massaki

Thank you . I will look her up thank you for your support

Hi this may have triggers for certain people, it deals with sexual abuse and mental abuse and physical abuse. My name is Daniel I have an ACE score of 10. I am the only child of a black single mother. I have been to therapist after therapist and I have found them all to be quite destructive. I have seen many since I was very little, none of the child psychologist confronted my mother on anything but blamed me for my anger issues which was me just reacting to children in my class who were making fun of me for being overweight. I know I was medicated when I was very little but I don't know what drugs, my mother never gave them to me in pill form so I am guessing she crushed them up in my food. I found out about the drugs over hearings her talk about me throwing up all the time due to the side effects. My mother mollested me and made me take showers with her every morning until I was 11 or 12 until I refused to go into the shower with her. I was constantly bullied at school for my weight, no matter what the other kids did I was the one to get into trouble. I remember when I was in first grade defending this mentally handicapped boy in the school yard from about 5 other boys constantly fighting them and I was the one to get into trouble. Everyday when I came home I was beaten by my uncle , because the teachers complained about me, they knew he would do it and he joked openly with them about beating me and one time threatened to beat me in front of my class. I also had a cousin who is 5 years older and is very violent and hurt me a lot. My situation right now , as an adult I have been to 3 therapists and they have all been abusive in their own ways. My first one told me not to trust my feelings and to keep abusive and destructive relationships, he offered only crappy chit chat and was very manipulative to think at the end of each session I got something done. I ended things with him after he had my mother come and I confronted her just about my cousin who is violent and threatens and has tried to beat me up multiple times and why she lets him stay and she claimed no responsibility and then I kept asking and my therapist asked me why did I bring her here if I was just going to beat up on her. Right now I am still living with the violent crazies and I do fear for my life, I have constant anxiety attacks and I go into psychosis and I start to hide in closets and my mind goes to the times of when I was about to be beaten by my uncle. I have no friends to stay with, I do have a job but it's part time and I am trying to get a second one to help leave. I did used to go to a for meetup but I felt isolated and not wanted, little empathy, I did make one friend that I still talk to there though. I have emblem health insurance and I wanted to know if anyone knows any good therapists as good as Daniel mackler or nathiel Brandon that I can speak with or if anyone has any advice. It would be very much appreciated, I really desperately need help. I have read Daniel macllers last book, listened to hundreds of podcasts, I read about 1/3 of real time relationships and I read the psychology of self esteem and how to raise your self esteem by Nathiel Brandon. I just want to also say i will get through this and I will get better no matter what because that is my goal and I want to become a doctor and help research empathy and how we can grow it. I forgot to say I live in New York , queens New York. Also just to correct I have read Daniel mackler's book. To clarify I have been to more than 8 therapists throughout my life. After a while after the third therapist as an adult , I gave up on therapy for a while, thinking psychology the field was bullshit and that if medical doctors lol of ability was that of therapists lots of people would have died already. I still think very poorly of most therapists but I am not looking for most I am looking for a Nathaniel Brandon or a Daniel Mackler, a good therapist

A Are they any books on philosophy , im looking for Aristotle.

I know the feeling man. I played league and freaked out, i cursed at people, told them to "go kill yourself" and told them so "suck a horse dick". League is hyper addicting and its meant to be that way. I have really strong anxiety towards most things and I guess gaming league of legends i argue the most addictive game ever fills that void a bit or at least allows me to not have to think about the other things in my life and the trauma i went through. I don't really know how to help you ,because i can't help myself right now. I am in therapy and its helping so i suggest you go to therapy too. I am silver 1 btw

Here's a video of lacie green talking about it There are many other videos talking about it and now apparently he raped girls too some underage some not. This has been a trend on youtube with these pedophiles raping under age girls. I also find it weird when their friends say they had nothing to do with it and had no knowledge of it. I'm pretty sure that's completely impossible and they are just saying that to get themselves off the hook. Another man named Tom Milsom was caught molesting a 15 year old girl when he was 23 and one of his band mates was caught molesting a underage girl. Both of their friends claiming they knew nothing. I find this ridiculous, that people living with you don't know that you are raping girls and having sex with minors some as young as 12. What is your opinions on this?

