Alin

I see, thanks. A lot of them have websites, so I'm checking there first. You don't have to dig too much apparently, some of them tell you upfront. Look at this post I have found on a "therapist" website: "One day you will understand your parents. You will actually accept the injustice inherent in a parent-child relationship. Whether they offered too much or too little, nothing is enough for life in itself is not enough. Through the eyes of maturity you will understand that everyone is the depositary of their own past, that parents themselves are the result of what happened to them, that paren'ting wasn't a science as it is today, that it's nobody's fault but at the same time everyone's fault, that the past cannot be changed and that forgiveness is inevitable." Next.

Thank you for these great answers they help enormously. I have one more question. Should I ask these questions on the phone, before meeting the therapist and then determine if he's a fit, or ask during the session? If they don't agree with breaking with abusive parents, or acknowledge that this is where our issues stem from, should I stop the conversation right there or go on?

I will move out soon. Also planning on therapy. I'll see how I can manage my finances. I'll watch the Bomb in the Brain thanks a lot I stopped reading after the first 12 words. I am sharing an experience here. Go be retarded in another thread

Here is my discussion with my parents about the abuse they inflicted during childhood. There was a total of 2 such discussions. After having a 1st discussion in which (I believed) I finally got closure, their criticisms of me sparked a second confrontation, in which their mask wore off and I saw what I knew to be the truth all along. I'll try to keep these as accurate as they were in reality: Confrontation 1 (Calm, rational conversation initiated by me. I take both parents into a room, sit them down, and I proceed): Me: I list all the things that I remember they did: beatings, being spat on, humiliations, being yelled at, not being on my side if a situation arised, etc. I pulled stuff out of my head that was dormant and unconscious, and put it on paper, for almost a year while listening to FDR (not the political stuff, the personal therapeutic stuff), as stuff kept coming up. One by one, I list these things, and we discuss them. How I was beaten, things I remember, things they said. My father agrees that he has done a lot of wrong, while also trying to insert some "but it was for your own good" BS which I annihilate right away and dismiss it as nonsense. At first he tried to switch it up and make it out to be about me and how I "dissapoint" my parents, but that didn't work on me either. I keep going, my mother smirks at some stuff I say about her beating me, tries to make up excuses about being "stressed", the usual bs parents give. I call her out on it, these are no valid excuses. I am amazed at the fact that my father admits everything. I am surprised, is this real? They showed no interest all these years. Or ever. But at the same time I sense there is no further interest, no genuine interest. I shrug it off, and I ask for an apology. They give it to me. Still, genuine apologize come without being requested. Confrontation 2 (Angry conversation, after I receive criticisms for being the way I am from the people who are actually responsible for it. People get medals for killing, and I get criticism for minding my own business): Mother: So when do you move out? I don't want to talk to you or hear from you ever again. Me: Nobody's forcing you to talk to me. If I say leave me alone, then leave me alone. You're the one who's talking to me first, are you crazy? Mother: At my workplace there are kids who are well-raised and well-educated (implying I am not, and at the same time blaming me for how I was raised - unbelievable) Me: You did the job of raising me, so what you're actually doing is criticizing yourself? Mother: Ok, I heard enough from you, shut up. Father: He's kinda right there, about 99% Me: At my workplace there are parents who don't mistreat, beat up, and try to one-up their children their entire lives. You're so brave, fighting and competing with your child, clap. Father: I really didn't think you'd argue like this with your mother. You know, ever since the 8th grade you have distanced yourself from us. (Mistake: a child doesn't distance himself from the parents, it's the parents that aren't close enough to the child) Me: Oh, you mean, I didn't want to be that much around people who beat me, yell at me, humiliate me, and mistreat me in every way? I'm such an evil person. You're right. Father: I didn't beat you. Just a few slaps here and there. (after admitting the horrible beatings in the 1st discussion - what?!) Me: You beat me. You are clueless as to the effects of what you have done. You have no idea what you've done. Mother: *ridiculing* You got problems, this beating thing is stuck in your head. Me: I don't have problems, I just have a really good memory. You have completely failed as a parent. Behaviour is modelled in early years during child development. Father: What would a psychologist say to you if kept telling him these things? He'd probably tell you you need to forget this and move on, what would you say to him? Me: That he has failed in his profession. A good therapist would say "I see what you went through, and I see how your parents don't care about it". Father: You shouldn't be like this, you should be X, Y, Z. And remember the good things I did for you, I put food on your plate. Me: That was your responsibility as a parent. Father: *angry loud voice* That's bullshit, I had no responsibility. Give me a break with this responsibility crap. Me: When you have a child, it's your responsibility to give them food. Do you want a fucking medal? Father: No it's not Me: Then you're a murderer. Your child starves and dies. Father: So he dies then. Me: So you're a murderer then. Father: Ok, I have a question for you. What is "home" for you, just answer that to me. Me: There is no home. My direct cold answer strikes him and I see desperation in his eyes. It's that much more painful to see that it was all an act the first time. But I feel better just having the courage to stand up and fight for me. Therapy and moving out soon.

