Eh Steve

My family also wasn't what I would have liked them to be. I'd need to ask some older people from before the western world was diversified, but I wonder what it is like being surrounded with ethnic homogeneity. Faces may not have meaning or virtue, but I believe at least for me similar genetics brings me a greater sense of empathy / bonding / and comfort with people. I'm a bit of an oddball anyways, we might as well look similar I haven't looked too far into the subject, I am familiar with the statistics on racial mixing "diversity" being garbage chaos for society but haven't looked into ethno-homogeneity vs. racial-homogeneity. http://www.livescience.com/45674-genetic-match-marriage.html I can't cite much at the moment outside of relationship stuff and a tiny bit about friendships. But I do wonder what it is like to be a town full of genetic cousins. I think genetically similar tribalism is likely still our most comfortable state of living on some levels.

You might like this website from an INTJ: http://www.systemsthinker.com/interests/mind/intj.shtml He's been at FDR and on the forums before to my knowledge, cool dude

INFP 80-90% on each of them. Even though my introvert comes up really strongly I'm not completely sold on it, I think with introvert extrovert you need to factor in a lot of potential social anxieties etc. I had the same deal when I was younger, I would score INTP. Later I switched strongly to an F and suspect the strong T was some sort of reaction for me at the time. INFP might explain why I come off as a little bit different around here, I suspect a lot of INTPs and INTJs would be the norm here. The feels people! What about the feels! - constant eh_steve

Thanks dude, I totally forgot you were a geneticist or I would have gotten your attention for this thread earlier With my ancestry I know there is some Scot-Irish, normal Irish, and then some pinches of German and French tossed in. The advice I've seen when looking around mirrors yours, go with y-37 and then only get y-67 if necessary. I'm planning on looking into it. My family has some family trees mapped out I'm planning on hunting down, I'd like to know specifically if the clan was from Belfast etc. or if they kind of bounced around. It'd be cool to find a town full of people who looked like me, but I figure I've got enough admixtures going on that isn't going happen I've wondered if I went to Belfast or something I'd immediately feel like "I'm home" I heard with the Welsh there is really cool stuff in terms of how specific their profiles can be along with the Cornish. Very distinctive from what I recall reading about.

Yeah I'd second dsayers here. You certainly might have a problem in being open with people. Buuuut that doesn't mean other people don't also have problems. I didn't mean to imply this was all your problem but I did focus heavily on what I felt you could control. Relationships work in a dynamic, and she has been with you for quite some time while you've had this problem. So in some ways there is tacit approval going on. A change in your behavior will effect her and will effect the relationship. Changing your own behavior is really all you have control over, so I focused primarily on that, but she has been tolerating this for quite some time and likely has issues of her own (as we all do). In relationships a single person is never the lone issue unless it is a hostage situation. But in your situation I would focus on opening up with her and practicing speaking your thoughts and feelings honestly. That will clarify things and is the most obvious thing under your control.

For what it is worth I've had girlfriends who shared all of my ideological beliefs. But I was unwilling to be open with them about my feelings and thoughts. My relationships suffered and ended because of this issue and they were not made better simply because we shared beliefs about politics, philosophy, or even peaceful parenting. Even sharing ideological beliefs on how a relationship should work does not matter if you do not actually follow your values in that area. The fundamental most important beliefs are the ones about honesty and communication within a relationship. Those are then extrapolated into larger abstractions about politics etc, but you need to have the basics for the politics to make any sense. But you need to actually live your values, and ideology without integrity is a hell of a problem I'd recommend against having based on my own personal experiences. Sharing ideological beliefs will not help you stay together with someone if you are unwilling to be open and honest about your feelings. Ideology is not the basis of a relationship.

