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Hi All, Lately I've encouraged my girlfriend to read up on the circumcision debate. I wanted to know whether she would circumcise any sons she might have, and whether she was in favor of involuntary circumcision. So far she's fine with not circumcising any sons she may have, but I'm still not clear on whether she finds involuntary circumcision immoral. She said she wants to read more about it. She likened involuntary circumcision to the fact that parents make many medical decisions for their kids. I'm not sure what to make of this. I want to wait and see how her opinion changes as she reads more, but I can't help but wonder what it means that based on what she already has read, she appears to harbor zero outrage that involuntary circumcision was done to me and remains a widespread practice. She is now aware that a huge number of men remain intact without ill effects, and that circumcision carries risks and long-term adverse consequences. Should I be worried about this woman? There's so much I love about her, but I want our values to line up and for her to be a great wife and mother.

Hello everyone, I have come to ask for help because I don't trust any groups of people to have an objective point of view. Sorry for the essay. I've been dating my current girlfriend for 8 months now, and about 5 weeks ago I started to notice and look at other women a lot. This has made me question my feelings a lot as I'm not sure as this strange desire for infidelity has been brought by my subconscious to try to make me break up with my girlfriend. Some introductions and context in blue in case you want to skip it: I am 25, Half mexican half american Living in mexico. I'd say in the looks department I'm about a local area 9/10, global 7/10. I don't drink and the only drug I do on occasion (3 or 4 times a year) is weed. I have engaged in highly illegal things in the past, although all of them were victimless. I suspect these may be self destructive behavior. I have thought about suicide (16 y/o) but looking back I think I may have just been dramatic to get my way. My father was in my house but didn't speak much to me and my mother always told me shit to make me hate him (that stopped about 15y/o). I was never hit, only slapped once in the face. I have slept with 25 ish women (memory is hazy as most were one night stands) My girlfriend is 19, Brazilian. Looks: local area 8/10, global 6/10. She likes going to raves every month/few months and likes doing ecstasy there. She does smoke weed 1 or 2 times a week when she lives with me (never at parent's house) she had been depressed for a year before meeting me because her parents moved to another city with no friends). She was beaten many times by her mother and her father worked a ton and was tired when he did see her or he'd drink and listen to music. She has also contemplated suicide. She claims to have slept with only 4 people, including myself. She says she doesn't know what to do in her life. We met in brazil in a hostel (October maybe) (she was from another city) and had sex on the second day of knowing each other. I'd say the things that attracted me about her were youth, she speaks perfect english, is relatively smart, weighs 110lb / 48 KG, and had that look that just made me want to get up in her business. I know she was not on the pill during that time so her pheromones probably gave me rabies too. Oh and of course: she's libertarian-ish. I talked to her about a few complex topics and was able to shift her point of view based on logic, which is a GIANT plus to me. When I first tried kissing her, she said she was "seeing someone", and that she felt guilty about kissing me (she was the one that suggested we go out in the first place). I didn't care. I went to visit her where she lived a week later. she did not introduce me to her parents as they thought she was still a virgin, so she had to lie to be with me those few days, and on all the future outings/trips. Every time we had sex, it was without condoms and it was always pull out. She took a few morning after pills here and there as a precaution. She did on one occasion tell me I should trust nobody in life, not even her (she later said she was joking). She also told me once that if she was me, she'd be out having sex with as many women as possible(she recently explained that she said that because thats what all dudes her and my age try to do). At some point I did tell her about the illegal things I was doing, she said she suspected so, and chose to stay with me anyway. After about two months of knowing each other and meeting on weekends, I had to return to Mexico and I convinced her to come with me. She was fed up with brazil and was almost over her design course, so she accepted. I left on DEC 1 and she joined me on DEC 17. I was her first time out of brazil. She went on the pill when she arrived to Mexico to avoid pregnancy. I don't know if it was the pills, but around 15th of January she lost a lot of libido and for the first time in our relationship we went a whole week without sex. I was still very horny and was plagued with insecurity as she rejected my attempts for that whole week. That week I lost a lot of attraction for her as I thought she didn't like me anymore, so when she regained her libido, It was hard for her to turn me on, and on one occasion I even had to imagine another girl as I was having sex with her to be able to enjoy it. A few days later sex returned to normal, although a lot less than our pre-pill days (then it was every day). Some negatives about my girl: she gets easily irritated sometimes when arguing about the best way to do something(best way to sweep, how to pluck hairs, etc) and she shuts down, but with some other more complicated things she listens (like philosophy). she often ignores my experience in certain topics, when I clearly have much more than she does (example: travel) and does what she wants, to later find out I did actually know what I was talking about. She claims to be a feminist, but I think she largely miscategorizes herself and I would call her an egalitarian, especially considering what modern feminism is. She is very lazy sometimes and gives up easily. although she is skinny, she is out of shape and has no endurance. I am the opposite as I play beach volleyball every day. When she's feeling lost and without purpose she prefers to stay indoors all day in stead of come with me and at least watch the beach volleyball game. she prefers sitting on the beach and doing nothing. She has a lot of anxiety and often gets fed up when we start arguing about certain topics. A great negative for me is that she has never had an orgasm in her life ( or is having orgasms but doesn't know what "counts" as one). Try as I might, I cannot get her to do it. With women that have experienced orgasm before, I have always been able to get them to have one, I have been with a few women who say they have never had one and with them I was unable to as well. It definitely makes me feel worth a little less as I cannot make her have the same pleasure as I do. In a way it has made me a better lover as I have strived for longer and more intense intercourse, but all my effort is to no avail. With what I have been able to do to her, I now wonder how other women with orgasmic capability would react, and I crave the feeling of accomplishment that I would get from being able to deliver the pleasure to them with my new abilities. I feel as this is another contributing factor to my recent interest in other women. I don't know what "love" feels like, nor do I know if I do or have ever loved my girlfriend. I enjoy her company, and I like having her around. I fear losing her because I don't know if I'll ever find another free thinker that I'm attracted to. I don't know if I love her or if I'm just afraid to be alone. I don't want to go into the dating world again. I don't want to build other relationships because its hard for me to find women I'm attracted to physically and mentally. I got in a fight with a dude where I live and she had my back... her ferocity and anger toward that dude filled me with admiration for her... but I wouldn't say that most of the other time I am filled with admiration for everything she does. as I said she gives up with a lot of the small things, but then she soldiers on through other small things well.... ahhh its all so complicated in my mind. About children: she says she wants to wait at least 2 years, maybe 5 or maybe 10. I don't want to wait 10. I don't really want to wait 5 either. But I do not want to rush and bring a person into a world and fail them. She says she wants to travel, do things that you can't do wen you have children ( extreme sports, backpacking, etc) and I always say you CAN do those things, you just need to change little things here and there. I will add that when she's around children she starts telling me she wants kids.. right now she's with her mom and thats probably making her feel like a kid again (she will return to mexico in a week or two) I will be starting a new business in the next few months, If it works I will be making 100k a year and the subsequent year I will reach 1 mil unless i get government pushback (Mexico is a corrupt place... my competition might not play fair), so money won't be an issue. Sorry for the essay, I put in all the info because it is probably relevant. Anyone have any insight? should I break up with her and find another woman who is more developed? should I stay with her and see how I feel at the 1 year mark? should I avoid babies at all cost with her? is she a good candidate? am I a good candidate? help. If anyone would like some more relevant info, please feel free to ask. Thanks in advance

