tarker12

"This is very interesting. I have not heard much about this approach. Does is create bridges between your conscious and unconscious over time?" I think what it did was pseudo-time travel to me in my childhood and gave me the love that I had none of growing up. It was like experiencing true love and compassion from someone that cares for the first time. I have no idea if it was supposed to/did bridge between my conscious and unconscious but it definitely did a lot to improve my relationship with myself. "The other thing I just want to briefly mention, to put it out there (only me is the culprit, not you) is how strange I perceive when you’re referring to yourself in plural… or rather the fact that it’s a solid persona almost like a lil’ bro you’re taking care of. (Sorry if my way of describing is far from desirable/accurate, feel free to correct me.) Is it always like that for you, or occasionally it is malleable and goes in-between stages of stand-alone vs. united and indistinguishable from the whole?" What a awesome question that really made me think. After I thought about this over my entire day, I realized the following: To other people I refer to the childhood self as a third party but when I am in my head talking to him, we are both very very aware that we are one person. In my head I will refer to him as "me" or "Jeremy" which tells me that the two are fundamentally one. I always feel "childhood me's" presence so I do not think the situation in my head is the kind of malleable you were referring to. "Two things have occurred to me while reading these lines. 1. (I’d assume you had already looked into this angle but one can never know…) Have you given any consideration to the possibility that some of the issues you’re experiencing could be rooted in physical causes? (eating routine & diet, sleeping habit, work-life balance, sufficient and appropriate physical engagement, hormone levels… )" ISome of my past issues were because of my routine/lifestyle and I have been correcting those over the last 4 years. I exercise every day, I walk wherever I can in my small town, I meditate or use breathing exercise to calm myself down if I feel anxious and I am a vegetarian because I never want to become fat (not trying to offend anyone). I will continue to tackle keeping my mind and body healthy but that was an excellent point to bring up. As to therapy, I called some around my local area but most have too many patients to handle more. I live in a small area and will continue to pursue the more-therapy option. "For starters, it can help if we know at least what we aren’t ready to discuss, try, look into…" I have been watching myself for years looking for unconscious choices, when I shy away from something unconsciously my brain usually realizes that I am not consciously making a choice to avoid it. For example, one of my teachers in my Engineering program reminds me of my mom. So my mind found any reason to hate her and recently I realized that I was projecting and realized I was demonizing an another person who some-what acts and looks like my mom. This teacher laughed about her child having anxiety (not cool in my opinion) which was most likely the trigger that started my projection. It was a great realization and I will try to grow from it. I will listen to the shows you linked (the ones I have not heard) when I get some free time soon enough. Thank you for the awesome back and forth Barnsley! -Jeremy

"I think I remember the call and perhaps I'm wrong, so correct me if I'm mistaken but weren't you asked, if you were connecting with your past on an emotional level? I mean, I seem to recall your voice back then fairly uninvolved and lethargic." Holy sh*t do you remember that talk? It was the first call on the Wednesday show on December 18, 2013 and if you remember that far, your memory skills are amazing. I have definitely been trying to be more emotional since that call (5 years ago), I feel more and I care much more than I ever have. Life is so much different once I stopped existing and started living. I listened to my call within the last couple years and you are right, I was definitely a lot more lethargic back then. I am very curious if we are talking about the same conversation. As to your therapy question: Hypno-Therapy helped me connect with my childhood self and give him the love he never got, that was about 20 steps forward in terms of self help in my opinion. Talk-Therapy did not help me much because I still have yet to meet a therapist I click with (4 different therapists so far), I have yet to have many promising talk therapy sessions that were done with someone other than my girlfriend. I am going to try a new therapist in my area very soon. "Resistance can be a blessing or a challenge. It can prevent negative outcomes the same as positive ones, the only difference being the depth of having internalised what's happening. Probably you have noticed, when people are thinking that conflict may be on the horizon, they avoid and explain away indications that are otherwise clear as day for the rest of us. The fear of something far greater than what really exists paralyse them, over time taking over the whole narrative and resulting in false convictions of 'immovable objects'. It's a process, countering it requires the same amount of steps just the other direction. Slowly, surely chipping away the obstacle with good intentions(self-care) and truth(inoculation against relapse)." I wish I understood your entire message. Maybe I'll try to rephrase it and you let me know if I did it right... It sounds like your trying to say: people see a conflict/challenge and a fear begins to grow, the fear paralyzes people into submission to the point that they are calling the conflict/challenge an 'immovable object'. Is this is what your trying to get at? I'd love to know because I bet it is a great metaphor. Thank you so much for responding Barnsley, seriously I REALLY appreciate all of your kind thoughts and comments. Let me know if I really am the call in show you were thinking about, I am way too curious. Once again, thank you to all that responded. I feel the exact opposite of alone.