Don't worry about the english too much, you are doing fine. If we had to talk in any other language I'd be using google translate and it would be much worse Maybe just be yourself and see what happens. What if you found yourself being vulnerable, telling her what you think and feel, and seeing what happens? If the relationship ends, at least you would be open and gave it your best try, and not because you were afraid to open your heart to what might have been a wonderful woman and a great life. Talk honestly with her. Figure out what you both want from the relationship. Tell her about your concerns about the ideological differences. Figure out how those ideological differences relate to your relationship, or whether they are abstract and unimportant to the relationship. Some differences in ideology can be gender related. It isn't unusual for a woman to be less comfortable with ostracism and treating other people harshly / unempathetically. So over time as long as she supports your decisions and is loyal to you, I don't see that ideological difference as being very important. And she may be more willing to change her opinions if she feels you are committed to her. If you want a woman who holds the same ideologies as you, you need to make that clear to her. And you two can either work on that more and figure it out, or you will need to break up. Or you will come to find you do not care about the ideological differences and you can stay with her. But there is a time limit on relationships and you need to figure out quickly what you want to do with this woman you care about. She wants a family. Figure out if you want a family with her or not as quickly as you can. I think the best way to do that is to talk honestly with her, consider that as something you could try. The worst that could happen is you two break up, but it sounds like if you do nothing at all and don't open up to her, you are going to break up anyways. The rest of this may be less relevant but I already typed it out. I hope it is of some help but if it isn't feel free to skip right over it I would need to know exactly what she believes in terms of feminism. But, I imagine her beliefs in feminism are going to reflect more accurately in your relationship with her. If she is trusting and respectful of your beliefs, she's not exactly a ballbusting man hating feminist. If she wants babies, she's not exactly a lesbian all men are evil and children are evil woman anchors type of feminist. So feminism can have a lot of different meanings. As long as you and her and the family are more important than anyone else. Then her political beliefs aren't that important. Her gender beliefs, if she wants to be a mom, respects you and your individuality, aren't that important. It really depends on how you define anarchy...but it makes sense that women who want a family can veer towards socialist and even communist beliefs. Babies aren't really economically productive and have a lot of needs. If she respects your anarchism and is willing to commit to you, I would consider the possibility that her views on geo-politics aren't particularly important. And especially with socialism...you may just have a woman who wants to take care of her babies and treat them well, and then is abstracting that into a universal for society. It's not the biggest deal in the world IMO. But it is something you should be willing to comfortably discuss. Men often get better with time and women age and lose their fertility and youth. So you can be in a real bind when to commit. We see this with doctors all the time breaking up with their girlfriends when they get their new job looking for a better younger woman. It used to be if you dated a woman three times and didn't commit but kept her around you were a bad man. People didn't even have sex before marriage in those days. Particularly from a females perspective they require a lot more commitment and the man is much more hesitant to give it out. The exchange used to be commitment for sex, but the sex is being given away much more freely these days. Decisiveness and knowing what you want are attractive qualities. And it can be insulting to be with a woman too long but not willing to commit. She is aging, she is losing fertility, she wants a family, she wants to be committed to you, and she has other options if you aren't willing to be that. Women can only wait so long and are put into an awkward position moreso than men when it comes to time limits. Figure out what you want and go for it. Don't make a woman you might love wait for you because you are too afraid to open your heart. Set the standard that you should feel comfortable being yourself and being open with the people you love. Start with her and see if it works and try your hardest to be that way.

She is a wonderful person, kind and caring. and gentle as can be. the one to have kids with and make a future with. And i really trust her. The problem is that she is left leaning, and a feminist coming from a university environment. And myself, i have been working in the private sector all my life and is not political, but i agree with allot of Stefan's views If she is wonderful, kind and caring, gentle, and you trust her, I'm not sure why you are afraid to speak your mind with her. Your relationship with her is going to be more important than your differing ideologies. From what you have said so far the current situation you are in does not really make sense. It doesn't sound like she is talking about the ideological differences in this "we need to be closer or break up" sort of situation, and I do find the ultimatum in it a bit confusing from what you have said. I think there are issues going on you haven't mentioned here. I'm not entirely sure what those would be. But I would say be honest and work on your communication and closeness with your girlfriend and yourself. I don't know how long you two have been dating but at a certain point there is a "commit or we need to move on" thing in relationships. This sounds pretty stressful to me considering you both live together and it came down to a timeline + a potential breakup, that sounds pretty bad to me. Generically I'd say, be honest with the people you are having intimate relationships with. Figure out what you want. And figure out how to make the relationships you choose to be in as satisfying for everyone involved as possible.

