Mothra

I really found Happy Feet to be a great movie. I mean who doesn't love an atheist dancing penguin? It portrayed coming to terms with being different from society, standing up to authority, and replacing superstition with reason. A theme I find fairly prevalent in kid movies is that you are special or "the chosen one" just by chance, and not because of your own efforts and working hard. This was demonstrated in Kung Fu Panda. I find this very disturbing.

Thanks for the input, guys. I don’t really have any friends I can talk about this stuff to and its been eating me up inside. It means a lot. I’ve only had one other long term relationship in the past. It was undoubtedly not the healthiest relationship, but I felt loved in it during the good parts. We worked together and lived together so I think there was a degree of codependency. In that relationship the sex was every day if not more. We also spent a great deal of time just talking and hanging out. Me and my current boyfriend have had discussions of why I need the sexual component to feel loved but have not come to any answers. I agree with you that I should be able to answer the second question. I think to him it means being accepted for who he is and going through life together. I’ll have to think more on that though. That’s the question I have as well. He’s talking about wanting to get married and gets carried off with the idea, which in a weird way hurts me. I don’t really understand what he’s getting out of this and it makes me think it’s not ME but the idea of being married to me if that makes any sense. We do have talks and moments of intimacy, and we get into conversations about the world – history, anarchy, society, etc. But these don’t often turn inward at ourselves. That’s the attempt I’m trying to make lately and it has proven difficult. And these types of conversations are limited to maybe an hour a day before bedtime when he is here. The rest of the day is usually work, housework, and that kind of thing. He works out of town for up to a week at a time and then comes home for a week or two. I’ve tried to think of why he might be this way. He wasn’t abandoned as a child, but was definitely abused. He’s told me on at least 2 occasions that his father kicked him in the stomach. And I know he was spanked as well. His father continuously cheated on his mom during the marriage (and is now married to one of the affairs). He was in jail for a period when he was 23 and after getting out, found out his parents had gotten divorced. I don’t know what you’d call it… if it would be considered sexual abuse or not, but his first sexual experience was at the age of 5 by a peer. He’s told me that he used to have a much higher sex drive in the past. He is 35 now and overweight so it’s possible that might have something to do with it. I do my absolute best not to push that subject because I know it’s touchy. We talked about testing his testosterone, but it never happened. He has expressed that his low libido concerns him as well but he hasn't really taken any steps to address it. I am his longest relationship. He has had several others but none lasted more than a few months. He has told me that none of those people seemed to be genuinely into him and I’m the first where it’s felt like that. So it might be he’s just not experienced with emotional intimacy and doesn’t know how to go about it, or that he’s scared of being vulnerable with a romantic partner. I did this when this problem first started to happen and yes, it had exactly the same consequences you mention. I just couldn’t fathom the idea that a man wouldn’t want to have sex. We get the idea drilled into us that men are sex maniacs. The past 6 months or so I have really aimed to not do that, though it feels like torture to not bring up my thoughts or feelings about it. I think maybe the damage has already been done. I almost positive he isn’t cheating. He doesn’t have the time even when he is away. I have really tried to ask him about his needs and feelings, but he doesn’t really open up. When I try to have conversations about the relationship, he usually goes quiet. Eventually he’ll say “you’ll have to let me think about that” and come back a day or two later with his response. It seems like he doesn’t trust his gut response or thinks that he’s going to hurt my feelings with his gut response. Maybe he is taking my inquisitiveness as dominating, I’m not sure. I really want the relationship to work. I have entertained the idea that it may not and it is heartbreaking. I really feel like getting to a level where we can talk honestly with each other is the only thing that will allow it to work. I will definitely try harder to make this kind of inquiry a safer, more inviting prospect to him.

I am new to the FDR message board. I've been watching Stef's libertarian videos on youtube for about a year and have recently been listening to more of the family and relationship podcasts. I've always been fairly introspective but these have me going at a much deeper level. I am currently in a relationship and we both have tough histories but in different ways. We have been together for a year and half, living together for almost a year. We have been having some issues lately. I'm starting to think a lot about my family and how I relate to people and trying to incorporate this into our discussions to improve our communication and connection. He seems to be very resistant to this. He watches a lot of Stef's videos as well, but mostly the ones about libertarian stuff. The main issue I have is not feeling loved. He tells me he loves me all the time but I don't FEEL it. I feel most connected/loved when we are having direct interaction, whether it be talking, cuddling, or having sex. The talking doesn't necessarily have to be about the most profound things, although I enjoy those the most. He apparently gets most of the connection he needs from physical proximity - just being in the same room and doing different stuff, not even talking. He also has a very low libido which I find very hard not to take personally. He is definitely a cuddler, but I feel like we have become way to platonic for my tastes. And I feel like he is putting it all on me, like my needs are too unrealistic. I have trouble bringing up these issues because it has historically created distance. Usually we don't have sex for at least a week or two after an emotional conversation. But the stuffing things down doesn't work either, because they inevitably bubble up to the surface, and I start crying. I fear the crying may be the thing that is turning him off from having these types of conversations. Does anyone have any advice for getting your partner on board with self knowledge and doing it together? I listened to Stef's RTR and I love the analogy of painting in the same room with a fellow artist and improving each other's paintings. That is what I would like my relationship to be. I just don't know how to get there.

I'm not a fan of the growly screamy stuff. I was a musician for many years, mostly classical and jazz. I didn't discover metal until my 20s and got really into power metal. I agree that metal is one of the few genres where the musicians have any degree of technical proficiency on par with that of classical or jazz musicians. To me the melody is more important than the lyrics. Honestly, half the time I don't even hear the lyrics, although I do love that metal lyrics in general are about things besides the typical banal subject matter of pop songs. The growly screamy stuff I can't pick out a melody. It's the same reason I don't like rap.