By bullshit i mean it doesn't exist. Guy's just say that instead of putting their futures in their own hands. Thanks, I had a history of waiting forever and ,then getting rejected, but I chose to change that and take things into my own hands.

If you really like a girl you tell her you like her and then she says yes or no. The friend zone is created from guys and gals from not being honest about their feelings and intentions.. I just got rejected by a girl and I feel really proud of it, because that rejection would have taken months of me being in the friend zone, but i avoided that and told her i liked her and asked her out. You say what you want i'd rather have embarrassment then regret. Post your experiences here.

record. I put the knife down and wait for the police. They come and hand cuff me and ask me if i am crazy, what drugs am i on, they tell me its not abuse he was just disciplining his child. They were talking about me going to jail, and im just thinking what the fuck is wrong with this world. They told me grabbing a knife is serious business. I told them he is taller and stronger than me ,but they didnt care, i said it was for only self-defense. My mom started telling them how crazy i was and that my little cousin is just acting up and needs to be beaten, and the cops agree with her. They said if my cousin was here he could press charges. For defending a helpless child I get potential jail time. I hate the police, they only defend the state and the profits of the state. What are some of your experiences with the police?

Op Maybe you feel that way, because you don't talk about the things that are important to you enough. I remember I felt that way before going to fdr meetings, but after i was able to hold conversations about my passions and listen to others be it sports or gaming, etc I felt more free and relaxed and i showed curiosity and asked questions. Like, why do you like this sport? oh really why do you think that is? What your favorite thing about the sport? Stuff like that. I think you didnt ask these questions because you didnt care about these people you were talking to. Did you like them as people? Did your wife force you to go? Do you and your wife talk about the important things a lot and in depth?

My first response when i read your critique was "Fuck" You are correct in your analysis of my writing. I don't put much effort into writing and I am in despair most of the time. Since I was younger i loved reading and writing, but when i wrote people were able to see through my writing all of my anger and that i hated my mother. My tutor saw that and pointed it out. I wrote this story called Zane, that was about me basically, in a fake society and he uses his anger to break from the fake society to find true friends and family. It's funny i wrote that when i was 13 and I'm trying to do that now.

I used to be a fan, but after studying self knowledge more. I find most of the things they do repulsive.

It's hard to connect to my anger because i am scared of it. I live with my mother and i want to get a job, but it's hard to do anything without being connected to my anger. One time i was connected to my anger after thinking of my childhood and going through some of it and i gained the ability to apply for a job in person something which i have been struggling with for many months now. When i got home and saw my mother i had violent fantasies of killing her for all the times she beat me, made me feel like killing myself and the times she got the men in my family to verbally and physically assault me. I always had violent fantasies and i even almost burned my house down wanting to kill everyone in it when i was about 5 or 8 like around there.After the ages of 11, I started to attack myself and made myself depressed and docile, it was a choice then to hurt these people as my rage began to grow. I did have confrontations with them but i usually just hide or go limp if someone is doing something to me. Like when my uncle choked me, i didn't fight him back, i was looking at my mom to stop him, but she didn't, so i got angry got him off of my punched him in the face. He stopped after i fought back, but i was later blamed for the fight he started by my mother. I was sticking up for my 3year old cousin. My uncle was screaming at him and making fun of him because he couldn't find his diapers which were in a locked room. For the most part i went docile again because shit like that happened everyday, so i quit life. Now i want to get out of this hell whole and the only way that seems effective is getting angry at the situation that i am in in order to change it. I keep on trying to make myself docile every time i get angry, i think in fear of acting out against them and fear of their wrath when i am not docile. i m also trying to reject reality and think of things as more peaceful when i do this, but the peace is a lie. I am fat and i am destroying my body and my capabilities of ever recovering from this. I do want to go to therapy, but i have to leave this trashcan first and that means i have to get a job. The one i applied to the owner said she didnt have anything open, but she asked me to leave my name and phone number. If anyone has any experience with this, any at all, i would like your advice.

