Jami

Thank you for that. I start my therapy this week with a therapist. I'll keep that in mind finding a therapist that leans towards agnostic or atheism. I appreciate your comment. I have been on the path of self knowledge since I started listening to stef in august or september. I'm very aware of my addiction. I hope your aware that addiction is a disease. There is no 5% success rate. Everyday is battle. Once you are an addict you are always an addict. Theres a thin line between reality and being high. It runs so deep that I feel like I'm drowning on a daily basis I don't mean this comment to sound offputting. I'm just trying to talk. I appreciate your comment.. This brought me to tears Nathan. I miss you so much. I..I just want you to be happy. I'm going to send you a message. You are very kind. Thank you. I will keep in mind a few of the statements you have made.

Is anybody on here a counselor or working towards a career in psychology? What books would you recommend for someone considering this as a career goal? Thank you for your time, Jami

I just recently started my path to sobriety by joining Narcotics Anonymous. The only thing that irks me is the religious stuff they are always talking about. They do group prayers and talk about God. I feel rather alone when I attend these meeting because of that. I understand why people cling to religion and how it helps them. .....Let me get to point without rambling on..... Deep breathe. Okay. Is there a such thing as an atheist narcotics anonymous? Or is that just a pipe dream? I really would love to hear some kind and encouraging words. Getting clean has got to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Thank you for your time, Jami

I had a psychotic break from reality about three weeks ago. I remember very little about what happened and who it affected. It's like I've lost 99% of my memory as to what happened and what I've said to the people around me. Now it just feels like I'm in a pitch black room and the candle went out. Has anyone gone through this? What did you do? How did it affect you?

Goodbye

No it was never allowed I would hurt. Feel feelings. The consequences have been life and death up untill one week ago. I still am living in a hostile enviroment. I've made calls have a hotline. I realized everything in my room was terrible. I put it all in my closet because I cant even throw it away without something bad happening. I have been disconeccted from my emotions my entire life until a week ago when everything surfaced and now I can feel emotions and I get very anxious. Theres so much to say and I still feel like I shouldnt say it. you undestand me, I AM NOT SUICIDAL. If someone dare says to do that. I swear. I. THis is what I mean. Look at my typing. I see all this and I'm stuck here. My subconsciousness and consciousness split because of the abuse ive suffered. They finally realized they arent enemies yesterday and came together. I realzed I am gay and my family wont accept me. I know they wont. I don't feel very anxious now. I'm still wondering if I should not be on the forums at all. NO I just ripped through my room after I submitted this question and I threw everything that reminded me of my family and god in the closet. This is how ashamed I am of being gay. But Im not. I know Im gay. But Im living with my family. This has got to be what hell would be like if it were real. You were being empathetic and I could not recognize it I thumbed you down. It's because youre a man. Now I don't know if Im being empathetic towards you as a person or towards men and what I correlate them with = abuse. I think this might be me trying to leave my abusive family but I can't. I'm stuck. I've felt this way my whole life and just now feel it. What it really is is I have nowhere safe I can go. Every aspect of my living situation is dependent and a constant reminder of the abuse. This has all hit me in 24 hours. I might have to leave this behind. And what it is is I really don't want to because this has given me support but my issues are so deep. I just realzed the half of the reason why I started watching fdr is because stefan is a man telling others what to do. The other half sees him as helping others immensely or do I even know the difference?! I swear it's like im switching from past and present every hour. I doubt anybody can empathize with me. I've tried to find gay outreach programs but I live in the middle of nowhere. I found a hotline but I can't call it all the time. This is why I've come on here. I have to find a supportive gay site. I've looked and looked and cant find it. I want you all to help me. So I can go move on. Whats a site like this but for gays going through this. I cant find it.

I'm trying so hard to express empathy but my irrationality keeps surfacing. I feel like my words are hurting others. I just realized I'm talking about myself again. I am still concerned for everyone that trys to get close to me. I feel volatile. It's like everytime another person on this forum expresses theirself I can feel a part of myself trying to attack them. I can see this and it takes me many times to write how I am feeling. What I have compiled is that I should write down what I say before I write it. I am not looking for your alls approval asking this but maybe I am. Is this a safe place? Is that what I should be doing to prevent myself from harming myself and others? I feel strange. Wow that sounds so bad saying that. Maybe I should Not post again on here until I get therapy.

I understand your feelings and acknowledge your justified anger. It makes so much sense to the logical side of things. I believe you must explore deeper "Why it is I feel this way?". You are so strong and brave. You've reached out to me every post almost I've made. I can really feel how your feeling. I appreciate this from you. "I am interested in the truth. I welcome all corrections and critiques" Keep searching. Did that sound right to you? I'm really dedicated to learning and accepting the art of empathy. I'm trying really hard but am still very much so healing. If I ever say anything out of context or mean or confusing it has nothing to do with you as a person. All I can say is I appreciate your time and the courage you have. Stay strong, Jami Im happy you have expressed yourself! What I really meant by that was me for the first time being able to truly empathize with Jesus. Not the logical side of things. I was able to recognize that after having this thought. I wrote it all down. There is one thing I will disagree with you about. You say that it is probably more bad than good. It is equal in every way. Oh wait a second. Yeah I should not have posted this like that. It screams irrationality. The faith virus has destroyed many people not just one man. Oh my. TIme to write more in my notebook. Wow I have got to read what I type over and over again before I say it. I feel different. This is me trying to express myself not judge you. I've edited this 4 times. I have so much more to do.

