Kurtis4444

Have you tried any therapy? If so how has that worked for you? Also it was great for me to just talk to my parents about it. I know this is not possible for everyone but it did great things for me. Talking on here might also help I hope. On a scale of 1-10 how would you say you rate your self esteem? Part of my destructive relationship seeking behavior was tied to my low self esteem or more importantly that my self esteem was almost 100% tied to the person I was currently dating. So I would think my self esteem was sky high at times cause I had the girl I wanted. But I was really just using her to fill myself with self esteem that was really not there if the pretty girl was not on my arm. Sadly it was a long process to feel that I am an amazing person without a beautiful girl validating that opinion. This really just took a lot of time and personal growth. To me self knowledge helped the most in this area. If your on this forum there is a good chance you are willing to look deep into yourself and find ways of really improving yourself and the way you interact with people. Not many people do that and this alone puts you have many other people who literally would fall in "love" with the next person to bat their eye lashes in their general direction. I have been there and it sounds like you may have too, but being able to turn around and face that problem is a huge first step and it sounds like you are here doing that. So give yourself a lot of credit for that. Other than that I sadly don't have a magical line that I think can do the trick. I would do a lot of self examination. Think what you really want in life and how your action with this women will most likely drive you further from that. Think how bad things in the future will be if you simple continue to take the same actions and are unable to learn from your experiences. Think of how few people really know themselves, and how that can help you find where you truly can connect with people on your terms in a way that you love. Hopefully this will help you turn what once felt like love in the past into a part of yourself you can start to understand and eventually control. This can even make you stronger and help you recognize this same part in others. To either avoid it for your safety, or to point it out to them for their safety. Hope this Helps, Again ask any questions, Kurt

First off I am sorry you had this experience. It is quite sad and unfortunate. I noticed that you had no delusion that the relationship was not a good one. This tells me you were actively and at least somewhat knowingly seeking out emotionally abusive or destructive relationships. I do not say this to put you down in any sort of way. I used to do this as well. For me I actively sought out women that were emotionally abusive. For me this was driven by the fact that my mother was emotionally manipulative and verbally abusive. Threw therapy and self knowledge I have stop that behavior and no longer seek out those kind of relationships. It wasn't easy but I believe it is possible you might have a similar issue. I have felt the heart twisting pain of being accepted then rejected over and over after setting myself up for it by being with that kind of person. For me it was important to learn that this pain did not come from losing this destructive person since I realized she was bad for me, just as it seems you knew this as well. Instead the pain for me came from the learned childhood trauma of being an emotional hacky sack for my mothers similar emotional abuse. Once I understood this I could confront the trauma of my childhood with my mother and move away from seeking this kind of emotionally destructive relationship. Now I am not drawn to those kind of relationships and I have since not been in one. Hope this helps feel free to ask any questions. Best of Luck and Hope you Feel better soon, Kurt

This thread is the first I am hearing of Chris Cantwell. But after listening to him speak I think he does make some good points. I think Stefan's route to achieving freedom is amazing and ultimately is what will make the biggest most sustainable change in society. However I can't help but feel that the majority of the change will not take place in our lifetimes. (Just a side note that I don't want to jump over the amazing work Stefan does for people’s personal lives and relationships with those around them, myself included) However the change I want to see in society I don't think we will see in our lifetime. Cause of this I wouldn't be opposed to creating groups that may have more of an impact in the short term. For example a group that signs up for a refusal to pay taxes once they have enough people signed up. This way the government can not simple use force to have them comply. Also Cantwell talked about the fact that people who chose not to stand up to violent in a small way condone it and empower the perpetrators of violence at the expense of the victims. All in all I would like to see that debate.