danielle9184

I am very sorry for the pain of your loss. I know how it seems that if a relationship has maintained itself for so long, it seems like it ought to go on forever. You both seem like such reasonable people. In a screwed up world, individuals able to temper logic and emotions are hard to find. I don't see it as difficult to understand, then, why you wouldn't want her out of your life entirely. Women tend to become more attached through sex or, at least, they wear it on their shoulder more. (Oxytocin and such) I have often felt, personally, that it's unfair for men, who are not ignorant to this fact, to sleep with women that they don't desire an emotional attachment with. It's no surprise to me then that the women you had slept with in your single period had attachments to you. I would be wary of them looking for a commitment of exclusivity from you sooner than you are prepared to give it if you are trying to avoid the rebound thing. Just something to look out for. I wish you best of luck. I would, if I were you, look for a therapist to help you sort it out.

The relationship I am in did not start under ideal conditions and certainly isn't what most would call a ideally healthy relationship. The disgust I spoke of was a general feeling, which I had experienced before in a previously, slightly less unhealthy relationship. *He has issues controlling his anger, or angry behavior. *he is bipolar and not in treatment. *he takes his frustration with things I life, ranging from mild annoyances to actual things people stress about like making sure there is enough money that bills get paid. How the behavior shows itself ranges from yelling, to being destructive to objects. *he cheated on me over a year ago. We did not get therapy to get past it. He prefers the head in the sand approach when he has done something wrong. *i am aware that he was adopted and abused physically by his alcoholic father, mentally by his sister and mother, sexually by his sister and male cousins. Why is he of value aside from my misguided affection? We cohabitate. I do not have enough income to support myself (and I have zero interest in going back to dancing full time) and living with a roommate who will not be attentive to my eating behavior, as I would not expect them to be, could be asking for real trouble. I do not trust myself enough to be alone. Does this make me a parasite. I am aware that I need help, obviously, cause I am in therapy. I am waiting on a Warm line as I type right now for a peer specialist to talk to me. I am a bit upset about something that happened a few hours ago and don't want to burden my friends at eleven at night.

Hi all! I've been listening to Mr. Molyneux's podcasts and watching on YouTube for over a year. I have to say that I really admire his perspective on the world and I frankly find it extremely refreshing. This may come off a bit like an introduction. Me: I'm a 30 year old from a pair of married biological parents, from an upper middle class neighborhood in the Philadelphia Metro area of South Jersey. I am the eldest of five Irish Catholic children. I was the accident and reason for my parent's marriage at a particularly young age, in a time period when it was less common; the early eighties. My family used to attend church more frequently while I was growing up and like many, I was subject to public school as well as afternoon Catholic education. Now, they have seem to have dissolved into twice-a-year-Catholics but who could blame them. Although my mother did stay home for the first 10 years of my life before going on to be successful in her current career, it was never suggested to me that I would do anything besides be a self-sufficient hard worker. I am aware that based on my back ground and education, I ought to be at a certain place in my life. Married and trying to get pregnant. Trying to get married. Or much higher on the corporate/ income ladder than I currently am. I'm a receptionist, now, actually. I don't even make $20,000 a year. Nothing, in the world irritates me more than the fact that women younger than me are sitting at home, knocked up and not worrying about how their electric is going to be paid because Big Daddy Government will take care of that. I do not blame the economy, men or any force outside of myself for my current situation. Some could say that because I have/had a mental illness (Major Depressive Disorder and Anorexia) that it's understandable that I did not find success in my education and as a result have not found it in my current work situation. You see, I made a mistake when I was 24 and the 2008 Ecomony Crash hit. Instead of hitting the streets for a new job when I got laid off, I decided to become a full-time exotic dancer. It only took me four-five years to realize that it was a waste of time because it was not helping my resume at all. What was I thinking? I was young and needed to feel as if I was attractive. I had been bullied, for being in special education, for the larger part of my educational experience and suffered with an intestinal disorder called Ulcerative Colitis. Feeling pretty was and is still sometimes a struggle for me. People talk very degradingly of women in sexually oriented fields, particularly people from backgrounds like mine. Having been the "good girl" for all of my life, I wanted to do something "bad" for once in my life. Dancers aren't leeches, inherently. They're like prostitutes in a way. The exchange is honest. You like to look at me naked. I would like to be paid. I only do occasional gigs now because, let's face it, who doesn't like cold, hard cash in hand totaling up to, sometimes, $400 for six hours of mindless work. So, clearly, I'm not unattractive. It's only taken me this long to realize that I could land a catch of a relationship, if I honestly sought to. But I have a very typical, low self-esteem, attraction to men who turn out to be jerks and abusers in one form or another. I've recently started going to therapy again. Last year, my weight got very, very low. Lowest ever. My fiance' had cheated on me. I stayed and suppressed my deep, seething anguish by working every hour I could stand to and counting calories obsessively. I'm still with him. That's another issue. What I am trying to figure out is what do I really want out of life? I feel adrift on a tide to no where. The last thing I can stand to be is a burden. I know I want to be loved but I want to be loved by someone who has as much passion and drive and interest in the world around them as I have. There's a fear that I've started to have, as a result of my last two, long term relationships, current included, that no matter who my partner is, I will go to have disgust and resentment towards them within a few years. And part of me thinks that sometimes, it would be best to just be alone. Two reasons I am not alone, I don't make enough to do so and it could be dangerous considering I'd be coming off a break up. No, I can't move in with my parents and go back to the scene of the crime, where the cabinets are all filled with food and my mom makes snide comments about my food choices, appearance etc. I have no idea what really makes me happy or what drives me but, by God, I'll be thin. I don't feel the title fits.

I have been the recipient of cat-calling. In a less densely populated neighborhood, in sweatpants and a zip-up hoodie, I'm regularly honked at and occasionally approached, in spite of the 70 lb pit bull I'm usually walking. Do I see this as sexist or blame the "patriarchy"? Not at all. Is it irritating? Yes. If I am not topless and girating on a stage, I generally do not appreciate being hooted and hollered at. To blame men is an unfair generalization. I attribute this behavior as more of a cultural thing. If I were to talk a stroll further into the nicer part of down, I typically see a decrease in the amount of honking I receive.

Most of the fat acceptance I hear comes from other women, under the justification that men prefer "curves". I don't claim to be a feminist or any sort of lable. I am me and I have my own ideals a prefences for the body that I dwell in. Personally, I don't care if men find me less appealing because I like to be thin and I am not going to gain ten pounds to appease anyone.