jonschnee

Thank you for your compassion guys.

I want to start out by saying I am really thankful for your reply. For the compassion you extended to me. thank you man:) Well, you know, I don't know if my attempt to play with my little cousin was heroic in any way. It wasn't hard for me to approach her, and I didn't feel any anxiety I usually associate with being heroic. This time I felt pretty comfortable because I was roaming around the house during the party and I just saw my cousin sobbing so I asked what's up. I suspect I wasn't sitting at the table at that moment because I didn't feel like doing that. (dying emotionally sitting in silence with my family.) I'd much rather look busy and help bring some food from the garage than sit in silence with my aunts and uncles. I have such a hard time connecting with them. Part of it might be the age difference, but I'm just not interested in what they are talking about. Or if it's something I care about I know that if I shared my believes they wouldn't feel comfortable talking with me because I'm so radical in my beliefs. Safety. I just can't imagine not going to those parties while I'm here with them. (but you don't need to be here with them) Actually this year I was thinking, what if I just don't come over for Christmas next year. I can come up with an excuse. It might be just the distance. Or money, I won't be able to afford the trip. or something. I think I'm afraid of spending Christmas alone. (you can spend it with friends, people; you won't be alone) I think I still want to have my father around. Holidays is the only time I near him. If I don't see him on Christmas, I won't see him at all. (that's not true, you can still see each other some time during the year. in it would actually be better, because there would be just you and him.) Well, about that. I don't feel I'm being abused by them anymore because I built a wall between me and them and I try to maintain my boundaries. I don't tolerate them crossing my boundaries, to the point that if I feel uncomfortable talking with them on the phone I just hang up. But, this in effect means I have no true relationships with them, and I can't be honest. Because if I am honest I tend to be hostile towards them. I am aware I could express my needs in a more empathetic way and when I see them saying some hurtful stuff I could try to engage in an empathetic dialogue with them. But I'd rather not speak that ask for clarifications on their part. I feel so much anger and sadness when I'm around them.. Just living in the same house as them makes me feel worse than I usually do. My sensitivity to the things that I need and I'm not getting gets amplified so much and I'm overwhelmed with things that don't bother me when I'm living on my own. I'm angry with them. I see their flaws. I want them to be different, to nurture me. I'm angry that they don't help me fulfill my needs. I judge them. I hear myself saying hurtful things to them. judgement like: "they are not nice to each other, things they say to each other are so nasty." "They don't want to empathize with me." "They hold irrational beliefs." "They are so silly." "They are like sad children." You know, I think they are kind of important issues if I want to be parent one day but they are not that important right now. I think that by asking those questions I was in a way asking you for a permission to feel what I felt when I saw my little cousin crying. I felt enraged and sad but my parents said these feelings were misplaced and useless (because the child was just trying to manipulate us). And I was angry at them for saying that..

