It's been a process over a very long period of time. Many years of hard work. Hard work which I have to do every single day for the rest of my life if I want to have a fulfilling life, instead of one of fear and brutality.That is the main reason I don't have as much empathy as I could for people who choose not to do the same thing, especially if they are a parent or plan on being one. Life is far too short to spend a great deal of time and energy deal with baggage that doesn't have to exist in the first place if the people who raised you had chosen to work on themselves. I have empathy for suffering and pain, but I don't have much for people unwilling to attempt anything. I am aware that some situations are unchangeable, but for many people they can do better or at least try.Before I was 12 or 13 or so, I trusted my parents blindly, as most children do.
As a teenager, I began to think more like an adult, and noticed the differences between people who were happy and prosperous and my highly dysfunctional family. I had learned to think for myself both on my own, and from adults who facilitated it. It also was a result of having to be "normal" outside of my family.As I did not learn positive values and behavior at home, I had to learn it from others.Some of that awareness had to do with getting acceptance and support from other adults who had genuine empathy, but not getting it at home, as well as receiving acceptance from peers but not getting it at home.I saw what support and self-esteem could do for people, and what being self-centered and fear-filled did for people.Because I had the courage to speak out against my parents, and could see through their lies, cowardice, and manipulation because I had seen positive attitudes, and behavior, I was severely mistreated for being "difficult".I didn't know it then, but the lack of incongruence between what they said, their proposed values, and their actions was a lack of integrity. Something which the parents of many of my peers possessed. This is likely why it was so terrible, and why I was bullied for it.I saw reality, and it was not pretty.