Purpose is a misnomer that implies a weird sort of metaphysics, I think we all get that In a looser definition or a different word entirely we could say that people have things they like doing, things they are naturally good at, things that fulfill them, things that make them really happy and things that are important to them. This can be different for each individual person I'm not sure what word we would use for those things. Self-knowledge is often kind of vague as a definition. I think at the heart of the question is figuring out how to be happy. And understanding that while there are some objective limitations in terms of morality, the rest is often personal to each of us and can require some insight and life experience to figure out As a side note. I really like your posts Drew. I'm glad you've found self worth and have found a way to get satisfaction in your desire to heal others.

Thanks for the link Robert I didn't see the 20 point metric, so I can't say for sure how much IQ varies from that study. Dunno if its behind the paywall or not. But that's pretty neat, I thought IQ was basically set in stone from a pretty young age. I think your line of thought is pretty interesting. I don't personally have a great answer to it, there is a podcast out there where Stef gives his review of EQ you might like. Since you found a link for me I'll give one for you https://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/43349-lacking-empathy-what-now/?hl=%2Bemotional+%2Bintelligence#entry435872 www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/3228/why-emotional-intelligence-is-nonsense-call-in-show-march-11th-2016 I did some looking into IQ tests online for a while, there was a really nice one from the high IQ society but it got paywalled a few years ago. This is the best one I am familiar with at the moment: http://www.iqtest.dk It is a standard ravens progressive matricies test. The last time I talked about IQ with a good friend of mine he brought up Miller's Aptitude Tests. http://www.pearsonassessments.com/postsecondaryeducation/graduate_admissions/mat.html He was of the same impression that IQ tests, particularly Ravens Progressive, only really give responses for spatial reasoning and pattern recognition. And that creativity and even virtues may be more important to a personality and may not correlate directly with IQ. I have the same issue as you with IQ to some extent. I'm wary of anything that frees up the ability to feel vain or spray contempt at people. It doesn't mean the studies of IQ aren't accurate or relevant for people, buuuuuut I wouldn't want IQ to become a reason to despise other people. Coming up with a good answer for what is worth hating people / feeling contempt over can be pretty tricky. And division lines like intelligence, social status, race, whatever, can be pretty tempting to be used as an excuse for self-aggrandizement and hatred of people who are different. Intelligence might have very little to do with how much you like someone and may not be a factor in someone being a good person. So I may understand your reservations around IQ if has to do with this sort of vanity/hatred dynamic that can come up.

Outside the box thought: I'd make sure you aren't emotionally resistant to passion. Passion can lead to a lot of social criticisms and ostracism etc. etc. so it could be you may have an emotional block around it. Being nipped at by cynical or mean people can really damage passion, particularly if you're a people pleaser. So I'd almost ask the question instead "What does passion feel like?" "What does enthusiasm and commitment feel like"? I think to me passion can be very different from "interested". I'm much more familiar with interested but it feels much more sorta compulsive and not really that fulfilling from what I would expect passion to mean. I'm pretty unfamiliar with passion, I think the closest I come to that is righteous outrage. With happiness, enthusiasm, passion etc. If you're a people pleaser you're gonna need to lookout for the emotional blocks around attack from others that these feelings can bring is my guess. The current theory I'm working with psychologically is that people just don't know what feelings feel like. Like I genuinely couldn't tell you what a lot of different feelings are from an experiential standpoint. I don't really know passion, pride, joy, relaxation, contentment, profound despair, deep belonging etc. So one of my theories for this would be you just don't know what passion feels like. And it may be an emotional block to it, it may be "not finding the right thing", it may be the people around you, it may be your connection to yourself, I'm not 100% sure. But I have found it is really odd we intellectually know the definitions of all these feelings but have virtually no idea what they actually feel like. From what I can tell from my various studies I'd try finding some way to generate that feeling. I've only been able to do it within the context of romantic relationships to generate those new feelings, other people seem able to do so with therapists or even by themselves. I had a lot of "what the hell is this feeling?" going on when it was happening for me, the same may be true for you in terms of passion Usually I toss out this exercise, I can't speak to its validity but I'd plug being passionate into this and see what you get: https://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/47567-want-to-generate-an-emotional-insight-try-this/ There can also be quite a difference between passion and enjoyment. Things I like doing versus things I feel are very very important. It may be people pleasing will continue to be your default mode, I can't really say. I'm an odd kind of people pleaser myself and quite familiar with the burnout/resentment stuff. It could end up being your passion is helping / pleasing the other person who is passionate about their goal. It might not even be passion which is the issue but the burnout/resentment stuff, it could be more generic "baseline happiness / how you feel about your day" kinda stuff. I wish I was captain inspiration and had better answers for ya I'm pretty lost in on it myself. I was asking myself this same "purpose" question about a week ago and I actually got back a really strong answer which surprised me. "My purpose is to not die". So now I'm back into cryonics and consider that my end game strategy which has brought me some guidance as to what I'm aiming for. Buuuut that doesn't exactly answer a lot of questions as to what to do in the meantime. For what its worth I think purpose and passion might end up with different answers. And even on top of that there might be all kinds of different answers for things like "what do I enjoy, how do I want to relate, how is this relationship XYZ, etc." I hope this helps, I know its a bit rambly I'll be happy to read any more thoughts you have on this or chat with ya about it sometime if you like