my father: -"children are these little devils inside. they just want to have it their way no matter what. you can't succumb to their every whim. children try to manipulate us adults into getting what they want" my mother: - "so, you think when you have a child it should be the absolute center of your universe? You should orbit around it like a moon? What about equality?" me: "i don't really know, but i feel their needs come before ours. We don’t need to have children. They don’t choose us. their happiness is more important than ours in the moment except when you feel you really need time for yourself" mother and father: -"you are being an idealist. do you think the world is perfect?" me: "i know the world is far from being perfect. i feel terrible at the moment. let's just stop this conversation right away" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What happened today: we have a little girl in our extended family, she is 5 I think. they say she is growing to be a little manipulator. today when the family came over to dinner and I saw her crying I felt really sad for her. I approached her and asked and asked and asked and finally she told she felt lonely and that nobody wanted to play with her. we spent most of the evening playing, talking and watching "Frozen" together with her older (14 yo) sister. i felt sad because her parents were not helping her. she was left to sob in isolation. that makes me feel terrible. i made a mistake of sharing this feeling with my parents after the party finished. it went south from there. -I feel really sad that she was so lonely and nobody seemed to care. -But her father did. He talked to her. -Yeah, but that didn't solve the problem. When I saw her she was crying. -She was just being manipulative as she usually is. You think he should always be with her, playing and what-not. I bet they spent some time together playing and then they went to the party. The child needs to learn that there is time for adults and has to learn to play with herself. I got angry. i told them that i'm angry and it might be because i feel they are putting the blame on the victim, and it hurts even more so because it's a child. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- playing with her I got the feeling that as much attention as I was giving her it was really hard to make her feel really happy. they were arguing with her sister quite a lot there were new things and problems coming along the way. i think overall she had a nice evening today but it was as she was not fully happy/satisfied. at one point she said she wanted to destroy things because she was angry. i asked her why. she said that it's because she wanted to destroy things. i said, here, you can have this piece of paper and we can destroy it if she likes. she said she wanted to destroy something meaningful to us. i told her she can really tell me what she wants. i might not be able to give this to her but i am going to listen attentively. she kind of shut down. i think she didn't really trust me and that's why she didn't tell me that. i got a suspicion that the truth might be already to painful for her to acknowledge it and she automatically stops. (the truth being that what she is really lacking is great unconditional love from her primary caregivers and they will never give that to her). but it don't really know. she doesn't trust me that's pretty clear. together with her 14 yo sister were tickling each other and playing on the floor, throwing pillows at each other. at one point the younger girl started to cry. she said the younger sister kicked her in the head and that's why she is crying. -no I didn't! you are just lying! -no, you hit me and you are lying! and then when she curled up in a ball with little tears in her eyes and looked very abandoned and sad. so I asked her: -so, you feel hurt because your sister kicked you while we were playing, it hurt and now she says she didn't and she is calling you a liar? and you would like her to acknowledge that - even though unintentionally - she caused you pain? - yes. -she's lying! she is not being sincere. she is not really crying right now, just look at her. --------------------------------------------------------------------- i don't know what my father wanted to say when he said i am an idealist (because he uses this stupid devoid of meaning language) but I know when I hear that my little cousin is manipulative I feel really hurt. Another thing is that I can't accept the notion that maybe some children really are manipulative and evil and they would just ruin us if we fulfilled their every need. Doesn't sit well with me. Even though, you know what, I actually started to feel that my little cousin is really hard to satisfy. As if she were a little black hole for attention. But that didn't make me angry at all, it made me a little sad because I want to see this little child happy. i also feel quite overwhelmed when I talk with my parents about this. i feel worse after every conversation. and they feel worse, it's not productive. i can't really fight them with logic and i don't want to anyway. i need not talk to them about how children are or are not. and politics (what taxes are or are not). and religion (if woo-woo science works or not). I know it's not healthy for me to be living with them. And I don't live with them anymore. I just came home for Christmas about two weeks ago, and we've been getting into these stupid squabbles about stupid shit since then. And from time to time I just snap and tell them how I feel about this or that thing. And I always regret it. It's just that sometimes I feel so isolated being with them, having to keep my mouth shut, when there is a world of thoughts running through my mind. I need to be real sometimes and that's when I get into these stupid fights. Eh. To sum up: I feel it would be better for the child if the parents really were there for them, because obviously for me this little person looks like they were in pain, for real. i don't like myself being so judgmental about the parents not doing their job properly. but i can't stand a child crying. Questions: 1. do you think you should always react when you see a child crying? is that healthy for them and for you? 2. have you ever come across a child that is manipulative (in a bad, evil, selfish way) ? I feel better just by writing all this down, but I would like to hear your answers to my questions anyway. Thank you people.

8 months ago it was hard for me to think of any bitcoin-related businesses that if successful have a chance of making the state obsolete. now there is a whole website dedicated to them: https://angel.co/bitcoin/jobs Bitcoin-related start-ups are looking for people to help them develop infrastructure around Bitcoin, how cool is that:)

I must say I'm a total newbie on this forum, and people might have had similar things going on with their therapists as you have, and maybe this advice has been proven not very useful but, I was thinking,how about you share the same things you shared here with your current therapist? you can read to her exactly what you wrote here.see how she reacts and how it's making you feel. and then decide if you want to continue seeing this therapist.you can also, while still meeting this therapist, start looking for a new one. you can always ask for a second opinion. go see another therapist and share what's really been bugging you with this new person.

Thank you Lians for your article:) I think I'll start jogging. Or riding a bike. Or go swimming from time to time. Therapy, delving into childhood stuff, thinking about more and more about my life has put some extra weight on my nervous system recently. I think I might wanna help my poor CNS a little now. It needs me now. And it seems like sport might be a good idea for me right now:) So definitely some physical activity for me this Spring and Summer. And I'm gonna be more consistent with what I say I believe in, say I value my health, I might wanna start doing something about it. Thanks again, mate.