I profess that I am having difficulty finding potential dates without any Craydar going off. What are my standards? - Integrity, Honesty,Empathy, values two parent households, non religious, non spanking , doesn't use make up to attract men, self knowledge. These attributes not too many people have. You would think Barnes and Noble would be a good place but I tried to tell s young woman that kids are better than a career at 21 due to the fertility window . And she kind of freaked out on me. In a store surrounded by books no less. What are some things I can do to help improve my chances? Is it only my location? How does location help or hinder me? I'm only 31 but it's difficult finding all the attributes I want. I want women to value my mind , ethics and personality over looks. Many women describe me physically as "cute". Not sure what that means. Am I a temporary play toy? What else can help me find a decent woman? I've looked at social clubs but most are FOE or the Eagles ( friendly society). Mostly men there. Where would you look?

Would someone who is religious be a deal breaker? Would an Atheist be better ? I see downsides to both. Many religious folks believe in a deity and many Atheists belive in the State. I'm not religious though I grew up Christian. I totally reject religion. How does religion factor in to dating? Do you not ask? I had a woman say to me once " I'm religious and you are not . I don't think we are compatible." She already had kids and they moved out. How do you deal with religion and dating? Do you mention it upfront ?

I was ran over by a garbage truck in 2013 and have been disabled but can still walk. I cannot drive and work is very limited . In potential dates how do I mention this without it appearing " he has no car so no time for me"? If you have a physical disability like me but can still walk do you mention this upfront? I consider my disability a flaw of not my own doing. How do I offset this flaw so that I don't appear less valuable? I can only think of if my body is injured train the mind. So many people push back when I get into deep topics. It's like I am pointing out the delusions and the person with the delusion attacks me. How do I deal with this in terms of dating? I'm not dating currently but I want to eventually but it seems like I'm looking for a unicorn

I'm currently with a women for about 5 months, a lot of things have been going great. This woman has by far treated me better than any other women I've dated. She shares a similar culture and values as me, The only issue I have and I try to deal with is she has had multiple sex partners. When asked how many partners has she had? she gives me the answer of less than 10, leaves me a bit suspicious because I as a man know my number. The reason I like to know this information is due to potential genetic information that might be passed down from other partners. There are some things that worry me as well such as she comes from a single mother, and she does not care to have friendships, and she prefers animals over humans. Another thing is she is not the most curious women out there, she cares only about watching TV and movies, which are completely antithetical to me. As I see Movies and TV as usually propaganda machines that try to infect their venom on the population. I have had talks about kids and I think she would be a great mother as she agrees with not using force on children. Also, she has has been engaged twice and when asking why were they called off? her answer is "they fucked up". Which makes me suspicious and ask why did you choose such bad men then? I've come to the logical conclusion since she has had no father she has not had a male role model. The fathers duty would have been to protect her daughter from such toxic men. Her mother has not been able to make good decision on men, which is why it has translated to her picking bad men. I'm asking in this group are my concerns valid or am I just examining this situation a bit too critically?

Have we got any FDR folks/members in New Zealand!? Looking for interesting folks to hangout/meetup with and also looking to date!

https://www.youtube.com/c/sachaslone

Hi, Can anyone recommend - through personal experience - any dating sites catering to customers with libertarian values? I mean I know most people are pro-liberty, deep down, but I'm looking to reduce the grunt-work to manageable levels. [edit: no, I don't mean that kind of grunt-work ;-) ] I tend to shy away from 'free' sites, but if I get a good recommendation I will check it out. I'm in Europe currently but I'd still be interested to hear about other geographical areas as well. I've tried dating sites before with not much success. It could be time to have another go, though, as that was a few years back. Thanks.

I am torn between 2 bad choices: Atheist = overwhelmingly leftist Conservative = overwhelmingly religious I am tempted to take the frogs advice and find a Christian woman, what do?

I've been dating a girl upwards of three years now. We generally get along very well but I have some huge problems with her family and we both agree that they're not great and we'd like to reduce their influence on our lives in the long run. They're pretty authoritarian and I watch how the mom constantly tells her brother to do things like chores and schoolwork in a borderline yelling way pointing fingers several inches from his face. There's not a lot of back and forth communication in the family - it's hierarchical. I just turned 25. She's just shy of 21 and currently in the 2nd half of her undergraduate college and her parents would not permit us to live together until marriage. I don't strongly disagree with the importance of a committed relationship but my fear is that they will always be a presence in our life going forward. Meanwhile, I've already stopped talking to my own family (~1 year ago) because of the way the treated me during my childhood with no genuine apology or reparations to date yet based on what I've seen in the family and heard from her, I imagine that she and her brother had it even worse in her household. We've already discussed possible answers to the problem. Currently it would involve giving her parents the marriage their looking for (involves inviting them to the wedding as well as many of her relatives), then telling them that we would like to reduce their presence in our life. This would be more of a soft break as opposed to a hard one where we go against their wishes and break ties after something like a verbal argument. One problem I have with the soft approach is that I'm not sure that would be enough to really remove them and also that in the long run it does little to make the situation better. A family that got told offhandedly to shove it would feel more or less the same as a family where you walked out the door and stopped taking phone calls, right? In addition, giving them the privilefge of dictating wedding terms and how our relationship goes does seem a bit self-defeating. We've talked about it a handful of times to various lengths but when I bring it up now, she tends to get annoyed. She points out that there's no point in talking about something that we've already reached our solution on. She doesn't want to keep them close in the long run but admits that there's little that we could do about it now without stirring up a hornets nest. Am I right to keep bringing up something that I have a problem with when I don't have any other solution (since basically it's get married or she has to stay with her family)? Values wise I clearly have an internal problem stomaching having her family in my life. In a way, I think when I keep bringing it up it's a plead for her to cut ties but it would be incredibly discomforting for her to do that in her life at the moment (if at all). Probably worth mentioning that the same kind of frustration and annoyance seems to come out from her when I rant too heavily about the state of the world and politics which I've been pretty passionate about lately.

