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I have problems with assertiveness. That includes when other people around me express assertiveness, and when I wish to be assertive. I spoke about this just now with another FDR-member. We had talked for a while, when he said that while he really enjoyed our conversation, he had to go and get some sleep. This evoked a feeling of sadness and guilt on my part. I felt as if I had done something wrong in the interaction, that I had been inconsiderate. We took some time to talk about my experience, and turns out, suprise suprise, he said it had nothing to do with our conversation. If he could, he would have loved for it to keep going. It's just he had to get some sleep. What I could gather from thinking about it and talking with my friend, is that before, other peoples needs have been negative to me. Especially with my mom. That she used to express, both implicitly and explicitly, that I was bothersome to her. That my existence was interfering with her needs. What is a dependant child supposed to do in such a situation? Why, the logical course of action, is to reject yourself, by becoming critical of yourself and learning to please your parent, and in the end, please others. A people-pleaser. This is one side of the ''assertive-coin'' relating to me. The other side of it, is to express needs of my own. I find it very difficult to express my needs. I will say yes to things, even though I want to say no. And if I have a need, I will most likely no bring it up, having a voice telling me ''You will bother that person if you do that! They'll get annoyed with you! You do not have any value to offer! Your needs are inferior to other people's needs''. And I bend to that critical voice, staying quiet when I have a need. It ties in with what I wrote above about my mother. Not only did I have to make sure I did not interfer with her needs, I also had to supress my own needs because they annoyed her. The guy I talked to has similar problems. So we decided that we are going to work on getting more assertive with our needs, and deal with our feelings arising around the assertiveness of eachother. Are there other people here who have experienced/experiences similar relationships with assertiveness? I'd love to hear other people's perspectives, as always

Hey everyone, I am currently seeing a therapist thanks to the good advice of FDR because it is important to get professional opinions about why I have certain fears, doubts, and possible irrationalities. One thing that my therapist told me to read was Mind Over Mood, which I find to be helpful but I was wondering if you know of anything to help me stand up for my self more, to have more confidence in myself and act on my findings without irrational fears of failure forcing me to stay still and become passive to others will. If you would like to know more details just ask, but otherwise I am content just with your suggestions. Thank You