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I originally wanted to try CBT because it supposedly has more consistent results. I was told in a short meeting with a staff member before starting therapy that this would be the most likely form of therapy that I would have there. I had a first "advisory appointment" with the therapist, where these kind of topics should have been determined, but in the end the whole hour was taken up by giving an overview of the problem. At the end she simply asked "so do you want to start therapy then?". And I said yes, and I was with her. It took until receiving the invoice in the mail to even see what type of therapy it was. Of course I could also have just asked. Well by force I basically meant to push. If find it much easier to do something if I am simply asked, even if the actual task is something which I find difficult. For example I have trouble with public speaking, but yesterday I went to a toastmasters event, and was called out on the spot to give a talk, so I went up and did it even though I was nervous. The initiative on my part was just going there and not finding an excuse to avoid it. But in future I would want to have the initiative to also volunteer to give a talk rather than being called on. There is still an element of "pushing" in this, because once you say "I will do it" when everyone expects you to do it and it becomes harder to back out than just to continue. In that case it was still voluntary because I specifically went there with the intention of being pushed (like asking to be pushed out of an aircraft when doing skydiving). Yes. I guess I am still clinging to the idea of not being allowed to succeed and feeling guilt at any accomplishments I have made. This is the kind of thing I wanted to discuss in therapy.

I think it matters because I now want to know if I've chosen the right therapist or not. If I could've had the same results without going, I could've saved money, or perhaps had even better results with a different therapist. But as I said it could be the case that it is a combination of both. All of the new changes could be reinforcing eachother and causing a general improvement. It's hard to imagine how it would be if I hadn't started therapy. At the very least I'd still be thinking about starting it and wondering what would happen if I did. Yes but mainly with regards to challenges that require confronting anxieties and fears. The problem is that just talking about those anxieties and fears is one of the things that invokes anxiety and fear, so I have gone many years without talking about it to anyone. I hoped therapy would force me to talk about them but instead I find myself in the same situation of having to confront it just to be able to even make use of the therapy at all. Part of the issue is that I'm a very creative person so I am good at finding creative ways to distract myself or others who are trying to help me. To paint the picture to myself or others that everything is going fine. Perhaps this is what you meant by your sabotage story earlier? If not then I'm not totally sure how to respond to it.

Ok I just typed an entire response to this and then I wanted to copy/paste the name of the original poster and I misclicked and the page changed and the whole reply was lost.... hopefully I can remember / improve upon what I wrote... but it will be harder since I am frustrated now. The point is that I'm not sure whether any of that is due to therapy or due to my own initiative. My problem seems to be that although I am capable of seeing things from many perspectives, and reconsidering possible weaknesses and seeking out new information, I have trouble acting on it since it comes from a place of self-doubt. Ideally one would improve their knowledge inductively, in other words, have a theory, act based on the theory, and then reflect on the result and see if it matches what would be predicted. This is what I have trouble with and instead tend to spend more time reconsidering the theory using third hand knowledge. Which leads to your final point: Perhaps this is why I am questioning the effectiveness of the therapy. My original intention is that it would force me to confront and talk about topics which I had been avoiding bringing up with friends and family, or simply acting out and reflecting on the out come as I mentioned above. However the type of therapy seems to be more self directed, so it would seem that this would put the ball in my court for directing the conversation and bringing up topics that I think are more important. The question would then become, is there something wrong here? Perhaps this is the wrong type of therapy for me, or the wrong therapist? Or is this just a chance for me to get frustrated with continual avoidance of those topics and actually begin to teach myself how to bring them up in a safe environment? While I was typing you also replied this: He would be sabotaging the operation?

Hi barn, Thanks for the very detailed and thoughtful reply! My original point about not being sure how it is affecting me is that I don't know how much of the improvement could be considered as a result of the therapy vs how much could be simply me choosing to voluntarily engage in other activities which have improved my wellbeing. Many (even most?) of the changes I mentioned are things that I haven't even had a chance to discuss with my therapist yet. The main difference seems to be that I'm taking these things more seriously than I did before. I have tried all of them at some point in the past but haven't managed to pull them together at the same time or be as persistent. I realise that if I spend a lot of time thinking I will inevitably have thoughts that are never discussed in therapy because there simply isn't time (I'm even only doing one hour per week, rather than two as you guessed). But I find it strange that I will go in with a list of things that I think are important to discuss and end up not bringing up any of them and instead talking about something which doesn't even seem to have a link to psychological health. The interesting thing though I seem to become more sure about my own answers to some of those questions and find ways of working towards solving them without even bringing it up. I guess this is a kind of correlation vs causation question. I spent many years considering therapy without taking action. Now I took action it is possible that the other actions are also consequences of the same change in internal dialogue that led to finally pursuing therapy. Maybe it doesn't matter? Maybe the therapy has a symbiotic relationship with everything else I'm doing?

I'm confused about my therapist. I am doing essentially regular talk therapy, where the therapist just asks you questions and helps you talk about whatever comes to mind at the time you're there. I've been doing it for about 3 months now and although I seem to have improved psychologically in many ways, I find it hard to determine what effect the therapy itself has actually had. Many times I leave the session disappointed because I had many things on my mind which were bothering me, and I went there and we ended up talking about something completely off topic for the entire hour (for example my interest in linguistics in relation to history). Other times I feel like I'm just telling the therapist things which I've known and told myself over and over again over the years, and all she does is say "yeah that makes sense". She has never told me to perform any specific exercises or tasks outside of therapy. However I have started doing some things voluntarily and begun taking them more seriously. I have begun using a meditation and mindfullness program called HeadSpace, which has had surprising results on my ability to be in touch with my emotions and be able to have more freedom to choose my response rather than resorting the knee-jerk reactions. I have quit many compulsive behaviours such as mindlessly browsing social media, watching youtube videos, overeating, drinking, pornography etc. I have stepped up my dieting and exercising routines and found ways to integrate them into my life, and I'm going out and trying new things which push me to step out of my comfort zone. So this is still early days for me yet, and I have far to go but it does seem that the practice of going there is having an effect, even if it hard to recognise how exactly. Also I am paying for it myself rather than relying on public insurance that we have here (which is a bureaucratic nightmare). It's possible that this is also driving my to want to get my moneys worth. I hope this helps maybe know what to expect in a way or what not to expect, and I wonder if anyone had a different experience.