[Declaration of Sovereignty?!]

I don't get the point.

 

Why would you want to tell some dangerous psychopaths with guns that claim to be a "government" that you don't respect their authority?

 

I don't go telling local thugs what I think of their street gang, so why would I bother with a bigger more dangerous group of thugs?

[Philosophy in a zombie apocalypse]

Sounds like there isn't much choice here, and you know where there's no choice there's no morality...

 

Also, dontcha think there are more important topics to discuss than an apocalyptic fantasy?

 

like maybe the question of why you personally are a big fan of apocalyptic fantasies? 

[Is it immoral to have children?]

Is it immoral to have children?

 

Just my experience of seeing your interaction with others in this thread; I feel an acute displeasure.

 

Do you think it is immoral to cause displeasure in other people?

[is “soldier” just a euphemism for “murderer" ?]

Bald assertion. But here's an example: I am standing guard in a watchtower at the border. 

What's a border?

[Muhammad Islam has students question if the holocaust really happened.]

I'd be worried if I agreed with the ADL on anything...

[Pain in my gut after uncomfortable experience]

The only thing that seems to have addressed the pain is literally filling out this spreadsheet of the status of my work they're having me fill out twice a day.  Is it related to my body's need to please authority?

I don't think there's any part of your body that needs to please someone in an arbitrary position of "authority". Alice Miller wrote a book called "The Body Never Lies", and I tend to agree with that title.

 

I'm having a hard time really figuring this out (I think because of my history).

 

My emotional reaction is all over the map, I feel your anxiety... and yet I think there's something about being a good employee that you're missing.

 

Have you listened to FDR podcasts on the subject of work and career? I think Stef has some very useful things to say about negotiations and the value you bring to an employer. 

 

If you jump to another job without figuring out what's not working here it will be a crap-shoot as to whether you end up in a good place, or a lousy place.

 

ok... You know what it is, after rereading what you wrote, you sound very passive. You just talk about things happening to you.

I know how that is, I called it "going with the flow" in highschool, and still have problems with it.

 

Based on my own experience I would guess you did not have very good guidance from your parents, but had severely and randomly enforced "rules". You've coasted through your life bouncing off of dangerous people and avoiding upsetting them in any way you can so you could make it safely to the next day. Is that more or less accurate?

 

In places with irrational and dangerous authority figures this is an invaluable coping strategy. In business this coping strategy doesn't work because the authority figures don't want mere compliance, they want you to generate value and show that you are generating value.

 

In my estimation what's happening is you are met with a seeming impossible situation, you have authority figures that are not pleased and they expect something from you. You tried the strategy of compliance and groveling, but it didn't work and the anxiety in your gut is telling you things aren't right.

 

Does any of this ring true for you?

[Nickname for Freedomain Radio Fans]

How about "philosophers"? 

 

I know it's a radical new term and all 

[School defends sexually graphic novel (warning: not for kids)]

Hey, a public school that teaches questionable content and ideas to impressionable children?

 

But, I don't find the sex to be objectionable... I find that it is a lousy fucking book where "good parents" have a kid who is mysteriously bullied all the time and decides to shoot up a school. 

 

But, public schools would have as much use for a book that placed the responsibility for bullying on the parents as they do for an independent child who can think.

 

 

The only way to be a responsible parent is to keep your kids as far away from anyone willing to use force and compulsion as you can.

[Female genital mutilation parties being held in UK]

I can only hope for the day when child genital mutilators are all treated equally.

[The State claims 7.7% unemployment while 89M not in labor force]

Depends how you measure it: http://www.shadowstats.com/alternate_data/unemployment-charts

That's hilarious... the official stats show unemployment going down gradually, and shadowstats shows unemployment 3 1/2 times higher and going up!

 

Government is stupid...

[Photos of Stefan From Younger Days?]

I did not bother looking into what Stef looked like in his youth before seeing this thread... but I am glad I clicked on it. 

 

The light hair and big chin remind me of Kristoff from Frozen, so adorable! (why yes I do have a kid who has watched "Frozen" many times, why do you ask?)

[is “soldier” just a euphemism for “murderer" ?]

