Huldra

Thank you. I think there is something missing but it's difficult to identify exactly what, or if I'm simply blowing something unimportant out of proportion due to anxiety and over-analyzing/ruminating thoughts. I came across this blog which deals specifically with relationship anxiety and a lot of it resonated with me. It challenges the popular cultural notion of "if you're in doubt or not 100% sure, you should leave". The problem is I can't distinguish what the root of the issue is: Is it anxiety brought on by my own thoughts/fears that I need to work through, or is it the relationship itself that is wrong for me? This is my current struggle.

I belive that there is love - to what degree I'm not sure... How do you quantify or define love, really? How do you know when you love someone enough, and for the right reasons? The quality I feel I'm missing from him is perhaps a sense of drive and leadership in the relationship, along with a stronger passion/ambition in life. How common this is with other men, I'm not sure.

I just listened to podcast 2940, where the caller talked about how his gf wanted to take a "break", and Stefan immediately pointed out that when a woman wants to take a "break" it's because she wants to see if she can do better, without having to give up the safety of the relationship entirely. This really resonated with me in my own relationship struggles. I've been with my bf for 4 years. Overall good relationship, and we're well on route to getting engaged soon - I consider him my best friend. But in the last year or so I've developed a lot of anxiety and fears like "what if I'm only with him because I'm afraid of being alone" (because I have never been single) or "what if there's someone better matched for me out there" (because I have only been in 1 other relationship and never "dated" / I did not know exactly what I wanted in a man when I met him at 22), and I find myself questioning everything, along with my attraction for him. All this thinking had led me to believe that we should take a "break" from one another, and if I think about it and am honest with myself, it's entirely true that this is so that I can determine whether I can "do better" or if I am making a mistake. At 26 I feel like I'm in a stage where the decisions I make right now are going to affect the rest of my life (choice of husband, having kids), and I'm so crippled by the fear of making the wrong choice, that I can't seem to make any decision at all. So.. my question is -- how should I as a woman, deal with this? Is this hypergamy manifesting itself? Am I sabotaging a good thing with a totally decent man with these fears, or are they valid? I'm very appreciative for any advice or feedback/thoughts on this..

Wow this looks like a great resource! Look forward to reading through it. ^^

I just wanted to chime in and say I can relate, and you're not alone. Relationship ambivilance has been a huge source of anxiety for me. I'm 26 and have only had two relationships - but now that it's getting really serious I'm questioning if I can really make an informed decision with a "lack of experience/references" in dating; I keep questioning if he is "right" for me. For all I know it's just fear speaking. Sorry I don't know what to say that can help, but I'm curious what advice others here may have for you.

I've had this book on my to-read list for a very long time - heard a lot of great things about it!

Ok. That clears it up. And yes, what exactly constitutes a "full member status"? Thank you!

Hi. I'm trying to upload a profile photo from URL. But I get the error "member_profile_disabled". Am I perhaps doing something wrong, or do I need a certain number of posts or something first? Thanks