Howdy from Montana! This is a invite for all the gay, bi, and lesbian folks on here to have a regular group chat regarding life issues and interests specific to our little niche group. Things like, coming out, dating in general, challenges, fears, hopes. Ya know, human stuff. Nothing too formal; we are hanging and communicating here. Letting our hair down, if you will! Let me know if you're interested, and how often you can participate. I'll work on scheduling something from there. I'm generally available week day evenings and weekend afternoons.

In either a recent podcast or one that was posted on the board someone mentioned an article by OKCupid, in which analysis of messaging and male/female attractiveness shows a bell curve on men's ratings of women: and a slippery slope for women's ratings of men: In the podcast this was not discussed in any detail; and I am at a bit of a loss as to what may be driving this. My first thought is that women put more effort into their physical appearance, in particular in relation to makeup. I was surprised at the extend to which women can up their game with makeup. I think if you take makeup and other effort women are more likely to put in, men and women are fairly equal in base attractiveness; if not more so for men as women seem to suffer much more from bad skin. But I feel that women putting only 15% of men as medium or better, compared to men putting around 50% of women as medium or better is stringent on the part of women. Another possibility is that women rate differently than men as a general rule. For example in terms of rating films, I rate something that is 'watchable' as 7/10; whereas my friend, who is a girl, says 'watchable' is 5/10 and she gives a lot of films 10/10; while I have given no film 10/10. Somewhere else, in relation to the same data, I heard the suggestion that women have come to expect too much of men. Does anyone have any insights into this phenomena?