Hey. I've been a donator for the show untill recently when I stopped because I need money to move alone and finally escape hell. This question is for people here who have done therapy. Are there any tips/recommendations you would give, when picking an effective one? Should we talk about childhood? If he doesn't, does that mean it won't help and I should move on? How can I tell if he's an effective therapist or not without wasting money? I really don't know Thx for help

Thank you so much for replies. Now that someone listened to this it doesn't seem so bad. If I ever come across her again, I chose not to do it for the following reasons: - I remembered insecure me doing this to others in the hope of getting approval from everyone else who was present there. We would then laugh. So I can't really be that mad knowing I did this myself and also knowing the causes behind it. She was probably just trying to get approval from those 2 guys. -And another not-so-philosophical reason: Most guys would rate her as attractive, blonde hair, etc, but I have a different taste. So even if I did it, I wouldn't be motivated to continue talking. I have to be honest. So yeah there isn't much to get out of it haha - I realized the rage is there to prevent or to create a response to situations like these should they arise in the future. It's there to protect me, not necessarily to attack. Thank you all for your replies, especially loved the "paying someone back in their own coin kind of situation." Ironically, knowing it would actually not be immoral or wrong if I wanted to, makes me not really care so much about doing anything about it. Guess it's one of those things: we wanna do what we're not allowed to do or have what we cannot. But I am allowed to, so I'll let her be and just use what I learned for the future.

Hey. Here's something a bit silly but it keeps bugging me - and this is the place where I feel safe to share it Throughout high school I've been bullied but it was nothing physical - just random, rude comments, which nonetheless hurt given the fact that I was already crushed by being bullied or beat up at home. Anyway, sometimes I used to run after the bus to not be late for school. One day as I left the building where I live, there was a girl there who attended elementary school with me. We never spoke. And there were also two guys. As I passed she made a comment in a bullying way ridiculing me for sometimes rushing for the bus. I didn't give it much thought. But later was annoyed at it and at the fact that I didn't respond. I remember an analogy that Stefan made: if someone steals your bike today, and you find that person later in time and you know for sure that's your bike, you can take it back right? About 4 years later, which is nowadays, I saw her a few times, rarely, in the bus station. One time I think she rushed for the bus. So I thought: shouldn't I call her out on her hypocrisy? At the time I didn't process this or what Stefan said, I just kinda froze and thought. Saw her again last week and it really triggered me. I know it's silly, maybe even funny, I mean. it's not like she did something really horrible to me, but this thing keeps bugging me. And it's been a long time. I find myself thinking. To the point of getting angry. Should I call her out on it, or leave her alone?

Watched a few seconds felt like vomiting

I survived the Holocaust as a child and I turned out all right. A world war is not that bad, it will make you stronger in the long run. Not a response but just something that crossed my mind.

Oh so for him it's all nice, peacefull, fine and dandy, and yes be nice to everyone and maybe turn the other cheek also? Nobody should be condemned no matter what he does? (not by us, mere mortals, ofc) So the usual bullshit of religion without hell. No thanks, I can do just fine without belonging to any churchie. I don't need to belong to any group

The fact that you say that is proof that you defnitely did not turn out allright.

No, never heard of him. These days whenever I open the TV or radio I get that feeling, as if I want to vomit. You know, kinda like when I see people believing in religions, going to church, and preaching their nonsense to everyone.

Maybe on the planet of pink unicorns they don't. Here on Earth, the church preaches all that bullshit. Of course no sane human being would choose to believe this stuff unless it was forced upon him by his/her parents. So you were loved by your parents, and they taught you that you're guilty that you were born (as if it was your choice), taught you that having sexual thoughts is a sin (again guilt and shame), taught you to conform and submit like a sheep to some imaginary ghost, threatened you with eternal hell if you don't, forced you into the church and at the end of the day kissed you on the forehead and told you how much they loved you. Hmm. Make sense.

I would like to say nothing but my mouth grew a brain of its own and keeps saying What a load of bullshit and her mother saw a post of someone telling her daughter that they wish she was dead and her reaction was " I wanted to puke" ? That's the time to find that child and his parents and speak to them, not vomit. And find out what the fuck is going on with your child that he's being told to die by other people. " I'd do anything for my child, but no, not that. That's uncomfortable" end of rant

So filling someone up with shame for being born (sin) is not abusive. ok.