On youtube there are these famous asswholes who get millions of views being asswholes to other people. Here is one video where a guy drugs his friend and pretends he is going to kill him. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CGqmJ7Ki1o Here is another video where one friend pretends he and a group of people are the fbi and they raid the guys house and tie them up.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CGqmJ7Ki1o What do you think about these guys? Why do you think they are so popular?

Thank you for the links. I just started watching enrich your life youtube channel, and i think he is a great guy and a lot of my anger and fear towards therapy went away after listening to him for a few seconds. Once i get a job, hopefully i will be able to get help from him. Thank you again. Thank you for your empathy and advice. I will contact Micheal and try to speak with stef. There is most likely something i am missing , that i can't find out on my own. I signed up for an FDR meetup in newyork, so i hope to meet really cool people there.

I haven't really spoken to anyone in person for about 5months except my family who are abusive. I used to have lots of friends ,but they didn't really care about me, i had surrounded myself with toxic destructive people, so I at first talked about my true feelings, about my life and i asked them questions about theirs and i was rejected, it was person by person, this happened over a 2year period. I started talking to a guy on here, but he hasn't been on skype for a week and i guess im feeling lonely too. I know why i feel crazy its because whenever i was little and i pointed out m mom's contradictions she would make me feel crazy, i guess it's due to all the rejection and constant rejection i get at home. I feel like i am going no where. I have been trying really hard and everything i do feel futile, I still have the same problems but i am alone ,and i can't really talk to new people i meet, because i can see their toxicness and i can tell where our friendship will end up. My last friend i had i thought i could really talk to her until, i asked her a question about her mom and she freaked out on me and kept calling enlightened and told me how i should feel. She contacted me a week ago like nothing happened when its been 5 months since we last talked. I wanted to talk to her about how i felt hurt by her calling me names, i told her, i didn't even care about talking about her mother, but she still freaked out on me and told me how i should feel, and she told me how the past is the past and i should let it be in the past. I thought she sounded like my mother. I then told her it was really important to me and if she had something she wanted to talk about with me even if it was a year ago, i would talk with her about it. She then threatened to stop being my friend. I really want to get a job and leave, but im terrified of being out by myself, i feel like im gonna die out there. My mom when i was younger instilled me being with the outside world is equal to death and i guess those feelings still lingered. I had always been sad, but not to this level and it started when i was in college and it has progressed. I also have a problem where i obsess about things to a point where i dont do them, but i will obsess for hours about them, its a way to make me like still. I feel like there is no end to this. Also whenever i feel like im getting better or im getting a piece of myself back, my mom will do something to break me, like screaming at me until i have an anxiety attack and then making fun of me and threatening to lock me in an asylum while im in the corner crying, 3 months before i went off to college she gave me an eviction notice, when i did go to college she withheld money for my books and then blamed me for the books being so expensive it was like 2-4 weeks in before i got the books, i remember i missed a lot of homework. She did stuff like that to break me. I guess my question is do any of you guys have like any type of strategy i can use to help keep myself together so i can get a job and get out of here? If you or anybody you know has a situation like this please can you tell me how they got out of it. I just want to say i will not ever see a counselor or a psychologist/psychiatrist again they have all been very damaging and I do not trust them, throughout my life i have been to 6 and they have been either blind to the abuse, didn't find it as a problem or they kept telling me especially the last one "don't say that about your mother" "you dont mean that" "she cares about you" and this was after i told him how my uncle my strangling me in front of her and how she watched and did nothing. I also must apologize for my writting, i am in a dismal state of mind right now, but i need advice, i haven't given up yet.

I actually am thinking of moving. There isnt any reason for me to stay here anyway, I had the talk with my friends and none of them made it, most rejected me and called me crazy.I guess asking someone how they feel about a question you ask them is taboo. I guess i like all the different people. I'm also thinking of attending the new york film academy, because i want to make movies or at least be in the process. i guess i have no reason other than that to stay in the city. Everything here is expensive, i remember a friend rented apartment up state for 300 a month.I also want to meet more people i guess. I was thinking of moving to california, because i also want to be surrounded by other artistic people, new york has a huge scene for just about anything including independent films.I had friends in the scene, but the whole philosophy talk and talking about my feelings squashed that, so i think probably moving would be a good idea.

