jossa

Thanks! you are making sense to me.. and you have confirmed my belief that the problem is within me. yes, i should know this by now, listening to allot of the shows.. but i some how doubted this and went with "she is the problem" ... lack of self knowledge maybe? it is not here fault, she is open and inviting to speak to, but i have this blockage when it comes to speaking to a loved one, and i think it stems from childhood and school, i never felt i could speak my mind without fear of consequences.. i have had this with other girlfriends and my parents. disgusting is not the right word.. when i said that all allot of the immigrants are up to no good, she would say "you can't judge all by some's action" and i would reply "in this case you can't get to know them all and then throw the bad ones out" and that is when i would feel it, she resented.. it is not a problem for me to have this in this thread, i am interested also yes i have that same thing with friends, we can ague and debate differing point of view and no problems there. this is something that happens to me when i should talk to here. could it be the fear of loosing my girlfriend if i speak my mind, is the same as from childhood when i could not assert myself from fear of imaginary abandonment? Thanks allot you guys! time is up in a day now, it is a time i set when stalling for time the last time we talked about it, and she has been way to patient with me already. (i don't think she cares about the time, she just wants to push me out of this inability to be me) i think i am going forward with my new perspectives and try to talk to here about this soon. but please if you think of something, just post it and i will read as soon as possible you have been a grate help to me!

Hi and thanks so much for the reply. i am so sorry for being unable to convey my message to you in a good way. she is not saying it is because of ideology, that is my problem with all this, she is fine with me being me. she is saying that she needs me to commit to her and not keep here at a "distance", which i am doing because i feel this difference in ideology The thing is i don't think it is her fault that i can't speak my mind and assert what i am thinking. i have had this behavior before with other girlfriends in the past, but not with any of my friends or strangers i encounter. She has tried to talk to me about this issue many times, but i "escape" the subject each time. When I finally talked, she was not trying to be rude or rushing me in any way, but she was putting a bit of healthy pressure on me. That i think i needed to get to this point and it has made me think about what is going on and my behavior. What i was trying to say earlier you have now framed perfectly for me. "commit or we need to move on" is what she said.. in a logical and rational way and it all makes sense. And i totally agree with her, She also argued that time is not on here side if she wants a family and it is not fair to keep here occupied without commitment for many years. But i am afraid to commit due to this inability to be myself. and i am afraid it is going to cost me one good lady.. maybe this difference in ideology is not so bad? and i am at fault for not having the spine to face it with someone i care that much about? i am sorry for the poor English, i am usually a bit better at it. but i am so tired now that my grammar and words are not to good

Oh, i see that is not correct, what i meant was to trust here, commit and settle down a bit. Sorry English is not my first language. hmm i think you are right, i have done this with other girlfriends before but she is the first one to call me out and expose this to me. (not in an aggressive way) so you think the political views and the feminism is not going to be a problem when we have children and we raise them? i am thinking about therapy to sort me out, but i have been to afraid to go. but you have a good point there..

Hi. I have a strange situation on my hands. i have a problem asserting my opinions and views with my girlfriend. this i think stems from childhood with my parents, not being able to be me without fear of verbal reprimands.. i don't have this problem with any of my friends or strangers tho.. The problem it this: She is a wonderful person, kind and caring. and gentle as can be. the one to have kids with and make a future with. And i really trust her. The problem is that she is left leaning, and a feminist coming from a university environment. And myself, i have been working in the private sector all my life and is not political, but i agree with allot of Stefan's views The issue i am having is that i don't feel like i can truly speak my mind with here in fear of pushing here away, and this is not something i know for sure other then i feel a bit of disgust in her towards me when i speak about imigration, refugees, islam and such. (she totally respects my anarchistic views tho! even if she is for more of a socialistic society) She has got me to open up and speak about this with here, witch is good. And now she wants to know if i would like to make an effort or not being with here. She has a really good point, if i don't want to then it would be a relationship of obligation and not of love.. This question has got me terrified and unable to respond to her. And i am seeking advice and perspective on the matter if anyone would care to help me i have promised to answer here when the week is over, so i have less then 24 hrs. we don't have children, but we live together. i don't know if any of this makes any sense.. just ask me if you don't understand what i am trying to say. thanks!