TheBestDealsAnywhere

Thanks for the feedback, I found that even though very unpleasant, the self knowledge gained from being aware of my past really helps me to gain some clarity as to what should I do/ work on next... I agree with you about not making commandments out of all the theories and ideas out there... Many of the issues revolving self-care and healing from abuse are most likely different in effectiveness depending and who uses them and how... The whole idea of repression as far as I understand it is that there are areas in my mind I can't go to, so if I have to re-experience some painful memories as an adult, which results in unlocking a part of my mind, that sounds like a pretty good trade off~ I can relate to how crippling dealing with those is. Sorry you had to go through that. I actually tried this one too, it's the same issue - just reframing how you relate and percieve the self attack... The fact that it's a part of me might be something I rejectecd / overlooked and may be caused me some trouble... And treating a mental voice in my head as if it is a seprate living entity, while part of the IFS methodoligy, might have been ineffective for me... Thanks everyone for your replies!

Yes I worked with IFS, the very idea of it helped me to deal with the voices in my head... I tried many approaches towards the abusive voices, which was exhausting and confusing. I ended up deciding that these parts are not worthy of sympathy and compassion, having had tried that for a long time and it didn't work. Instead I see them a sort of cancer, they sap the life away from me and can't be reasoned with. One of the reason I quit seeing one of my therapists was because he had the whole "love thy enemy" approach to life, and it kind of disgusted me... (that's not the only reason I left) Accepting a "part" (abusive inner voice) would be like thanking a person for punching me. Isn't that what alice miller spoke about in her book, the same idea that perpetuates abuse? I don't get why would I ever RTR with my dad. Would you go and visit a person who raped/physicaly harmed/stole from you in prison and talk about how you feel and how hurt you are? Why do the same with an abusive parent? Or whatever is left of such a parent in one's mind?

Well, my mother passed from cancer about a year and a half ago, while she was alive I yelled at her for one of many abuses she inflicted on me... She just rejected remembering it, and I felt cruel at the time since she was already in the process of dying. I went to visit the grave with some people from her work life a year after she passed, and asked everyone to step aside, because I wanted to feel what I had going on without social pressure, and my chest was tingling with anger in a way that I never felt before. I spent a lot of time doing a combination of bioenergetics (going to a secluded place to yell and shake the body) and also TRE (a lot of crying and shaking there too) and I have hundreds of memories of the abuse I was inflicted with.... And listening to the show as much as I did I'm pretty hurt and pissed, it know it will take more pain and effort to fully process it all, I experienced a psychotic breakdown before my mother's illness and was tied to a bed in a mental institution and raped with medication, I believe the psychosis was to do with me diving into my past and self knowledge too quickly... (not very pleased with my mother encouraging medicating me...) As for my father, I only sent him a message about how he's hurt me in one of my manic episodes... Wasn't much of a confrontation. He left me at a very young age, didn't pay any allemony and started a new family, which I visited and had a manic episode which sent me out of there to be homeless for a while untill returnin to my mother's house. (I was around 16 and he left when I was 5) Thing is, these people as such vile inhuman monsters that I don't see what sort of discussion could have been had. My father simply blames my mother for abandoning me, which makes no sense... My mom claimed she had no memory of the abuse I described to her... There's nobody to talk to. They were dead inside enough to abuse and neglect me, my father is the only one left but I will feel dumb for going through attempts at a conversation with an evasive negletive irresponsible father. Why is confronting THEM a prerequisite for not being overwhelmed with emotions? I would certainly attest It's overwhelming but I'm highly skeptical giving my dad a skype call would change that... From what I gathered, the main reason Stefan urges people to speak to their families, is to find and expose the truth about the nature of the relationships, which most people evade and end up having the abusers as a part of their lives. My father and dead mother are no longer a part of my life, and I'm not bullshitting myself as regarding to what has happened to me. I am shaking off the chains of the false self to whatever degree I can, (I'm refering to the part of me that has sympathy for my abusers) When I wrote about directing the anger at them, I was refering to it as a state of mind mostly, for examplethe more I understood I hated my mother the less of it was projected onto other people (especialy females) It's a good point that you made, my life at the moment swings like a pendulum between dissociation and the painful inner work I do, and I heard Stefan talking about being a hero, looking at my life as though I couldn't hear or see anything, only at my actions... And I don't feel much high regard for myself if all I do is cry (grieve.. okay) about my past and play computer games. I have many talents and it would be a shame if I won't do good in the world with those, child abuse just breaks my heart and I can't imagine ever not being overwhelmed by emotions when confronting or battling it... :/

