AMR

I can't tell if you are being serious, I feel like I overreacted with the grooming thing. Obviously this song isn't sexual but it just doesn't sit right with me. We are not going to take him any more of these public school things though, he doesn't benefit from them more than normal playground time anyway.

I brought my kid to a state sponsored preschool event today. So we were doing paper crafts and singing silly songs. Then comes this song "tooty ta" which tells kids to put their bums in the air,knees together, close their eyes, stick out their tongue and turn around. I am all for joining in for most of these songs and silly dances but this song I did not do, I thought it was fun until it got to the "bottom up" part. This song is unnecessary and degrading. I mean I felt that way and youtube comments on a video for the song seemed to lean that way. The song seems like it is very popular with preschool and kindergarten classes. It almost seems like grooming, I am probably over reacting but I wanted to hear other opinions on it. Looking silly for fun doesn't bother me but looking like someone bound your body and having your eyes closed, doesn't seem right.

Thank for convincing me to read it, I already had the ebook checked out.

The NICU is very hard on you, having twins is hard, going from one to three kids is hard. Going from only child to have stressed out/ depressed parents who now spend a lot less time with her is extremely hard. You can't expect her to cope better than you are. Developmentally she is not as good at your at controlling her emotions and she has little control of her life at this point, when she is upset try to call upon logical expectations and empathy to not feel like a sociopath and really connect with her, try to see things from her side and then you might see some of her needs that are not being met. You called her a toddler in your post and she has some toddler behaviors but she is now in the "preschooler" category. If she loves school she might like more structure or responsibilities at home, an important chore she can do all by herself (no pressure of course if she isn't interested or doesn't do it, someone else do it and don't make an issue of it, the chore is for her benefit to feel pride in herself) Try to give her lots of choices as often as you can and take an interest in her interests, whatever they are really try to get interested in it and learn about it to show her she is important to you. If you show her the good parts of responsibility (freedom and pride) she will be more likely to want to be a big girl and stop the toddler behaviors. As for your depression, what works for me is good diet (cruciferous veggies, lots of water, high protein) and EXERCISE. Maybe you can take a walk with the whole family daily? and do body weight stuff at home if you are short on time, I do yoga (strength training, flexibility, meditation/introspection ALL IN ONE) Maybe getting the junk food out of your house will help your daughter with digestion too, she could be having minor constipation problems. Up her water and fruit intake? Has she tried all the fruits at the grocery store? Maybe let her make a fruit salad all by herself? Fruit salad, yummy, yummy. Freedom around food will help her to feel more responsible for herself, so give her healthy choices and leave her alone about it, unless there is a major issue, she will eat. Anticipating her needs and reactions is going to help you modify your behavior so the tantrums will stop, you can't expect to come at bedtime, meal time and bath time the same way every time and get a different response the more you try to do things the way that cause the tantrums the more the tantrums will become ingrained. Does she need a nap at 4pm? Can you put something on for her to watch a relax at 3pm? What is going on around the tantrums is very important to stopping the behavior. What time is her bed time? What does her mother becoming upset that causes you to rage look like? If you slapped her and don't feel bad, are you really interested in peaceful parenting? Slapping her and locking her in her room are selfish and petty. To peaceful parent you have to change your thinking about parenting, you have to have empathy for your child and understand she is not trying to piss you off, she is trying to communicate her needs that aren't being met. I think her lack of coping skills is directly related to her relationship with her parents, the therapist that said this isn't the case is probably not a good one for her. What has her therapist suggested you do at home? I really hope you call in, maybe you and your wife?

Your 25 month old can't tell you that he feels upset and scared that he is getting less of your attention and you are starting to treat the baby more like you treat him than just a "baby". So he is going to act out by throwing food and "being naughty" to get attention, distracting him with his favorite game or singing a song he likes isn't going to cause him to throw food for the rest of his life. He is not trying to make you upset or even mess up the floor of your dining room, he is exploring his environment and possibly looking for attention and connection. They call it terrible twos for a reason, they have new emotions and ideas about life that they are just starting to understand and do not know to express on adult terms. If there is a chronic throwing food issue you might have to look harder at what is going on before, after and during the feeding that is causing him to repeat this behavior. One thing you can try is feeding him at a slightly different time and different place to get him out of the environment where he has developed a habit of throwing food. This is behaviorist thinking, but it doesn't make the child feel like he is not getting his needs met because it is not withholding love and affection.

Did he not nap on the day you were exploring together? Being over tired can cause anyone to be upset. Jealousy was probably involved too. I think with the food throwing issue, is by asking him not to throw his food before sitting down you put the idea in his head to throw the food. He is two so I don't think he is at the point where he has good enough control of his impulses, at this point when he is throwing the food it might be better to just take the food away and give him a bite at a time and try to distract him and redirect his attention to something else. You can say "we have manners at the table and act proper" or something to show him it is not ok and eventually will be enforced. I think you might be expecting too much out of him developmentally. There will be break downs and it is always good to comfort an upset child, he is not a dog and behaviorism on humans doesn't have as good of outcomes because there is a more complicated relationship involved. Now if you are only giving your child attention when he is throwing a fit this can devolve into the dog barking constantly to get what he wants. But being present as much as possible for your child and understanding where they are developmentally will help your relationship.

