Nathan in FL

Wow, yes, that IS infuriating, for so many reasons. It didn't even register in her head that her boy had made something. I'm sorry that your mother treated you with such neglect! I can totally see how that would dampen your spirit for future creative efforts, and how it would make you reluctant to expose yourself to possible rejection now. Thank you for sharing that with me, and for the great illustration to explain processing. You may have saved me a lot of frustration and feelings of hopelessness, because I was missing an important part: finding mentalities and habits to reverse the effects. With previous efforts, I had gotten to the point of recognizing the cause-effect of abuse, but I did not actively pursue thoughts and habits that would counter the effects of the abuse. Damn, this is a lot of work. :-/ I feel like I'm taking Calculus. Thank you for the time and effort you made to explain everything so clearly. Great article on journaling, too -- not just well-written, but visually pleasing, too. I wish I had the layout skill. On reflecting, I think I'll make progress more quickly if I use the stronger emotions for mental processing and save the playing for the spaces between. Processing requires a lot more active effort, that I can't do if I'm playing.

That was quick. Thank you for the follow up response. You have my meaning -- now let me see if I have yours. lol You say that you think music would be productive for processing because of creating consistency in how I perceive the instrument's nuances. Does that mean ... creating something that sounds angry when I'm feeling angry? ... I'm realizing that I made an assumption about the term "processing." Stef frequently mentions processing memories of abuse. Now that I've used the word, I see that I don't really have a clear understanding of what it means. lol What is processing -- what does it involve, what is the purpose, and what is the result?

I appreciate your thoughtful answer, Rainbow Jamz, but somehow my question was missed. I'd like to find out (with some degree of certainty, as with empirical evidence from psych studies or personal experience) whether playing an instrument is somehow useful for processing recalled trauma, or if it's simply burning away emotional energy that could have been used to motivate me for real therapeutic activities (like journaling, which I do). For example, the anger that I feel when I get access to a repressed memory of abuse has been extremely useful to me. That energy, directed at the problem, gives me great focus and drive, which helps me to really get the most out of the little crumb of memory. If I was to grab my guitar instead, that productive energy would be bled off into making music. So I want to know if I'm getting any psychological progress out of making music instead of putting that energy into intense thinking. Is the process of making music psychologically productive for processing, or is it simply a way to self-soothe? ... or are the two really the same thing?

I've been thinking of taking up guitar again, as a means of letting my subconscious express. I played a lot through high school and college, and it seemed to be a good outlet. However, lately I've been trying SO HARD to dig up repressed memories of childhood abuse, so that I can process them as an adult, but they're so hard to access. My question, then, is if I return to playing guitar, what is it really doing? Is it just self-soothing? Is it a form of subconscious expression/processing that actually makes progress on the problem? My concern is that I'll self-soothe with music, take the fire and energy out of my introspection, and thus make my return to health a longer and slower journey. For as much work as I'm putting into my healing, I really don't want to do something that slows it down. Does anyone know what the professionals say about music in therapy?