There was a recent public holiday here in Australia called ANZAC day (from Australian and New Zealand Army Corps). This is supposed to be to commemorate the ANZAC troops that went off to fight (and die) in world war 1 & 2. As a kid in school I remember parades and the minute of silence and the big motto was "lest we forget"...

 

Anyway, last week on that day I made the following Facebook post:

is “soldier” just a euphemism for “murderer" ? lest we forget the meaning of war......

 

Obviously I knew this was going to set people off and was in fact doing it as a bit of an experiment----and anyway, I don't mind me a bit of provocation =)It did spark quite the "debate" and I decided to just let people argue amongst themselves for a day or so. I got a lot of accusations of being disrespectful, admonitions that I should "know better!", a couple of veiled threats of violence along the lines of "if some veteran came and punched you out for saying that, you'd deserve it!" (yay, instant defriend!)... Got to a 100 or so comments by the end of it and I'd say maybe 1/20 people participating were reasonable and were able to give considered responses....

 

Anyway, I'm just curious what do board members think, is "soldier" a euphemism for "murderer" ?.... And is it "disrespectful" to point that out on ANZAC day ?....

 

My response to these people was that facts/reality can't be disrespectful and that I don't mind calling a spade a spade (fun fact: in Australia we call them "shovels"!)

wait, you mean you call shovels shovels? or you call something else shovels? Or um... do the british not call them shovels?

 

Anyhow... Stef has made the point that the world wars were dumb ideas for America to enter, but damn it's a complete waste for Australia and NZ to fight in Europe.

 

My answer to your question is that sounds wonderful, I think I'll quote you when veteran's day comes around in the US... or should I say "retired killers day". I guess I could also do that on memorial day AKA killed killers day...

 

I need people to defriend me on teh facebooks.

[Cocaine: safe alternative to caffeine]

Well for one, getting the required dose is a bit of a difficulty and often it is easier to get it with cocaine.

 

Second, why do people make moonshine even though alcohol is readily available?

 

Third, I am sure there are some differneces (I do not know as I have never done cocaine and do caffiene in very small doses approximately once a month) and that very similar doesn't necessarily mean identical.

nodoz is readily available and contains 200mg of caffeine. So that's probably not a reason to prefer cocaine...

 

also... interesting story, I had a friend in highschool who would crush caffeine pills and snort them like cocaine... he only did that because there is some similarity to cocaine.

[Reproductive Deception / Terrible Twos]

That's quality women right there! 

 

ick!

[Healing the wounds of child abuse by writing]

According to your definition of sadism, which I agree with, I think the fact that he told you the boogie man story falls into the category of a sadistic act since I think the most plausible and easiest explanation for him doing that is for his own amusement. I fail to see any other explanation?

 

I think your father's method of addressing your bed wetting is evidence for a complete lack of empathy. I am not sure whether that specific act falls into the category of sadism though as I don't know whether he did this for his own amusement or not. But maybe he found an eloquent way of exercising his sadism under the guise of teaching you how to not wet your bed?

 

However - and I don't want to make this about me, but I want to share my experience with you - I feel really pissed off at what he did to you. First he scared the crap out of you with this boogie man stories you had nightmares about, and then he put in place these draconian measures to "fix" your bed wetting which he most likely was responsible for in the first place by telling you these stories!

I have a feeling that the footprints might have been partially real. I mean I think my father may have used some glow-in-the-dark stickers on the wall or the ceiling as part of telling the story... and then when I was sick and having very vivid fever dreams they were magnified into footprints all along the ceiling.

 

He did a marvelous job of preparing me for bullies, I was such a nervous wreck I was still wetting my pants in elementary school. 

 

What was the room right above your bedroom?

I believe the house we were living in was a single story house. I have a very fuzzy memory of footprints in the hall. 

[Why did my mother hit my brother with a carpet beater?]

 

I think she always has had a lot of friends. I think she was pretty, maybe an 8 or a 9. After the divorce I remember there were like a swarm of men trying to get with her. Low-life scum types of course, but nonetheless.

hmm, so you say that she had lot's of friends, but at the same time you don't think she's motivated by anxiety over other people's opinions. I could believe that she wasn't motivated by the opinions of others if she had no friends.

 

Sorry I wasn't clear about the social environment question, but I meant as an adult. Was she a social butterfly, a pillar of the church and community, a lady who lunched... what kind of people and social classes did she involve herself with?