I don't really know, but what immediately came to my mind after reading the question was this: you have to pick to partners wisely. who on earth would do such a thing to another person? to a person they loved?i can't imagine being with such a scumbag. But I think there must have been some signs. Some clues as to what the person is really like. Alarming signs along the way, as your relationship progresses.Sending sexual pictures requires a lot of trust. It's a really delicate, intimate thing. But if you somehow get screwed anyway, that's a terrible situation. And people should be willing to help you take down those materials from their sites.Besides, the word would probably get out, and your ex-partner would be revealed as a real scum.

I want a life where I'm being surrounded by people I love and admire and who love and admire me. I want to feel good about what I'm doing. I want to do things worth admiring. And I want to strive for a good goal. I want a life being surrounded by people who get it. Who get that freedom and people are f**king important. I want to creatively create. I want to be with others who creatively create. So yeah, my ambition is really to have an ambition. And good people around.

Do you know what the caller from MMD's linked video has done with his life? I'm just curious. It's been 6 years since that conversation took place. (October 8, 2008). @MMD, can I ask you what you do for a living?

Thank you guys for your suggestions. I did some more digging and the most recent thing I've come up with are NGOs. This whole idea of a "civil society" really appeals to me. It's anarchy in practice:PFrom dictionary.reference.com: civil society: the aggregate of non-governmental organizations and institutions that manifest interests and will of citizens; individuals and organizations in a society which are independent of the government. Just a few hours ago one of my flatmates told me about this rather scary video [link] where a boy is sitting at his desk doing some math problems and his father notices his 3- mark (Polish equivalent of American D I think) he got in school. The father than totally freaks out, abuses the kid emotionally and gives him 3 short arithmetical problems and 30 seconds to complete them, after which he is coming back. And you as a viewer have these 30 seconds to help the kid do the calculations. Depending on your results the poor child gets abused either emotionally or physically. Anyway, it's a social campaign highlighting child abuse and there's a link to this charity that's behind this video.I click the link and the following hour or so goes by going through their site.I learned there's this great foundation which helps children. They do all sorts of stuff: psychological help, interventions, teaching parents alternatives to spanking, social campaigns, highlighting the problems and so on. It's the most positive information I've recently encountered! There are people out there who do a real good job helping children. Just amazing, beautiful. Whether they are aware of it or not, their work may lead to a better, more peaceful and free society. (Even if it didn't it's still super-important and great what they do). I have checked their funding sources and about 70% of the money they raise comes from private donors, other charities and private companies. (The other 30% is government funding, either Polish or European Union). Anyway, while reading their website I have encountered many more foundations which aim at bettering the world and it seems really cool to me. There's even something called Polish-American Freedom Foundation, but have yet to check them out. So, I was wondering, maybe some of you know some NGOs, charities and such that help promote the cause of peace, liberty and prosperity? (in the US, Poland, Europe or worldwide, doesn't really matter where right now)?Maybe someone reading this post works in this field? I'd like to learn more:)

Do you know of any jobs, occupations and/or particular companies or organizations that by doing what they're doing contribute to making the society more peaceful and free? About me: I'm a guy, 21 years old, a student of electrical engineering. The problem is I don't really know why I'm doing it. I understand the economic aspect of studying and work but I think it would be great to get involved in something I believed in. And I believe in peace and freedom. I'd love to know my work is helping people become more free and treat each other better in some way. My initial ideas were: -independent media outlet -libertarian internet radio, -a law firm, providing legal help to non-violent offenders -promoting peaceful parenting, working in a foundation of some kind -smartphone apps helping people bypass state control (it's hard for me to think of anything specific, maybe something bitcoin-related ?) can you think of more? maybe you know specific companies or people involved in such work? I'd really appreciate any ideas, however crazy. Thanks.

-in German: FreiwilligFrei.de is strongly infuenced by FDR and they have also translated lots of Stef's videos: youtube.com/user/FreiwilligFrei -in Polish: some of Stef's most popular videos with Polish subtitles:youtube.com/user/kiziorgdyoutube.com/user/libertarianskie