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Heavydirtysoul

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  1. Thank you for taking the time to chat, that is very kind of you My diet is defined as primal/paleo with my macro ratios leaning towards ketogenic. I think my dietary change 1.5 years ago certainly affected my T levels, more lean muscle mass, less body fat. It has helped with confidence and anxiety as well, and certainly may be playing a role in my questioning of my sexuality and the possibility of even changing it. I haven't looked at my soaps and shampoos, this may be the next step for me. Do you have suggestions on good products to use? Looking back, I could definitely see that there may have been an imbalance in my hormones. I always stored a lot of lower body fat, and my diet was atrocious. I am 6' and generally always kept my weight around 185 pounds, so I was never obese but always had a belly and a big booty, but now my weight is the same but I have a six pack for the first time in my life . Exercise: my hiit usually around 3 times a week, but varies, I like to do full sprints or the jacobs ladder. Weightlifting, try to do around 4 times a week, which varies as well but I make sure I do the basic free weight exercises and can bench around 225. Squats I can do around 250. This is an area that's somewhat new to me, Ive always been a cardio guy, but I am focusing on increasing my weightlifting and pushing myself more in this area. I always supplement my workouts with basic pull ups, pushups, and ab exercises. Stretching, breathing, and basic yoga poses I started doing at my lunch last week, I am going to try and keep that up. Ive never taken a yoga class but have learned some basic poses on youtube. I want to try taking a class though. Low intensity cardio, I'm a Fedex driver, so I do this all day. I also plan to start taking jiu jitsu classes, I think it will help a lot with confidence. I have never been the type to plan out a stringent workout plan, I just try to increase weight by 5 pounds every other week, and just workout muscles that aren't sore. This seems to be working well, but if I stop making progress, I might try something more structured. TRE seems very interesting, I am going to try it out after my workout tomorrow, it seems like a good way to relax post-workout. I found it interesting that animals use this method to calm their nervous system after they escape from a predator. I have always had a fear of therapy which I know isn't good, so I will consider reaching out to a provider. I have always felt that therapists would just have the generic answer to the homosexual conundrum, which is to accept it as who you are. I just have a hard time accepting it, maybe this is a fault but i'm not yet convinced that it is an unchangeable attribute. Wilhelm Reich is my homework, i'll do some reading and report back on this, thank you so much for all the suggestions. I was listening to a speaker recently, I forget the the name at the moment, but he was talking about the roots of homosexuality which seemed to be spot on. He said that homosexual males are always drawn to the mother figure, often using her as a shield to protect him against masculinity. He said that homosexuals often have a weak father figure and an overprotective mother, and that homosexuality is brought upon by an envy of the other boys, a longing to be one of them. It really resonated with my situation growing up. I was quite the mamas boy looking back. Oddly, I have never really looked into alternative views of homosexuality, I have just avoided the topic. Which is strange since it is something that has such an impact in my life. Anyways, thank you again for your suggestions, it is very kind of you to take the time to offer guidance to a stranger.
  2. My diet is clean, I eat whole foods strictly and exercise 3-6 hours a week. I have a score of 1, divorce. I think I am very perceptive and pay close attention to my emotional and physical states. In my past, not so much. I like to think I have my shit together besides the relationship part.
  3. I definitely think that being involved in the gay clique does cause you to conform to the common behaviors of the group, perhaps the reason I feel I am different than the common gay is that I have always been repulsed by this cliche. There are certainly other gays that feel the same as me, and it puts us into a sort of limbo between wanting to live our lives with a woman and chasing our lustful attractions to men. I think another aspect may be that homosexual sex is pretty much pointless, the biological purpose of intercourse is to procreate, so when you remove that goal you are seeking sex only for pleasure.
  4. Hi Pod, I think It may be unfair to the children to not be raised by a man and a woman. Just as it is detrimental for children to be raised without a father, I think the same rings true to for those raised without a mother. The lack of proper nutrition at birth, the lack of an emotionally and physically protective female and the general lack of a maternal leader in the family would cause issues in both boys and especially girls. Since I feel that my attraction to males is purely sexual of nature, I am curious if it would be possible to be happy with a female partner. Since the lustful attractiveness is of lesser importance and often short-term in a long-term relationship, would a strong emotional relationship with a woman allow the both of us to have a happy and sustainable relationship? My relationship experience with women is almost purely speculative, so this is a question that I struggle with.
  5. Hello, I'm a long time listener of the podcast and I'm really needing some advice. I'm a 30 year old homosexual white male, I've never liked my sexuality as it is a very difficult lifestyle. The common theme among the gay community is that homosexuality is natural and should be embraced, however I have always viewed it as a defect, something that is a hindrance to a happy life. My understanding is that homosexuality has existed throughout human history and has maintained a standard of ~5% of the population, this figure varies among sources. Regardless, the homosexuals that I have met throughout my life generally are not happy people. Most are impulsive, self medicate, and are unable to maintain stable relationships. I am also not attracted to the femininity found in the gay male community, I have never understood why gay men seem to all act the same, it seems insincere, as if they have altered their demeanor to advertise for the D. I am not sexually attracted to feminine men, the kissing and holding hands romantic aspect weirds me out. I have been with around 15 guys throughout my life, it has always been short term, I have tried relationships but I just have never been that into it. From what I can figure out, my attraction to males is purely sexual and not romantic I believe. I have been with one girl sexually, which happened when I was young and drunk. I do not have a sexual attraction to females. However, I do enjoy being in a romantic relationship with women, which has been limited (3) as well due to my fear of being able to perform sexually. I have always remained distant to potential female spouses in fear of hurting them if they get attached. I am a masculine male, and I am not out. I felt that I would come out when I found the right guy, but years just keep passing and it is not happening. I really want to have kids, I want to have a family, but I fear that I won't be able to maintain a healthy relationship with a female, I fear that I would end up hurting a potential spouse and wasting both of our time. I am pretty fucked up. I have my life together in all other aspects but I am starting to panic as I am getting older, and my apartment is empty when I come home. Any advice on how I can begin to fix this? Thank you for listening, this is an awesome community
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