[My long drawn-out crushes]

My best explanation that comes from both therapy and journalling is that I had no stable bonds with my parents growing up. My mother was a schizophrenic who was basically unstable and useless and my dad was away at sea most of the time, but extremely cruel and violent to me and my siblings growing up. I was taken into the foster care system when I was 4 and have had 5 different placements growing up, 2 of which were in the state residential system. I was actually spanked and given cold showers by my first foster mother (frying pan into the fire) and my second foster family at age 10 -15 were loving and stable but I was at that age so messed up I fought them tooth and nail.From an early age I had to develop an emotional hide to protect myself, and this has left me as a man quite independent and strong in many areas but also disconnected from my heart and from others and uncomfortable with being intimate and open, preferring to intellectualize and fantasize instead of reaching for the core of what I want. I keep thinking what if any women out there found out about my past, why would she want me? She would want someone stable and undamaged (and indeed these long drawn out crushes tend to be of women who are of the stable, warm, intelligent variety). 

Holy shit man! I am sorry for your awful childhood, it's amazing you got out of that and are still able to function. That's quite an accomplishment!

 

I don't think you want to be having one night stands, it's not healthy or smart to reinforce habits of emotional distance and non-attachment with women who might accidentally get pregnant. You do not want to be stuck in an 18 year relationship with a girl you can't stand for more than one night.

 

I never found that pining over girls was a good thing to do, and looking back now I can see that the girls I was pining for were not as great as I made them out to be in my mind (for instance, one was an alcoholic who has now turned her vast intelligence towards cataloging 17th century English literature or some such academic bullshit)

[Healing the wounds of child abuse by writing]

I agree with your advise. Thanks for sharing!

 

 

I have similar concerns regarding my mother as you know. I have a question, "sadist or atleast leans in that direction" leaves me a bit uncertain whether you think he is or not?

 

I still remember the stories of hell when I was little and they made me very afraid.

That's a good catch there, that looks like a parental correction...

 

If I look for evidence of that... there is some compelling evidence like his solution to me wetting the bed was a layer of crinkly plastic that kept me up, a plastic mat that sounded an alarm if it got wet, not throwing out the old dirty mattress until I quit wetting the bed. Those are not empathetic, do they sound sadistic to you? I'm guessing they do because my mind has gone completely foggy.

 

Sadism is joy in the suffering of others... and lack of empathy would be not being aware of others feelings. Shit I can't even add 2+2 right now

[Healing the wounds of child abuse by writing]

Completely besides that main point though, I find putting living crabs into boiling water and cooking them until they die a very cruel thing to do.

I suspect you're right, I didn't feel comfortable with it at the time... I don't eat crabs, but if I did I'm not sure there is a non-cruel way to do it. Anyhow that was a one time gift from a business associate.

 

Also, back on the main point. I did not include a link for people curious about the article. So here you go http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/overcoming-child-abuse/201209/how-and-why-writing-heals-wounds-child-abuse

also the book mentioned in the article http://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Healing-Expressing-Emotions/dp/1572302380

[Why did my mother hit my brother with a carpet beater?]

I think that if one is interested in working towards positive changes in society, then having insight into what motivates people to do what they do is of value.  Particularly for the victims of abuse.  If Stefan didn't have a tremendous amount of insight into these matters, i think that his ability to help others to work through their history would be greatly diminished.  By understanding a little about the motivations, it can help a person to place responsibility where it properly belongs.  For example, if I don't have any insight at all into the causes of my own abuse, then what is to stop me from simply internalizing it and blaiming myself?

 

Ok, you may be right. I really don't know but when talking specifically of a particular incident, let's say the story that Stef has told of his mother beating his head against the door when he was four years old. In that example Stef knows generally why she did it, but I don't recall him ever going into trying to find out why exactly she got so angry at him running away.

 

I think there's value in knowing the lay of the land and why generally your parents acted as they did. (My father had a lot of anger at his dad in his teens and 20s, but repressed it and became a photocopier of his dad. My mother married a non-catholic because she didn't like her catholic family, but she treated me coldly and distantly like her own mother not even really hugging me til I was like 22 at which point it was just awkward).

