Together-Whenever-Wherever

Thank you for expressing yourself so openly, nept. I can definitely relate to the image of the enemy. One such enemy of mine is the enemy that wants to get a rise out of me for the petty satisfaction of being in control of me. My parents not only used this to raise me, but would also do it for no other reasons than boredom and maliciousness. When my dad would get bored he would purposely annoy me until I got upset, and then he'd feign surprise and say "What? What? What?" in a taunting tone, like a child. My mom would bear hug me when she knew I didn't want to be touched, and when I squirmed and fought she would laugh at me. They are weird, crazy-making people, everything was a big joke to them, except their children was always the butt of it. They left a looming shadow in how I perceive threats in the world. I hear the echos of their mocking laughter down in the deep well of isolation and humiliation. And even to this day, when I perceive (mistakenly or correctly) that people are acting similarly, I feel as if I'm being shoved backwards, back, back, back to that time. I can see red quite quickly. What do your enemies look like?

93% of communication is nonverbal, which can be broken down to visual cues (55%) and voice quality (38%). Visual cues can broken down further by body language, facial expression, physical appearance, and dress. Voice quality can likewise be volume and tone of voice. The other 7% of communication is words, which although is the smallest part, is also the one we have the most control over. Things like body language, facial expression, tone of voice are virtually outside our control. In other words, good luck actually fooling others that you're happy when you're in fact upset. The body always tells the truth. The vast majority of our development as a social species has been without verbal language. We had to convey complex information through other means, and so we are highly tuned into those other means. You may not even be aware or clear of what exactly causes you to form an opinion of others, but your instincts know. Knowledge of people is largely intuitive.

Sorry to hear you're having difficulty. We all experience anger, and even rage, at times. And what I've found out about myself is it doesn't help to tell myself "I shouldn't be angry." I have three options for dealing with my anger: Suppress it, thereby letting it fester until a later date; act it out, which is not necessarily a bad thing as long as I'm not abusive about it; or tell myself that there's a part of me present who is experiencing a lot of anger at the moment, and then I'd ask that part why it's angry, etc. This third way has been the most effective for me. It is an act of separation, while simultaneously being curious and connected with that angry part, and it's guaranteed to deescalate the situation. If you're around other people while this is occurring, and you're comfortable enough to talk about it, I'd relay to them what your angry part has to say. If you're not comfortable enough to talk, I'd let the other person know you're feeling angry, and then excuse yourself so you can have time alone with the angry part. Either way, the goal is to learn about your angry part. To bring it into your inner-world, where compassion and curiosity can foster a healthy relationship to it. In the Internal Family Systems therapy model, we call this process 'unburdening.' Now that I got that out of the way ... what events cause your anger to show up? Here is a link to the Internal Family Systems Center website, if you're curious https://www.selfleadership.org/

As a child among the giants of adults I had to lie to survive, and now as an adult myself I strive for the truth like the sailor seeks the lighthouse among midnight rocks. As a lone effort it's safe. I sit at my desk with long-dead philosophers, authors, podcasts. But when I must leave the safety of solitude and contend with other men in the battlefield of ideas, my mind reals at my own place in the field. That I could change a human life with my words is so excruciatingly painful at times that I seek the blissful oblivion of small talk. Can anybody relate?

How could this prove personalities are real? Going back to the forest/trees example: Say there's an instance where Forest A of 500,000 trees is divided in two by freeways and urban development, and becomes, as a result, Forest B of 100,000 trees and Forest C of 200,000 trees. Does this instance prove that the conceptual grouping known as forests are real? We're still talking about trees.