Hello, folks! There may be no objective and quantifiable way to answer the question I'd like to pose to you, but I'd sincerely appreciate any thoughts and insight you can offer on the subject! I am interested in securing for myself a heterosexual monogamous relationship with an intelligent and virtuous woman. The question I'm wrestling with is: Should I work hard to find a virtuous woman to enjoy life with now at age 20, or later after I've accumulated more resources? Related subjects of interest for this discussion include: Sexual market value, how to meet new women, online dating, and life planning This is a very important question to me. I feel like I'm finally healthy enough as a man to attract and be worthy of the kind of woman I dream of. I've been to nine months of IFS therapy with an amazing therapist, have had almost a thousand hours of emotionally-connected, challenging, empathetic and rewarding conversations with my closest friends who are all Freedomain Radio listeners, and have been working diligently for a long time to understand my childhood and adolescent traumas, process them, and heal from them. I am in a remarkably unique situation which would drastically favor my odds, and I think it's appropriate to relay the reasons in my mind why I think it would be a good idea for me to begin the search now for a partner. However, as I will discuss, I am feeling hesitant to begin due to a lack of dating knowledge and experience. This has me wondering whether or not I should wait until I accumulate more resources first. I have attempted to remain impartial in the following self-assessment of my strengths. These are the reasons why I believe it is high-time for me to put myself out there. Financially, I have tens of thousands of dollars in assets saved. Beyond any doubt in my mind, I will be making enough money to fully support myself with my business plans by time I turn 21 this July. Presently, I am operating my budget at a significant loss so that I may live on my own and run my own online business promoting precious metals and preserving freedom. I have enough money to comfortably live an entire year, ALL expenses included, with no income whatsoever; however I have formulated articulate and actionable plans to generate more profit than life expenses by the end of June. This means that (if all goes according to plan) I will be 100% financially secure and independent by the age of 21 and living a richly rewarding existence doing that which I'm genuinely passionate about. Molyneux has often said that in order to attract great people into your life, one must shine the beacon of virtue bright into the sky so that all those who are in tune with the signal and able to recognize virtue on sight may find their way to the signal's origin. Basically, my hope is that by doing the work that I do and successfully making a living out of it, I will be not only living the life of my dreams, but more attractive to the woman of my dreams. Emotionally, I am in the greatest health of my life. I have worked arduously to emerge from a depressive slump, marijuana addiction, and irrational paranoia through many months of intensive work in therapy. My level of self-confidence has increased greatly since the massive blow it took from my previous dysfunctional relationship prior to exploring self-knowledge. Through practice in hundreds of hours of difficult conversations in building virtue-based friendships, I am able to empathize now like never before! My parents and I are in the process of having many difficult conversations about my upbringing - venomous verbal abuse, manipulation, and blarping were unfortunately all central to my childhood. However, I feel hope with regards to my relationship to my parents as their willingness to accept responsibility and apologize for their wrong doings is a good sign in my eye. I believe that the work I am doing will prove to be instrumental in attracting a woman of virtue. However, I have a very long road ahead of me until I have fully resolved every conceivable issue. Yet, I feel healthy enough to begin the search! I do not know if it is necessary to process 100% of one's childhood prior to looking for a partner. Hell, some people process 0% of theirs. What are your thoughts on this??? Mentally, I'm very intelligent and articulate. My verbal IQ clocks in at around 140 and I would consider myself to be a gifted communicator, both written and verbally. This will arguably serve me well in any undertaking I choose for the rest of my life. With regards to dating, I know that for myself, intelligence is a key trait I'm looking for in a lover. I'd like to marry a woman with an IQ of 120 or more (top ~10%). I am charismatic and feel that I am confident enough to engage in meaningful conversations even with woman of great beauty, which long ago would have made me too nervous. I think it's fair to say that my ideal partner would find intelligence and charisma attractive, and fair to say that I'd be able to satisfy at least those criteria. Physically, I consider myself to be quite lucky. By genetic accident, I am quite handsome. Others in my life have consistently rated me as a 9/10 on the scale of physical attractiveness, and I work out 2-3 times per week to build upon my athletic body. Let me be clear, I do not consider this to even remotely resemble a virtue, nor is matching physical attractiveness a "must" for me to feel satisfied in a virtue-based relationship. However, I know for a fact