Self Actualization

I try to limit my Coffee consumption to once or twice a month when I really need it that day. After I have a cup, I become this super productive, enthusiastic, motivated, talkative, energetic, etc. etc., person. When I don't have coffee, all the things I want to and I know I should be doing are an immense struggle to do and I don't see the point in putting in any effort. My performance at work suffers greatly, I have trouble remembering anything, I'm anxious and quiet, I always think something bad is going to happen like I'm going to be fired from work or something and I have trouble talking to people. Because of all of this, most of my time is spent periodically living super healthfully (exercising, eating healthy, no sugar, no caffeine, no alcohol, no bread, meditating, yoga etc.), seeing a few benefits in the process and then waking up one morning and overeating a bunch of junk food or other instantly gratifying activities. What's going on here?