Luirru

I cannot tell you what you should do, but I can tell you what I did when I was in a somewhat similar situation. I explored every legal avenue I could to see if and how I could take custody of the kid in question, which for me was very little as I was not a blood relative. Even though I ended up being unable to help the person in question, he told me he greatly appreciated the effort and has turned into a pretty good person. He ended up running away from home when he was 16 and stayed at my place until he graduated college, we spent those 5 years trying to work through his abuse and the inherent problems he faced. He is now a stand-up person who lived through a type of hell, so I know if he becomes a parent in the future he will look back on his earlier life (like I did) and do everything opposite he possibly can. I hope this helps. It is never too late to help people overcome their abuse, every little bit makes the world a better place. I think you, everyone in fact, has a moral responsibility to help make the world a better place through peaceful parenting. That is justr my side though, take it as you wish

I will stop giving him the option when he is throwing the tantrum, it might help. One thing I did a couple nights ago was when I was getting REALLY frustrated I asked him (very calm voice) why he was crying (usually he cries for any number of "reasons" and whines incomprehensibly). I know that may sound overly simple, but he actually paused and THOUGHT about it and when he answered we "solved" the scared of the dark problem. Recently he is initiating negotiations, which is both hilarious ("here is the deal Daddy" lol) and very awesome. I am constantly pointing out when he does "big boy" things, usually accompanied by a hug, kiss, or high five to reinforce the positive behaviour. Sometimes he whines and cries before negotiation, sometimes after. He gets really upset when he cannot have his way RIGHT NOW and has to wait. It is not all of the time, but it is a recurring trait. For instance, if we negotiate that he brushes his teeth and goes potty he can then play a game, he gets upset when we go to brush his teeth and tries to change the deal for him to play THEN brush his teeth. When I point out he said he would brush teeth first (I always have him repeat our deals after we make them so I know if he heard me properly or not, sometimes he does not so I want to make sure it is fair) he throws a tantrum for XX minutes.

I always apologize once we both calm down and try to talk to him, I really do HATE feeling like I have to yell. When he tells me "It's OK" (a phrase I use with him when he accidentally does something I know he does not mean) I tell him it is NOT OK and that we should both do better. I have not tried mirroring him, I fear it would turn into/be seen as mocking but at this point I almost feel that is better than yelling, which I reiterate I really do not want to do at all. I like the idea of the flash cards, I will be trying that. I have talked to him before about "baby" versus "big boy" before, when we are both calm. The "funny" thing is when he is throwing a tantrum and I ask him if he wants to be a big boy or a baby he says he wants to be a baby. I try to not phrase it like babies are bad though, like when he asks for a drink I ask him if he wants a baby cup (sippy cup) or a big boy cup (plastic open top) I do not say anything if he goes for the "baby" cup as that is his preference. He has not grown in 14 months, but his mental development is phenomenal so I am content for now, my brother simply claims my son is letting the other kids catch up to him in height as he is 42 inches tall. I really want a strong and good relationship with my son so I am willing to try and do anything. I know I will always have my bad background to deal with but I want it to stay MY bad BACKground and not pass anything on to him. I do not want you to think it is all bad, we do negotiate a LOT so it surprises me when he starts to throw a temper tantrum. I will keep you guys updated, I appreciate the insight and advice. I am reading a TON of parenting books and it seems like most of them are how to deal with older children, so the advice really helps out.

I know the guilt that comes with this, I am sorry to hear about it. I am working on being better myself, all I can say is keep working at it and do better. I am sure you are tho, the fact you realized what happened is a good first step

Both Unico movies are awesome, they teach the value of friendship and happiness and how jealous powerful people can get. My son LOVES the first one almost as much as he loves the Labyrinth, we usually watch each of these movies at least once or twice a week.

Update: He still loves video games and movies, but when I take them away when he is not home (id est removing the console and tele cord) he seems to be alright. Regardless of if I let him play or not he will randomly whine and cry for at least an hour at a time at least once every other day, any ideas on this? I am sad to admit after about two hours of non-stop crying I lose my cool and yell at him ( ), which makes me incredibly sad but he calms down quickly thereafter. I have tried to talk to him, sit with him, play with him, read to him, sing, you name it, nothing calms him down. I really HATE yelling tho, I am studying all these books to try and calm down myself, him, negotiate, et cetera, but I end up yelling regardless. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated

I showed my son (he is almost 3, he was 1.5) Star Trek and we renamed certain things around the house as a result. Our car is now a spaceship, his car seat is the Captains Chair, I am the pilot, he occassionally orders phasers to hit the "space monsters" outside, et cetera. When he is riding his bike he is piloting a shuttlecraft so he can "work the helm" for a change, it is a lot of fun. Yes it is fantasy but he is having a lot of fun, so I see no real problem with it as he understands it is not REALLY happening but he can still have fun and we talk about it. One time when I was chasing him around the house (his favourite game when I am already tired lol) he jumped into our hall closet and said he was hiding in a cave and needed Spock to help him get out, it was soooooooo adorable. Hope this helps give you some ideas

https://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/40853-book-recommendations/ I have been reading the books listed here and made by Stefan, they are REALLY helpful and can help out. I devoured one every couple of days, while my kid is too young for a lot of the techniques it gives me time to learn how to incorporate them into my thinking for when they are your age. I highly recomend reading them, they could help out quite a bit. My friend has a 10/6/4 year old and the books helped him with his eldest who is suicidal.

