massaki

Thank you . I will look her up thank you for your support

Hi this may have triggers for certain people, it deals with sexual abuse and mental abuse and physical abuse. My name is Daniel I have an ACE score of 10. I am the only child of a black single mother. I have been to therapist after therapist and I have found them all to be quite destructive. I have seen many since I was very little, none of the child psychologist confronted my mother on anything but blamed me for my anger issues which was me just reacting to children in my class who were making fun of me for being overweight. I know I was medicated when I was very little but I don't know what drugs, my mother never gave them to me in pill form so I am guessing she crushed them up in my food. I found out about the drugs over hearings her talk about me throwing up all the time due to the side effects. My mother mollested me and made me take showers with her every morning until I was 11 or 12 until I refused to go into the shower with her. I was constantly bullied at school for my weight, no matter what the other kids did I was the one to get into trouble. I remember when I was in first grade defending this mentally handicapped boy in the school yard from about 5 other boys constantly fighting them and I was the one to get into trouble. Everyday when I came home I was beaten by my uncle , because the teachers complained about me, they knew he would do it and he joked openly with them about beating me and one time threatened to beat me in front of my class. I also had a cousin who is 5 years older and is very violent and hurt me a lot. My situation right now , as an adult I have been to 3 therapists and they have all been abusive in their own ways. My first one told me not to trust my feelings and to keep abusive and destructive relationships, he offered only crappy chit chat and was very manipulative to think at the end of each session I got something done. I ended things with him after he had my mother come and I confronted her just about my cousin who is violent and threatens and has tried to beat me up multiple times and why she lets him stay and she claimed no responsibility and then I kept asking and my therapist asked me why did I bring her here if I was just going to beat up on her. Right now I am still living with the violent crazies and I do fear for my life, I have constant anxiety attacks and I go into psychosis and I start to hide in closets and my mind goes to the times of when I was about to be beaten by my uncle. I have no friends to stay with, I do have a job but it's part time and I am trying to get a second one to help leave. I did used to go to a for meetup but I felt isolated and not wanted, little empathy, I did make one friend that I still talk to there though. I have emblem health insurance and I wanted to know if anyone knows any good therapists as good as Daniel mackler or nathiel Brandon that I can speak with or if anyone has any advice. It would be very much appreciated, I really desperately need help. I have read Daniel macllers last book, listened to hundreds of podcasts, I read about 1/3 of real time relationships and I read the psychology of self esteem and how to raise your self esteem by Nathiel Brandon. I just want to also say i will get through this and I will get better no matter what because that is my goal and I want to become a doctor and help research empathy and how we can grow it. I forgot to say I live in New York , queens New York. Also just to correct I have read Daniel mackler's book. To clarify I have been to more than 8 therapists throughout my life. After a while after the third therapist as an adult , I gave up on therapy for a while, thinking psychology the field was bullshit and that if medical doctors lol of ability was that of therapists lots of people would have died already. I still think very poorly of most therapists but I am not looking for most I am looking for a Nathaniel Brandon or a Daniel Mackler, a good therapist

A Are they any books on philosophy , im looking for Aristotle.

I know the feeling man. I played league and freaked out, i cursed at people, told them to "go kill yourself" and told them so "suck a horse dick". League is hyper addicting and its meant to be that way. I have really strong anxiety towards most things and I guess gaming league of legends i argue the most addictive game ever fills that void a bit or at least allows me to not have to think about the other things in my life and the trauma i went through. I don't really know how to help you ,because i can't help myself right now. I am in therapy and its helping so i suggest you go to therapy too. I am silver 1 btw

Here's a video of lacie green talking about it There are many other videos talking about it and now apparently he raped girls too some underage some not. This has been a trend on youtube with these pedophiles raping under age girls. I also find it weird when their friends say they had nothing to do with it and had no knowledge of it. I'm pretty sure that's completely impossible and they are just saying that to get themselves off the hook. Another man named Tom Milsom was caught molesting a 15 year old girl when he was 23 and one of his band mates was caught molesting a underage girl. Both of their friends claiming they knew nothing. I find this ridiculous, that people living with you don't know that you are raping girls and having sex with minors some as young as 12. What is your opinions on this?