that this happens to increase my sexual market value, and my physique will only continue to improve as I continue living a healthy and active lifestyle. Personality-wise, I'm quite enjoyable to spend time with. I've got a strong sense of humor, am able to craft witty jokes, and have a great capacity for both intellectual and emotionally connected conversation. I'm a very compassionate and gentle person with a capacity for toughness and strength when the need arises. Sadly, I haven't spent much of any time with women my age over the past two years. I find that I have remarkably little in common with the "average" 18-21 year old, as I am more emotionally-matured than the vast majority of people in my age group. tl;dr? It may be a wise decision for me to begin the hunt for a fair and virtuous maiden now because I (think I) will have high dating market value, and I hold many virtues that a virtuous woman would find attractive. However, it is perhaps of even greater importance to now mention my shortcomings and why I feel hesitant to fully commit to putting myself out there on the dating market yet. These are the reasons why I think it could be better to wait until I've accumulated more resources. I lack dating experience! I've only been in one committed monogamous relationship which lasted for a year and four months. The relationship was overall very dysfunctional; we didn't share the same values, didn't share the same interests, didn't share the same level of intelligence, didn't get along 1/4th of the time, and my ex was a highly manipulative girl whom I allowed to pussy-whip me into being a little beta. Needless to say, while I now have many months and hundreds of hours of experience in having quality friendships, I don't have anything to model a quality romantic relationship off of. I lack sexual experience! In my previous relationship, despite having lost my virginity and having had sex dozens of times, I do not feel presently that I am "sexually experienced". My ex never really seemed to enjoy many of our sexual interactions, and often used sex to manipulate me into submission. This originally made me actually feel quite horrible about myself, which is just so terribly saddening to me now. I wanted so very much to explore, to try new things, and to learn how to better please a woman and for good reason! Sexual intimacy is a beautiful, wonderful part of any romantic relationship; I'd strive to please my partner like no other once the relationship got that far. Unfortunately at the time, I felt sexually rejected repeatedly which proved harmful to my self-esteem. Frankly, in retrospect I don't believe the problem was entirely me. I'm reasonably well-endowed and my partner had sexual trauma which hadn't been processed. Nonetheless, this lacking of experience may not work in my favor. I hardly know where the fuck to begin. How the hell do you guys meet women? Married gentlemen, how did you meet your wife?! I can't go to bars or clubs (not that I'd even really expect to find interesting people there [perhaps I am wrong?!]), and although I've made MANY new male friends from FDR, I've only met intelligent, captivating women who are either much older than I or live in different continents. I've created an okcupid account, and have found a few potential leads of intelligent women who are interested in philosophy living within 100 miles of me. That is, at least, a start. I'd be really curious to hear your thoughts and insight on this!!! I'm not financially secure yet. My online business will generate the revenue I need to survive from affiliate marketing of products and services which I have used and trust, in addition to selling digital information products (eBooks, online courses) and precious metals (silver, gold). Would a good woman recognize the value in the content that I am producing, the good will that I exude in my work, and look past my (temporary) financial situation in interest of my other virtues? Would she not care that I'm running at a loss while I grow a following and build my business from the ground up? Or would she scoff at the notion of what I'm doing with my life and disregard my ambition to follow my passions until their fruits could be harvested? I really hope the latter is not entirely the case. I dropped out of college pursuing a degree in Computer Engineering to become an entrepreneur instead. Some women, I would imagine, greatly prefer a man who has high income potential, and a college degree is a good indicator of that status. I'll not have one unless something drastic changes, so that may work against me too. It would seem that if I am already wealthy, as I plan to be, that I can bypass this "blemish" on my potential dating market value. Ultimately, this is a massive decision that I think I need help and perspective on. I don't know if there are things that I am overlooking, underestimating, over-exaggerating, or conflating in my analysis of the situation I'm in. Fortunately, from my perspective, I appear to be in a great starting place compared to where I imagine most 20 year old men are at. I would sincerely appreciate your thoughts, bright minds of the Freedomain Radio community. Thanks for both your time and consideration in reading this. I would be more than happy to take the time to answer any questions or provide clarifications. I greatly look forward to engaging with you in substantive discussion on this subject which I believe is likely highly relevant to many of us young men!

