Tyne

It is a sad for me to admit it, but this is 100% true. There is no way facts hold a candle to sentimental story-telling and feelings to her. She is a tenured professor of creative writing- apparently distorting reality is what she does best. As long as it sounds good.

You are absolutely right. I posted Steph's video as a reply to this NY Times article (http://nyti.ms/29YcF2k) with a comment that points out that this article is missing some relevant facts, which Stephan covers. From there, I get that bullshit quote. I replied back with many of the criticisms that dsayers pointed out. Her only reply was "Wow Tyne." To which I promptly replied not an argument. She asked me why I was so pissed off. I asked her what makes her think that I am? "Tone" I told her she was projecting. Text doesn't have a tone; I simply presented some facts. I then asked her what she was feeling since she brought it up, but I don't expect to get a reply. So, that's how that transpired. Hardly a graceful performance on my part, I know. There are probably a dozen better ways I could conduct myself on Facebook, but I'm not feeling the regret just yet.

I have decided to stir up some push-back with my BlackLivesMatter-supporting mother. In response to my sharing Stephan's Truth About Alton Sterling and Philando Castille Shooting, she quoted this: "And, let’s get a couple of things straight. This is a little side note: the burden of the brutalized is not to comfort the bystander — that’s not our job, alright? Stop with all that. If you have a critique for our resistance, then you’d better have an established record of critique of our oppression. If you have no interest in equal rights for Black people, then do not make suggestions to those who do. Sit down." (Jesse Williams - BET Awards Acceptance Speech) How would you break down the flaws in this quote? Just a side note: My mother has black skin; I have white skin. Although I am part black and we share a noble lineage of exceptionally brilliant ancestors who have contributed enormously to Black history, my experiences with BLM couldn't be more different from hers. Primarily, I'm guessing, because I do not look black. I get sneers and hostile remarks from black people on the street; meanwhile, she gets coddling, sympathies for her struggles, and concerns for her safety from white coworkers and friends.

I was having a discussion with my friends not long ago about common themes in dreams that many people have; like flying, losing teeth, zombies, water, etc. I mentioned being chased by a killer seemed like a common dream. They were puzzled and alarmed, but confessed none of them (there were three of them) had ever had a dream like that. In particular, they were alarmed by the idea of turning on the dream attacker and attacking back, which I described. Which got me wondering if anyone else has had dreams like this, if any of you think it is common or uncommon, and what meaning it might have. For me, the nature or the "being chased" dream has changed quite a bit since I was a child. It used to be that I would get chased down and attacked then immediately wake up. Now, if I am being chased in a dream, I will try to get away, then when the killer is close enough, I will turn around and kill him first, often with his own weapon after a slight struggle which I easily overcome. The weapon is often a knife, and the dream continues with out waking. I don't have these dreams often, but I did have one just a couple nights ago that was so visceral its still got me thinking about this dream and wondering why I would be having it and what it might mean.

I don't post much on Facebook, and I comment even less often. When I do decide to leave a comment, I think long and hard about what I say and if I should say it at all. I really don't care what people think about my arguments or political positions. I feel pretty safe from attack behind my computer, and being female and mixed race; my employers are republicans and don't seem that interested in snooping around my Facebook page. My husband, however, is concerned that my opinions could end up costing me employers and clients in the future. He is a stay-at-home father and can be open about these topics with out much consequence. (Although he says even he has clammed up more over certain topics these days).

My husband and I have put off getting some much needed therapy. My husband mainly uses the excuse that we just can't afford it. My fear is of what I don't yet know or understand about therapy and what a good therapist is supposed to look like. You mentioned that it would be simple to figure out if a therapist would be right for you by asking the right questions. What would be some good questions to ask? What are some red flags?

Yes! My husband and I studied the Bradley method. We had a home birth with a midwife and a Doulah. It all went fantastically well, and I don't think I would have done anything differently. I had no idea my husband could be such an amazing partner in parenting until that day, and he continues to surprise me almost two years later. I think the experience had a positive impact on him, too, giving him an active role in bringing our child gently into the world. There were times when he needed a break or it was all getting to be too overwhelming for him, so the Doulah would step in, lend a hand, give advice to both of us, and reassure us that all was well. She even took photos for us, which I'm glad she did so everyone could stay involved in the process and it could still all be documented. We didn't find anything particularly religious about the Bradley Method; perhaps that part was glanced over by the teacher. If there was any religious undertones, it didn't effect how we wanted to go about the labor. My one criticism would be that the dietary advice might be a bit out dated. I would recommend talking to nutrition expert or refer to your midwife or OB GYN since information on nutrition seems to be constantly changing.