Could you link that for me? That would be a pretty big deal and unexpected from everything I've read before.

My sympathies dude, this is a tricky thing to deal with and not really a fun place to be :/ This statement in particular jumped out to me : I can't have anyone who has my address, face, and phone number know my secrets. Your girlfriend already has all this. Maybe you aren't telling her your secrets. And a best man will have all these things as well potentially. Making friends in your 30's can be tough, but it sounds like you may not be comfortable with the vulnerability / honesty necessary to develop a best man sort of relationship. This one also jumped out to me: I just feel as if I ooze this aura of repulsiveness, or however you would call it. That is certainly one possible answer as to what is happening. But there are also other answers which might be true for you. With the recommendation of a therapist there is a bit of nuance and reasoning to it that may need some explaining to help you out. People giving you advice is often extremely limited in changing anything or actually helping. When you are dealing with issues around building close connections and feeling as if you ooze an aura of repulsiveness, those are issues talking with a therapist would help significantly with. Primarily a therapist is someone you build that sort of connection and closeness with you are looking for with friends and your girlfriend to some extent. They are sort of a guide / introductor to the way you want to relate to people. A therapist isn't about criticizing you or you giving away secrets you don't want to give away. Basically imagine to yourself that with a therapist, every concern you have there is a way to deal with that. And the issues you navigate with the therapist will directly relate to your marriage and building better friendships. A therapist can just a guide to help you dealing with other people and yourself. And to me, I'd consider as just an imagination exercise, that what if every concern you have about it may be completely completely valid, but there will be some way to have things go your way. That it isn't about telling your fears they are wrong, they might be totally correct, but that there might be some way to work with a therapist that doesn't violate those fears. It can be hard looking to build close relationships later in life. And it would be nice if the people we grew up with ended up being that in an ideal world. We're a tribal species, I personally don't think it makes a ton of sense evolutionarily to be bonding with strangers in that way. So we're in a bit of "all of the people I should be close with I'm not, the tribe has collapsed" sort of situation. So it makes sense to me for this to be a bit stressful and difficult to figure out. Building an alliance out of nothing can be tricky, and if you feel you are oozing repulsiveness and don't want people to know who you are it is going to be even harder. To me, I'd like it if I was close to my neighbors and my workmates. I have arranged that to some extent but I'd like to push it pretty far. My plan for my family is to try and arrange it so we are close with our neighbors, they are also peaceful / attachment parents etc, and we build a nice little community out of it. I sorta envy the Amish except for the luditism and religiosity. It can be tough living in a world of strangers. I don't think it is especially natural and can be pretty stressful for some people. I think to me you have some universal issues going on that can be examined in how you relate to people and yourself that will help both your marriage and in building more meaningful friendships. I'd consider the possibility that you could make great strides in these areas fairly rapidly by examining some core emotional stuff. You could do this on your own, but I've found that simply doesn't work well for everyone.

