TheW_nderer

There was a lot of me plus going on in my family, and religion is one of the ultimate demonstrations of that, and I realize that it may have fed into it a bit. I was homeschooled and that did lead a lot to my individuality, but the religious aspects made things a bit confusing once I was out of it. No one, in my eyes, would be "whole" or "virtuous" if I didn't do something about it. I realize now that I carried those ideas with me into my relationship, even when I finally gave it all up and realized my atheism. It's so awesome that you are sober and moving towards the life you want. I think there are so many people out there who try to steer us in the right direction in their own ways, and it's easy to write them off, but I'm definitely going to listen to people more. But dropping the plus now is really helping me weed through the bullshit friends/family in my life. It seems that there is a pretty good community here that you can be your true self around, and I really appreciate you all! You've given me some useful feedback as well so thanks! I'm actually planning on buying a boat with a friend and sailing the world! Good analogy! lol. I'm steering clear; keeping my legs crossed and guarding my heart(as Stef recommended lol).

I realize that that's been an issue in my life since I got out of homeschooling and they may have had to do with my lack of experience socializing then. I'm happy to learn about it now and I hope applying that advice will lead to healthier more genuine relationships for me in the future. Now as I interact with people around me, I try to drop any "roles" that I'm so used to filling. If they aren't going to love me for who I am, why should I keep them around?

It was a bit confusing, but you did give me some things to reflect on whether they applied to me or not. I think from the time I sent in the question to the time I actually got on the show, I had grown to understand what went on a bit more, and I think that's why some really important things didn't really come up here. I am so glad I called in. I'm doing much better now and am moving on to ensure that I live a happy, fulfilled life. Thanks for your input either way!

When people say ignorance is bliss this is the definition. But I don't think the ignorant can be truly happy, but that's just my opinion. We see the world as it is and try our best to conquer it through virtue and not denial, so when we succeed we are the one's who can feel true happiness and fulfillment because we are experiencing existence to the best of our ability and therefore care reap the reward to the degree that we are willing. I have and will continue to make so many mistakes, but if I deny reality, that is the ultimate loss because there's no where to go but in circles. I can be "happy" on the hamster wheel or I can hop off, realize I'm in a cage and try as hard as I can to get out, and when I do, feel amazing rewards in self-esteem, pride, self-knowledge and happiness. Oh, but the road is so long!

I don't know if it's the degree of dissatisfaction that sets us apart, because everyone has screwed up lives to some degree or another, and most people are in a perpetual state of "screwed" because they continue to utilize the same cause of their problems as a solutions. I feel like people who do that seem to be those who are less intelligent. I don't know. I guess it's not really our job to change the world, but rather, to be the most virtuous people we can be; striving to have the happiest lives that we can.

I feel the exact same way and did the exact same thing. Though I knew the issues all along, I thought that things would work themselves out like usual, but it was never really working. It's hard when you feel like you're "being there" for someone, while also being romantically involved. It's just like a perpetual state of supporting and waiting for the person to be okay enough to love you back to the same degree that you loved them. (Love in the action sense), but I don't think it works that way. Of course, feeling like you have new competition adds to the fire, because there's an added element of trying to prove your worth, when it should never be that way. If you are worthy of being loved and someone else is incapable of doing that, then you shouldn't settle for their no matter how good you feel around them.

I realize that. That's been my struggle all along, I knew they were at odds, but I didn't take actions to try an merge the two again. I am drawing comfort from knowing that, with time, all aspects of me will be consolidated and I will relieve myself of this inner conflict. If I really cared about myself and my happiness over sustaining a relationship I would have done what your ex did and avoided this dramatic situation to some extent. I feel your pain in this situation, and I hope that we can both heal from it and become better people in the end.

I'm starting to lean this way as well, but it might just be a lost cause if we are focusing on a demographic which is genetically hindered from being open to reason.

For sure. Thanks for the advice!

I'm in the process of letting this go. It's easy to blame other people for your outcomes in life, but I have taken a lot of things to heart and have come to grips that I have only received what I have accepted in regards to my relationship. As I list off things that I saw in my ex, I am really haunted by the idea that I accepted them, regardless of whether he is an asshole or an angel, in the end, I am the person who chose to be in the relationship and what does that say about me? (of course there's that gnawing voice in my head that says "am I the only one who has to behave?" lol) I really just want to be happy, and though I am obsessing over the details in my relationship it's because it's kind of become a case study for me in that I've listened to so many podcasts from Molyneux and a lot of what I've heard perfectly aligns with my situation, and because of that, it's become a bit thrilling to look at from the other side. I don't really have strong feelings about this matter, but I have really annoying thoughts about it all day. I know I have work to do and I really want to be prepared on what to look out for if I ever choose to be in a relationship again. Thank you for the link!

That makes sense, but one has to consider who will raise these children. I guess people like us will have to crank out absurd amounts of children in order to make any difference at all in the grand scheme of things. I know you're right, but it's just a bit discouraging.

Oh I see what you. I don't see that as something that relates to me. I am not interested in men for their money, I've always done well to provide for myself and prefer it that way. This is a common concern for women I suppose which makes your thinking this understandable. I was more turned off by him talking of his elderly grandmother as someone he's waiting to die so he can inherit her things. Kind of like moocher behavior to me. That was one thing that I often felt uneasy about with him, it was that he would try to use where he went to college, where he lived or his grandmother as a way to win points with people. His grandmother doesn't really support he and his family, he paid for college with the money he won from a car accident he had as a child, and though he lives in a richer area, his family lives modestly in a tiny apartment. None of that stuff ever mattered to me. I thought it was interesting that you referred to what you're upset about, that this new girlfriend of his will get thanks to you and instead of you, as an "inheritance". I think maybe you're saying that this is kind of a pattern of him that I should have realized? That he uses women to get what he wants and then uses that to get the next woman like his grandmother? Possible. I really don't like failure, which is probably why I waited so late to have relationship and fought so hard to keep it in the end. I never felt ready or compelled to try deep relationships with people until now, and I really did see a future in it, though I had my doubts along the way. Deep down I know it was for the best that the relationship ended, because it wasn't a rational one and I knew that all along. The virtues I ascribed to my ex were actually just fabrications of my own doing to make up for what he lacked. He was an asshole, yes, but I knew he was an asshole and I accepted that even though I did encourage him to do better. The hard thing is when that person seems to be open to going after a better happier life, but in the end, chooses the easy way out. The day we broke up, he asked me "what if I need a codependent relationship?" to which I replied "I couldn't give you that" he later looked up what codependent meant and was horrified that it described him perfectly. I pointed out how it perfectly described the relationship he was having with the other girl, but he just brushed it off.

I don't really mean just in coping with relationships, but I guess my point it this: if their are intellectual restrictions that may hinder people from being capable of this lifestyle, then couldn't it be seen as a lost cause to attempt to spread it? If Stefan says that mostly people of higher intelligence are able to stand his show, doesn't that limit the cause quite a bit?

His grandmother is, but doesn't continually support him. She helped him through college and that's about it. Though he has talked about the inheritance he would get after she died. As far as the addiction to failure, could you explain what you mean by that? You think perhaps I wanted my relationship to fail or I love when others fail?