By bullshit i mean it doesn't exist. Guy's just say that instead of putting their futures in their own hands. Thanks, I had a history of waiting forever and ,then getting rejected, but I chose to change that and take things into my own hands.

If you really like a girl you tell her you like her and then she says yes or no. The friend zone is created from guys and gals from not being honest about their feelings and intentions.. I just got rejected by a girl and I feel really proud of it, because that rejection would have taken months of me being in the friend zone, but i avoided that and told her i liked her and asked her out. You say what you want i'd rather have embarrassment then regret. Post your experiences here.

record. I put the knife down and wait for the police. They come and hand cuff me and ask me if i am crazy, what drugs am i on, they tell me its not abuse he was just disciplining his child. They were talking about me going to jail, and im just thinking what the fuck is wrong with this world. They told me grabbing a knife is serious business. I told them he is taller and stronger than me ,but they didnt care, i said it was for only self-defense. My mom started telling them how crazy i was and that my little cousin is just acting up and needs to be beaten, and the cops agree with her. They said if my cousin was here he could press charges. For defending a helpless child I get potential jail time. I hate the police, they only defend the state and the profits of the state. What are some of your experiences with the police?

Op Maybe you feel that way, because you don't talk about the things that are important to you enough. I remember I felt that way before going to fdr meetings, but after i was able to hold conversations about my passions and listen to others be it sports or gaming, etc I felt more free and relaxed and i showed curiosity and asked questions. Like, why do you like this sport? oh really why do you think that is? What your favorite thing about the sport? Stuff like that. I think you didnt ask these questions because you didnt care about these people you were talking to. Did you like them as people? Did your wife force you to go? Do you and your wife talk about the important things a lot and in depth?

My first response when i read your critique was "Fuck" You are correct in your analysis of my writing. I don't put much effort into writing and I am in despair most of the time. Since I was younger i loved reading and writing, but when i wrote people were able to see through my writing all of my anger and that i hated my mother. My tutor saw that and pointed it out. I wrote this story called Zane, that was about me basically, in a fake society and he uses his anger to break from the fake society to find true friends and family. It's funny i wrote that when i was 13 and I'm trying to do that now.

I used to be a fan, but after studying self knowledge more. I find most of the things they do repulsive.

It's hard to connect to my anger because i am scared of it. I live with my mother and i want to get a job, but it's hard to do anything without being connected to my anger. One time i was connected to my anger after thinking of my childhood and going through some of it and i gained the ability to apply for a job in person something which i have been struggling with for many months now. When i got home and saw my mother i had violent fantasies of killing her for all the times she beat me, made me feel like killing myself and the times she got the men in my family to verbally and physically assault me. I always had violent fantasies and i even almost burned my house down wanting to kill everyone in it when i was about 5 or 8 like around there.After the ages of 11, I started to attack myself and made myself depressed and docile, it was a choice then to hurt these people as my rage began to grow. I did have confrontations with them but i usually just hide or go limp if someone is doing something to me. Like when my uncle choked me, i didn't fight him back, i was looking at my mom to stop him, but she didn't, so i got angry got him off of my punched him in the face. He stopped after i fought back, but i was later blamed for the fight he started by my mother. I was sticking up for my 3year old cousin. My uncle was screaming at him and making fun of him because he couldn't find his diapers which were in a locked room. For the most part i went docile again because shit like that happened everyday, so i quit life. Now i want to get out of this hell whole and the only way that seems effective is getting angry at the situation that i am in in order to change it. I keep on trying to make myself docile every time i get angry, i think in fear of acting out against them and fear of their wrath when i am not docile. i m also trying to reject reality and think of things as more peaceful when i do this, but the peace is a lie. I am fat and i am destroying my body and my capabilities of ever recovering from this. I do want to go to therapy, but i have to leave this trashcan first and that means i have to get a job. The one i applied to the owner said she didnt have anything open, but she asked me to leave my name and phone number. If anyone has any experience with this, any at all, i would like your advice.