I grew up in the Dayton area but I'm in California now. If I'm back in town for whatever reason I'll letcha know. What kind of groups are you looking for? I can wrack my brain a bit to help you find what you're looking for if ya like.

It's a common dream. Being chased dreams were very common for me for a long time. So I'm very familiar with this one, I'm actually a bit surprised your friends seemed to relate to the other ones but not this one. Also it is interesting that they seem more alarmed with the fact you fight back and less so with the part where someone is trying to kill you. Usually with dreams there are I think with two approaches, depth and practical. If you want to figure out what the dream meant you can look for a depth interpretation with something like "what are you running from / do you feel like you are being chased/attacked" ? And then also just looking back to the previous day and seeing if anything was bothering you or if anyone was bothering you. So for the specifics of why you had this dream.. Is there anything chasing you right now? And what happened the day before? I'd examine your feelings, see if anything is nagging you internally, and then examine your social life as well.

I have noticed that pattern NotDarkYet. At the same time, I usually just ignore the people I don't like. And I'm a bit averse to normie bashing. To me it helps to think of myself as a foreigner critiquing some other culture or backwards tribe. Rather than someone stuck within that tribe complaining about the quality of the women-folk. I'm north of san francisco so the pattern you describe is uhhh a bit more common here than a few areas I've lived in the past I prefer to just think about what I want in a girlfriend / wife and focus on what that person is like, where it would make the most sense to meet them, and what I need to do to have a relationship flourish. With a clearer picture and plan in mind for that I find dealing with the rest of society less annoying. Sort of applies for many areas in life.

I have a similar experience to media, hobbies, and getting to know people in general. My interest is often in seeing the happiness and enthusiasm other people have. For example I like having movies spoiled. I don't really want to see the movie, but I like seeing other people talk about something they have enjoyed. I find people more enjoyable and fascinating than the vast majority of life, getting to know people is basically my #1 hobby Recently I had some trouble with the slotcar place next to my shop about this actually. They were interpreting my interest in their stories as a desire and love of slotcars myself. And I ended up talking to the guy as he was a bit confused about this. "Oh, it's not that I'm into slotcars, but I like that you like them, and I am here to support you as a neighbor/friend". We developed more of a mutual understanding when this was made clear, and I think it can be quite foreign to some people to be related to in this way. It is a common thing for me that I don't usually care about things within themselves. I really want to know how other people feel and what they enjoy. I am more interested in how things affect people than the things themselves. I genuinely just like getting to know people and encouraging them / helping them, it's basically my favorite thing to do. In the same way, you didn't really want to discuss the objective nature of the cancer movie. It isn't about the art work itself, it is about why this was important to you. And I agree it can be quite callous and crass, particularly when you bring up a movie about cancer, for people to crap all over something you enjoy. For what its worth I've had this interacting with you a bit. You have intellectual interests, music / movies, and even passion projects that I am not a part of or necessarily want to do myself. I really liked when we were discussing your interest in Rand's philosophy of art and how that was affecting your own views. I have genuinely enjoyed hearing why it is you like these things and how they make you feel. That has been more enjoyable to me than actually experiencing the things myself