Hi I will be moving out of my mom's house soon, i estimated that i would have about 800 to spend on rent and food and i know that really low. I guess i'm scared about all the things that can go wrong, going wrong. I live in newyork city and the cheapest i can find for apartments are around 650. My mom said she would help me ,but then later said she wouldn't, she is a crazy, destructive and abusive person. So i'm looking for advice on how can i live on probably 150 a month which will be around how much i will have after rent.

Like what things that you do to help yourself, stay mentally well or at a time when you didn't feel well, what things did you do? I workout, i journal, i write about a paragraph for most of the things i do a day, meditate and listen to stefan.

Hi Please share your childhoods with us. For support and understanding. I think sharing is good and it is very helpful, in the process, and i think we all came here to find support and support each other. Here is a email i sent to Daniel Mackler about my childhood, because right now im looking for a Therapist to help me. Hi Daniel I am 21, I have suffered great trauma, and I'm dealing with things that are beyond my ability to self-help. I have insurance, Emblem Health. I can't pay anything right now, i dont have a job, so i can only do it through my insurance. I was beaten almost everyday with a belt when i was like at least 4-8 for being "bad". I went to public school and it was an animal house and i got picked on for being over weight. I was always told to defend myself, but then i did i was beaten for doing so. My uncle would ask me questions about things that happened, he would ask me why, while he beat me, with no answer ever satisfying him.My Mom used to beat me but I started fighting back, so she got my uncle to do it for her. The beatings stopped after i started grabbing knives threatening to kill them if they got near me. My father was an abusive man, i only saw him once in a while, but his presence was always threatening. The last time i really talked to him i felt scared out of my mind, and that was in high school, the time before that was in 7th grade, he came over to the house one night drunk saying he was the police. I was doing my homework and I payed little attention to him, i said something he didn't like so he slapped me really hard, and my body flung across the room. I was so small less than 5ft and he was 6"4. I remember running away and grabbing a knife and crawling up in a corner screaming get away from me. Growing up I remember having this murderous impulse to kill anyone who hurt me, and a lot of my life i have been trying to control it, by numbing myself. I just now realized that the murderous feeling wasn't really mine in sense but my mother. I at first thought she just wanted to kill me inside like, when i was little and i wanted to lose weight, she would make me go on short walks and then have me eat absurd amounts of fast-food like a double cheese burger, with a 20pc chicken nugget, with a large fries and a large milkshake and peach cobbler. There are other stuff too, but i blocked it off when for when i was younger. Something more recent is that she was screaming at me,but talking in lowered angry voice ,but it was full of hatred, and cruel intentions, I forgot what she said, but she started making fun of me, and then i began to have an anxiety attack and she started making fun of me having an anxiety attack, i was screaming please stop as i was shaking in the corner, she then started threatening to call the police and have me locked up in a crazy-house and she started imitating a straight jacket. I when i was younger for many years i thought she was going to poison my food and i was paranoid about it for years thinking that this might be my last meal, i now realize i wasn't crazy for thinking that she always had this sickening murderous like feeling about her that was covered up, i thought then and i think now she is completely capable of killing me. She even calls the police saying im dangerous several times and then sends them away, she doesn't want them to talk to me acourse she wants them to either scare the shit out me or to kill me, she looking for the right ones. One time i confronted her about how she keeps my cousin in the house even though he tortures me everyday, and keeps me from sleeping and im terrified of this murderous sick fuck, but she basically said its out of her control, and i told her she was the owner of the house, she has full control and then she started ignoring me, so i sprayed juice on her that was near by. She then tried to punch me twice ,and i deflected them, but i raised my hand a third time, because i have been a practicing fighting because i was so scared, my hand hit up her glasses a bit on the side, i wasn't in any mode to attack, my fists weren't even balled up, but she started screaming i hit her and then she called the police on me and i was scarred for my life. The most recent is when i realized that she was trying to kill me, she was screaming and threatening a four year old and i went and told her that it was wrong, it's detrimental and that stuff hurt me back then. She told me to go back to my room and that my point was made. A few minutes later she calls in his father to "discipline" him, so his father starts screaming at him, and she knows how fucking crazy this guy is,one time he almost choked his girlfriend to death while she was holding his child, and he stalked her and got her fired from her job.. My mom was trying to bait me, so that he could kill me. I remember when i fought my uncle over the same thing, while he was choking me on the floor , i was waiting looking towards her to do something, but she looked content letting it all happen letting me die. I had to use all my practicing and just pure survival instincts and saved myself. I made a choice when I was a little boy to help people instead of being a monster, and I've been attacked most my life for doing so, I'm still sticking with that choice,, I just need someone to talk to for help, so i can get out of this hell so i can help others. I did see a several psychiatrist and psychologists thorough out my life and more recently about 6 months ago for 1.5 years a counselor, but they all were very destructive and they didn't care about me, just the narrative in their heads that they wanted to project. There is a lot more stuff, i guess, something else significant she told me for many years that these things never happened and one time i caught her when in her lie, when she told me to get over it, it's in the past. The reason i didn't tell anybody, when i little was because it was normal, i live in a black community and its disgusting and abusive, and i knew no one would care to help me and also my mom told me if i ran away i would get raped and killed, and if i went to a foster-home, i would get repeatedly raped and used for state money.

