A friend of mine has a similar problem, he is not able to feel empathy and he does not feel guilty when he hurts other people. He feels bad when other people hurt him, but he does not feel bad when he hurts others (he never felt it, not even when he was a child), although he generally understands well how others are feeling.
I once saw a video about a pshychopath who talked about how it was like being a psychopath and he believed that in most cases there is a genetic predisposition to that, and when you have a terrible childhood (particularly if you were spanked as a baby, which is my friend's case), those genes will be activated.
I don't know if your problem can be cured, but if the empathic part of your brain did not develop correctly as I child I think it is very difficult. My friend chose to accept his limitation because he believed that not feeling empathy helps him to make more rational decisions, and he has chosen to be virtuos not because he feels bad if he is not, but because he thinks it is rationallly the best way to act. Other people act virtuosly to avoid the feeling of guilt, however he does it because he thinks it is the best thing to do.
However I don't think this is your case, because you really and desperately want to feel empathy and love, and the fact that you can't is making you miserable. I think having empathy is better than not having it, because although it can make you suffer and distort your thinking sometimes, you will be able to have more meaningfull relationships. If I were you I would call Stefan and ask him for help because I don't know how you can develop something that you didn't learn as a child.
Also, it is important to understand that if bad things happen to other people, empathic people never feel as bad as if it happened to themselves. They feel a little sorry, but not as bad as if it happened to themselves - it would be crazy if you were able to feel exactly the way they do, you would not be able to live your life!
As for your claim that women try to manipulate you when they expect you to take the first step and approach them, let me tell you that you are acting yourself as one of them, because you don't want to talk to them unless they approach you first. So if they are manipulative (which I don't think thet are), you are being manipulative too. I don't know what you are afraid of, being the one that approaches others does not make you less worthy. Imagine that the girl of your dreams is in front of you and you chose not to approach her just because of your past traumas, that would be letting your past win. The gain could be huge if you take the risk, and you don't lose anything. Please don't let your past win.
I hope this helped you, please let me know if it didn't.
I really want to help you with this.
