mishochu

My boys don't match, this is progress in my mind. My second son is intact. I'm definitely a regret parent but I'm thankful for all that you do and the information you've shared. It started here and spawned off to "Brother K" and Intact Nation. 2015/6 were fun. 2017 is already so much better. Here's to peaceful parenting from day one. Cheers.

Great stuff, hopefully they don't get bullied into staying (no thanks, Obama)

This topic is particularly interesting to me (I'd like to say for obvious reasons). The discussion of both height and IQ leave me feeling like one big anecdote. As an aside, height is not 100% controlled by genetics as malnutrition can "lock away" one's full potential for height. My grandfather on my father's side was 7 feet tall, my father is 6'. I am 6'3". On my mother's side I don't think anyone ever got taller than 5'7". Did I return to some sort of mean? I guess the probabilities of genetics don't make it easy to determine if the mean is my father's height legacy over my mothers. I do not know the IQ levels of my father or mother or either grandfathers. I am of Ebira descent (a tiny inconsequential tribe in the middle of Nigeria that is not part of either of the main three tribes). My grandfather on my father's side was a school headmaster and taught tribal leaders English so they could negotiate with the British (I'd venture to say he was more intelligent than some around him) My father started an investment firm (that eventually became a bank) whose initial success was due to imports and exports of agricultural goods. Since the bank was "nationalized" (and Nigeria focused on oil) agricultural output dropped. My mother, while indoctrinated as a Muslim early on, went to school (her father received some bad will from his peers about this). She converted to Christianity as a teenager graduated from a university and started a toy store flying frequently to the far east to import toys (to this day Nigerians I meet in the US remember the jingle from the ads she placed on television). My brother and I are software developers who each run our own companies instead of simply being employees. My sister is a lawyer and CPA. I only know my IQ (as I tested at 127). I also have an ACE score of 0 (which I am sure is unusual for Africans). If I am careful about who I marry (and I think I was) and nurture my son and peacefully parent how likely is he to regress to a mean? Is the IQ mean in my lineage different than the mean in the rest of Nigeria (or Africa as a whole)? I would love to know the answer to this question (let's say I've got "skin" in this game ). How important is the regression to the mean idea? I think the statistics on race and IQ are important mostly to convince the collectivists to stop their meddling and let natural incentives for higher IQ take precedence (instead of subsidizing lower IQ). I'm also a firm believer in assimilation (if you're going to move to western civilization it should be because you LIKE western civilization).

Okay, cancer cells are not capable of living without you. If those cells are "allowed" to grow (and they successfully do) they will never become a separate "personal identity". A fetus (if it is allowed to grow and it successfully does) will become a separate personal identity. Thusly cancer cells are different from fetuses in at least the way I've described. It is immoral to kill a person who at one point had a separate personal identity and lost it (as in the case with dementia, assuming they have not requested otherwise in some way wether written or expressly to their loved ones). How is a killing a person that has lost their separate personal identity different from killing a person who has not gained their separate personal identity? They cannot leave a DNR because their brains haven't developed yet. I take that to mean you should wait until it does then ask them what they want. Go on and wait (and nurture) for a couple of decades if you must.

All this moral agency (or consciousness or reflexes) debate for a fetus seems useless to me. An 18 month old baby isn't a moral agent. Separating yourself (the caregiver) completely (without providing some other means of care) from a 0-18 month old (or older) is just as likely to result in the death of the born baby as it would with an unborn baby. I see no difference in killing a fetus or killing an 18 month old baby. You don't need to debate agency for that. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you view the religious person's ability to reason) I think the Catholic church got this one right. If the human being in the woman is not posing a threat to the woman's life or health she cannot in turn kill that human being. That seems to follow with the N.A.P. quite well. Cancer cells are never meant to go on living without you. Fetuses (and the resulting baby) are meant to become capable of living without you. Additionally a malignant cell poses a threat to the host's life. A baby does not (being an inconvenience doesn't qualify in my opinion).

In the sharing culture does the child who wants the toy ever learn to accept "no" (or "not yet") as an answer?

Pretty much, he simultaneously claims to be an agent and denies the definition of an agent. It doesn't matter what political background or beliefs Jan holds.

Here's a question to all: When evaluating relationship counselors, how important is the counselor's ideology? For instance, is it important to have a counselor who values liberty? Or is the approach more important? I'm guessing it is most important to bring both my wife's values and mine up to the surface and see where they differ and add skills to work through future value and paradigm mismatches.

Sorry, I didn't actually state what my friend said...he essentially stated that it takes a libertarian about 6 months to become an anarchist if they are honest with themselves.