Having some fears regarding standing up to child abuse and living a virtous life Hello everyone I come from a hideous and abusive childhood, and I have been working on self improvement for the past 5 years now (I'm 20 years old) including - Denormalizing my abuse, redirecting my anger towards it's proper objects, connecting with painful repressed memories and emotions, saw 2 therapists so far, journaling and dream capturing, studying martial arts and even practicing cold approach pickup (for social confidence, at least that's what I convinced myself before I quit after reading RTR and questioning my motives..) I mentioned that last part, because I did have the abillity to consistently overcome my extreme (sometimes nearly psychotic) social anxieties, approach strangers, even while alone, and striking up conversations and being rejected and humiliated, sometimes infront of dozens of people... I took a lot of interest in power and social dynamics back in the day, and morality in my view was always just a tool for the powerful to control the weak, I saw it as a flaw of character that I had any compassion in me (former vegan) or a desire to help others... Now with my exposure to FDR and my inner work, I see things quite different - I believe that I can find peace if I fight the good fight, and do my best to educate and stand up to abusive parents, once I deal with my own inner problems... But how can I stop evil, if the evil are so powerful? If abusive people, socipaths and sadists, not only run the world, but are all around me... How can I have any effect on their actions without using force myself? Now when a child is hit in public, things are a lot easier... I can stand up to the child and be angry at the abuser publicly with very little bad consenquences for myself... But abuse is often less overt and out in the open... I'll share an example from my life: I was waiting for a bus, and a kid came and sat next to me. I immedietly saw something was wrong, and he spoke despite seeing I was busy with my phone and had earphones in. So I took them off and put the phone away, and listened to a frightened looking kid telling me this: "My grandma told me not to talk to strangers, because she said I will be kidnapped and cut with knives by people with masks..." Now, this kid is being abused. I looked to where the kid came from, and it was a resteraunt with a dozen or so people siting in a long table, talking loudly... And I felt really bad. If I went there and started lecturing them - abusers don't care that they are abusers. I will just be met with denial and mockery. Not only that, I'm likely to put the kid through more trouble, since he might be punished later on for talking to me and asking for help (He communicated in such a way, not only rejecting his grandma's propaganda but also looking for a witness and help, regardless if he hasn't said so outright) I was very surprised by it all, and in the spur of the moment I just said "There are also good people out there..." I was emotional and felt helpless and sad, and that's what came out of me at the moment... But have I done the opposite of helping? If there are good people out there, was I one of them? And if so, is giving the kid a sad look while he is going through the abuse of hell any good for him at all? How do I fight corruption without becoming a martyr? There's a reason why all politicians are corrupt, it's because the evil know how to get their way and climb up the social ladder - lying and manipulating as a way of life... If I am to be virtous, I'm by default "locked" from being an asshole because of empathy and my conscience - and so I did end up removing every abusive and immoral person from my life, but that has left me very alone and disconnected in the world. So when debating, the corrupt can just steer the conversation with misdirection, or influence people with charisma... Or when things are physical (say a father is hitting a child) - I can't always dominate and stop the other guy, and even if I can, what happens when his friends show up? Most of the so called good people I came across in my life just naive cowards, holding hands and meditating instead of taking action in the world and standing up to abuse. How can I be strong, or powerful and effective in the social world, all the while I repel people away with honestly or any criticism of their hypocrisy, instead of keeping them around by abusing or manipulating them as I have done in the past? Also, can anyone link me to some good podcasts on the subjects I wrote about? Thanks in advance ~

Challenge accepted! Podcast #2735 Min 6:13 .. Stefan: "Philosophy is not an order.... philosophy is about freedom, and if you're taking orders from philosophy you're missing the point.." Min 7:56 "You don't want to turn philosophy into some sort of gestapo commandant who's barking at you ACT WITH INTEGRITY LIVE WITH VIRTIOUSLY, DO THE RIGHT THING NO MATTER WHAT THE COST!!... You don't want to be a computer that is programmed by philosphy, without the abillity the analyze whatever costs and benefits are in the moment.." As the podcast continues - He speaks about how taking an authority from someones life leaves them with a "power vacuum" in their minds, and how it is important not to mistakenly fill that up with philosophy, because that misses the whole point - freedom. According to Stefan,heworked hard to remove obligatory authorities from his own mind so that he could think clearly in the moment At around 10:35 .. "That's my general goal, to steadfastly avoid being told what to do - oh I have this new philosophy! Do I have to do this? Do I have to do that? - You don't" So what I gathered from all of this while listening, which was personaly very powerful for me, was that if honestly (which is a moral consideration, is it not?) has a cost that is not worth the benefit, he would refrain from acting in that way. He stressed the importance of analyzing the costs and benefits of actions in the moment, rather than being a "philosophy slave" Thank you for approving the comment despite disagreeing with it, and giving me the chance to reply! Also, if you're Mike from the show, there was an episode where you shared some very helpful information that helped me getting to know myself better, thanks for that and for being a part of the podcast in general. I'd love to be corrected on any misinterpretention, and yes, English is not my native language.

Well, what if I use your type of tactic to argue a point - Why support the goverment? Because it's correct. Was that convincing? Probably not... What makes being moral "correct"? For me constant morality is an impossibilty, because life's many situations and the constant need to analyze the costs and benefits of actions. If the price of being moral in the moment not worth the short and long term benefits of the moral action compared to the negatives, then I just won't be. Stefan said so himself, (and I'm paraphrazing) - that he doesn't believe being a "philosophy slave" is a good idea, or to be a slave to "morality" - that in the final analysis, for him, it's about costs and benefits. And I can agree on that point with him.