I finally began reading the book Date-onomics, which was promoted in a previous podcast here. https://board.freedomainradio.com/topic/45393-youtube-how-dating-became-a-lopsided-numbers-game/ I'm only about 1/3 through at this point, and there is a lot of interesting data here. I'm still mulling it over but the data is the data and it is a useful thing to know. One of the things that caught my attention was part of the analysis of how imbalances in the male/female ratio impacts sexual practices in humans. Not surprisingly when there are more men than women, there is less casual sex, more long term relationships etc... Conversely, when there are more women than men, relationships are less stable and even in relationships, sexual frequency increases. None of that is terribly surprising but there was something that struck me as off and I wish they had gone more into it more. They found that when men have the numbers advantage in the dating market, not only was there more sex - and more risque sex at that - but the length of sex and foreplay also increased. From the text: Clinical sex studies observed "a real increase in and diversification of erotic activity" as twentieth-century gender ratios began to skew female, they wrote. "Coital frequency and length of intercourse have both increased substantially, as has length of foreplay." The reason why that got my attention is because it seems that for all of my life I've been told by the media, society, books, women, etc... that men don't focus enough on foreplay, don't wait for women to enjoy themselves, and that we men just want to dive into things blow our load as quickly as possible. I haven't found that to be the case in my own life - I think I spend a long time on foreplay and very much enjoy it - but I just thought I was atypical among men and that these complaints represented genuine female experiences and desires. However, if it really were the case that men were the ones you just wanted to rush past foreplay, wouldn't we expect to see the length of foreplay and intercourse decrease? And wouldn't we expect the length of foreplay and sex to increase as the frequency decreased as the dating market skewed so that there were more men than women? Given this data, I'm starting to wonder how atypical I really am in this sphere. I certainly wouldn't put it past the culture to have been telling me the opposite of the truth on this subject but I'm certainly open to other explanations. Any thoughts?

