Search the Community

I live away from my family. I moved to USA 7 years ago with the initial intention of learning English, but with the determination of getting away from a destructive environment that I was in. I have a Turkish husband, who had a couple of confrontations with my father whenever we spend vacations together. I usually freeze in these situations, a mental paralysis that really undermines my individuality. Tomorrow my brother is coming to visit along with the wife and I'm getting extremely uneasy. There was arguments back-and-forth regarding how he planned his timing, and to my surprise, i came as a secondary priority. We had to cancel a reservation in Las Vegas because his priority was spending time with extended family. With my extended family there is a HUGE history of abuse, physical, verbal, and psychological, my parents never intervened and mostly coerced me to interact with them. I avoid them as much as I can bear the pressure from my parents to see them. The worst part is that they claim loyalty and care to me, when I have experienced nothing of that nature. My marriage was involved in a monetary gamble where I supposed to fail so they could get paid by the few that believed in me. My husband just tells me to go with the flow, or ignore them, but the truth is that interacting with them irritates me and changes my state of mind. I've been thinking hypothetical of confrontations, but I doubt I could do any of that. I'm going to therapy and it has been helpful to hear that I’m not "nuts" and I don’t have to deal with them but I'd like to assert myself to avoid passive aggressiveness and texts telling me I'm not part of the tribe(like if I wanted to be in it...) I want to be let alone to make my own life... How do I frame it to avoid getting catch in their ill-interactions. I'll appreciate the input.