winterbliss

"Psychology of self esteem" by Nathaniel Branden John Bradshaw's "Healing the shame that binds you" - although he's a christian, I like how he describes the ways families are dysfunctional and he talks about what a good family is "In the realm of hungry ghosts" by Gabor Mate it's available as an audio book and helped me get a new look on the problem of addiction.

They actually hired me and are investing money and time of the most valuable team member to train me. I'm doing my best to minimize the subconscious manipulation and do my part of a healthy relationship and it's going pretty well. I feel some issues with the team, but I suppose there's no company to trade up to, unless I become Stef's employee.

Thanks for posting again. I was beginning to think I repelled you with my last reply and even considered starting a topic "getting rid of dysfunctional habits in communication" or something. Since my second post the compelling to waste time in daydreaming kinda lost power and I didn't expect that, as I've spend hours thinking about the issue. In a way you helped me by being someone I can write to. My interest has other sides, but in the brief moment I "address the thought" in my mind, an image like an icon "appears", some detail from the interior for example and I feel something like a warmth or joy. Sometimes the "current state of the dream" switches to some other not very reasonable car, but still gives that feeling when it's possible I'll be able to buy it in reasonable future. Getting a taxi, to go and ask the doctor something seems quite not right, but only if I had my own car, I'd be happy to deal with every otherwise exhausting issue. When working my last job with very dysfunctional people, I was in a way supported by a picture of the snow, the car and even associated that feel with a certain music. BTW Nicholas, a gear head like me will take a 500 euros worth of hatchback with a torque-ish engine and be fine with it.

Thanks for the interest in my topic. I have a bunch of numbers in my mind and I feel compelled to compare them in my mind. Torques, power to weights and a ton of other stuff. "That car with that engine must feel terrific compared to my dad's". I see a car as a partner and a capable tool in the right hands. I suppose I'm one of those who couldn't bond with people much as children and "bond" with objects instead. When I'm most secure feeling in my programming and motivation for work, I begin to shift my motivation and look forward to the car. In a way the interest kinda retreats if it doesn't have a productive opportunities to interfere. The more I feel I can actually have the thing pretty soon, the more I'm worried about the work in the firm till then, as I'll be effectively an intern under critical watch possibly. If avoiding responsibility is wasting time trying not to feel like s*it because I've wasted so much time so far, I think that's now not the case. As also I don't feel the status and power thing at all. But I think I want a "beefy car" because I'm kinda skinny and have been dominated in all sorts of ways when younger. @Jamiroquai Nice car, RWD uncompromised engine and layout. I was dreaming of a V6 Audi 80, but 92 Astra F 2.0 will be more fit to my position and a good stepping stone to something multi valve V6. I'm not a hipster, these are common cars ages in eastern Europe

Hello everyone. I'm having some sort of addiction to thinking about cars and dreaming of buying one. Actually my last depression 8 months ago ended with me finding an interesting car for sale witch I calculated I can have with only few months of savings if I work. I've read In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts and the way some of Gabor's patients talk about their addictions reminds me of how I feel. In the book it's said that passion is a spark that leaves you motivated and inspired and addiction is a fire that burns and destroys and leaves you drained. This is how I feel after spending 4 hours of reading in forums inconsequential details for cars I'm not really that interested in in first place. I'm going to moderately benefit from a car and buying one that I consider decent isn't beyond reach if I could just concentrate on beginning a career as a programmer. In a way I see the car coming first. Working good job with good people - after that. If I actually get it, I think I'll feel empty and entertained for two weeks, after witch I'll forget buses and know gas stations and park problems. A company may give me a shot soon, but every time it seems may be I'll make it, I'm very tempted to think about cars again and leave my preparations for work. How dysfunctional do you think all this is and how should I approach the problem?

My honest cover letter got me an interview. The interviewer was kinda humble in the way stef is, with his - "I can be wrong" or "I just threw that as something to think, as a particular way of thinking is what we are looking for". He also assured me they won't judge me for my lack of diploma. The boss also seemed quite rational and very different from the kind of narcissistic/psychopathic neurotic bosses I've seen in the past. He also was a fan of Atlas shrugged witch I found when I stalked him on fb. May be that last nitpick was because I have the dysfunctional urge to stretch things to the realm of magic.

These were some of the most useful responses I've had on a forum. Thanks. You encouraged me with this and I agree with dsayers, a man of virtue doesn't own the truth to those who don't deserve it.

Hello everyone. I recently began listening to Stef's show and became a big fan of the way he uses practical philosophy and psychoanalysis to describe the pathologies of our world and why we lack integrity. I'd like to know if you guys have an opinion on the subject of bringing honesty when trying to find people to work with. In companies I've been in there was mostly dysfunction covered to some degree when things are going good. By honesty I understand when asked for example: "what happend to the pervious job" instead of saying the technically true statement: "they told us currently the business doesn't allow much work for juniours", to say: "I think I failed in these ways due to this and that". I'm currently looking for a job as a programmer. I have a failed internship (my actual job was being a narcissistic supply to the guy who got me the job and inartistic supply to his other narcissistic supplys), quitted first year of studying IT specialty, have also studied political sciences(I needed to find a girlfriend and there we more chicks), worked in construction and sales for some time. I'm now in my mid 20s. So far I've presented my self only for my strong points and neither I or the interviewer wanted to dig into my past fails. I presented myself like a brochure of good things, and tried to relieve the other side from the responsibility of hiring me when knowing in details all the negatives. I wonder if being honest and open about my mistakes will give me a better shot at finding a tolerable job. The default option was the formal(manipulative) approach, for witch I've read dozens of tips and tricks and have experience in sales so I kinda know my way in this. I consider being completely open and honest in hopes if I find a job, it will be with good open honest people. The work process wont be a competition amongst the employees and strive for surpassing the others around you and securing a dominating position. Taking technical discussions personally and fighting for a fragile ego.