited. Now I have never been to a college party either. I really wish I could have the ability to go to at least one to get the experience. Also, if I went to college I would have had a girl by now. Everybody gets layed in college Just something to think about. Either way you would have questioned your decision.

thanks for sharing your story. I feel your pain on this issue I haven't read either of those. I'm not sure if I believe in romantic love anymore. It could be something that you have to experience before you can describe it. I've been infatuated before but I'm smart enough now to know I was in lust more than anything because I didn't really know them. And the first girl I ever "loved" was a pretty terrible person who knew I liked her but led me on and abused my kindness. I listened to almost every show since I started listening over a year and a half ago. I didn't contradict myself but I might have been unclear. I don't have a creepy overly attached relationship with my mom but I do have a closer relationship with her than other men my age. Most men my age are out all the time and never see their moms because they're busy with friends, girlfriends, school, work, and so forth. I spend more time than the average but that's not saying much. I think you should start a new tread so it is focused on you. It would be a lot less confusing and more people would probably read it. I'm interested in your story. I have to disagree with you on your last point. There is two different standards for men and women. Many feminists are quick to point out that women who have a lot of sex are "sluts" and men who have a lot of sex are "pimps". They fail to mention that women who don't have sex are "pure" and more desirable while men who don't have sex are "weird"and less desirable. Women want a man who is wanted. Its why so many men complain about women all of a sudden showing interest in them after they get married.

I may have been giving off the wrong impression. I don't think I have a codependent relationship with my mom. I live at home but I don't spend much time with her. Me, her and my younger brother go out to eat together maybe once a month and I'll watch tv with them a couple times a month. I spend the overwhelming majority of my time alone. As far as your story goes I can relate as far as my mom attaching to me at a young age. But I never talked to her about relationships or anything like that. But your story sounds terrible. It seems like every time I hear a story on this board or the call in show it's more horrific than the last. I'm not sure if everyone in the world had a bad childhood and I should just get over it or what. By the way, the girl you liked in 12th grade sounds a lot like the girl I never got over. Bubbly, friendly, fun, nice, beautiful and so forth. To answer your questions: - It depends really. Some days I feel optimistic and others I feel like my life is going nowhere but down from here and I'm already in a low place. I always have this underlying feeling like everyone is older than me. If a 15 year old kid has had sex before I look at him as if he is older than me. I don't let it show but I do feel less than. - In the past I hated myself. Now after I lost a lot of weight I hate myself less. - Not sure - Ideally I want a woman who has the ability to let me be the man, can cook, is kind, is on line with my level of geekyness, and who is a virgin. (yes I know women my age are not virgins and usually can't cook. At least not in the tri-state area) - I used to want to be all mushy and lovey dovey but after so much time has gone by I've become cold and now I want to offer them a more dominant personality. Let me be clear, that does not mean abusive, It means treating her like she wants to be treated. Like I'm better than her and I have a plan. Being assertive and sure of myself. What I call the Patrice O'Neal system - Usually I get weird around women. Like I said, I'm working on not letting myself get too soft because that's my natural tendency. But the usual awkward stuff. When I was in High school I used to be a pizza maker. One of the counter girls (my age) said "hey Ray, whats up" and I responded with a shrug and a very slow raise of my hand that turned into a wave. No words. She responded with a confused "heeey". Might be the most awkward thing I've done in my life and that's saying something. - I'm quiet when I meet someone. Once I get to know them I talk a bit too much, to compensate for something I don't know. I become annoying and they don't want to be around me. I know I do it but in the moment I can't help it.