Ha, we don't meet. At times it seems as if there are only a handful of us out there (and we don't all know each other). I live in the US and would guess that most of you have more black friends than I do. When so many African Americans insist that I'm not black (even though I can tell you that I'm not only African, but Nigerian, and even more specifically Ebira) what's the point in cultivating friendships like that? In any case, what a friend said to me has become true. I declared one day midway through 2015 that I was a libertarian and it took just about six months to realize that being libertarian isn't nearly enough. Edit: What that friend indicated was that it takes about 6 months for a libertarian to become an anarchist (if they're honest with themselves)

So my wife and I had a wonderful conversation recently. She couldn't sleep because she felt frustrated that I unilaterally decided to have one and only one child. She felt like I didn't listen to her. I listened, and listened, and listened some more and could really see the biological imperative at play. I'll admit in public when asked if we were going to have more children I presented a pretty hard front. During this conversation, I directly asked her why she wanted another child. She just does (which made me think of the biological element). It was weird but I guess what they say about persuasive speaking is true, don't spout facts and figures, make it personal. I was finally able to frame my concerns in terms related to our son. How important it is to me that we parent well, stay within our means, plan financially with our eyes open. I definitely see the value in counseling, right now we are just going over "the lizzard" and becoming more aware of how we deliver and receive information in our conversations.

Wow, I'm just delving into what in the world the "lizard" is @ http://www.alturtle.com/archives/1239. Even my increasing heart rate makes sense after reading that. I was hoping to have someone in my household I could speak to and with whom I could develop these ideas. I am still hoping not to send my son to public school. I was hoping to present him with a more realistic perspective on US and world history as he grows up. I was hoping to plan the rest of our future in such a way to limit government interference. I figured this was a first step in her understanding where I'm coming from on these sorts of issues that obviously matter more than our current conversations. She agrees with me generally on not using spanking as a form of parenting so that isn't an issue. I am selfish, petty, but probably also "actively" aggressive. Is the alternative living quietly in one's own head and never venturing out (except maybe online) in order to keep peace at all costs? I can do that, but I will need a lot of mental preparation.

How do I continue without attacking her? So, after a week and a half of no response at all, I couldn't wait any longer (in hindsight this is a failing on my part). I opened up a discussion and asked (again), "what does representation mean to you?" I wasn't prepared for the answer, which wasn't an answer for my question. She feels that I'm forcing her to see things my way, I'll admit that when I start off on a diatribe expanding on the topic, "representation is a myth", I'm trying to persuade her that no one really represents her politically (and it is unlikely that anyone ever will). However, when I ask her what representation means to her, I'm trying to use motivational interviewing for her to realize, on her own, what contradictions might exist. I promised her never to make statements, but only to ask open-ended questions based on her responses. She continued to feel attacked, wondering why I wasn't patient enough, but had to force the issue (is persistence force or just annoyance?). She brought up my past attempts to teach her to ski, snowboard, golf which ended up with my selling off prematurely purchased gear. I don't see my bad attempts at teaching athletic endeavors the same as trying to be united as a family in our ethics (which could affect the way we plan for the future, spend (or save) in the present, or even how we parent or educate our son. I'm convinced this is passive-aggressive (which I don't readily recognize). I am at a loss, I chose representation as a starting point because it doesn't involve her profession (healthcare is in the news all the time right now and I see how many hours she puts in to caring for other people's children, saying "CHIP, Medicaid, and the ACA aren't effective" would hit too close to home). I changed medium (email), I changed approach (motivational interviewing), I tried (and probably failed) to give more time and space. I fear that left alone she wouldn't consult alternative media, mises.org or any outlet that might present an alternative view. How do you engage the only person that really matters?

It is sad, Europeans are finding out now what some Africans have known for more than 30 years. My mother was muslim and blames it for the treatment her mother endured. She became a pentecostal (alas, Africans generally prefer replacing belief in one higher power for another). In any event, Western civilization trends towards respect for one's fellow man (even if that respect is forced through political correctness). Islam does not promote respect for people or the importance of each and every life. Order, however, it has in plenty...to the detriment of the individual.

I recall playing an episode where Stefan discusses the dangers of SSRIs and the trend of over-diagnosing kids with ADHD to which she promptly started asking for his credentials. It sometimes feels like a consequence of attaining a graduate degree is a smaller circle of people from which one can absorb ideas. In her case it's an MD, and a pediatrician to boot. Since I created this post she's actually challenged my assertion that "she will never agree with me". Instead she told me to look up "motivational interviewing" and "pre-contemplation". I have looked them up. I will admit that my past attempts have been less conversations and more soliloquy. For instance, in the past I had sent her an email titled, "Representation is a Myth", which outlined why political representation (by design) doesn't work. After her recommendation to look up motivational interviewing I followed that email up with, "What Does Representation Mean to You?" The reason I send emails instead of discussing these issues verbally is because we both have a tendency to cut each other off when the discussion is political or philosophical and I wanted a medium that didn't have audible volume or interjections. The idea is I'm meant to ask open-ended questions that increase dialogue and end up with her reasoning herself either into a corner (at which point she realizes what I'm trying to say) or validating her point of view (in which case I should also consider its merits). The problem is I haven't received a response (to my email) in over 4 days. Dialogue can't start without her response and I think she's just using it to deflect or delay our discussion. I'll have to lookup Boghossian. Right now I've been placing Michael Heumer's "The Problem of Political Authority" in various locations around the house hoping she would just open it and read a single page.