"You were treated like the family chew-toy." This was so deep, so accurate and so true regarding my childhood. I got the shit end of the stick from everyone in my life because I was the youngest. "My parents brought me to the brink of suicide twice. But like you, I realized I did not want to die. I decided I would not let them drive me to destroy myself by my own hand. I know exactly how you feel and please hold on to the thought of surviving in order to help others like us. " Thank you for the personal story, there is so few people in real life that I can relate to on this topic (suicide) because it is so "taboo". Everyone's personal story in this chat has literally brought me to tears but its strangely nice to read all of your stories and realize that there are strong courageous people like you all, unwilling to give up despite the shit deal you were given. Its motivating and more importantly: infuriating. This anger will fuel my desire to prevent all of our stories from re-occurring as best I can. The "learned helplessness" hit home more-so than ANYTHING. I looked it up and it matches exactly what I feel and now that I know what it is, in the last few days I have found it much easier to realize when I am feeling that way and accepting that my reaction was programmed into me and can be re-programmed into something else more positive. I will seek "out of the fog", thank you for your support, I am deeply sorry for what you had to endure as a child. Truly and honestly, I am sorry MercurySunlight/Digger. That shit your mom pulled on you is unacceptable and disgusting.

@HenryJubeda, Thank you so much for responding, I VERY much so appreciate you telling me your story despite how sad it was. I am very sorry you experienced what you did, your mom sounds like an extremely cruel person, I hope you are able to put that behind you someday. I have removed most bad influences from my life but not my parents. I struggle everyday with the thoughts of what to do about my parents, I want to remove them from my life for what they did but they have expressed deep sorrow for what they did to me, they want to have a relationship but I just feel anxiety if I were to be in the same room as them. Their sorrow does not fix anything but it shows me they are capable of remorse and hopefully change. I think you have a point about the whole acceptance thing. I have been spending any free time the last couple days reflecting on what you said and I think it resonates with me. I need to look deep inward and find out if I really did cause a split in myself. If I did I worry but I know with enough work I can become healthier. I will look into Stefan and Jordan Petersons talks, thank you for the info! Thank you Henry, thank you so much for helping me in my time of need. I really appreciate it so much

Hey yall, I have been off the forums (was of course still donating) for about 4 years but still on board with FDR's message. I am having some depression issues lately I would love to talk about with some people. I have been to therapy and had a talk on Stefan's show years ago but am still fighting some demons deeply ingrained in me. Background: My parents neglected me my during my entire childhood, they ignored me when I was physically and verbally abused at school/church/home/by my older brother/everywhere. When I was 10 I voiced a concern that I was extremely unhappy with how life was and would not mind dying. I was not asking to die then, I was just stating that I would totally accept that as a finality to escape everything I was forced to deal with. My parents, being asshats, decided to drug me with SSRI's (when I was 10) which only increased my suicidal thoughts while simultaneously convincing me that I cannot trust my parents to take care of me. I stopped opening up to everyone and everything and was essentially a walking husk from age 10-21. I cried almost every day due to the social isolation/bullying/no empathy from anyone/no one cared about my experiences and other emotionally devastating experiences that would take up far too much room on this post so I will leave it with this: I was told my entire life to man up, stop crying, blah blah blah other completely heartless things a normal person would NEVER say to a victim of physical/emotional abuse. From ages 10-21 I wished for some way to die, not by my hands because my self esteem had been so utterly destroyed I could never bring myself to do such a thing, it would just be a very easy escape from the situations forced on me that will never leave my mind. My issue as of today, I am 25, is that the part of me that was forced to go through those experiences is still with me and he is still emotionally devastated. I have given that entity, I call him childhood me, as much love as I possibly can. I tell him every day that I love him, I support him and we can never go back in time to give ourselves a happy childhood that we should have had. I encourage him, I support him, I NEVER call him names, I don't put him down and I try to treat him as nice as possible because of how terrible I feel for the crap he had to put up with. Despite this self-love, the childhood me still feels like a mutilated rag-doll that has felt such self-hate, external hate, ridicule, humiliation, neglect, cold indifference and isolation he is still opting for the surrender and give up option. I am seeking more therapy but in the long-term the therapies I went through did not seem to curb these thought process. Please let me know your thoughts, the current me does not want to die. He (current me) wants to fight child abuse to his dying breath but he is forever-more linked to the childhood me who is still suffering from a lack of love/connection in my past. -Jeremy Motivation for song: NF Let you down