In his book, Self-Therapy, Jay Earley asserts that parts, or subpersonalities, are real. Here's the quote: I accept IFS parts as a conceptual metaphor for identifying psychological subcategories, but I get confused when I start to consider the actual reality of such things. Can someone help me see the validity of his claim? I believe this issue dives deep into topics of ontology and epistemology, but I lack the philosophical chops to argue for or against with a sufficient degree of certainty. Here are some of my questions: How do we know personalities exist?Externally, we can observe a map of brain activity and the output of human behavior, but can we observe personalities? Internally, we can observe our own thoughts, memories, and emotional states, but can we observe our personality?Isn't personality a grouping merely, composed by real instances of thoughts, emotions, and behavior? e.g. A forest isn't real, trees are real, shrubs are real, soil is real. A fleet isn't real, ships are real, sailors are real, docks are real.How could I use perception to observe a personality. How would I hear, see, touch, taste, smell a personality? Book link: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Therapy-Step-Step-Cutting-Edge-Psychotherapy/dp/0984392777

If you didn't have a connection to your father, then you didn't have a good male role model for a long time. I think that alone is a good reason to see a male therapist. For one (if you are seeing a good male therapist) they can be the positive male role model that you perhaps have been missing; that the world is so badly missing. When you were a child, your mind developed in response to the interactions of both your mother and father to you and to each other. One of the ingredients for a healthy mental equilibrium is balancing the male and female voices in your head. It sounds like you have a lot of voices stemming from your maternal investments relative to the paternal. A positive male role model, like a male therapist, can start building up the male voices to provide counter balance to the heavily weighted Mom voices in your head. Don't knock it till you try it Most of my greatest gains and insights in therapy were doing the complete opposite of what I initially thought I needed/wanted.

Yeah. It's a balance of idealism and realism. They often stray far too deep into idealistic territory, but because they are a highly intelligent, industrious people, they can boomerang back fairly quick. They haven't gotten to that point yet. Part of me worries that the subtleties of impending doom they are facing (demographic winter and overthrow some 20-30 years down the line) is not enough to tip the balance for them. They are at the center of the EU, and the only thing that will snap them out of their current fever dream is a complete collapse of the union. Thankfully, current events are taking us in that direction.

I can see where you draw the similarity with the German leaders themselves. I wonder if psychologically it's a state of paranoia being a superpower in the center of a continent surrounded by other superpowers. What if the United States had not only had Canada and Mexico on its borders, and hypothetically speaking these countries were just as powerful and just as imperialistic, but also countries to its left and right. That's some serious foreign relations 4d chess you have to be playing. I can see where paranoia, and a desire to "SHUT IT DOWN!!" can carve its way into the brain of leader.

fo realsies, b

It's important to keep in mind that you're paying her to have a relationship to begin with. This customer interaction is part of the foundation of the client-therapist relationship and its professional boundaries. That being said, I don't believe there's anything wrong with emotional bonding in and of itself. It's important for building trust, and you do need to trust your therapist if you're going to be open and honest. But the general tone of your post by the way you describe the relationship sounds inappropriate, like she's making you a substitute partner/son and you are making her a substitute partner/mother. This sounds counterproductive, even unhealthy. It's going to take you further away from the problem you wish to address -- the betrayal by your mother. Your mother had a moral obligation and biological responsibility to care for you without the financial incentives. Your therapist will end the relationship when the financial incentive is gone. And if she is acting as a substitute mother, you may feel even more betrayed and hurt in the end. Agreed. Also they are susceptible to the maternal urge to nurture, which may take them out of their professional role. I went through six therapists, all women, before I decided to see a male therapist. The difference was night and day. First session he listened to my issues. Lots of probing questions as to what I want from life, what I believe is stopping me, etc, then saw me off with some materials to read on CBT. Second session he brought out the white board and we went through the models of CBT and constructed a gameplan. He held me to the gameplan. He made it clear that this was his most effective strategy, and if it wasn't doing anything for me, he could recommend me to someone else. Very professional. Very clear boundaries. He helped me change my life considerably.

That's a powerful gif. Yeah, I remember Buffy. I didn't like the show then for reasons I couldn't explicate, I imagine I wouldn't like it now. Ol' Joss can get away with the odd insight, because he stuffs his pieces full of fluff. The opposite, a lot of insight with little fluff, is not possible for him or his ilk. And that's the problem. Movies like The Matrix are rare exceptions that prove the rule.

The safety pin fad originated from 4chan's /pol/. In the gay community, wearing a safety pin is an advertisement to the guys around you that you want to get pegged in the ass (safely with a condom). They spread it on Twitter to troll the naive virtue signalers. And the libtards did not fail to entertain.

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