On youtube there are these famous asswholes who get millions of views being asswholes to other people. Here is one video where a guy drugs his friend and pretends he is going to kill him. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CGqmJ7Ki1o Here is another video where one friend pretends he and a group of people are the fbi and they raid the guys house and tie them up.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CGqmJ7Ki1o What do you think about these guys? Why do you think they are so popular?

Thank you for the links. I just started watching enrich your life youtube channel, and i think he is a great guy and a lot of my anger and fear towards therapy went away after listening to him for a few seconds. Once i get a job, hopefully i will be able to get help from him. Thank you again. Thank you for your empathy and advice. I will contact Micheal and try to speak with stef. There is most likely something i am missing , that i can't find out on my own. I signed up for an FDR meetup in newyork, so i hope to meet really cool people there.

I haven't really spoken to anyone in person for about 5months except my family who are abusive. I used to have lots of friends ,but they didn't really care about me, i had surrounded myself with toxic destructive people, so I at first talked about my true feelings, about my life and i asked them questions about theirs and i was rejected, it was person by person, this happened over a 2year period. I started talking to a guy on here, but he hasn't been on skype for a week and i guess im feeling lonely too. I know why i feel crazy its because whenever i was little and i pointed out m mom's contradictions she would make me feel crazy, i guess it's due to all the rejection and constant rejection i get at home. I feel like i am going no where. I have been trying really hard and everything i do feel futile, I still have the same problems but i am alone ,and i can't really talk to new people i meet, because i can see their toxicness and i can tell where our friendship will end up. My last friend i had i thought i could really talk to her until, i asked her a question about her mom and she freaked out on me and kept calling enlightened and told me how i should feel. She contacted me a week ago like nothing happened when its been 5 months since we last talked. I wanted to talk to her about how i felt hurt by her calling me names, i told her, i didn't even care about talking about her mother, but she still freaked out on me and told me how i should feel, and she told me how the past is the past and i should let it be in the past. I thought she sounded like my mother. I then told her it was really important to me and if she had something she wanted to talk about with me even if it was a year ago, i would talk with her about it. She then threatened to stop being my friend. I really want to get a job and leave, but im terrified of being out by myself, i feel like im gonna die out there. My mom when i was younger instilled me being with the outside world is equal to death and i guess those feelings still lingered. I had always been sad, but not to this level and it started when i was in college and it has progressed. I also have a problem where i obsess about things to a point where i dont do them, but i will obsess for hours about them, its a way to make me like still. I feel like there is no end to this. Also whenever i feel like im getting better or im getting a piece of myself back, my mom will do something to break me, like screaming at me until i have an anxiety attack and then making fun of me and threatening to lock me in an asylum while im in the corner crying, 3 months before i went off to college she gave me an eviction notice, when i did go to college she withheld money for my books and then blamed me for the books being so expensive it was like 2-4 weeks in before i got the books, i remember i missed a lot of homework. She did stuff like that to break me. I guess my question is do any of you guys have like any type of strategy i can use to help keep myself together so i can get a job and get out of here? If you or anybody you know has a situation like this please can you tell me how they got out of it. I just want to say i will not ever see a counselor or a psychologist/psychiatrist again they have all been very damaging and I do not trust them, throughout my life i have been to 6 and they have been either blind to the abuse, didn't find it as a problem or they kept telling me especially the last one "don't say that about your mother" "you dont mean that" "she cares about you" and this was after i told him how my uncle my strangling me in front of her and how she watched and did nothing. I also must apologize for my writting, i am in a dismal state of mind right now, but i need advice, i haven't given up yet.