Ajl2016

I have a nearly 3 month old and his "comfort toy" are my breasts. I've heard many people tell me "you don't want to get in that habit, they'll rely on you for comfort" ect. Before we evn conceived we made the decision that our baby would be our everything and actually mean it. People have a strange reaction to babies needing comfort. I think they forget they are just babies they aren't capable of feeding or cleaning the bottom so why do we expect them to comfort themselves. I have a nephew with abusive parents and he has a blanket he takes with him nearly every where. in that case I would say it's not "healthy" because he's using this blanket to keep him safe rather than comfort him. I have no problem with comforters, as long as that is what they are, not some cover for some deep down issue. If that make any sence.

Hello all, not sure if this is the right space to post this but I wasn't sure where I should. My loved one is my mother. She's coming up to her 53rd birthday. She has been smoking well over 30 years. She's had several attempts in quitting including patches, pills, gum and even hypnosis. I understand why she smokes. With out going into full detail, home is very stressful for her. My father verbally abuses her, and yes I've spoken to my father about his abuse and he always replies with "we're only joking around, your mother knows that". It sickens me, obviously. I understand this is her coping mechanism and her reason for smoking lies deep down in her childhood most likely. I'm wondering if anyone has some positive ways I can encourage her to quit? We have a 3 month old and I want my son to have his grandmother around for a long time, just like I did.

I'm sure he's aware of the concept of death as he attended a funeral and his mother had to explain to him what it meant. I do think it comes down to the parenting, which isn't done well at all. While we were at a family event, my husband bring up that we would not be smacking our child and nor should they. Ethan's mother is well aware spanking is wrong but let's her husband do the dirty work so she feels less guity. I can now understand why he said what he did but it's still very distressing. As we don't see him very much, would my husbands and my positive impact do him any good anyway?

@Will, they are not religious at all.

Hi all, thank you for your replies. I was a bit worried about posting this question as I'm not good with criticism, constructive or not, but I'm glad I did. All your responses have helped a lot. I think I reacted with "why would you say that" because I'm very protective of my offspring (natural I guess). I do not have a lot of experience with children. Which is why I don't know how to react to what he said properly, I was just so shocked. My husbands family are very authoritarian, Ethan is smacked, by his father and even my husbands parents. They believe the whole "We were smacked, and we turned out just fine!" (They didn't) his father yells at him and we have caught the mother calling him a douche. So I don't know if he has picked it up from one of his parents? When he first started talking about death, they were shocked, now like I said, it's just some sick joke to them. I think my question is, how can we help this poor child? We don't want to be around these people as we are worried the effects it's going to have on our child. The only reason we are around these people is because my husband works for his parents (runs their business) and we aren't in the right finacial situation to just up and leave his job at the moment. Sorry about the life story, just want you all to get a better understanding of the situation.

Hi all, thank you for your replies. I was a bit worried about posting this question as I'm not good with criticism, constructive or not, but I'm glad I did. All your responses have helped a lot. I think I reacted with "why would you say that" because I'm very protective of my offspring (natural I guess). I do not have a lot of experience with children. Which is why I don't know how to react to what he said properly, I was just so shocked. My husbands family are very authoritarian, Ethan is smacked, by his father and even my husbands parents. They believe the whole "We were smacked, and we turned out just fine!" (They didn't) his father yells at him and we have caught the mother calling him a douche. So I don't know if he has picked it up from one of his parents? When he first started talking about death, they were shocked, now like I said, it's just some sick joke to them. I think my question is, how can we help this poor child? We don't want to be around these people as we are worried the effects it's going to have on our child. The only reason we are around these people is because my husband works for his parents (runs their business) and we aren't in the right finacial situation to just up and leave his job at the moment. Sorry about the life story, just want you all to get a better understanding of the situation.

Hello, first post here, I wanted to get other people's opinions on a situation I was caught in. Oh nephew is about 3 and half years old. He has lately been talking a lot about death, from, "I'll kill you and let's play the kill game" both quotes from him. We had him over one day and he again started talking about killing everyone, my husband then asked him, why does he want to do this. He's answer was because it would be funny. Later that night I was sitting on the couch with my newborn, he comes up to me and points to my son and says "wouldn't it be funny if he was dead" (exact quote) I then said in the calmest way " no Ethan, it would not be funny, why would you say something like that" he then said it was just a joke and put his hands to his face and giggled. He's mother then comes in and asked what happened. I told her and she said "oh it was just a joke". She then went in and told the rest of the family what he said but changed it to "he looks dead". Little back story, my husband and I have chosen to peaceful parent our children and both our families think it's a joke. They believe strongly in hitting if a child has done something wrong, rather then finding the cause of the problem. Ethans parents are horrible at parenting (to say the least) they really don't show they care for their child. There are many more stories regarding Ethan but, I don't have all year to write them down. Back to the story, my husband and I were disgusted in what Ethan had said. The rest of the family thought it was all just a big joke. "Oh that's just what little boys say" or " he's just a little boy" we're both quotes from my husbands family members. I guess what I'm trying to get at is, are both my husband and I insane for thinking there's something more meaningful behind what Ethan said or is it all just some kind of sick joke. His parents seem to think it is. I just don't know what to do. I feel foolish at times for trying to think deeper into as I keep being told its "just what boys do". Why would he be talking so much about death? Sorry if this post is all over the place. I'm a little lost in it all. I appreciate all your feedback. Thank you