Hey everybody I recently came across a poster that was posted on the side of the road near my home. It says, "Elect patrick ****** for sheriff". I see it every time I come home from work and its annoying to see. I want to put an equal sized poster (which I have) next to it with something funny on it. I am not too creative so I can't think of anything great. I feel it should involve something about declaring the uselessness of voting. You girls and guys are smarter than me so could you help me out?

This is so sad this society has made people feel this way for something as simple as being attracted to their own sex. My heart goes out to the souls persecuted for this.

Well if he lied then I dont think I want to be his friend anyway. He does have a history of being a flake, this is the 4th or 5th time he has done this, once to me awhile back. This was not one instance this is very repetitive. I think he blew up because perhaps he knew what he did was wrong. I'm confident if something really serious was going on on his end he would have mentioned it. He did not mention, "my sister's once a year preformance, or my dying mom, or my best friend in the world is doing a play" etc. He had no reason why that show was worth breaking his word.

He did not once mention that the show was important, whether family, job or anything else so I can only assume hes not mentioning it because it was not that important.

I appriciate the input, hes trying to make me feel bad for calling him on his lack of concern for my good friend person A. It really sucks dealing with people like this.

Yea your right, I went to bed thinking I don't want this person in my life. If I made a mistake I would not think its fair to get mad at somone that says I made a mistake. By friend now I mean "Friend". I was just confused why he started name calling when I asked him if his words were meaningless because he did not keep to them. As I just stated this wasnt a withdraw this was a "a better offer came along so crew my commitments this will be more fun, ill see you guys next sunday!".

We agreed to play a game every other sunday that we all enjoy. On saturday person A reminded B that were playing and if he needed a ride etc. Well hopefully not till 80 but my issue is he didnt withdraw from the event, he just planned over it as if thats ok to do.

Well he didn't thank me, he told me to F*** off and that I was being a douche. I'm just confused because from my perspective all I did was call him on an error he made. I feel like he has a tumor and hes yelling at the doctor for telling him he has it.

I am having trouble dealing with a friend I am currently displeased with. So me him and a couple others agreed months ago that we would meet up every other week on sunday to hang out. One of my other friends organizes it so I will call him person A. The person I am displeased with is person B. So the day rolls around and person A reminds person B that we are meeting up a day in advance, person B responds that he made plans (going to a show) over the plans. Person A says ok in a not so happy way but lets it go. I ask person B why he has no respect for person A's time or the rest of the group, he made a verbal agreement with us and did not keep to it so isn't his words now just useless? For the record there was no family emergency, no one was dying this was a "I said I'd go but by that I REALLY meant I would go if another better offer does not come along". From how I see it all I am doing is calling him on his B.S. and his lack of empathy for person A's time. I wanted him to not be dishonest with his agreements and standards. He of course gets mad and thinks its no problem at all but I was pretty adament that this is all based on principles, this is far past our group of friends. This is him showing NO respect for his own agreements or his friends. What do you guys think? Do I just have a stick in my butt or is it fair to want my friends to have some standards and hold to their agreements they made? -Jeremy

Hey hey, I recently had a conversation with my mother regarding the government. I was arging as that she is a christian and therefore dislikes theivery. I said the government takes her money forcefully and she has no say in it. Her response is that she gives the money to them willingly because every time she uses the roads she owes them money to finance the war against drugs & iraq/afghanistan. I told her if she did not give the money willingly they would take it anyway. She said she would give it willingly anyway and therefore its A-ok. Is it just me or is she an idiot? I told her she doesnt owe them the sweat off her back and that her money goes to evil causes. She wouldnt hear any of it and I should, "Find a new place to live". Anyone wanna jump on this and assist me in any way possible please? Thanks!