Ok pretend that i am a feminist how would you convince me not to campaign to ban the word bossy.

I think thats for most people, if you break their forth wall they become violent and angry.

What do you think about it?

Dude dude dude! It's not about working through its about somebody has what i want, i'm going to stand there and stare at it, craving it. There is nothing to work through.... There is no reason for someone to torture themselves over someone who thought they weren't good enough when both of the were single. It's really insulting actually. Of course he wanted the romance because that's what he went for. To say hey be happy with what you got and if you aren't its your fault and saying you have to workout your feelings and value the friendship more, is so wrong. It's the girl problem if she didnt see him as a goodamate, he doesn't have to stay and there isnt anything wrong with him for not wanting to stay in a relationship where his needs arent getting met. I don't think you or anyone should respond to her anymore......

After the feminist video i stopped watching. She has some great things to say about sex and relationships but when a person says they are a feminist i run the other way, i have never met a sane feminist, because i don't think one exists. Her personality, i would fall for, which isn't a good thing. Her little frantic movements, to the way she talks, her eyes , like everything tells me she is a narcissist and im highly attracted to women like that, so i can see all the signs and now because of freedomainradio i can see i should stay away from girls like that. @Wezzums Have you had contact with a girl like that before? What happened with her, is she still in contact with you?

I'm so sorry dude but that is bullshit! With im guessing years of training and years of on the work experience she can't tell if her patient was feeling resentful towards her. I just want to say the whole i didnt know it was important to you is also bullshit, if you mentioned it even once in your therapy session that means it is important to you. Her pushing you didnt bring it up again multiple times in her face after she said she would buy the book, that is emotional abuse, blaming you for her i bet not buying the book or asking to even read your copy to better help you. You had a set plan when you entered therapy and this controlling monster derailed that and made tune to her own objectives. All of those negative feelings you felt was her just trying to control you.I know that spin so well, i have been controlled like that from my old therapist. She kept trying to "act" understanding while trying to get you to stay and turn on yourself and your own instincts, to make you feel like its not her ,but its you "retreating" from her "great" therapy. I'm gonna be honest im a bit biased but i have been to like 7 therapist throughout my life and they were crap and they used stuff like this all the time. I had one who never asked me anything and when i became annoyed and asked him to ask me something because for 25mins there was just awkward silence, he asked me "Does the silence bother you?" like there was something wrong with me for wanting to use my weekly hour session to talk about my feelings. lol