A 28yo male who has a history of dating single mums, now dating a 40yo single mum of a 3yo child. They are in "new lover energy" and feeling very happy. This man is a child of teenage parents. What say you?

Dear FDR Listener, I owe you an apology. About five months ago, I got involved with a woman who tried desperately to pull me away from philosophy. She would say, "Is there anything you don't agree with Stef on? I want to make sure you're not being brainwashed." She was interested in polyamory, and I couldn't say no. I couldn't, I wouldn't, I didn't see her for what she was... a different species. We would fight, break up, get back together, and I believed she would change. I told myself that once she got a taste of a monogamous relationship she would change, that she wouldn't have the desire for polyamory. But that wasn't the case. Two days ago I ended the relationship after a difficult final conversation. Once the initial hormones wore off, she was longing for someone else. I know it's little to do with me and a lot to do with her upbringing, with a vacant hole that her father left. I asked her, "will I ever be enough for you?" She replied honestly, "I don't think you will." And somehow I was supposed to be okay with that. So for those of you who listened to my call with Stef and who tried to warn me about the dicknapping, I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. The worst part is she almost succeeded. She almost pulled me away from all the friends I made through this community. I thought to myself, maybe she's right; maybe I need to stop listening to podcasts. It's affecting my brain somehow and the way I interact with other people. I didn't realize that I was losing myself. My career suffered because of it -- I picked up everything and moved cities to be near her. I can only thank god she never got pregnant. On this Thanksgiving I have a lot to be thankful for. Most of all, I'm thankful for this community, for the people who hear the battlecry and pick up their swords to face down evil in the world. And I'm thankful for Stef for not giving up. After ten years, I'm sure there were numerous times he wanted to throw in the towel and go back to doing what was comfortable. His courage is an inspiration, and makes me want to become a better person. I so grateful for all those in my life... which isn't a lot, but it's more than I've ever had. I feel stronger than ever because of it. So again, I'm sorry for not listening. I could blame it on biology but I won't make it that easy on myself. I want to have kids more than just about anything, but I can't let that blind me to the sustenance of my soul. I can't let lust shape and define my future. There are no compromises when it comes to values in relationships. Either you're on the same team, or you're not. Something tells me that in the years to come, we will need people who are on our team. Until that day comes, keep spreading the message of philosophy. Look closely at those around you. Just because someone's an anarchist doesn't automatically make them a good person. Just because someone claims to recognize the value of peaceful parenting doesn't mean that person is compatible. We want shortcuts when it comes to relationships, but the evidence reveals itself very quickly if you know what to look for. The hormones will get in the way, which is why you've got to have friends who have your back. Don't let it get to a second date without getting the opinion of someone who will tell it to you straight. It's a hard lesson to learn, but it helps if I can serve as an example to others of what not to do. Thank you and take care. Video: Note: The call-in show I reference is "FDR 3082: The Gl0ryh0le 0f S0cietal C0llapse - September 23rd, 2015" For more on what I learned from this short-lived relationship: What I Learned From My Last Relationship

Recently I've started to become romantically interested in a girl I met at work, we've known each other for a few months now. At first I didn't pay much attention to her other than to recognize she was a reasonably attractive female in my age group, over the past few weeks, I've started to like and respect her more. A week ago I found out things have come to a head between her and her parents, and she's decided to move out of their house - 3 days before going back to college. I was a bit taken aback at first but intrigued. I just happened to have gotten half-moved in to my new apartment but wasn't living there yet, so I told her I might have a place for her to stay if I thought she was doing the right thing. She told me her story, there's been physical and emotional abuse in her family, a lot of what she was telling me resonated with my experience. It took me back to when I was kicked out, and remembering how I had almost no one to turn to, I decided to help her out. Over the course of the next couple of days, I hung out with her, learned more about her. This is when my attitude toward her shifted from light interest to the beginnings of infatuation as my heart became involved. It's been a long time since my last relationship, which didn't end well, and I'm sensitive to starting a new one, but also coming to appreciate the emotional aspects of life and the fact that I haven't felt this way about someone in a long time. I don't want to just let the feeling die, but make a decision to pursue a relationship or not and stick to it. So I need your help: I don't have many people in my life I trust to give me feedback on this kind of thing so I'd like to know what you guys think. I see virtue/value in her as well as things I think are red flags. Things I like about her: she's attractive, thoughtful, hard working, courageous, proactive, wants to be a good parent, likes teaching people, we have similar histories we can connect over. Things I don't like about her: she can be impulsive to the point of recklessness, drinks and consumes cannabis regularly, I think she's made bad relationship choices in the past (still investigating), is potentially narcissistic (she can talk a lot at times, but does ask about my thoughts), and she goes to college 2 hours away (not her fault, but makes things more difficult). Any advice you can give as far as how to decide, ways to think about this is appreciated. My heart says yes but I don't trust it yet. My head says no but I have trouble trusting it too.