I have a very limited knowledge of genetics and ancestry. I google the word haplotypes and haplogroups and see what comes up It is funny to want to instinctively combat your interest in this theory. I know very little about the Celts, nor much at all about ancient Israelis. When I google "celts ancient israelis" I do get search results, but for what it is worth the results certainly aren't mainstream. So honestly I have no friggen idea what the answer is. I think genetic testing will give a more concrete answer as to the validity of questions. My suspicion is that sure, some ancient israeli's may have traveled to the UK, you are an example of an M1a of Irish origin and the Ashkenazi certainly kinda went everywhere as well. But. I do not believe there is evidence to indicate the all of the celts were of this origin, nor the majority of them. The problem remains this sentence: Indeed, according to 23andMe, my DNA is more than 95% British and Irish which would tend to suggest that my maternal haplogroup wasn't an outlier and must be relatively common among various populations of the UK. This is not necessarily nor likely to be what the data suggests. It seems to me the data suggests you are unusual as the rest of the population has largely R1b. The story of your particular lineage is certainly a mystery and from what I can tell there isn't a solid answer. But the genetic evidence points towards the population of Ireland and Celts to not be of Middle Eastern origin. The evidence is to you indeed being an outlier. A mysterious outlier, but an outlier. So I don't wish to discourage your mystery seeking. I would only recommend you rely on empiricism when falling down the rabbit hole of potential theories. For example the Celts = Hebrews theory simply isn't holding water to genetic testing. That doesn't say anything about your particular origins, but I would recommend dropping it as a theory for all Celts rather than just your specific lineage. I was referred to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_cognateas a good way to understand why gaelic and judaic language appearing similar does not mean anything in terms of origins. Normally I'm much more about self knowledge and push it a bit more. I have been interested in theories a lot in my life and they weren't always the most useful way to spend my time. But it isn't the worst thing in the world and I can understand the motivation to question everything, it isn't inherently wrong. But I spent years and years with different conspiracies. That isn't to question the validity of them or that we are lied to a lot, but that I had some significant underlying emotional issues I could have been dealing with as well. If you find you may have emotional issues behind this search for knowledge, I'd encourage you to examine them. That isn't to say stop examining this issue, but be aware of any potential emotional things going on for you.

I feel it might be appropriate to add a non-counteracting way to possibly deal with these people now that I have my outrage out of the way. In many ways how we handle questions about peaceful parenting may be a psychological test people are offering up to us. So I figure how we respond, if we are capable of being curious and empathetic, will emotionally demonstrate the points we are trying to make. Particularly if I am dealing with people on the fence about peaceful parenting / home-schooling rather than someone who is just a staunch child-abuser, I'd want to really figure out their fear and try to understand and possibly abate it as best I could. That ideally we are trying to get as many converts as possible, but not spend our time lashing out at people who are just not gonna adapt to the new paradigm. So really trying to compassionately understand and reconcile the fears / concerns of others and get the message through as a possibility would be best if we want more peaceful kids for our kids to be friends with First I would need to find out what it is they value about socialization. My hunch would be their fear is some combination of "My child isn't going to be able to succeed within society", "My child will be bullied and unable to defend themselves", "Other people will dislike my child". These are legitimate fears. People deeply understand what ostracism, harm, and abandonment by society feel like. And in their core this question may be a really big fear of theirs that we should seek to help them understand and work through if they are going to become peaceful parents. Ifff they are resistant to trying an emotional approach like this first we can go ahead with other alternatives: Objectivity. From this viewpoint we would need to provide at the very least some anecdotes which conflict with the persons fears. So it would be useful to have studies or anecdotes on homeschooled kids being happy and successful as adults. I'm not brushed up enough to toss out stats and anecdotes willy-nilly, but Bill Gates comes to mind. Those resources would be great to have on hand to say "oh, and objectively the kids turn out great and have a blast!". I think emotionally these people aren't really fearing being peacefully parented and homeschooled. Since they weren't raised that way it wouldn't make sense for them to really understand it. They are fearing ostracism etc. etc. within the system. So it is tricky to find ways to get through to them how being homeschooled isn't the same as being a sheltered kid who still is part of the dominant culture. Do you have any additional thoughts on the subject? Since you have more experience on the subject I'd love to hear if you have any experience talking with people about this and how it has gone. I'll give your blog a read through, it's been quite a while since I truly really studied the subject and sorta need to start preparing better for my family I'm currently trying to work on being more of an advocate and welcomer rather than being reactive to the dominant culture. I thiiiink / feel like that is probably the best way to get new people and help ease the fears about this cultural transition.

