Hayden

The original post really rings home, i'm more or less in the same boat right now actually but don't have the courage to move forth to new relationships yet....I hope your pursuit goes well comrade! P.S. @Drew Woods Do you do online skype-like sessions or something? If so do you pay with something like paypal? I've been thinking about doing therapy and might be interested in what you offer, cheers.

From a personal experience, I used to self medicate with marijuana and other things through out high-school (in retrospect now) because of a growing loss of self and interactions with my family. I had a step parent who could be quite verbally abusive, and the other would never do anything to negate the negative interactions between all of us. After a few years of self destructive habits and relationships, I tried mushrooms and it ironically got me to stop using drugs as I came to realize the scope of the win-lose relationships I got sucked into because of it (e.g. friends who were there just for drugs etc.) and after awhile came to the terms of the social anxiety I have which I repressed with drugs. I can't quite relate to the extreme physical pains you speak of, but I know for my case it filled the emotional/social gap for awhile I couldn't relate to people who were sober and rather couldn't empathize with my self because it was too anxiety provoking to come to the truth of the matter. I got a lot of work to do, but is this the kind of thing you are alluding to The Wandering Shaman? Anyway, sorry for all the negative things mentioned so far, I hope you all find peace with it!

Some fun progressive deathcore, loads of poly-rhythmic grooves. Most of this kind of metal is actually pretty libertarian in themes compared to most other forms of music i've come across-ed, so I think it's relevant! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmzqXnUySkQ

I don't have much to contribute to what has already been discussed, but I definitely have found the focus of this thread to be what highlights why I procrastinate I think. I think for me, it may have to do with the anxiety being, that if I don't think I can't do it perfectly and well set I shouldn't do it at all because i'm a hard worker in most places and do what needs to be done.....but yeah sometimes if i'm scared about failure I end up not doing anything (which of course makes it worse) haha.