When I see someone with a tattoo, I wonder if they thought of the long term when they got it. I wonder what their capacity was to understand the long term was when they got that tattoo? I think that by definition, to get a tattoo means to destroy cells somewhere on someone's body to replace it with something "better." I do not think this is a moral question, but a question of functionality and evaluation of compatibility between myself and other people. I am a single male, 25, who is trying to see the virtue through the boobs. I want to know, and come to understand what causes such a degree of self destruction, and I imagine that all the people around were condoning you doing it to some degree, or are the specific reason that you regretfully had so much pain, from a bad choice that you chose. It may come off as judgmental, and it certainly isn't a moral argument, or even a moral question to be sure. I apologize if this seems offensive, as I'm sure it will. I really think this is an important question, and shows us that we should pay attention to what we see, to empirical facts, reason, logic and evidence of behavior. This is just my thoughts and I would love to be shown I'm wrong. Don't give me the exceptions though, I want to know if you think I should not pay attention to this symbol that they have created, this idea that was so powerful they needed it on their body. I want to understand the air that they breathe, that is if they are the mother of my children.

I would like to see Stef interview evolutionary psychologist Dr. Miller, who came out with a book recently called Mate: Become The Man Women Want. It's a perfect complement to the "Sexual Market Value" videos that have been a part of the recent focus in FDR (not to mention my own callin with Stef about monogamy). I know what you're thinking... this is just another academic trying to pawn off some ideas by co-authoring with a sleazy pick-up artist. Before you dismiss it, listen to James Altucher's interview with Dr. Miller, where they discuss a sleugh of juicy topics like jealousy, status, mindfulness, and much more.

I had a lot of fun talking and thinking about this. Hobbies! What are they for? What are they even? Can you have hobbies when the world is on fire? Also, being crazy about your passions! Let me know what you think

I had a lot of fun talking and thinking about this. Hobbies! What are they for? What are they even? Can you have hobbies when the world is on fire? Also, being crazy about your passions! Let me know what you think Video is improvised, none-scripted and kind of crazy. You have been warned!

Just a horrifying read. I know I can't control this kind of stuff . . . . . the best I can do is to be my best self and be worthy of an outstanding partner. But the odds are really good that any intelligent women who is around my age will have come through this kind of culture in college. And, honestly, it depresses me. http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hook-up-culture-end-of-dating

I'm an American in his early 20s teaching English at a language school in Russia. I went with a group of colleagues and students (teenagers around 14 years old) to a parade and during a conversation with one of the students I learned that she has been dating a man twice her age for two months now. I know that her parents are not aware, she isn't comfortable sharing this with them, and she says she trusts this man completely. I can't imagine this man is normal because he is dating a child and now he is accusing her of liking me. I also have questions about her parents because it seems to me that a situation like this couldn't develop without significant parenting problems. This was all quite shocking to me so I read a number of relationship and parenting forums. In the American forums, the responses to situations like this are strongly negative, even suggesting the police be involved. Then I read Russian forums and the responses are nearly all positive, even to age gaps as extreme as this. What is your reaction to this situation? Is it really as dangerous as it seems to me? How can I, as a teacher, most help this girl? What do you think should be my response?

Hi All, When urging men to choose virtuous women, Stef always references scientific studies showing how men "turn stupid" when merely thinking of sex. That makes a ton sense intuitively and anecdotally, but a quick search on various search engines reveals very little actual scientific literature to read or share with interested others. Does anyone (Stef or Mike in particular) have links to these studies? I'd love to be able to learn more about this. Thanks, - Mike