Here's a fun idea Try examining what it is you desire out of slogging it out on facebook. I wouldn't want to tell you just to not do it this is a good chance for some self-knowledge Try this out, it might totally help more than reading anything I could say here since you'll be generating your own reasoning and emotions rather than responses from others This exercise will be more about the slogging it out on facebook part. If you would like you could do a similar exercise for the anxiety you feel afterwards, and I can help give you a similar example for that feeling if you find it difficult to plug it into this exercise An example exercise: Imagine you are really really drawn to slogging it out on facebook (either when it happens or just as an exercise) imagine to yourself saying to the people you are responding to "I need to slog it out on facebook with you because....." and then write down / say / think sentences until you find one that feels the strongest. And then imagine saying to those people "If I don't slog it out on facebook with you, then....." and again write down etc. the response which feels strongest to you. After those two, now do something very different: Imagine you wake up with absolutely zero desire to slog it out on facebook with people. Not only do you have no desire to do it, but you also know that you're never going to want to do it again. What does that feel like? Is there anything unwelcome or unpleasant about feeling that way? Write down / take note of what this feels like and what you learn from this. Now get back in touch with your feeling of wanting to slog it out on facebook. Imagine a situation that really strongly provokes that urge. Feel the desire to slog it out as strongly as you can within your body. Now ask it: "What is your job?" "How do you serve me?" Spend some time with this feeling and getting to know it and hearing the answers. Write down what you learn, this should generate a good amount of self-knowledge about why you do what you do As to my personal experience: I'm personally conflict averse as hellllll so this isn't something I can relate to doing often. I did it briefly years and years ago when I was first introduced to peaceful parenting and was like YOU GUYS ARE JERKS! LOOK AT THESE STATS! But after that I kinda wore off and had found my footing and comfort in my beliefs without needing to aggressively throw it at people. I just kinda avoid facebook now, I probably could make more attempts at getting my thoughts out there and should examine my emotions around it a bit more honestly. On the boards here I don't often conflict with people and get upset when it happens. I try to find common ground and make peace if I find people are worth making peace with. People on the boards are always worth some attempts to me But that's just me, you might have totally valid reasons to be slogging it out. Certainly from an emotional level I think people have valid reasons to do everything they do, it just happens sometimes it isn't always objectively useful or optimally healthy for them to be doing whatever it is. Some people find debate / slogging it out sharpens their skills and thinking. Often I think for the vast majority of us we grow up within that culture, and as you said "how do I force my will on others?". When I was in my debating the mass-population mode, that was very much my reason for doing so. I wasn't trying to understand anyone or help the world, I was lashing out trying to be the smartest guy around for an ego-boost. And that isn't inherently bad. But I think it is worth examining our emotions and reasons for our behavior to get the most out of life.

Nice Article I like the title, it reminds me of the objection to anarchy being "But what about the roads?" It is funny with the "socialization" fear. I sort of go....yes....that is the entire point! I want this culture to be foreign to them! I don't want them instinctively to be familiar with hierarchies and all the madness going on. I don't want them to fit in that easily. I want them to be weird but also be immune to bullying. I don't want my kid to schizophrenically live in two distinctly different cultures. And as you noted they end up bringing the school culture home with them. I think there is a dosage question when it comes to interacting with the dominant culture for children. It coooould be helpful for them to understand what other families and people are like as they are growing up. I'm not sure at what age they need to be exposed to that. Stef had Izzy playing with the neighborhood kids, at the pool, and at parks from a fairly young age (while being supervised obviously). So that might be a non-harmful version of what people are trying to achieve in terms of socializing without the "just toss them in prison" nonsense. I'd be interested to read about home-schooled / attachment / peaceful parents results with having kids interact with the neighborhood in these lower doses and the pros and cons of it. I think school is obviously absurd, but I do wonder how much my kids will be able to handle or we're gonna be living on the ol' potato farm by ourselves