Advice columnist, telling people what to do in social situations. But I think Miss manners,(Judith Martin) would have been a more appropriate reference, she is an advice columnist focusing on etiquette. Does Norway have an etiquette authority?

Women will have the choice, to be a career woman or have a family and be there for her children. I am a house wife now, I feel like my quality of life is higher now than it was when I was working. Income will be less of priority for women in a free society. If people truly get personal responsiblity as a held value and we come upon a free society, day care will not be common.

I don't think that it is a punishment. That is just what you do in that situation when you break something, you pay to fix it. A kid with developed empathy would want to.

I think there are enough natural consequences in life. I think taking a time out and talk to your kids about their behavior, or teaching your kid to take timeouts of their own to cool down when feeling strong emotions is great. Being present for your kids allows them to learn correct behavior with out the power struggle and manipulation.

This is not a situation for you to handle, they are living their lives, you can give your opinion but that is about it. Are you living in the same city as they are?

On truth: the tyranny of illusion By stefan, this would be a good place to start in my opinion. The main thing with peaceful parenting is being honest. Be honest with yourself about your feelings and motives and be honest with your kids. The most important thing before having children is knowing yourself. Introspection and meditation can be very beneficial especially if your childhood was a lot different from how you want to raise your children.

Peaceful parenting is trying to change how people interact!! Yes, your kid will be different and not have passive aggressive fake friends. They won't take shit from their asshole bosses. You don't need to show them how mean people are, they will find out how fucked up the real world is. If you do toughen them up they will either, treat you like the bad person you are or confuse bad people for loved ones. But as for actively interfering, as long as they are not considered adults you will be responsible for helping get them out of situations that are harmful.

Love this song and The Smiths! Such a fitting title. Why? Because of who you are! And a crack on the head Is just what you get Why? Because of what you are!

Thanks for posting. She is great.

I want to have a open, honest relationship with my kids like the one I have with my partner. I want to have conversations with them not just throw information at them and not expect an inquisitive response. People in my life seem to just want to dump information or feelings on you, not discuss them. I did not want to have children until I met my current partner. I still have a lot to learn and time to grow before having kids.The whole pregnancy thing is very interesting to me, I love experiences and it seems very interesting, painful and debilitating, but interesting.

Why do you feel like you should change tasks? Are you uncomfortable, bored, overwhelmed, lonely, scared, sad, mad?

The parents will not be seen as an authority if they treat them with respect that they treat adults with. If parents do not use force, kids will not be comfortable with people who use force. Libertarian offspring will not group their parents in with teachers, politicians, and police. If they thrive in a very rational environment they will reject most of society. I think the kids of libertarians are likely to be more mentally free than their parents.

The government is scary and you went against them recently, I think it is understandable to have negative feelings towards this. You are doubting your decision to stand up for your values when you were going to judge someone for a crime? Remember, they dismissed you. I think you did the right thing, it will unlikely be a problem if called again or if you need the judicial system. I was called for a death penalty case last year and they told everyone to leave if they didn't think the death penalty should be used under any circumstances. It is a common thing for people to not agree with the government.

I am sorry to hear that you are in this situation. Where are you staying tonight? Do you have a car and job? Do you have a gym membership?Do you live in Arizona/ Alaska? If I were homeless with a car and job I would just rotate parking at big box stores and sleeping in my car while bathing at the gym until I saved up enough money for a deposit somewhere. Gym also has perks of something to do that makes you feel good and they normally have water fountains and Television. I would get a 24/7 gym, Planet Fitness if you have one near you only $10 dollars a month. If some for some strange reason I didn't have a job or car I would probably get on facebook and post or ask around if I could stay with someone and in return I would clean and cook until I could get a job to save up for my own place. I would be very selective with who I picked if I could.

I wish you the best! I am so happy you get to do this for you and your family!

Is your wife currently working? What does she think? Do you have any other means of income? Is your house paid off? Do you have any debt at all? What will you do about health insurance? What industry are you currently working in and can you continue to work on your skills while out of the work place? How long have you been thinking about doing this? What will you do when the year is up? This is a risky decision and I value time very much and understand your feelings of wanting spend more time with the people you love. If you are frugal enough to make choices that have lead you to be financially able to take a year off with three kids, I think you will make the best choice for you.

I do not have kids, so no practical experience. What are the requests that end in yelling? I would ask the child why they aren't fulfilling the requests, and then explain to them why it is important for them do to what was asked of them. I would try to get to them to do things you want by making them think it was their idea or choice, ask them questions leading them to think about things for themselves so they can understand why it is important to do the thing asked. I also think routine might be good for kids so they know what is expected of them so they don't have a huge internal struggle with what they feel like doing and what you are requesting that they do (go to bed, brush teeth), if there is a big change in their schedule, lots of warning and prep should be given. Did you talk to your kids about how you are no longer using violence and why? I think it would be good for them to see you have their best interests in mind and acknowledge that you made mistakes before.