I can tell you that it helps to unhinge the mind, I remember reading a study done and that is one of the reason Lewis Carroll was as crazy as he was. It also can get very confusing for me as this is what happened to me when I was young, the catholic school nuns would swat me each time I used my left hand. For me it manefeists most when I am trying to describe certain things verbally and fail to find the proper words, also my handwriting has not improved since I was forced to write with my right-hand and I have yet (30 years later) to learn to write cursive.

I let him stir when cooking on occassion, usually he is so vegged out that he does not even hear me when I ask him if he would like to help with supper. He is a very independent child, he wants to pour his own juice, been eating with his own fork since the day I showed him how, opens and shuts all doors on his own, puts on his own shoes, and generally anything else regardless of if he is fully capable of it lol. Nice suggestion on chef hats, it is hit and miss for him wearing a hat but if I am wearing one too I am sure he will love it, thanks! I usually ask him if he wants to go to the playground or go home, so not sure if that counts as varying it up but I will try to make an effort to do more. From what I have read tho most kids like routine, and I think my kid is bordering on OCD too :/ Tas: I have a few Wii U fit games I let him play, but I am worried if I give him a remote he will throw it around so I am only letter and showing him games completely on the board. He loves the chicken flapping game, he really likes movement of any type to be honest. I will hope he comes out of this phase soon, I really love doing more than watching shows with him.

He is 2, he turns three in less than a month. Gods where has the time gone? I do tell him certain objects are sleeping, my way of saying they are off and will not be on anytime soon. I usually have the plug for the telly removed so even when he tries to turn it on there is no power, only to find out this morning he learned how to plug it back in himself! Never seen me do it, yet he figured it out lol. I have been reading that book for a few days now, anytime I get the chance really. So far it is pretty interesting, I am trying to apply it to him now. I hope I can be a good enough dad, it just gets so discouraging that all he seems to want to do is watch the telly.

My (almost 3 year old) son and I kiss on the lips, I think nothing weird of it. My mother and I used to kiss on the lips up until she died of cancer, my grandmother until dementia/diabetes/cholesterol killed her. Growing up there was a lot of affection from the women in my family while the men were ice-cold, I think I got a handshake from my brother when I went into the Air Force. The one exception would be my maternal uncle who hugs and kisses me, which I thouroughly enjoy. I know some of you state "you cannot say it is a cultural thing" but really it is, just cultural for the family. I never felt forced to be affectionate to the women, to me it simply shows they both love and like me. I will state that my "love language" is physical though, that might play into this discussion as well. All this being said, if my kid ends up not wanting to kiss me in the future I will respect his choices. That part is the most pivital in my mind, as worrying about his preferences now is a moot point. He might like kissing me so much because I like kissing him and he just wants to be like his daddy, he mimics me in so many other ways. Hopefully this helps the discussion a bit!

Thank you, I will try harder to do this. That is part of what I meant by bargaining lol. I would rather her have left than to bring unwanted issues to the relationship and cause more permanent harm (in my mind) in the long run.

Hi, first off I would like to give some context to help put everything into a better perspective. When my son was six months old I came home one day to find him crying in the crib with a wet diaper and a note from my wife saying she could not handle being a mother and she was leaving us. I was in the military at the time and had to put him in daycare as there was no way I could stay at home and watch him while still being in the military. I started school and got my MBA in finance so when my contract was up I could get out and get a job as a civilian so I could spend more time with my baby. It has been two years now and I am working as a civilian and get to spend a ton more time with my kid than I did in the military, I have no regrets about that decision at all. I have not even tried to find another woman, devoting myself entirely to my son. Since I am a single-working parent, my son is still in a daycare but it is run from the home of a good friend and he is one of only 3-4 kids total so I feel a little less guilty since she loves him like a nephew. Our normal routine has been to pick him from daycare (in the car we talk about his day), go to the playground for an hour (ride his bike or play soccer), then come home (talk about the playground), while he plays with his toys I make supper, finally after supper we sit down and watch an episode or two of the Muppets or one Star Trek before we begin the sleeping rituals. The problem is that for the past coupole of months when I pick him from daycare all he wants to do is watch the Muppets or similar show. On the weekends rather than go out and play together (beach, walks, bike rides, et cetera) he tells me all he wants to do is "watch something" and ignores any attempt to do something together. I know he is not just watching stuff at the daycare, so I know it is nor "normal" for his routine. How can I get him to re-engage with me? At first I thought it was a temporary phase but it has been close to three months now and I am getting tired of constantly denying him the television and hearing his screams. I have tried to bargain, use logic, and just unplugged it completely. Every weekend he gets up and finds the Wii U controller (regardless of where I hide it) and starts to either watch NetFlix or play the game in it, except if I unplug the Wii as well as the television (which I do every night). I really want to connect with him, what can I do?