Looking at ACE scores might help you understand things objectively a bit. https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/ I personally find the percentages a bit surprising. On my street despite having a 3-5 ACE score myself my neighbor, the kid across the street, and the one down the street actually had it worse. Despite being middle-uppermiddle class. But I think for my city as a whole that might have been unusual and unlucky. I wish I knew more about the rest of the kids I grew up with. I remember there being different groups I interacted with in elementary school, going to their houses, and remembering how weird their relationships with their parents seemed to me. One of the kids I think of ended up in the newspaper years later having hiked some mountain with his dad. Whereas the kids I ended up spending more time with later on and some of the kids my parents friends had, all ended up a bit more screwy. So there ends up being this confirmation bias of the ACE scores running in circles. Of the families I knew intimately they were all quite bad. However, I knew some kids down the street and remember going "hmm, they seem less screwed up". There was one family whose father was the psychologist for the kindergarten and I remember thinking they were very "unusual". I remember them playing flutes they made out of pipes in the front yard and generally thinking what a foreign family they seemed like. There can also be personality differences in terms of resiliency, being highly-sensitive, and having a high-iq that could make you have more difficulty socializing and make you more likely to feel / be traumatized by your family and your peers. For example on the first question of the test, I technically answer a "No", because objectively that wasn't the case. But, I was greatly greatly aware of an underlying contempt and hostility within the house which to me may have had the effect they intend to ask about in terms of swearing, put-downs and humiliation.

This would be a good place to start. You getting 95% UK DNA but haplogroup M1 genuinely confuses me on how to interpret it. Nothing I have seen indicates that the UK has any significant percentage of M1 within it. And I believe they have done quite a bit of samples to be able to reach that conclusion. http://www.eupedia.com/genetics/britain_ireland_dna.shtml (chart at the bottom here) I've been googling quite a bit and haven't been able to find much of an M1a population in the UK at all. So this would be my only point of contention in terms of the rest of the population. It has no bearing on what your lineage is, which for all I know could be friggen fascinating

My ancestry is largely scot-irish, but I hadn't considered this to be a possibility. I'll be able to update you sometime in the future when I have $200 bucks to spend on 23andme and we can see if my scot-irish has an M haplogroup or not. I have only a cursory knowledge of haplogroups/types and genetic ancestry. My problem with your theory so far is that I haven't heard of it. If M haplogroups were common for Europeans or Scot/Irish/Welsh/English, I think we would have heard more about this. So it seems most likely to me you may be different fundamentally from your average UK heritage and are actually descendant from a different group than the average population. To my knowledge the M1 haplotype is exceedingly rare in Europe. My hunch for an M to be in Ireland/Scotland might have more to do with Barbary pirates or the crusades/colonialism. But it would be neat if they did a specific study of IQ / philosophers and did find a consistent unexpected haplogroup showing up in european populations. I did find this article/study you might like in your exploration http://dienekes.blogspot.com/2007/07/origin-of-haplogroup-m1.html At the bottom: Finally, a relevant fraction of M1a lineages present today in the European Continent and nearby islands possibly had a Jewish instead of the commonly proposed Arab/Berber maternal ascendance.

Hi Markus, I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling well and the session didn't go like the last one I think finding a way to have that sense of security and trust again in your next session will help you feel better again And maybe talk with her to try and figure out what was different between the last two sessions and how to help the next few be more like the first one. I was wondering without posts in between, how were you feeling in the weeks after that first session? I was also wondering with you feeling down, since I know there are often several days or weeks between sessions for you if there is anything you could try in the meantime to feel a bit better. I was thinking you could possibly imagine and try to re-experience that first session again, now that you know what that feeling is, you may be able to reproduce it within yourself. Perhaps something like "Well I feel, isolated, in pain, shame, and can't reach out", but I remember this one time I didn't feel that way. This one time after that first session, all of this went away, I felt safe, secure, and nurtured. Maybe I can feel that way now if I try, or we can at least see what happens when I try. And maybe weighing between the two feelings at the same time, and noticing the difference between them within your mind / imagination, might be able to help you feel a bit better It brings some comfort to me, and hopefully to you, that while you feel pretty low and dark and in pain right now, you might be able to remember you didn't feel this way for a while. And maybe now, or certainly in the future, you won't feel this way anymore. And you can feel much more like that first session much of the time I hope you're doing okay Markus. I know you are suffering right now and I just wanted to extend again that I wish you well and hope you continue to have the courage to find those better feelings for yourself. I hope this post helps in some way that it might not be able to lift the darkness from how you feel, but know that someone actually cares (hug)