I had a favorite stuffed animal (several, as they kept getting lost) that I clung to and slept with for years. Some of my stuffed animals didn't leave my bed until I moved out to college. My mother was somewhat distant growing up. She was a single mom raising me and my half sister. I was sleep trained as a child and put in a room shared by my sister. I'm a mother now, and share my bed with my son. I comfort him with hugs when he's upset and breastfeed him when he's really upset. He's never had a pacifier or bottle. He doesn't sleep with fetishes like blankets or stuffed animals and although he has some favorite toys, he doesn't seem to need or want them for comfort or security; he'd prefer to jump into his daddy's arms or my arms and be picked up and held. I'm totally fine with that and proud of it even. However, what I see all too often on the Facebook mommy groups is mothers complaining that their baby only wants to use them for comfort or nurse to sleep in their arms and how can they get their baby to take a pacifier or toy to sleep instead of them. These women seem fed up and exhausted by their child's needs and want a break from the constant touching. To me, this seems like rejection, but then my perspective is deeply shaped by my childhood insecurities.

You could probably bring up the conversation with the adults, preferably around the kid. The conversation you would be having with the 11 year old boy would be a conversation with his internal parents anyway, since he's reciting conclusions most likely implanted by someone else. So, might as well have a direct conversation with the source, and show the boy how the conversation might go. Talk to them like you want to talk to the boy. From what I've observed, parents get frustrated, too, at this indirect conversation with them through their kids. in the end, the conversation isn't about changing their minds so much as it is about enlightening the child, so don't worry too much if the conversation doesn't go great with the parents, the boy will with any luck be learning something new, if not about ethics and rational thinking, then about his parents.

Thanks for sharing that. What a great idea. I never kept journals as a kid because I didn't trust the people around me with my private thoughts and feelings, but I did keep dream journals from when I was a teen. Maybe there's some introspective gold in those somewhere. I still don't write in journals because I still have trouble shaking this fear of personal intrusion, but I am writing a journal to my son to give to him when he's an adult. When he is old enough to write, I'll encourage him to write in a journal. (I probably should work on my privacy issues until then, if I want to stand any chance of selling this journaling idea to him when he gets older.)

I wish I had taken a year off school after graduating high school and just worked on my own projects or just gone right into the work force. I learned so much just from working a couple years in retail. I wish I had explored my own interests while I still lived in the financial security of my mom's house. I could have accumulated a little more savings and been a more active implementer of my own goals, instead of just floating along on the same corse as all my fellow classmates.

I got a 141 on the European scale; 127 for the American scale.

I would imagine it would be really tough for your wife, home alone with a baby and no Daddy to help out or take shifts really sucks. In my experience, having my husband around has been a huge relief, not just for the sake of getting things done, but also to have someone to talk to and receive affection. Babies are amazing and fun to experience when you have two adults but they are scary and burdensome when you are alone- mothers make no exception. Babies travel surprisingly well! Particularly breastfed babies on planes. If you two do lots of baby-wearing and nursing, traveling by plane will be pretty comfortable. Car seats, however, are usually a nightmare. A beastfed baby wants to be in his rightful place, in arms, near the breast, all the time. Care seats (particularly those basket carriers for newborns that convert to car seats or strollers) are often uncomfortable until you switch to front-facing seats. Maybe it's motion sickness... I don't know. I hear so many complaints about babies hating their car seats until they can face forwards. You'd have to stop often to let the baby stretch and move around, as those seats can reek havoc on developing hips and spines. Babies will adapt beautifully to your routine, as long as you are fulfilling all their needs when they cry. Traveling a lot can absolutely be normal life for a child. You have options, and I'd recommend focusing on what your family needs to be comfortable (baby and wife in particular for the first year, at least) you might be surprised to find that's not necessarily a sedentary life at home.

Brucethecollie, it seems to me like your kids, particularly as they grew older, have a healthy established criticism of the world. They don't sound like the type of people to just go along with whatever; and they're not afraid to ask an adult to cut the crap. Some kids are more susceptible to magical thinking and have trouble distinguishing really from imagination. I suspect these kids need to be checked in with more frequently than the naturally skeptical kids. However, if the child has a grasp on deductive reasoning, I doubt the training for being lied to or tricked is really necessary. I wouldn't put my kids' trust in me at risk by simulating what they might encounter in the world; that seems like it would have the opposite intended effect. If they were to encounter frauds and liars or just plain deluded people in the real world, I would hope that it would give them pause enough to ask what was going on. Brucethecollie, is this what you experienced? You said your kids picked up on it without your help. My husband and I are really curious about this scenario. Did you have to explain things in the context of "supposedly" or "some people say..." Did your kids have interest in what your beliefs were? Did you manage to avoid this?

Brucethecollie, that's fantastic! it sounds like you successfully circumnavigated allowing your kids to think for themselves and having fun with the myth! That's very inspiring.