I've edited this about 3 times since I recognized this. Whoa I can see it and remember it. I finally know wholeheartedly what I have to do to make my life better for myself and those around me. No wonder why the world has been crashing down around me this week. I'm the one who's been doing the crashing. Whoa. Now's when I say God Bless You, but know I mean Truth Bless You. You are the truth. Love yourselves.

I can read the the Bible now. Has anyone gone or is going through this? I understand now why I have clung to that kind of faith. My traditional catholic upbringing makes sense now that I am Atheist. In the name of the Father = Truth. The son = Empathy. And the Holy Ghost = self knowledge. Amen=sealing the truth empathy and knowledge together.One God three divine persons. This is why the Bible is the most popular book in existence. This is what Jesus discovered and tried so hard to show the world. The world rejected him and killed him for it. This is why we feel empathy for Jesus. Everyone who clings to faith is guilty about rejecting the reality of truth. This is why I have cried and sobbed while praying to Jesus. I've broken down to him in that state but know now I was trying so hard to break myself down to understand what he went through. This is why I have always loved my religion yet have always felt hypocritical my entire life pursing the truth in the manner from with which it was presented to me. Have you all felt this? Do you feel the same? This is incredible. I don't hate my faith anymore. The two parts of me I thought have separated have not. I've always been whole. The abuse I've suffered is what caused me to split in two. This is the true reason why the world is the way it is. Wow. I've always said to myself about Jesus after I had heard it somewhere. "Whatever you want to believe about God know this: One mans death changed the world forever." Wow. I understand Everything makes sense! How this is possible! Wow. I need to start my deep breathing and focusing on things here and now. Golllleyyyyyyyy! Also sidenote: Now I am not moving at warp speed. lol. I have been doing this "stuff" my entire life and had no idea. I've slowed down and changed some things around that I was doing. I think because I've come to this reasoning this whole experience just got so much easier. I understand now. I am so happy I found freedomainradio. I appreciate your time reading this. Wow. Fourth time editing I have to say one thing very clear. I AM NOT TRYING TO GIVE ADVICE AT ALL! I feel as if I did not say that clearly enough. I'm trying to feel empathy and am using this board to help me. Expressing this emotion I've felt this morning has been another huge step in the right direction. I am getting help for this just so everybody knows. 7th or 8th time editing this. I was putting Jesus above other men because of the abuse I have suffered. This is why this has caused me such relief. Because that turmoil surfaced. If you can see the fact that I empathize with jesus now has scared me. This caused a reaction. That reaction caused me to recognize my issues with my sexuality. This is not advice these are my thoughts.

I'm learning empathy for the first time and I need some help. Please, tell me about your day and how you have been. Then I want to respond as empathetic as I can at this moment. Only if you want to do so, ofcourse.

Whoa, that was very comforting. Thank you for sharing! Thank you. It is an unimaginable. I still am working on this. I appreciate your thoughts on this subject. Yes, This is where I would say a curse word followed by the word yeah. I like your words. Thank you,

Wow I responded to that wrong the first time. You have my utmost sympathy for what you've gone through. I feel the need to share with you one concept. If you feel the need to break the wills of people you mustn't. It's a big red flag that you are still very new to this. Do this instead when you feel the need to break down other peoples walls. Breathe deeply. Write it down. The best course of action is no action. This has helped me tremendously. Keep finding the truth in everything. It's such a feeling of terror and happiness. But at the end of this road when you are who you were born to be. People will break their own walls and you won't feel the need you have to or should have to break their walls. do you understand? Wow I am in no state to be giving advice. I have so much to do. Time to give stef a listen. Holy moley! Okay.

I have such empathy for you. I was in the chat room earlier today. Deerbearbeer. That was me. I was in shattered in to pieces. The past week has felt like one second. I didn't leave it because of anything you all said. But because I had to leave my old self behind. The part of me that has always looked to other people on how to be. One day I will be able to share this story with all of you. I just want to know how you all are doing and where you are at with this experience. It is happening to you.Keep pushing. You can be the person you've always wanted to be. We are all born to seek the truth. We are the truth.

I believe I have experienced this. I would like to know first the opinion of everybody and anybody out there. What do you all think of this? I only ask this to you all because now I see the truth everywhere. My life will never be what it was before today. In seven days I have overcome addiction, god, my family. I have gained love and empathy for myself and others. Has anyone had this happen?