 

I'm still not sure on this... so I think the best way to answer my question is to get to the bottom of Avalanche's question and see if that helps him

 

So, Avalanche, can you tell us about your mother's childhood? and her relationship with her parents? What was her social environment like? did she have lots of friends, was she very pretty? How big was she relative to your brother at the age of 12?

I think that if one is interested in working towards positive changes in society, then having insight into what motivates people to do what they do is of value.  Particularly for the victims of abuse.  If Stefan didn't have a tremendous amount of insight into these matters, i think that his ability to help others to work through their history would be greatly diminished.  By understanding a little about the motivations, it can help a person to place responsibility where it properly belongs.  For example, if I don't have any insight at all into the causes of my own abuse, then what is to stop me from simply internalizing it and blaiming myself?

 

Ok, you may be right. I really don't know but when talking specifically of a particular incident, let's say the story that Stef has told of his mother beating his head against the door when he was four years old. In that example Stef knows generally why she did it, but I don't recall him ever going into trying to find out why exactly she got so angry at him running away.

 

I think there's value in knowing the lay of the land and why generally your parents acted as they did. (My father had a lot of anger at his dad in his teens and 20s, but repressed it and became a photocopier of his dad. My mother married a non-catholic because she didn't like her catholic family, but she treated me coldly and distantly like her own mother not even really hugging me til I was like 22 at which point it was just awkward).

 

I'm still not sure on this... so I think the best way to answer my question is to get to the bottom of Avalanche's question and see if that helps him

 

So, Avalanche, can you tell us about your mother's childhood? and her relationship with her parents? What was her social environment like? did she have lots of friends, was she very pretty? How big was she relative to your brother at the age of 12?

[Taxation different from Theft?]

sure taxation is different than theft.

 

All taxation is theft, not all theft is taxation.   

[Why did my mother hit my brother with a carpet beater?]

I do understand the importance in figuring out what makes people do what they do--particularly when it comes to the intergenerational transmission of abuse, 

I wonder...

I don't think I've ever thought real hard about why my parents did what they did. 

 

Is it really a value? I can see it as a value if you are telling your child that they shouldn't conform, but you hit your child because your anxiety about conforming.

So I can see the importance of understanding your own behavior, but then what value is there in understanding why your parents hit you when you were a kid?

[I have been feeling very empty lately]

Welcome

I think it is very interested that you mentioned feeling very empty and at the same time your post is very empty. What I mean is that you have told us nothing about yourself. You have not told us what experiences you had that might have led you to where you are in life. You've not told us about your goals other than in the most abstract fashion.

 

Please tell us a little bit more about yourself, I would really like to help if I can.

[The FOO lashes out]

My goodness is she 12 years old? Does she not know how to write better than that?

 

I'm not saying you should break up with your family because they can't use the English language well. But she doesn't even care enough about sending you bitchy text messages to make sure that she's doing a good job of communicating.

 

I still think it's worth it to have a talk with your parents about how you feel and what you think and problems you have with them and with how you were treated as a child. Because it can tell you lots about where you are in the process of self-knowledge. I doubt you're going to have a very positive relationship with your mother in future, but maybe it's possible.

[Why did my mother hit my brother with a carpet beater?]

Three months ago I told my mom that I was angry at her because she hit me, but she waived it away with "but it wasn't systematic...". No more needs to be said about that response... She also went on to say that I needed to talk with a therapist about this and that she can't talk with me about it because her PTSD gets reactivated leaving her unable to sleep for days. 

Wow what a way to make it all about her. She can just talk to you about it to help you out a little bit? I'm sure she was very hard done by, I mean it's a real challenge to beat up on little boys.

I don't think that it's PTSD that is keeping your mother up nights, I think it's called a guilty conscience. I'm really sorry your mother can't put aside her own discomfort to help you out and make your life better. Did she not have sleepless nights when you were a baby?

 

My parents would often yell about me not waking up when they wanted me to wake up, but they were more passive aggressive verbal abusers.

Your mother clearly lacks judgment, because beating up one of your kids while a very young kid watches is going to do a lot of damage to both kids. 

Conveniently enough that kind of behavior got her one very compliant son, because you got how dangerous your mother could be. That probably wasn't in her conscious calculations of what she was doing but I'm sure it was a result that she appreciated.